32. Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter thirty-two
It’s been a whole week of this, up with Hendrix or sleeping like the dead, nothing in between.
Leaving him under the watchful eye of Lira and Nav while the others hunt, I stagger back toward the tent.
I should be going to rest, not slipping away to follow the now-worn path back to the clearing by the stream.
Drea and Zenn will likely lose their shit if they find out I left camp on my own. I just need a few moments of space and solitude to figure out what's wrong with me. He's been gone most of the week anyway, searching two more mountains with Jeska.
My insides have felt like a tangled twist of knots since Hendrix fell, and I don’t think it's from the nauseating sight of his bone through all that torn flesh and blood. My energy is at an all-time low, like my body is broken, betraying me, or maybe it’s the other way around.
I know Felix and Willa are worried about me barely managing to eat or join conversations.
I'm just so tired, and my noisy mind won't give me any peace.
I thought staying in one place without hiking or climbing or brutal training sessions would bring relief.
Instead, I find myself sinking deeper into a hollow nothingness.
Stumbling the last few steps into a small clearing, I bury my face in my hands and sink to the damp ground, eventually dropping my arms to wrap painfully tight across my cramping stomach.
I sit there, miserably alone, tearing green blades of grass into tiny strips and watching two monarch butterflies flutter and pump new wings the color of ripe tangelos.
A fat yellow and white striped caterpillar spins itself into a cocoon on a spindly plant nearby.
What’s wrong with me? Why am I like this?
I try to get up, but cloying panic steals my breath and my strength, pushing me back down.
I wish my body would just cooperate for once.
I thought things were getting better out here.
Familiar disgust claws at me. My nails mimic the action, digging into my forearms until the fine crescent moons fill with gold.
Tangled emotions spin so fast, I can't separate fear from anger, sadness, loathing—all I can do is drown.
"I don't know what I'm doing." The pathetic echo of my voice has humiliation puncturing holes in my lungs until I'm choking, gasping, retching dark bile.
I try to crawl away, as if to escape the fiery burn in my throat and the hot tears of shame.
There's nothing I can do except shakily wait for my body to stop purging then drag myself downstream to rinse out my mouth, lying panting on the bank.
Aven's insistent voice thunders in my mind, "You need to head upstream and make contact with Varistia, now. This isn’t right."
It helps to have something tangible to focus on to get me out of my own head, and she did help me last time I asked, so maybe she can help with this too.
I get to my feet and follow the overgrown banks of the stream a little way up the slope until I come across a section where the water widens into a deep, mossy pool.
Grounding my heels, I loosely fix my eyes on the surface of the water and force in a slow, deep breath, inhaling through my nose, pausing for a few beats, blowing out the exhale through my mouth.
I find and mentally tap at the pane of purple glass.
In seconds, my mind expands, and I know the connection is open.
“Well, well, well, look who decided to make good on her promise,” that familiar feminine purr drawls.
I peer over into the water and, sure enough, there they are, those enormous starlit eyes framed by long dark lashes. "I know. Sorry it took so long. We had an injury so I couldn't get away until now."
"You mortals are so fragile." She sighs, rippling the water. "Is that why your energy is so frantic again? Are you looking for yet another favor, or have you made contact to finally hear me out like you should have years ago?"
"A little of both, I guess."
"What happened?"
"Nothing exactly happened–"
Aven snorts, and I jump when his reflection appears in the pool, much smaller than Varistia's.
Is it because he's using a smaller body of water to communicate, likely a trough in the stables?
There's no time to ask before he inserts himself into the conversation, something I had no idea he was capable of doing.
"No, nothing happened. No near misses on a climbing wall or life-threatening hikes. No attacks from magic-consuming creatures or sheer physical exhaustion, and definitely no instances of her body expelling blackened, destructive, raw magic." He huffs with outrageous levels of sarcasm.
"I'm sorry, what?" I choke out the words, not sure which one of them I'm expecting to answer.
Varistia’s eyes don't so much as blink. "I wondered how long you would be able to contain it unused. Sounds like your body has had enough of being ignored. And as for why it would be dark…well, I didn't give it to you that way. You’ve corrupted it with your hatred."
"You didn't give me what exactly? And what do you mean, my hatred of what?'
"You reek of hatred and pain," she replies.
"It's so potent, I feel it corrupting my magic.
You see, Alyxia, there was a reason I blocked you from claiming power during your little Ritual, a multitude of reasons I want you to come to Envenar so I can explain all this properly.
I wanted you to come eight years ago. You could have been training with it all this time, could have set me free. And yet, here we are."
Where? Where are we? I want to scream. I don't interrupt, though, not trusting her to actually give me answers if I make a wrong move.
"I gave you MY powers that day, almost every drop of magic I possessed, has been twisting and distorting within you ever since. How you haven't realized is beyond me."
Wait. "I have…your magic? And you want me to come to Envenar so you can teach me how to wield it?"
What. The. Fuck. This can't be possible.
"Do you always ask such inane questions? I'm regretting this even more now," she mutters dryly. "Maybe I should just let the power kill you and return to me. Even with whatever you’ve done to it, that would likely still be easier."
"See, that’s not exactly making me want to take you up on your invitation."
"Well, by all means, take the time to consider your options. Consult the stars and come to me at your leisure. It couldn't possibly be anything of importance that would force me to give up something so precious, to one of your kind, nonetheless."
“Then why do it?” The insolent words slip out before I can think better of the question. I’ve never heard of someone giving away their magic before. The idea is laughable.
Her eyes narrow, and I expect she’s about to disappear. “That’s something I’ll be happy to answer when you’re here.”
"Unfortunately, I'm stuck in the Impenetrables right now. If I–”
"There's only one thing in those mountains worth the risk. Tell me, have you found the feathers yet?" The words come out in a low, menacing snarl that sends chills down my spine.
"How could you possibly know about them?"
"You should probably look a little closer before you waste my time with any more questions like that, girl."
At first, I can't make sense of the image filling the spot where those glowing eyes were. It looks like a long row of curved bars the length of my forearm, flanked top and bottom by something pink and sort of fleshy—gums. Shit, they're not bars, they're teeth.
As soon as it dawns on me, the huge jaws snap open, and a blast of molten purple fire billows at me in a vibrant cloud that has me stumbling back a few steps, only just managing to catch myself on a rock, despite knowing it’s a mental picture and the blaze can't actually reach me, can't harm me here.
The roar accompanying the flames is so loud, my teeth rattle, and I feel as though my eyes and ears might explode from the pressure. Covering or closing them provides no relief; the sound is in my head, echoing and crashing until my skull might be at risk of caving in.
When those jaws crash shut, the fire dissipates to reveal a long, scaled body in every shade of purple.
Two rows of sharp spikes run down its length, thick armored legs looking as if they'd do serious damage with a single hit, and that's without using the shining silver claws.
Her giant head has four curved, black horns, dripping teeth, and those familiar eyes still narrowed on me.
It's as if I stepped back twenty feet when I stumbled instead of two, and I can now take in the full intimidating picture, right down to the blades on her long tail.
Holy fucking nightmare. Varistia is a gods damned dragon.
So much for being extinct.
"Those mortals you're with seek what is mine. Want to benefit in some way from something sacred that belongs to me, is a part of me. I want the feathers returned." She's pacing across the surface of the water, lashing her tail and swinging her head back and forth in a serpentine manner.
I let out the breath I've been holding since she showed her full form, wincing at the pain in my jaw from clenching so hard. Risking what I already know is a stupid question, I ask, “What do you need them for?"
Varistia goes stock still, rage-filled eyes darting between my face and the length of her body.
"Take a good look at me. Notice anything missing?
" How the hell am I supposed to know what's missing?
It's not like I've spent time studying ancient beasts thought to be long dead.
"Wings. Do you see any wings? No. I need my feathers to have any hope of regaining them.
I'm trapped here without wings. Now, I've told you enough and need to close this connection. It's been open too long."
What do I say? Sorry about your wings? It wasn't nice chatting with you?
She's clearly not interested in my niceties, snapping, "Do not tell anyone about me. You’ll risk a lot more than just my help if you do.
You won't have scratched the surface of what's possible with my power yet, if you have even learned to access it.
You can start by trusting your intuition.
Bring me the feathers, and I'll teach you so much more. "
Before I can respond, she slams the connection shut, leaving me gaping.
Aven disappears too, having stayed suspiciously silent throughout the whole exchange.
Did he know what she was all along? And about her thinking she gave me magic?
Not that I believe any of this for one second.
I probably just got sick earlier because I'm exhausted and haven't been eating properly.
I would know if I already had the one thing I've always wanted.