54. Chapter Fifty-Four
Chapter fifty-four
The sky is still an inky blue sea of stars when my eyes open.
I curse under my breath at the pale moonlight shining directly onto my face, likely the reason I was pulled from my dreams before dawn.
It could also be the raging thirst; my mouth is drier than the desert surrounding us.
The jug of water and glasses on the low table by the door may as well be a mile away when I'm this comfortable.
As much as I want more sleep, I could also use a few quiet moments to reel back into myself after everything that happened at the ball. My sister and her baby and being with the prince. What she told me about the supplement, and it being in my ring.
And then, there's Zenn, buying me that damn dress, his mother's necklace, the dancing, and the mind-blowing sex.
I want a few more minutes to revel in that distraction before I have to face the real world and all the insurmountable questions I have no answers for.
Moving slowly so I don't wake him, I stretch my limbs and roll onto my side to escape the beams of light dancing across my eyelashes.
The pleasant soreness between my legs is enough to confirm last night wasn't a dream.
Goddess, I'm in so much trouble. If I feel like being honest, I have been since the second he caught me and kissed me under that tree.
And it's not just the orgasms, as great as they are.
He makes me feel something so unfamiliar, I'm terrified to even think the word.
Something I've always told myself I didn't want because I thought I couldn't have it.
I can admit this much of the truth to myself.
I may not want to give him the power to decimate me, but that doesn't mean he doesn't already have it.
Last night, he saw me. Somehow, he saw me being drawn into the storm of thoughts that would have kept me trapped for hours, and instead of getting frustrated or making me feel like a burden, he anchored me and kept me in my body.
The problem is, now, I just want more. He's right next to me, I ache with the memory of his touch, and all I want is for him to wake up.
I anticipate our quiet mornings, the moments he catches my eye and gives me the briefest flash of one of his secret smiles. And that's unfortunate, because he's not mine and I can't be his, and looking forward to anything together is foolish. We are not allowed to be.
I'm not sure my heart got a copy of the rules, though. Did his? I know he cares about me, now I need to know if this is still only a bit of fun for him, like it was always supposed to be.
Part of me wishes we could just stay here forever, live in this tiny apartment in the Triv of another realm and forget about burning soil and bloodlines and family obligations.
At least it would give me time to fix things with my sister.
I have to figure out what to say to the others about her.
I don't want to be disloyal, but I'm so tired of keeping secrets.
Despite my protests yesterday, I can't just pretend not to know someone's messing with the nutrient supplement.
Maybe the others can help me figure it out, because if it's true, the King will need to be told.
I want to trust Zenn with this, and maybe he'll be able to help me figure out my powers too. Since he’s the first five-star magic wielder in centuries, and had to learn the depth of his magic on his own too.
Giving myself a few extra breaths, I roll over to face him.
Hoping he forgives me for waking him up.
I don't want to leave it until later in case I lose my nerve. But he’s not here.
The bed on his side is empty and cold. Where could he be so late, or early, I guess?
He's obviously been gone since before I woke up and I didn't notice.
Slipping out of bed, I find a pair of soft leggings and steal a dark shirt from the top of Zenn’s open pack.
Even with the chill, it's mild enough not to bother with socks just to go searching in the apartment.
A quick glass of too-cold water to relieve my scratchy throat, and I'm walking to the kitchen, wondering if maybe he went to get food and fell asleep at the table.
When there's no sign of him, I start to worry when hushed voices float down from the rooftop patio.
Ok, so clearly they're all awake and having a meeting of sorts without me. I can't help the pathetic, lonely pang in my chest as I make my way up the dark, narrow stairs. I know they're not really my squad and have missions I'm not allowed to know about. It makes me feel like an outsider, though.
The rational part of my mind reminds me they could just be out here talking quietly to let me sleep after a long day.
And yet, something about the urgency in their whispers tells me they're not.
Jeska's heightened voice is the one I make out first, the end of her sentence reaching my ears when I'm a few steps away from shifting out of the shadows. "...The no tattoo thing?"
Do I cough or call out or something to let them know I'm here? She continues before I can.
"Or the tunnels? There has to be more of them. Has she said anything about other locations? Or, I don't know, explained how she knows about them in the first place? Have you even asked, or are you too busy shopping for pretty ballgowns and staring at her across dance floors?"
Oh, even better, they're talking about me.
I thought I was making headway with Jeska, clearly, I was wrong.
I can barely make out Zenn's low reply, so I risk one more step, flattening myself against the wall to avoid the pale moonlight washing the top half of the stairs in a faint pink glow. I’m guessing they're sitting around the table but can't be sure; regardless of where they're standing or sitting, they'll spot me from the higher vantage point before I see them, so I have to stay out of sight down here or make my presence known.
"Come on, that's not fair." Hendrix yawns.
She ignores him, clearly on a roll. "You know those tunnels could give us an insane advantage, especially if nobody how to access them. We need to find out everything we can. Imagine getting back home in half the time. And there might be others going up into the mountains."
"Gods, Jes, give it a rest, would you? I'm sure she'll tell us more soon. We've hardly stopped since we got here." Hendrix doesn't just sound tired anymore. He sounds annoyed.
Anything else he might be saying fades away when Jeska's first few words come back to me.
"The no tattoo thing?" She was talking about me straight after, which means...
they know. Zenn told them I don't have my star?
They've never said anything to me. Because he told them not to, or did he just mention it to them tonight?
Nausea churns my stomach. How could he disclose something so personal?
His voice cuts through my turmoil, reminding me there's still a conversation going on.
"She's right, though. There have to be more.
No way two just happened to be in the exact spots we needed them.
Too much of a coincidence. And you know, even a few of those tunnels, plus the wing feathers, would give us some pretty serious leverage.
Leverage that could make all the difference if we can't find the sister. "
"Did Redson say anything else useful, other than telling you they’d discovered another patch of chalky soil near the main gates?
Given he didn't disclose about collecting and comparing the Envenar soil, is there any chance he knows more than he let on about her not being here?” Jeska asks, the fluctuating volume making it seem as if she's pacing around the small space.
“Holding back information about Envenar isn’t exactly a surprise.
It’s what the realms have always done. And he was always going to be evasive if he does know something about Bri.
I’m not going to come right out and ask if she’s here.
We still don’t even know if she’s expecting Aly or not and what the fallout could be.
It's all such a mess." Zenn groans, his words muffled, like his face is buried in his hands.
"Bringing her in to the king was already complicated enough. "
My heart stops.
Stops beating entirely.
Frozen solid, sinking out of my body and down through to the bottom of that trench.
Somehow, my lungs keep forcing me to draw small fragments of breath.
What did he just say? Bringing my sister in to the King? Why?
One of those damn feathers could likely knock me over.
It's all I can do not to slide to the floor.
Why is he talking about taking Bri back to Zel?
That was never the plan. And what would the King want with her?
Does he know she left the Grotto then? Oh gods, what if he found out she was looking into the supplement. Does that mean Zenn knows too?
No.
No, I must be misunderstanding this somehow. He couldn't. He wouldn't do this.
"I don't envy you, brother. You'll need all the luck in the world trying to explain this one to that woman asleep downstairs." Hendrix almost sounds disappointed.
"What do you want me to do? Ignore a direct order?" Zenn snaps. "Tell His Majesty I'm sorry I can't complete a mission for the first time in my life because I accidentally got involved with our target's sister? Who, by the way, just happens to be another Foundation and completely off-limits."
Target?
What. The. Fuck.
Painful shocks jar through my body, carrying the ice from my heart into my veins.
Am I seriously listening to people I thought cared about me casually discussing taking my sister from her chosen home and handing her over to the King, like delivering a damn parcel?
Over my dead body. How the fuck did he think he would get me to agree to this plan?
The next thought obliterates my heart into a million jagged pieces.
Is that what everything else has been about?
Oh shit, this whole time. Our mornings, the coffees, the dress and necklace, the intimacy...
was all that just to get on my good side and keep me talking so he could use me to find my sister?
I'm such a fucking fool. I knew this was too good to be true, kept looking for the hidden reason why he would seemingly risk so much for me. Guess I just found it.
"Like I said, all the luck in the world might not be enough."
"Yeah, well, it's pointless worrying about it if Bri's not even here. I want to ask Redson about it again later. We'll have to tread carefully. I could tell he was lying to me, but I don't know what about."
"Did Aly learn anything useful from the prince? They looked pretty cozy when I saw them on that balcony."
Everything sounds fuzzy now, their voices all blending until I can't tell who's saying what. At least until Zenn says, "I was a little distracted last night. I’ll see what I can find out when she wakes up. I should be getting back anyway. Dawn's not far off."
Thank the Goddess I didn't tell him about Bri or anything else. Even if the thought of what had supposedly distracted him last night now makes me want to scream. I'll be damned if I let that man get another drop of information that could deprive my sister of her freedom.
She was right to be furious with me. How could I be so stupid? It's a relief to feel the familiar armor of hot anger sliding into place around me like a cloak. I'll need it to protect me while I decide what to do next. I have to get some space and more information to help me figure all this out.
First, I need to get back to the room before they come downstairs and realize how much I just overheard.
He's just going to lie if I confront him, so what's the point?
As if reading my mind, Hendrix asks, "Are you finally going to tell Aly about everything then?
As in, really bring her in? You can you know, if you want to.
Is your relationship strong enough yet?"
Relationship? That's a damn joke.
"Fuck, I don't know. It's complicated." Zenn's sigh is so heavy, the air feels as if it's pushing me backward, telling me I don't want to hear any more of this.
I ignore it, I stay, and I let his words seal our fate.
"She'll understand. We always knew this couldn't be anything. A future together was never an option."
The ice explodes, shattering into a million tiny fragments and taking my heart with it.
Silently, I turn and race down the steps, biting my lip to keep the torrent of swirling emotions locked away as I race to the bathing chamber then back into bed, stripping off the leggings but keeping the shirt on, even though it smells of him, making me nauseous.
I can't bring myself to be completely naked next to him anymore, not as my insides are crumpling under the weight of the painful truth he just laid bare.
Not that he's been truthful with me. For once, I opened up, made myself be vulnerable, and believed someone saw the real me and actually liked what they saw.
And it was all a lie.