Chapter 40
Break me
Dina
My bed smells like a real man, and I never want to wash my sheets. Luckily, the same man will roll in the washed sheets again so I can wake up happy like this every morning. I kick my feet, then roll over and sink my face into Declan’s pillow. He smells so good. Pheromones are a real thing.
I sit up and check the time. Does that really say it’s noon?
I rub my eyes, double-check. It is noon.
Oh, woman, I haven’t slept until noon in a while. Should probably get used to it since I’m unemployed. I’ll likely be unemployed for some time because of the chaos the city’s people suffered in such a short time.
Not to mention the fires and the riots that damaged other shops, not just mine.
A change in the city’s underworld brought all the bad guys out into the open.
Selnoa is undergoing a change, and I can only hope to land a job at another hair salon while I figure out where I’ll start over again.
It’s a good thing the nurse didn’t take me up on the thirty-five thousand dollars I offered her.
I bet that girl hightailed it out of the city as soon as the roads opened.
I pad across the room and crouch beside the closet, where I lift the floorboard.
Under it is my secret deposit box. It’s full of cash.
I run my finger over the hundred-dollar bills that will buy me some time to recover from everything I went through so I can think clearly about the direction I want to take from here.
I freshen up in the bathroom and put on a black cotton dress. I can’t wear bright colors while the city mourns. The air is still thick with smoke. I’m happy that the ones I care about survived and Declan is here with me, but last night, people died on the streets.
I send a quick message to my family to let them know I’m okay. Now I understand why Declan sent them away. Now I’m grateful that he did. I would have gone crazy if Chi-chi was at the hospital with me when all that went down.
I step out and find Connor and Declan on the terrace, playing cards with two other men. They’re about my age, give or take a few years. One of them looks familiar, and I think he might be the man from the picture the police showed me while I was in the interrogation room.
Declan looks up and folds his cards when he sees me. He comes into the apartment, grabs my jaw, and tilts my face up so he can kiss me on the lips.
“Good morning, Dina,” he says, eyes lifting at the corners. Mischief dances in them, and I remember how hard he fucked me last night.
“Naughty, naughty boy,” I tell him as he sits on the bar chair while I grab a cup of already-made fresh coffee. Emphasis on already-made and fresh.
Real men take care of their women. I’ve heard of these unicorns, but never believed in them. Until I met Declan.
“How long have you guys been up?” I ask.
“A few hours.”
I come to stand between his legs. “You clean up nice.” Over six feet tall with a swimmer’s body, a beautiful face, and a pair of mesmerizing eyes, Declan Crossbow is by far the most handsome man I’ve ever met.
He wears a tailored black suit and a black shirt, a thick silver necklace, and sandalwood cologne.
I find remaining calm and collected around him is nearly impossible.
He makes my heart race.
When I remember how he strides into danger instead of running from it, my panties get wet.
Declan rests his hand on my hip and squeezes. “You look at me like you want to take me to the bedroom again.”
“I do.”
He chuckles. It’s a sexy, masculine sound. “Listen, Dina… We need to talk.”
You know what this means, right? RIGHT? Yeah, you do.
The three men come into the apartment. I step away from Declan and lean against the counter, faking happiness again.
The dark-haired, dark-eyed man wearing a holster over a crisp white shirt extends a hand.
“Endo Macarley,” he says in a baritone voice.
“This is my brother, Cass.” They look alike.
Sharp features, dark eyes, and hair. It looks as if Cass recently suffered damage to his eye.
I’m sure it’s not from a nine-to-five accounting job, where he stabbed himself with a pen.
He nods in greeting.
I smile.
“Ten twenty-three, huh? Written in your own blood on the wall.” Connor pokes my forehead. “You’re a queen. Thank you.” Connor leaves, and the other two follow him out.
When I look over at Declan, his jaw is set tight. Oh boy. I know better than to stand, so I sit on my living room couch and put my coffee on the table.
Declan sits on the table, facing me. And he stares. When the king of Selnoa’s underworld stares you down intensely, you bow.
I look away. “You’d better get on with what you have to say before I start to cry.”
“I don’t want to make you cry.”
“No?”
“No.”
“What do you want?”
“I want to marry you.”
Right.
Often, we dread those four words: We need to talk. Men dread them more than women since they’re often the ones who did something wrong, and now we (women) need to sit them down and tell them what they did. Not in the case of Declan and me.
In our case, Declan wants to talk about our future, and he knows what I’ll say because I’ve been open and honest with him from the start. He knows, and he’s telling me he wants to marry me anyway. I’ve never respected or loved a man more in all my life.
The man loves me back. I know he does. A man who loves a woman looks at her like she’s his whole life, and Declan looks at me that way.
A man who puts his woman before his family loves that woman.
I don’t know what I did to deserve such love or if it’s serendipity, but I know this: Declan Crossbow loves me beyond reason.
Tears spill because I’m going to break this man’s heart, but I can’t marry him. I don’t want to get married again. I wipe my face. “I can’t.”
Declan exhales a breath he’s been holding. “Why not?”
“Because you gave me my freedom when you took out Sergei. All the years of hell he’s put me through are now behind me.
I want to live. I want to live on my own.
Here, in my little apartment, in my little world, and I want to wake up every morning not giving a damn about the bills, or lawyers, or hell, I’m not even going to go to work for a while. ”
Declan says nothing.
I continue. “I want to get to know me again before I surrender myself to a man, even one who cares about me.”
He takes my hands in his and kisses my knuckles. “I can’t stay in Selnoa.”
“You do what you must.”
“Come with me to Couldermouth. It’s a beautiful place. You’ll live in a castle on the water. We have chefs, drivers, armies of people working for us. You’ll never have to lift a finger. The people of Couldermouth need a hairdresser too.”
I cry harder.
“We have puppies,” he says, relentless. “Potty-trained puppies. Hypoallergenic. They don’t even shed.”
I press a hand over my mouth and sob. Ugly tears. Very ugly tears, the ones with snot coming out of my nose. Declan passes me a box of tissues, and I have to collect myself before we can continue talking.
It’s just that he’s begging. This man is begging for me. After surviving a marriage where a man neglected me for years, I’m humbled. But I’m also heartbroken, because I’m not done healing, and I don’t want Declan to have to heal me. I want to heal on my own.
Besides, I can’t go with him. I don’t want to leave Selnoa and live far from my dad and Chi-chi. “I have to live out a part of my life alone and free before I can commit again.”
“How long?” he asks.
I frown.
“How long do you need?”
“I don’t know how long I…”
Declan stands and slides his sunglasses on. “How long, Dina? A month, year, decade?”
“I don’t have a timeline.”
“Then I’ll give you one.”
“No.”
“Yes. You have one year.” He lifts a long, slender finger. “One.”
I stand up, put my hands on my hips, ready to fight him on this, but nothing happens. I have nothing to say. I don’t know what’s happening. “A year?”
“Mmhm. Three hundred and sixty-five days. Do what you must in that time. Enjoy while you can, because when I come back, all your time, your body, your ever-fucking mind, is mine. Forever.” With that, Declan Crossbow heads for the door, but stops as he opens it.
“Your friend Martin, the cop, has been reassigned out of the city, so he won’t be coming around. And Dina?”
“What?”
He looks me dead in the eyes, and my heart almost stops beating at the danger emanating from him. It’s the look of a man who would go to war for me.
“Don’t get any ideas that you’re single,” he says.
I gulp. “I won’t.”
“I mean it.”
“I know. You made me a widow.”
Declan nods and slams the door behind him.
I stare at the door. I want him back.
I WANT HIM BACK.