Chapter 9
Ican’t tear my thoughts away from Avalina. Seeing her around town, seeing her on dates. I grit my teeth. I know I need to let her go, but the tether tying me to her is knotted tighter than ever.
Throughout our time together, one thing was obvious: Avalina wanted out of this town and out of the socialite life she felt cornered into by her parents and friends. She felt trapped and wanted nothing more than to fly away.
I’m not about to stop her now, no matter how much I want her to be mine. A pretty cage is still a cage, after all.
The amber liquid burns as it slides down my throat. I savor the slow, spreading heat, hoping it will thaw the numbness that has taken hold since the accident.
Avalina.
Her name echoes through my mind, piercing my heart like a shard of glass. I shouldn”t think of her, not like this.
But god help me, I want her. Desire her with an intensity that leaves me shaking. I want to run my fingers through her silken hair, to caress every inch of her porcelain skin, to kiss those petal-soft lips until neither of us can breathe...
I slam my glass down, the crystal ringing out sharply in the silence. This is madness. She is no longer mine. I have a duty to keep her safe, nothing more.
So why does the thought of her returning to her old life make my chest tighten painfully? Why does the memory of her smile, so open and warm, make me crave things best left in the dark?
I glance down at the paperwork on my desk, trying to focus on the task at hand instead of getting lost in my anger and fantasies. I hate this room. It was my father”s and being in it brings back memories I would rather forget.
The first thing I did when I took over for the family was to get rid of everything in this room and fill it with things that felt more like me.
But the aged wood and leather chairs don’t replace the memories I would rather forget. The walls still remember.
A knock on my door has me glancing up in time to see Cassandra stroll in.
Another difference between me and my father. Cassandra is my second, something my father would have never allowed. To him, a woman”s place was the house and home. Being a wife and mother. That”s all they could be. Such fucking nonsense.
Cassandra is something I can’t be - stealthy, unassuming, and even more importantly, subtle. People underestimate her, and she has a charm she can turn on that gets her out of all kinds of tough spots. In this way, we work well as a team.
People also assume that there is tension between me and Liam since he isn’t my second. Liam doesn’t want this life any more than I do, so we use that preconceived notion to our advantage when we can.
Cassandra drops into the leather chair across from my desk, sliding one knee across the other. Her blonde hair is braided away from her face today, showcasing her pale skin with a constellation of freckles across her cheeks.
”Any new updates?” I ask as I push the pile of paperwork to the side of my desk. It isn’t getting done, anyway.
”Just that Sean”s men were spotted down by the docks, unloading cargo like we suspected. I think we should continue to work with Finn to uncover what they”re up to. They”re trying to keep it under wraps, so you know it”s nothing good.”
”Agreed.” Cassie, Liam, and I have been working with Finn to undermine his father”s illegal dealings. We have to be smart to not tip off Sean O”Neil that it is his own son ratting him out.
So far, we”ve been selective in what business we disrupt, keeping Sean on his toes, and guessing who or what is behind the chaos. It means we can’t stop everything, and sometimes that thought burns through me, leaving the bitter taste of ash on my tongue.
I sit back in my chair, watching Cassie slip a small knife from her propped up boot and start picking dirt from under her nails.
”The Hartwell accident. I want you to look into it again.”
Umber eyes blink at me in surprise, then suspicion, her hands frozen midair. ”Avalina”s accident? Why? We know there was foul play, the brake lines were cut, but there weren”t any leads.”
”I know, but it”s been a few months since it happened. Maybe someone talked. Bragged. She was targeted and I want to know why.”
She shrugs, not one to argue unless she feels she has a winning hand. ”Okay. Anything else I should know?”
I get up and pour another drink, trying to buy myself some time. I know Cassandra has her suspicions, but there isn”t anything to tell now. Not really. Avalina and I don’t have a relationship anymore. She doesn’t even remember me. I’m the one haunted by ghosts of memories that no longer exist.
”Nope.” I reply, turning towards her while bringing the whiskey to my lips.
Cassandra says nothing, just rises out of her chair and begins to make her way out of the room.
”Oh, I almost forgot,” she says as she pauses with a hand on the doorknob and turns back to me. ”Avalina”s going to the Preston Gala. With Mickey James. Just thought you”d want to know.”
Cassandra throws a smile my way before practically skipping out the door, heedless of the bomb she just tossed my way and the damage it would bring.
I can’t stop the hiss that escapes my clenched jaw. Who am I kidding? I never can hide anything from Cassie. She knows my obsession with Avalina hasn”t gone away. And Mickey James? As irrational as it is, I don’t want to let him touch what is mine. I can feel my monster rear its head, the craving to rip Mickey into pieces that no one will ever find rushing through me.
I can feel my blood boil, and I breathe deeply through my nose to regain my composure. Closing my eyes, I feel a shudder run through my body. I know what I have to do.
The dim lights of the warehouse make it hard to see unless you are standing right next to their small circle of illumination, but luckily, I know exactly where everything is. Like I told Liam, if you put things back in the same place each time, it makes life much easier.
Sean is becoming a problem, and one I intend to solve. But dealing with the leader of the O”Neil family is a long game, and I have to keep my head on my shoulders to win.
My mind keeps drifting to the gala and Avalina. And Mickey. Part of me wants to visit Mickey and have a talk, but that would get me nowhere. Avalina is smart, and she”d figure out it was me, eventually.
I don’t mind the questions, and I can deal with suspicion. I cover my tracks well, after all.
What I want to avoid is Avalina looking at me like I am a monster. She never did before, and I don’t want to give her any reason to do so now.
But Mickey, he is bad news. Everyone knows he is an asshole that has an ego the size of the eastern seaboard. Despite the compulsion to swoop in and protect Avalina, I know she can take care of herself. I have to trust that and not go after Mickey myself. For now, I have to sate my beast another way.
Wrapping a length of corded rope around my arm, I arrange it into a neat coil, tucking one end into the other so it will stay in place. Maybe if I tie my heart up in enough knots, I will stop feeling like I am still bound to Avalina.
I grin, eager to shift my mind from the past, to numb my soul from the pain that echoes within it daily. Here I can escape all of that.
I slap the cheek of the unconscious man before me, one of Sean’s goons. He stirs, but I’m not in a pleasant mood, so I slap the other cheek just to get the message across. I hope I didn’t spike his drink too much. It was never fun when I didn”t get to play.
”What?” Paul moans, blinking. I lean into his space and grip his chin, impatient to get started.
He jerks, trying to move his body, startled as he realizes I tied him to the chair. ”What the fuck? What is this?” he exclaims, his words becoming less slurred as adrenaline pumps through his veins. Hatred flares in his eyes as he looks at me. ”Do you know who I am? I’m going to kill you for this!” He is yelling now, but there is no one around for miles, no one to hear him scream.
It wasn”t hard to find him in his favorite bar, slinging back beers like they were water. It was easier still to spike his drink and follow him to his truck, just in time for him to pass out. His truck was now being torched, and his body would soon follow.
A calm washes over me as I step back to watch the man thrash. He is on my list, and tonight was just his lucky night.
Moving into the light, Paul finally sees my face and all his bravado comes to a screeching halt. “Calder. What do you want?” he sneers.
“A little bird told me you were up to no good, Paul.” I tut as I walk around him, the knife in my hand catching the light as I move with my words.
“And you know how this works. Sean may not have any morals, but I do. And whatever the O’Neils think, it’s the Calders that rule Kingsdale. So once I hear about trash in my town, I take it out.” I whisper from behind him.
“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about, man.” Paul stutters.
I don’t bother to hide my hatred for him as I move back in front of him, my words staccato, like the quick hammering of nails. “Your daughter, Paul. You’ve been molesting your daughter.”
”What? No, man, you”ve got it all wrong. Whatever she”s told you, it”s lies, I swear.”
”Funny, that. Pictures don”t lie.”
”Please, please don”t hurt me,” Paul whimpers, a stain already darkening the front of his jeans. I smirk. I haven”t even gotten started yet. Begging would get him nowhere. Not when I know what he has been doing to his daughter. I grip the knife tighter.
”Hmm... I wonder where we should start. ” I slowly trace the tip of my blade down his cheek, leaving a thin trail of blood in my wake.
”Fuck, stop!” The whimpers morph into shouts as Paul tries to move his body away from me, which is going to be hard to do, considering the chair is bolted into the warehouse floor.
”You”re going nowhere, Paul, so you might as well stop trying to escape.” The threat in my voice was crystal clear.
”What do you want with me?”
”I would have thought that was clear by now.”
”I”ll give you whatever you want.”
”What about your daughter? Can you give her back her childhood, her innocence?” I sneer. I may be a monster, but disgust rolls through me at the images I found on his computer, at the secret room he built for ‘playtime’ with his own child.
I am running out of patience with this little chat and want to get on with it.
Flicking my knife, I quickly swipe down, stabbing Paul right into his lying mouth.
The whimpers of the rotten man before me turn into a scream. I sigh, pulling my knife back. It is always like this.
The ones that do the most harm are the ones that can’t take the heat. Such a fucking waste. Frowning, I lift my arm up before swiping across Paul’s neck with my blade, sending him to a black oblivion.
This is my secret. This is why I can be the muscle of the Calder clan, why I prefer it rather than handing the job off to Liam or someone else. I kill those who need to be killed, those who abuse and lord their power over others for their personal gain. This allows me to keep my composure, allows me to stay level-headed when I can periodically feed the monster within.
The reputation I receive because of not shying away from dirty work is a plus. It makes folks think twice before crossing me, and I like to think it keeps my family safe.
Liam knows my preference to be the killer of our family, but he doesn’t understand why, and I want to keep it that way. Even though Liam is an open book to me, I only pretend to be as much for him.
The only person I am an open book to is Avalina. Correction. The only person I used to be an open book to is Avalina, but those pages were ripped out the night of her accident.