Chapter 15
Ifind Kieran leaning by the wall to my apartment after work. His dark gaze pierces my soul, ripping away the carefully constructed lies I wrap around myself in order to sleep in peace. He turns, eyes flashing as they meet mine. I approach slowly, heart pounding.
”I brought your favorite, egg rolls with honey,” he says as he holds up a bag filled with takeout containers.
I lift my chin. ”What if it”s changed?” I challenge, despite the knowledge that he is right.
He just shrugs. ”Then I”ll get something else.”
Kieran follows me into the apartment, immediately going to pull out plates and silverwear. It takes me back for a moment until I realize that he”s been here before. Lots of times. I have the photos and video to prove it.
I cross the small space to the kitchen, slipping off my shoes and setting my bag down on the counter before sitting on one of the stools by the counter. I”m mesmerized as I watch Kieran move effortlessly around my space, setting up the containers and plates in front of me and then moving to get my favorite tea from the fridge.
Conan waltzes into the kitchen, weaving through Kieran’s legs as he moves about the space. I’m about to call Conan away when Kieran reaches down and gives my tabby cat scratches behind his ear, his favorite spot.
“Don’t worry, Conan, I didn’t forget about you,” Kieran says as he pulls some grilled chicken from a box, tearing it into pieces before putting it into Conan’s bowl.
I try to shift away from the discomfort of watching someone know me so obviously well when I don”t know them at all. Kieran finishes setting things up and then comes to sit beside me, piling his plate high with chow mein. I grab some egg rolls and we simply eat in silence as my mind tries to catch up with what is happening.
This differs from how it is with Claire or any of my friends. There”s no pretense here, no need to force a conversation or adhere to a predetermined set of topics. Here I can just be me.
I finally give in. ”I don”t know what to do.”
At first Kieran is silent, assessing. Then he tilts his head, looking over at me before saying, ”Honestly, I don”t either.”
”What do you mean?”
”I thought I should stay away. Your memory loss offered a clean break. Sure, I remembered everything, but you didn”t. You could move on, have a life free of my darkness.”
”But how do you know I didn”t want a life with you?” I question.
”We kept our relationship a secret for a reason.” Kieran sighs, running a hand through his hair. ”My life. It”s not completely safe. I didn”t want to bring you into that.”
”But you wanted to make it safer, right? That”s what you”re doing with Liam and Finn?” I ask.
”That”s the hope. But who knows when that will happen.”
”What”s stopping you?”
”Sean O”Neil. He”s not a fan of going legit. He prefers money and power.”
I hum around a pork dumpling like I know what he”s talking about. I mean, I kind of do. That”s why Amanda and Jessica, even Iris and Claire to some extent, like the parties and shopping and travel. It”s all about money and power. They want more, while I want just enough to live my life.
”It feels like I don”t know you at all,” I whisper, looking down at my now empty plate. As Kieran shifts, I feel his hands on my seat, turning me towards him on the stool. I bite my lip and glance up, nerves racing through me. ”I”m sorry,” I begin.
”No.” Kieran says. ”I told you, Avalina, you have nothing to be sorry for.”
”I just...” I begin, but don”t know what to say, lifting my hands up in exasperation.
”Green.” Kieran says.
”What?” I ask, confused and slightly alarmed.
”My favorite color is green.”
”Oh.” I blink.
”I like to read, but mostly stick to history and mythology.”
I just nod.
”I hate the snow.”
”I”m so sorry you live here, then.” I chuckle.
Kieran smirks. ”What else do you want to know?”
I look Kieran fully in the eyes now. ”Everything.”
”Tell me about yourself,” I say softly. ”What do you really do?”
Kieran”s lips form a hard line, all playful banter gone. His gaze turned serious, distant. ”I”m the head of my family, the Calders. We”re one of the most powerful families in the country, with business interests in many sectors.”
”Like a mafia family?” I ask, only half joking. I know the rumors.
Kieran”s smile fades. ”Not exactly, though we do engage in some... extra-legal activities at times to protect our interests.” His eyes meet mine. ”My role comes with a great deal of power, but also responsibility and danger. There are many who would see my family destroyed.”
I swallow hard, a frisson of fear running down my spine.
”Does that frighten you?” Kieran asks softly. ”Now that you know the truth about me?”
I hesitate, torn between my attraction to Kieran and the peril that comes with him. ”I don”t know,” I admit. ”It frightens me, but also intrigues me.” I reach out to brush my fingers along his jaw. ”Everyone has told me to stay away from you, that you”re dangerous. But there”s more to you than meets the eye, isn”t there?”
Kieran turns his head to press a kiss to my palm, his eyes never leaving mine. ”Just as there is more to you, Avalina Hartwell, than your serene facade suggests.”
My breath catches at the intensity in his gaze. At that moment, I realize Kieran understands me in a way no one else does. He sees beyond the surface to the hidden depths within.
And I realize, despite the danger, I can’t walk away from him now. I am already falling, tumbling into the abyss of my desire for this complicated, enigmatic man.
We spend the next hours talking about everything, and while I understand Kieran already probably knows everything about me, he doesn”t interrupt me or say anything as I respond to his answers with answers of my own.
Our favorite animals, places to visit, food to eat, hobbies. Any random fact or question I can ask Kieran, I do. And he answers every single one. I can”t deny I feel comfortable in Kieran”s presence. Even Conan is relaxed around him.
We”re currently on the couch and I”m sitting close to Kieran, with Conan curled up on Kieran”s lap. We”re watching the latest episode of my favorite baking show and I”m drooling over the cookies, or biscuits as they”re calling them on the television. One contestant is currently making butter cookies and I can”t help the appreciative hum I make.
Kieran slides a glance in my direction. ”I”ll go buy you all the butter cookies in the world if they cause you to make noises like that.”
I laugh and playfully slap his arm. He”s been doing this all night, throwing barely veiled flirtatious comments in my direction. Most of the time I laugh it off or veer the topic elsewhere, but the more he does it, the more confident I feel.
”I guess I know what you”ll be doing tomorrow, then.” I smirk.
Kieran barks out a laugh, startling Conan to jump off his lap and throw a scowl in our direction. I don”t think I”ve heard him laugh before. The need to hear him laugh again crawls its way into my chest, making a home for itself.
Kieran turns back to the television, and I can”t resist the opportunity to drink my fill of his strong jaw and black lashes.
Even with all the evidence Kieran gave me, the videos and photos to help fill in the gaps in my memories, it still doesn”t feel real having him next to me, so relaxed and at ease. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I just can”t shake the feeling that there”s something around the corner, something that neither of us can see, but it”s stalking us all the same.
We continue watching the show, sitting side by side. Eventually I notice Kieran”s hand a hairsbreadth from mine. As the episode continues and the contestants move on to a technical baking challenge involving caramelized white chocolate, Kieran”s thumb brushes against my pinkie.
Ever so gently, he caresses my finger, each soft sweep sending a jolt through me. I try to focus on the bakers and their sudden hatred for white chocolate, but my entire world is narrowing down to the feeling of Kieran”s skin on mine. How can this man I can’t remember feel like the soft embrace of home?
Heat flares between us, as taught as a bowstring, and I resist the urge to rub my thighs together to soothe the ache that is quickly building between my legs. My mind is screaming at me, telling me I don”t know this man who sparks such intense desire with just a glance in my direction, but I feel pulled to him in a way I can”t explain.
I feel like a fish on dry land, gasping for words to explain the turmoil I”m feeling. ”I just wish I could remember...” I trail off. Kieran says nothing, but his eyes speak volumes. ”I know I have the emails and pictures and everything else, but...”
”It”s not the same as remembering.” Kieran finishes for me. ”I understand. Honestly, Lina, I have no idea if your memories will come back or not. Of course, I hope they do. I”d love for you to remember. But I”m a realist. I”ll understand if they don”t. I”ll just make new ones with you now.” His lips quirk up at this last part, a smirk gracing his features that twists my insides and sends heat swirling to my core.
Kieran may remember me, but I only have a handful of interactions with him, and this flirting feels out of my element. I try to think of another topic to switch to when it dawns on me. ”Wait, what did you call me?”
A furrow forms across Kieran”s brow and the corner of his whiskey-colored eyes crinkle. ”What do you mean? Lina?”
”Yes, no one calls me that.”
”I do,” he rumbles. ”Does it bother you?”
I stop and think. ”No, I like it.” I smile at him. ”Do you know what caused my accident? No one seems to know.”
”No, I looked into it and have been following leads, but they all dried up. I’ve got someone looking into it again.”
“What kind of leads?”
Kieran turns towards me. “It wasn’t an accident, Lina. Your break lines were cut.”
”Wait, so someone caused my accident?” Alarm barrels through me. Until now, the theory was that something must have startled me, like a deer, since the doctors ruled out all medication conditions that might have caused the accident.
”It appears so. Don”t worry, I”ll find out who did it. I”ll make them pay.” Kieran grows this last part out.
I lick my lips at his statement, a movement Kieran”s eyes catch and immediately snag on. My breath hitches as every inch of my body is aware with startling clarity how close Kieran is to me. I can”t help but wonder what it was about Kieran”s anger that feels like a warm embrace instead of a threat, why his fierce need to protect me has warmth spreading across my body.
It was while contemplating the intelligence of my body when Kieran moves as quick as lightning, caging me against the couch with his powerful arms.
”Tell me to stop and I will, Lina,” he whispers before bending head to my shoulder, my neck automatically tilting to give him more space.
A rumble escapes him as he gently kisses the spot below my ear, catching my breath as easily as he catches my earlobe between his teeth, gently licking and nibbling.
My hands wrap around him, pulling him to me as he moves to claim my lips, his eyes darkening like the night sky. My mind races with the sudden knowledge that this was what I have been craving. This is what I have been looking for.
Amanda set me up with Mickey James, who tried to be charming, but completely failed. I wanted honest and upfront, so I felt protected and safe. I wanted to be seen for who I was and not the image someone else wanted me to play pretend at being.
It feels surreal until I realize that, unlike me, Kieran had never forgotten. While I can’t remember our time from before the accident, Kieran does, and the images he shared with me confirm that.
With his broad frame encircling me, I can feel the power and control emanating from him. As his knee found its place between my thighs and his grip on my hip and neck tightened, I’m reminded that yes, Kieran knows exactly what I want.
I melt against him, spurred by the knowledge that I don’t have to hide from him. His lips nip at mine and pleasure surges through me.
I moan, hands trailing up his back to grip at his hair, holding him still while I arch into him.
”Fuck,” he groans, and his hand sweep up my hip and around my breast, gently squeezing and teasing my nipple through my top. His hand moves to the back of the couch, while his gaze snares mine, igniting a blaze within me as he ever so slowly shifts his weight forward, his knee pressing more into my core.
Lightning zings through me, shoving every thought out of my mind. The only thing I know is his taste, his smell, his weight pressing against me, swirling my desire even higher.
Every part of my awareness narrows to where Kieran”s body meets mine, to the pleasure humming in my blood, the teasing touches, and slow glides of Kieran”s palm on my skin as I chase that rapture almost within reach. Tossing my head back, I grab onto that wave of euphoria, muscles clenching in delicious agony as electricity crackles through my veins.
I come down from my high in a delicious haze, my limbs heavy and liquid. Kieran shifts, pulling me to straddle his lap, and I wind my hands behind his neck, pulling him into me for a kiss when his phone rings, interrupting us.
Kieran mumbles something that sounds very much like a growl as he pulls his phone out of his pocket and glances at it. ”It”s my brother. I have to answer it. He”d text if it wasn”t important.” He said the last bit with a frown on his face, the apology clear in his eyes and he pressed the screen with a biting, ”What is it?”.
I can’t hear Liam on the other end, but I know from the way Kieran tightens against me and clenches his jaw that whatever Liam had to say isn’t good.
I try to shift myself off of Kieran”s lap, but his free arm snakes around me like a steel band, keeping me solidly in place. He hangs up with a curse, shoving his phone back in his pocket like it is the one that offended him.
”I take it that our date is over?” I ask, unable to keep the disappointment out of my voice.
A grin lights up Kieran”s face at that. I catch myself thinking I”d do anything to keep that smile there. ”A date, is it?”
”Well, what else would you call it? You brought dinner.”
”But now our date is being interrupted.” He frowns and looks at me through his lashes.
”I”ll see you later?”
”Always.” He leans over, pressing a kiss to my forehead before seeing himself out of my apartment.