Epilogue
Grabbing the ivory cotton tote bag from the passenger seat, I get out of my car, trying to shake off the nerves that had my heartbeat pounding in my ears. I was Kieran Calder. I didn”t get anxious. But here I was, sweaty palms swiping through my hair, the jet strands now falling into my eyes instead of being artfully brushed away from my face. I winced as I slammed the car door a little too forcefully. I didn”t know what to do with myself. Everything felt too big and too much. What the fuck was wrong with me?
Cursing, I stomped my way to Lina”s apartment, shaking my head at my idiocy. It was just jewelry. A piece of metal. Like a gun. I could do this.
Knocking on Lina”s door, I took a deep breath that froze in my lungs as it swung inward to reveal Avalina”s smiling face.
”Come in, dinner”s ready,” she quipped, not realizing how tightly my muscles were strung, quivering under my skin.
I walked in behind her, a cautious predator wary of the shadows. Conan ran up to me and I bent down to scoop him up in my arms, rubbing him behind the ears the way he liked. Avalina was back in the kitchen, stirring the creamy shrimp bisque, which smelled amazing. Conan swatted at the bag still in my arms, so I put him down and began unloading my haul onto the kitchen bar.
”Fresh bread and dessert, as requested.”
Lina turns, immediately grabbing the bread and inhaling. I do my best to hide the laugh that wants to race past my lips, but there is no fooling her.
Her eyes narrow at me. ”What? I love bread, okay?”
Holding my hands up in mock surrender, I nod. ”As one should.”
She huffs as she places the bread in the oven to keep it warm before turning back to my parcels. ”Kieran, you didn”t have to bring an entire cake! And champagne? Why did you bring champagne?”
Shrugging, I take both from her, placing the cake out of Conan”s reach and putting the champagne on ice. ”I thought it would be nice to celebrate,” I say, taking both from her, placing the cake out of Conan”s reach, and putting the champagne on ice. ”It”s been months since the shooting and everything seems to be calm now. We”re all in a good place.” I realize I”m rambling and clear my throat, glancing at Lina, who seems absorbed in her cooking.
Deciding that changing the subject is the best course of action, I steer the ship in another direction. ”How was work at the library today?”
Lina takes two pretty blue bowls down from the cabinet, so I grab some spoons and glasses, filing them with water before placing them on the bar counter.
”It was good,” she says as she ladles the bisque into the bowls and grabs the steaming bread from the oven. ”The new book club is really growing and our partnership program is coming along nicely.”
”Nice. You should be proud of all the hard work you put into that program.”
She smiles up at me as we sit down next to each other. ”I am. It”s really exciting to see it all come together,” she says as she reaches to grab some bread and break it into small pieces. ”How are things at the art gallery?”
”Good. Claire has been showing me the ropes. I”m catching on to things quickly.”
Lina hums in acknowledgement as she sips on a spoonful of bisque, nodding. ”I thought you would. You have a good eye for it.”
I motion to the soup. ”This is great, Lina.”
”Thanks, I got the recipe from Iris. I think I may like the bread more, though.”
I can”t stop the laugh that rumbles in my chest at that. ”Don”t worry, I can always get you more.”
”I”m going to hold you to that.”
We continue to eat, talking about work and books, when a demanding yowl interrupted my thoughts. I looked down to see furry brown paws coming to rest on the side of my leg. ”No, Conan, put your weapons away,” I scoff as I move the cat away from me before he can dig his claws in. It wouldn”t be the first time he”s done it. I can”t help but smile at him, even if he isn”t above violence to get some food.
As Lina gathers our dishes and takes them to the sink, I grab the champagne and cake, placing them on the table with new plates and forks. I blink as I fight the urge to wipe my suddenly very sweaty palms on my pants. Doubts race through my mind as Conan weaves between my legs, probably hoping I”ll give him some cake. I knew I had a choice here. I could keep going on the path I planned for tonight or I could take a detour. There was no rush, no expectation. I knew all of this. So why was I panicking?
Taking a deep breath, I walked over to the large window in the living room that was currently filling the space with the shimmering golden hues of sunset. The sounds of running water and bowls clinking in the dishwasher faded as I looked out at the city, awash in the dimming light of day. I was kidding anyone. I knew exactly why I was panicking. During the past months, I had let Lina see all of me. She knew all of my secrets. The people I had killed. How much I had enjoyed it. How some days I had fucking craved it.
And she didn”t run away in a panic, calling me a monster. She didn”t understand, but yet she did. We grew up in different cages, and developed different ways of coping, but she knew what it was to crave an escape, to feel anything to remind yourself that you were still alive. Being with Lina, being seen by her, it kept my monster content. I hadn”t felt the need to exact revenge since the night Sean O”Neil died.
So here I was, toying with a ring in my pocket and panicking that despite all of our history, despite everything we had been through together, in the end, I wouldn”t be enough.
I was so lost in thought that I almost jumped as Lina came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist, hugging me from behind.
”You seem lost in thought. Everything okay?”
”Yeah,” I cover her hands with my own, the scars scattered across my knuckles shining silver in the sunlight. ”Just thinking.”
”About what?” she says as she nuzzles against me, her soothing scent of jasmine and sandalwood surrounding me.
”Us,” I say as I turn towards her, her hands still grasped in my own. Bending down to one knee, I lay my heart at her feet, willing to take whatever she will give it. ”Lina, I love you. There is no one else for me, there never has been. It”s you. Only you. And I know we come from different worlds, but I…”
”Kieran, stop.”
I look up, frozen in place with fear as one of Lina”s hands unravels from my grasp to rest on my cheek. My heart begins a staccato rhythm in my chest and my monster opens a sleepy eye as the commotion.
”Yes, Kieran. Yes,” Avalina whispers as tears slide down her face.
Releasing a shuddering exhale, I stand as clutch Lina”s face. ”Yes? You mean?”
”Yes, I”ll marry you,” she laughs through her tears.
”You haven”t even seen the ring yet…” I drift off.
Her laugh becomes louder now. ”I don”t care about the ring,” she chuckles as she leans towards me and I meet her halfway, abandoning my fear as her lips meet mine and my monster goes back to sleep, huffing in annoyance that my stupidity woke him up.
Avalina pulls away and her green eyes bore into mine. ”I only want you.”