Chapter 14
MASSIMO
My head’s still a mess. Worse than yesterday. Worse than last night when I had her shaking on my tongue and begging in that sweet accent of hers. You’d think amazing sex would clear a man’s mind. Reset shit. Shut down the worries, and the memories I keep pretending don’t exist.
But nah.
My lower head’s doing great. Too great, actually, but the rest of me is totally fucked.
She’s still asleep upstairs in my bed. Wrapped in my sheets.
My pillow under her cheek. Her curly hair is a halo across everything I own.
She looks peaceful. Safe. Like she finally let herself rest after months of carrying burdens no one sees.
And I don’t know what to do with the heaviness in my chest every time I think about her being in my room, in my space, trusting me enough to fall asleep there.
I want that every night. And that’s the exact shit that terrifies me.
I had it once, and it walked away. I’m not sure I could handle that happening again.
Yet here I am, falling for a woman that isn’t even mine, or ours, yet.
Today is about winning her over. Convincing her how it could be with us, if Em or I don’t fuck it up.
“Quit moping like a little bitch and throw me a beer.”
Em knows. I’d say it’s a twin thing, but he was the only one there to deal with my shit after her. He knows how wrecked I got. How long it took me to come out of it. If he’s worried, he’s sure not acting like it.
His dumbass lounges in a unicorn float in the middle of the pool.
Nuts smashed into the tiniest hot pink Speedo that makes him look ready for a gay bar.
How he got that over his cast, I have no idea.
He says it brings out the color of his pubes.
Funny thing is that he has none. Both of us wax.
Dimas are hairy motherfuckers, and neither of us likes that.
Smashed next to him, whether he likes it or not, is Paco. My twin has been singing stupid break-up songs from his playlist and holding a rainbow umbrella over the dog.
“You look dumb as hell. Just put her dog in my room with her.”
“Fuck you, it’s my visitation time,” he yells over the music, then adjusts the umbrella when a toenail sits in the sunlight. “My son doesn’t get sunburned! UV rays are for ugly people!”
One hand and foot dangle in the water, paddling himself around. The other is wrapped around her dog, protecting it from the edge of the float. His cast is wrapped in plastic to protect it. He bitched about having to wrap it by himself, even though he does it for his shower every day.
“Waiter! Where’s my beer? Service around here sucks.”
I’m at the grill with the sun in my eyes, pretending not to worry.
Pretending this is normal, I’m flipping burgers like a suburban dad while the girl I have shared with my brother snoozes away without a care in the world.
Doesn’t she know I’m freaking out? That I’m needing to talk to her to make sure she’s going to stay.
“The pool cooler is stocked. You literally saw me load it with a dozen beers.”
His wet hand rises from the water, stretching to the far end of the pool where it floated away. As if I’m going to walk over there and get one out when his ass is doing nothing but floating in the sun.
“It’s so far away, man.”
He’s got the dumbest blissed-out grin on his face. Floating in circles. Bumping into the pool walls every five seconds. Switching his singing to Freshpet and dog moms. And even with all his stupid noise, the neighbors’ lawn mowers going, and the grill smoke, something in me feels settled.
Because she’s here.
And she stayed.
And we fucked.
My head hasn’t been quiet in years, not since her.
The one before, the one who taught me exactly how much it fucking hurts to give someone everything and get nothing back.
I swore I wouldn’t go there again. I wouldn’t risk feeling like that again.
But then last night and this morning happened. And Sofia . . . she’s different.
The way she looked at me when I was between her legs.
The way her body opened for me. The way her pussy gripped me like I belonged.
It meant something. She’s older. Stronger.
Seen more life than Em and I combined. She takes care of people for a living.
Takes on the worst nights of their lives and shoulders that weight alone.
Nobody takes care of her, but I want to. Not just in all the fun ways. Not in just the dirty ways Em keeps joking about. In all the ways. Real ways. The ways that matter. And that might be the most dangerous thought I’ve had in a long ass time.
Behind me, the glass door opens. I don’t turn around at first, too chicken shit to see how she’ll look at me now that we’ve crossed the line.
Will she feel regret and shame? Snatch her dog and stuff and run out of here?
I wouldn’t blame her if she did. But if she looks at me like it wasn’t just sex, or wasn’t just curiosity, I’ll fall even harder.
“Papito, you’re burning the hot dogs.”
Her voice drifts out, sleepy and soft. My heart fucking lurches. She steps onto the patio in another shirt of mine. Drowning in it, bare legs out, eyes heavy like she’s still waking up. It hits hard and deep in my chest.
Em gasps so dramatically that the unicorn float almost tips. He lifts the dog in the air like a sacrifice. The umbrella falls into the pool, and his cast almost hits the water.
“Idiot,” I mutter, turning over the hot dogs because she was right, I was burning them while worrying about her.
“My angel is up! How did you sleep? Mas said I couldn’t disturb you. He’s a bastard,” Em announces to the whole damn world. “Come see our son!”
I groan, flipping the burgers before they turn into hockey pucks. This is it. This is the exact Saturday I’ve wanted these past weeks. Fun, sexy, and relaxed. Her here. Here with us. And I’m terrified I’m going to lose it. Because the more I’m with her, the more I’m already gone.
Her hand slides over my back and around my waist. Sending shivers over my bare skin despite the heat of the sun. It’s not exactly warm yet in Boston, but close enough for us. My arm wraps around her shoulders, smashing her to me. She doesn’t fight it. Melts into my side.
“Put him down! You’re scaring him!”
Emilio pouts but lowers the dog, who is shaking like a sacrifice to the gods. He tucks him back in his spot while paddling over to get the umbrella.
“What is he wearing?” she mutters, mostly to herself. “I can’t believe I fell asleep. It feels like Sunday.”
“Nah, just later. You’ve been working a lot of hours, that patient and then yesterday.
” I don’t want to taint what I’m feeling with what she’s been through.
Don’t want to give her reason to race out of here.
“But now you’re here, and I intend to take care of you.
Make you forget everything until you have to return to reality. ”
She pushes against my ribs. Her nails scrape the skin, and my cock jumps. Once wasn’t enough, but when she collapsed onto Em and let him kiss her his way, I knew she was done for. Em complained, but she’s the priority, not his shriveled dick.
“Is that what this is? An escape from reality?”
Her expression is sharper and more focused. The sleepy post sex haze fades. I clear my throat before answering.
“Yes. No. It could be.” I don’t know what I’m saying, but I want the right words to keep her here. “If you wanted to, you know, spend time here, you could. I don’t want you staying alone at your place.”
She nibbles her lips. Not a good sign when she goes quiet. She normally has an answer for everything. It’s one of the things I like about her. Her being unsure is definitely bad.
“I could get you your own key and add you to the guard gate at the front and—”
“Papito, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?” I quickly move the meats off the grill, rack them on the warmer, and turn off the flames. “If it’s Em and his big mouth, then I’ll tell him to shut the fuck up more than I already do. If he’s too crazy with Paco—”
She moves away, sitting on a stool and putting the bar between us. I hate it. She always puts space between us when the answer is bad.
“I like living on my own. It’s nice. And I like my apartment.”
“It’s small and in a bad part of town,” I answer back flatly, flashing her a frown.
“Papito, it’s mine. And that’s all I can afford.”
“It’s dangerous. You take the train home at night. When it’s dark and full of bad dudes.”
She nibbles at her lips again, knowing I’m right. She told me stories on our drives to her house. I like picking her up. She likes me picking her up. So what’s the big deal if she sleeps here instead of there?
“I don’t have a car and—”
“Hey, if you guys are done eye fucking each other, can we eat? I’m starving!”
And the dickwad fucks it up again.
She turns toward him. Her face softens. I don’t know if it’s for Em, her dog, or both. But something hurts in my chest when I watch her move to the side of the pool. Her hand cups her eyes as she looks down. Em paddles her way, long enough to touch his wet hand to her leg, and she jumps back.
“Ay, Nene, that’s too cold. You’ll get sick. And Paco . . .” She moves back to the edge and squats. “Hand him to me. He’ll catch his death.”
He won’t. Not smashed against my brother, who has developed a weirdly fast attachment to the thing. They argue a bit before Em sulks, but hands him over. The little thing shakes like a leaf until Sofia snuggles him to her boobs, where I want to be.
“Food is ready, help yourself,” I grumble, more bothered than before. I should be surging off a post sex high. Yet, I’m standing here worried like a little bitch. “I’ll be right back, I forgot something inside.”