Chapter Fourteen #2
Killian nearly doubled over when Kade glared and pouted and told him to shut the fuck up.
The effect was lessened when Kade twisted his hands nervously into the back of Killian’s uniform at the next creak in the distance.
Kade stuck close to him the rest of the time, grumping all the while, muttering about never trusting Killian ever again.
“Are you ever going to tell me what this spirit guards? Dantel says it’s a garden,” Kade whispered, his eyes never leaving the ever moving hedges.
“It’s more than that. It’s the heart of Netyere.”
“Yes. Yes. Whatever. What does that mean?”
Killian hummed. “It was a gift from the previous king to his queen before her death. It’s said that she loved all living things so he wanted to build a place in nature for her and her alone.
He gathered plants and animals from all across Netyere, and he planted them here, for her.
Every species he could find. Her son, Fyar, shared her love for nature and life—don’t give me that look, Kade, he does—and they would spend hours in the dirt together.
When she died, it fell to ruin, and the king… went mad.
“When Fyar took the throne, he restored it, expanded it, and put up these hedges to protect it. He’s always bringing in new species, more than I think he knows what to do it, honestly. This is Fyar’s heart, and Fyar is Netyere. Therefore, the heart of Netyere.”
A somber silence. Then,Kade said, “And you of all people are allowed in?”
“Well, we’re very close, you see. Me and the king. The best of friends. Soulmates, if you will—”
Kade pushed the flat of his fist into Killian’s back. “I don’t want to hear that.”
Killian chuckled.
They continued in silence for a while. Having relaxed a little, Kade no longer jumped at every sight and sound and instead he watched in wonder as the hedges bent around them.
Their spindly branches untwining and snaking around to open a path just a few meters in front of them, never showing them too much of what lies ahead.
The fog drifted lazily around them, moving in whispers of floating waves.
The other elf was working himself up to say something, Killian could tell by the way his hand twitched against his back. A nervous energy. So Killian waited and walked, and when Kade teetered to a stop, pulling Killian’s uniform tight against his chest and stomach, he didn’t fight to push forward.
“I don’t have to do this,” said Kade in a small voice, like he didn’t want Killian to hear. “Say the word and I can go. I’ll find a master in the city. I-I’ll go.”
Killian’s heart squeezed in his chest. “Do you want to go?”
“No,” Kade’s voice cracked, “But I think you might want me to.”
“What?” Killian turned. “Why would you think that?”
Fixing him with a flat stare, Kade said, “Oh, I don’t know. How about the fact that you never wanted me to apprentice under Hokda in the first place? Or how you were against me taking this test. Against me going to the king. You told me to go back to Turell. You don’t want me here, do you?”
“It’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like?” Kade challenged, meeting Killian eye to eye, chest to chest.
They were so close.
Unwillingly, Killian’s eyes flickered to Kade’s lips and then away just as quickly.
He swallowed. Slowly, he spoke as much of his truth as he could bear, because Kade deserved that.
“I want you here, but I don’t know how to have you here.
This place—Ingara, the palace—it’s dangerous.
More dangerous than you know. Especially for you. ”
“Why?”
“Because of who you are. Because of who I am. Because of who you are to me. And if something happened to you because of me… Kade, I wouldn’t survive it.
I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.” It was only half of the reason, but it was all Killian could give.
“So maybe you’re right, maybe some part of me wants you to go, but only to keep you safe. I never wanted this life for you.”
Kade was scowling and he was chewing the inside of his cheek.
Killian pinched him lightly. “Don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself.”
“You never said.” Kade glared at him. “You never said anything.”
“It’s your choice, your life. My worries aren’t your burden to bear.”
Kade rolled his eyes.
It startled Killian to realize that he’d never actually told Kade that he was glad to see him.
It had been What the fuck, Kade? and What were you thinking, Kade?
but never once had he said It’s nice to see you or I’m so, so happy you’re here with me or thank you for coming back to me.
He’d made Kade question his place in Killian’s life, in his heart, and that was unacceptable.
“I’m happy you’re here,” Killian said, putting everything he could muster into the words. “I really am. Know that whatever you choose, I’ll back you, no matter what.”
There was a sharp intake of breath, and then Kade was leaning in to rest his head on Killian’s shoulder. “What if I fail?”