Chapter 47 Ella
ELLA
Isit on the bed in my old bedroom in Asher’s penthouse, staring out the window, trying to get my bearings.
I just finished up with the detectives a few minutes ago.
Everything that happened last night after Asher showed up in that room is a blur.
I vaguely remember him carrying me out of the hotel and the ride back to his penthouse.
Alec was already waiting there when we arrived ready to treat me.
He looked me over, gave me the all clear, and told me to ice my face and my bruised ribs.
I showered to get the pepper spray remnants off my face and hands and then Asher carried me to his bed.
The police arrived first thing this morning, and my phone hasn’t stopped going off.
Asher informed my mom, Maya, Zahra, and Lucy what happened, but I haven’t had a chance to call or text any of them back.
Plus, there are alerts pinging on my phone every few minutes.
People in the hotel heard the gunshot and then they saw Asher carrying me out of the hotel.
I can’t bring myself to look at the stories.
I have no doubt that everything I was trying to avoid is about to be front page news. I buried one story only for an even worse one to rear its ugly head. And I just don’t have it in me right now to deal with it. I don’t have it in me to deal with much of anything.
Footsteps sound outside the door and I sink into the mattress. With all that’s gone on, I haven’t really been able to process it all. But there’s one thing that I can’t let go of, no matter how much I hate myself for it, and I don’t know what to do about it.
The door creaks open. “There you are,” Asher says. “What are you doing up here?” He sits down on the bed behind me and wraps his arms around me.
“Please tell me you didn’t actually wire that asshole a million dollars,” I say, avoiding his question.
He chuckles. “I didn’t. We were in the car almost to the hotel when I got your call.”
“Good.”
“He’ll never hurt you again, Ella. I’ll make sure he serves the maximum amount of time for all of his charges.”
“Thank you. I just still can’t believe he did that.
When we first started dating, he was like a completely different person.
He was smart, funny, and charming. He was successful and driven.
And most of all, he was good to me. He was everything I ever thought I could want in a man.
And then slowly, as time went on, everything changed.
When I broke up with him, I told him it was because he had changed.
But now I realize I was wrong. He didn’t change, he showed me who he really is.
The Kyle I’ve dealt with for the last year is the real Kyle.
The Kyle I dated in the beginning was the farce.
And now because of last night, I get to share that pain and humiliation with the world. ”
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry that being with me puts you in that position. But you don’t worry about anything. Emily and Matthew are going to take care of everything. One bright spot is it seems the events of last night scared RTZ. They didn’t break their story.”
I let out a humorless laugh. “That’s not why they backed out. I made a deal with their editor and chief last night and killed the story myself.”
“What? How did you do that?”
“I threatened them with exposing the truth. And before you say anything, I know that I said I wouldn’t do that. I took a gamble that the threat of it would be enough, and it worked.”
“They really went along with it on just a threat? My family has never managed something like that.”
“Well, I explained how bad it would make their company look if they printed that story and propped up a man who assaulted his girlfriend. And then I promised him some future inside photos. He took the deal.”
“Well done, Ms. Hale,” Asher purrs into my neck.
I love the feel of it, but I make myself pull away from it.
“Are you okay?”
“No.”
“What do you need?” he asks.
My stomach drops. I know what I need, but I don’t want it, and I don’t want to say it. Finally, I let out a long breath and just get it over with. “I need space.”
Asher’s body stiffens behind me. “What do you mean?”
“This . . . is so much harder than I thought it would be. And the whiplash of it all is killing me. I can’t keep questioning where we stand and what we are to one another. It’s too much to take on top of the media. At least for the time being, I need to rely on myself, and keep to myself.”
“What do you mean by keep to yourself?”
“I need to go back to what we were in the beginning. You made it very clear yesterday that when push comes to shove, you’re my employer and I’m your employee. That’s why you hired me for this job.”
“You’re a hell of a lot more than my employee.”
“Yes, but when it suits you to shift things and treat me like an employee, you do. I asked you, Asher, not Mr. Langford, to have my back yesterday and to give me a chance to find another solution, and you didn’t.
You pushed our relationship, or feelings, or whatever the hell this is aside, and you expected me to go along with your plan, because you are in the position of power.
At the end of the day, you’re still my boss and I’m still your employee.
And when you are forced to choose between your business and me, you choose your business.
I can’t fault you for that—I just don’t want to engage with it anymore.
So, I’ll remove the choice. Your business can come first, and I will keep myself out of it, except as my role in the PR team. ”
“Fuck, Ella. That’s the last thing I want.
I’m so sorry about yesterday. I was sick about it all night.
You’re right. I got scared from the threats from the board and I didn’t listen to you.
I paid the price for that, believe me. I was out of my mind with worry.
And then I nearly lost my goddamn mind when I finally tracked you down, got a call from you, and heard your fucking ex threatening you with a gun.
There is only one other time in my life that I’ve been that scared, and I never want to feel that way again. ”
“You won’t have to. Kyle is in jail.”
“And what about the other security threats? I am sorry about how I dismissed you yesterday, but I’m still furious with you for running.
If you hadn’t run off, Kyle could never have gotten close to you.
I hate that this is your life now, but it is.
You can’t just go out and about without security anymore. ”
“I know. I’m sorry for that, believe me.
I know that was stupid. But I needed space.
Yesterday you reminded me forcefully that this is an arrangement.
Along the way, I got swept up in the two of us, and I ignored that fact.
But you clearly haven’t. This is a PR stunt for your image, and when it runs its course, we’ll go our separate ways.
Asher is silent.
“Unless you’ve changed your mind about ending things eventually.”
“I . . .”
“It’s okay. You were honest up front. You don’t do relationships, and you’re not looking for a future with me. But no matter how hard I try to tell my heart that, I can’t stop it from falling for you. And I can’t keep doing this to myself. It hurts too much.”
“Ella . . .”
“Please don’t make this harder than it already is. I care about you so much, Asher. And if I get in any deeper this is going to destroy me when it’s all over. I need to walk this back before it’s too late.”
“What do you mean, exactly, by walking it back?”
“I’m moving back up into this room, and I’m going to look for a place of my own.
I’ll find a secure building, I have the money for it now, and we’ll go back to how things were in the beginning.
We’ll go to events, and we’ll do what we need to for the cameras, but in real life, I can’t be anything more than your employee. ”
“Please, don’t do this, Ella.”
“I have to. For my own sanity, I have to.”
Asher’s phone rings. He takes it out of his pocket and silences the call.
“You should take that.”
“I don’t give a fuck about the call. But I do give a fuck about what you’re saying. You can’t just move out. We can’t just . . . end things between us.”
I finally turn and face him. I place my hand on his cheek. “We have to. Because if we don’t, I won’t make it through when things really do end.”
Asher drops his forehead to mine. “Ella, I don’t want to be without you.”
“There was always a future without me. We just forgot about that and got swept up in the moment and with each other.”
I place a gentle kiss on his lips and scoot out of his embrace.
His phone rings again.
“Please go,” I whisper, my voice quivering with unshed tears. “You’re needed in the office, and I need . . .”
I don’t even know what I need. But I can’t keep myself together for another minute.
“Dammit, Ella, don’t do this,” Asher croaks.
“You know it’s for the best.” A tear slips free. I brush it away and stand, putting more distance between us. “Please go.”
Asher’s eyes look at me with such hurt and defeat that I almost launch myself at him and take back every word I’ve said.
But I can’t.
I’m terrified to give myself to someone after everything that happened with Kyle, and Asher has issues with relationships that he needs to work through. Neither of us is ready to commit to something real—at least not right now. Not unless something monumental changes between us.
This is for the best.
Asher stands and makes his way to the door. He opens it but pauses halfway through. He turns back to me.
“This isn’t over. I have some shit to sort out, and I’ll sort it out. And I’ll give you the space you need. But I’m telling you now, this is far from fucking over.”
He leaves without another word.
I collapse onto the bed and let out a sob.
Asher is wrong. How can he not be? How can he not see how impossible this is?
Like a tsunami, this thing with Asher came in and blew my life out of the water, changed everything, and left a path of destruction in its wake.
But now that it’s cleared, I have to pick up the pieces, and I have to do that now while there’s still pieces left to pick up.
If we go on, there will be nothing left for me to recover.
I cry into my pillow until my tears run dry. Until there’s nothing left inside me. And the only thing I can think of, the only thing I can hear in my mind is Asher’s last words to me:
This is far from fucking over.
I want those words to be true, and I also don’t want them to be true. But right now, they’re all that’s keeping me breathing. They’re all that’s keeping the anguish in my soul from cutting me from the inside out.
This is far from fucking over.