Chapter 22
Eve
I sit behind my desk, my eyes trained beyond my computer screen and through the glass wall. Kirsty is leaning back on her chair, gesturing to Dev, who is manspreading on the edge of the desk, his head thrown back in laughter.
I twirl a pen around in my fingers, counting to three, over and over. It’s nearly 7 o’clock in the evening, and I’m due at Will’s house. I refuse to leave first, though — what kind of message would that send?
Suddenly, Kirsty turns her head and looks directly at me. I hold her gaze, and she turns back to Dev, her eyes not leaving mine, and says something. His head swivels my way, and he says something back and then puts his hand on her shoulder briefly. Kirsty smiles, her eyes still locked on mine.
I click angrily at my original expo presentation, typing the words ‘Kirsty McClure, Deputy Head of Digital Marketing and Chief Backstabber’ under the title page before deleting it and mentally slapping myself for being so childish.
I watch as Dev strides purposefully towards the lift, giving Kirsty a quick wave over his shoulder. I wait five minutes, until I’m sure he’s gone, and then log off and gather my things.
I smile, as I walk past Kirsty’s desk. ‘See you tomorrow.’
She glances up. ‘See you.’
I press the lift button and wait.
‘Oh, Eve.’ I hear her swivel on her chair, and when I turn around she’s facing me.
‘What’s up?’
‘Did you get my text? Can we meet? To discuss the expo presentation?’ Is that hope in her eyes? I falter. Or is it scheming, calculating hardness?
I take a breath as the lift pings open. ‘Of course. Tomorrow morning? Shall we get a coffee before work?’
‘Sure.’ She nods. ‘Thanks.’
I step into the lift as she turns away, back to her computer.
* * *
It’s quarter to eight by the time I knock on Will’s door, and the moment I see his face, I know he isn’t happy about it.
‘I’m sorry.’ I hurry after him up the corridor and into the kitchen, where Jess and Nina are sitting around the island. ‘Something came up — have I kept you from eating?’
‘Don’t worry about it.’ He turns and gives me a tight smile. ‘Wine?’
‘Yes, white, please.’ I briefly hug Jess and then turn my attention to Nina. She looks thinner than the last time I saw her, although it can’t have been more than a couple of weeks, and her eyes look dark with exhaustion. ‘Hi, Nina, I’m so sorry.’ I reach down and peck her on each cheek. ‘You look great, how is everything? Where’s Benny?’
I scoot backwards and settle myself onto a bar stool as Nina rakes her hand through her hair. ‘Don’t apologise, you’re a busy woman. He’s asleep.’
‘Brilliant!’ I accept the wine that Will offers me, my voice overenthusiastic in an attempt to soften the awkwardness of my late arrival. ‘Is he settling, then? Getting into his... routine?’
‘No, not really.’ Nina takes a gulp of her wine and I notice that the stilted atmosphere seems to be out of proportion with my crime. Jess is staring at her hands and Will is moving pans off the draining board a little too loudly. ‘Shush, Will! You’ll wake him up,’ Nina snaps.
Will shuts a cupboard door with exaggerated softness.
‘How’s Johnny?’ I ask Jess.
‘It’s her night tonight, so...’ She shrugs. ‘I’ll find out tomorrow, I suppose.’
‘Are you finding it any easier?’ Will asks, drying his hands on a tea towel.
Jess sighs. ‘I don’t know. Not really.’
‘Well, you know what I think,’ I say, clinking my glass down on the island countertop. ‘I don’t think it’s good for you.’
‘But I love ...’ she starts, but her heart isn’t in it. ‘Whatever. I don’t want to talk about it.’
I glance around the room. This is dire. What’s wrong with everybody?
‘Pizza or Chinese?’ Will pulls a stack of menus from down the side of the microwave. ‘Sorry, things got on top of us a bit today.’
‘God, don’t apologise.’ Jess shakes her dreadlocks. ‘I’m good with pizza. What about you, Nina?’
Nina is staring out of the window, but at the sound of her own name she turns and looks at us all, as if she’s forgotten we’re here. ‘I think your relationship sounds brilliant, Jess,’ she says, her voice a little too loud. ‘Lucky you, sending him packing for half the week.’
There’s an excruciating silence. Jess turns to face me, her eyes wide, subtle as ever.
‘Right, let’s go with pizza then.’ Will slaps the menus down onto the counter and picks up his phone. ‘Two larges and a garlic bread?’
We nod, and a smattering of chat takes place regarding toppings. By the time the order’s in, the wine glasses need topping up, and the mood has lifted slightly.
‘How are your mum and dad, Eve?’ Nina asks, peering into the baby monitor. ‘Will, do you think he’s breathing?’
Will closes his eyes briefly and lets a thin stream of air out of his nose. ‘Of course he is.’
‘I need to go and see.’ Nina stands up quickly and places her glass on the side.
‘Is he not breathing?’ Jess asks, panic in her voice.
‘He’s definitely breathing.’ Will sighs heavily, passing the monitor over to us. ‘She does this about twelve times a night.’
I stare at the grainy image of Benny on the screen, his chest visibly rising and falling. Nina enters the shot and cranes into the cot, her head to one side, listening.
‘God.’ I pass the monitor back. ‘Who’d have kids, eh?’
Jess nudges me. ‘Not helpful.’
‘What?’
Nina reappears, tucking her hair behind her ears. ‘He’s fine. Sorry about that.’
Jess and I mumble half-coherent platitudes, and she settles back in her seat. ‘Sorry, Eve, I was asking about your parents. How are they?’
‘Fine, yeah.’ I shrug. ‘Still living the life of Riley in Spain.’
‘Bring on 2040.’ Will laughs, and I join in.
‘What? Why 2040?’ Jess asks.
‘Benny turns 18,’ Nina says, her eyebrows raised. ‘Can’t wait to get rid of him, can you, Will?’
‘Oh, come on, Nee. I’m only kidding.’ Will wraps his arm around her shoulder, but she doesn’t yield and turns her face away from him.
Silence descends again, and Will holds his arm stiffly around Nina’s back. Jess goes back to staring at her hands.
‘So, um, when’s this pizza arriving, then?’ I ask, my tolerance for the awkwardness reaching its limit.
Will moves away from Nina and checks his phone. ‘Forty minutes.’
Forty minutes of this ? ‘Could I top myself up?’ I ask, rising to my feet and moving towards the fridge.
‘I’ll do it, don’t worry.’ Will pulls the bottle out and refills my glass. As he goes to put it back, Nina makes a point of leaning around him and taking it from his hand, filling her own glass almost to the brim.
I sit back down, and my chair scrapes loudly into the silence.
The fridge door thumps softly closed as Nina takes a gulp.
This is unbearable.
‘I found something on Kirsty’s computer,’ I announce.
Jess gasps. ‘How?’
‘Doesn’t matter.’ I wave her question away. ‘It turns out she’s been keeping track of every mistake I’ve ever made. All our chatty email back and forth, she’s been copying and pasting my fuck-ups into a Word document for over two years.’
‘What?’ Will frowns. ‘That’s really messed up.’
‘Christ.’ Nina looks animated. ‘Have you asked her about it?’
‘No, because she doesn’t know I’ve seen it.’ I take another sip of my wine.
‘How did you see it?’ Will asks.
‘I just told you, it doesn’t matter,’ I stress. ‘But it’s fine, I’ve got a plan.’
‘Oh, Eve.’ Jess cradles her head in her hands. ‘Don’t.’
‘What?’
‘I think you’d be better actually sitting and processing this before you do anything at all,’ Will declares, his therapist eyebrow-crease emerging. ‘And then you should speak directly to Kirsty.’
The baby monitor chirps, and Nina grabs it.
‘And let her get one step ahead of me?’ I ask. ‘No thanks.’
Neither Will nor Jess say anything. I look between them both. Why aren’t they with me on this? I feel that sense of nagging doubt again: what am I doing? I’ve never been one to care too much about what other people think of me, but Will and Jess are being openly unsupportive. Does that mean I’m wrong, or do they just not understand how awful Kirsty’s being? How much of a betrayal all of this is?
‘God,’ Nina puts the monitor back on the counter, laughing bitterly. ‘Who’d be a career woman, eh?’