Chapter Thirty
Bhodi?
I’ve been lying in the same position for what feels like hours. Summer sleeps peacefully on my chest whilst I gently run my fingers through her hair. Looking down her long lashes lay on her cheeks, her soft breaths and gentle twitching bringing me so much solace.
But her words are running repeatedly in my head.
“I love you.”
It was so sincere and so beautiful, but it fucking terrified me, I felt my entire body tense, and my mind began to spin. After everything I told her, she should fucking despise me, push me out of her life, and never look back, but she hasn’t? Instead, she pulled me closer, embraced my darker side, and, in the end, said those three words that no one ever uttered.
This is the second time I’ve laid in this bed with her and the second time in a long while that I’ve felt some peace and not hated myself. I know when she wakes up, the reality of what I have told her may hit harder than it did a couple of hours ago, but this time, I’ll be ready. I’ll give her the answers she needs, but I can’t stop. Not with my all those unanswered questions still lingering. There’s still too much to do, and too many people still walking free.
I feel Summer’s hand twitch, her nails digging into my chest. She begins to shake slightly, gently rolling her over onto her back, and her soft moans become haunted and scared. Her face contorts as though she’s fighting something.
“Shhhhh, it’s ok baby.” I whisper gently, but her eyes fly open. A panicked look streaked across her face before she blinks a couple of times, and her fear slowly fades away.
Pushing herself up in bed, she leans forward and runs her hand through her hair. Taking a couple deep breaths, she turns to me.
“Sorry, I think I had a nightmare.” Her head fall into her hands, her words sorrowful.
Placing my arm around her, I pull her close. My palm gently running up and down her back.
“It’s ok, do you remember it?”
I feel her body go rigid for a couple of seconds before shaking her head. Immediately, I know she isn’t being truthful when she doesn’t look my way, but I decide against asking her again. The pressure she’s been under for weeks will eventually take its toll, and I know if I push too hard, she’ll close up entirely.
“Was my dad a bad man?” The question surprises me, but she sounds almost numb when she asks.
My hand freezes halfway up her back. When she finally turns to me, I see the sparkles of tears in her eyes when they trickle down her cheeks. Letting out a low breath, I pull myself up in the bed, leaning against the headboard I hold my arm out to Summer, who leans against my chest. Pulling the duvet over us both, I hold her in my arms. When her arm wraps around me, she pulls me tight, and her body quivers.
“No, he wasn’t a bad man. He was never a bad man, baby.”
“What did you all do?” She sniffs, and I feel her tears on my skin.
“We did what the police and lawyers couldn’t. We got rid of bad people.”
She raises her head; her eyes meet mine. Her stare is blank; her gaze is searching mine with questions, but I know she already has her answers.
“You kill people?”
“We kill bad people. We get rid of the people where law enforcement can’t.”
“Is that why my dad’s dead?” Her voice breaks slightly.
“I don’t know, Summer. We were always very careful.”
“Harry?”
I feel the shudder roll across my skin, I’d never let on about my suspicions, but Summer has now seen for herself the lengths he’ll go to, to get what he wants, but she has already experienced his anger for herself, he’s become more unhinged and even going so far as to turn on Eric. I believe he did organise Michael’s murder, but as to why is still unanswered between us all.
“I think so, but since he wasn’t here at the time. I think it was Luca who did it at Harry”s request.”
“The man who raped and hurt Pamela?” Her brows crease at the question, rising into a sitting position and crossing her legs before her head falls into her hands again.
Reaching out to lace my fingers around hers, I gently tug her hands from her face. The unbelievable sadness and confusion in her eyes breaks my heart, but she just shakes her head, swiping the tears from her eyes.
“I can’t do this, Bhodi, I…I just can’t.”
Leaning closer, I cup her cheek, gently wiping her tears away.
“What do you mean?” I ask, running my thumb across her cheek. My heart jumps into my throat, fearful of what she’ll say next.
“I need to leave; I can’t stay here.” She looks away, the sadness stitched into her voice.
“You can. I’d never let anything bad happen to you.” I plead.
“Bad things already have happened to me, to Al, and they’ve threatened you too!”
Swallowing hard, I have no idea how to respond. She’s right; bad things have happened, and more bad things will happen, too. But the thought of her leaving kills me, not being able to see her, hold her close, inhale her scent. I feel a lead weight has been dropped into my stomach.
“Please…Don’t.” The words are caught in my throat, but my eyes continue to plead with hers.
Tugging at her wrists, I pull Summer towards me. Laying in the bed, I wrap my arms tight around her, placing my lips and nose into her hair. I kiss her gently before inhaling her scent. I bunch the duvet around us, cocooning our bodies within the warmth and safety of the soft bed. Feeling her fingertips gently skim across my shoulder, I focus on her touch.
With my beating heart, erratic mind, and the waves of fear that keep washing over me, I refuse to let her go. Clutching onto her body, I focus on the ceiling above. With no secrets between us, I look to our tomorrow.
“Come out to dinner with me tomorrow night?” I whisper into her hair.
Her head rises from my chest, and her eyes soften on mine.
“Like normal people?”
She chuckles slightly, wiping away the stray tears. The moment of humour bringing dome balance to the chaos.
“Yeah, like normal people.”
I feel her smile as she places a kiss on my lips.
“I’d like that.”
Laying her head back onto my chest, I run my fingers up and down her arm as we hold each other close.
“I’ll answer any questions you have. But if you wake up in the morning and decide you never want to see me again, please just tell me.”
I fight to keep my voice from breaking, I hold Summer close as a single tear trickles down my cheek.
I love you, so much. Please don’t give up on me.