Chapter Sixteen #3
Ben kicked himself for chickening out. He just had to say it.
But saying it out loud would make it so real, and he’d only known Phil for half a year.
They’d only kissed for the first time in November.
The older people got, the quicker they moved in relationships, but two months without even a pit stop for an “are we dating” conversation was lightning fast even at forty-two.
It wasn’t that Ben had second thoughts, but he was suddenly very aware other people would have some pretty strong opinions about him and Phil.
Worse, the most important of those people was a teenager, and teenage judgement stung.
“Oh, did you guys set a date?” Charlie asked with a mouth full of ramen. “Awesome. Can I be ring bearer?”
Ben dropped his chopsticks. “How did you know? We just decided today.”
“Uh. I thought you got engaged, like, three weeks ago.” Charlie looked between them.
“The CPS visit,” Phil realized.
“Well, yeah, Ms. Rodriguez came and asked me a bunch of questions about you guys when she finished with you, remember?”
“And you went with it?” Phil asked. “But we weren’t…”
“I mean, it was a little weird, but I already knew you were super into my uncle.” Charlie pointed at Phil with his chopsticks. “Kinda gross, by the way. He’s my uncle.”
“Huh.” Phil said. “Guess we should have talked to you way earlier.”
“You’re not only doing it for the guardianship thing, are you?” Charlie asked. “‘Cause if it’s just for me, we’ll figure something else out.”
Ben studied Phil. Would he take the out? They didn’t need to be married to be together. He’d followed a romantic impulse this afternoon with the proposal, which had been a first for him, but technically, they could cool it on the actual legal commitment.
“Too late,” Phil said. “Had my lawyer get us a license and everything.”
“You don’t have to—”
“I want to.”
Ben couldn’t see what his face was doing, but he knew it didn’t make him look intelligent or dignified.
Charlie glanced at him and wrinkled his nose. “Ew. When’s the wedding?”
The courthouse had appointment slots available online. When they finished dinner, Ben got his laptop from upstairs, and they picked a date together.
“The All-Star Break is perfect,” Phil said. “Hockey media will be out of town, and so will the whole team.”
“The court will know because of the guardianship stuff,” Charlie said skeptically. “People will find out.”
“Yeah, eventually, but only when your uncle isn’t my coach anymore.”
Phil smiled encouragingly at Ben, probably looking forward to a time when Ben no longer had to coach him. It was then that they both realized there was no clear answer as to when that time would come.
“At the latest when I retire,” Phil added weakly.
With the formalities decided, Charlie went up to his room to call some friends from the shelter. He promised not to tell, but Ben resolved to go to the police the next day to fast-track the end date of his coaching career. It wasn’t fair to Charlie to make him keep secrets this big.
“Hey,” Phil said as Ben cleared away the last remnants of dinner and wiped down the counters. “Do I get to give you a wedding present?”
“If this is about me cleaning the kitchen again—”
“No, I’ve understood that’s a mental health thing.”
“You bought us the rings. Isn’t that enough of a gift?”
“It doesn’t have to be totally equal,” Phil said. He hugged Ben from behind, effectively halting his progress on the counters. “You offer me things I can’t buy.”
Ben smiled and ducked his head so Phil wouldn’t see. “Such as?”
“Well, let’s see. There’s the list of silly things about hockey—that was a highlight in my life once I stopped being pissed about it.”
“I have more.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Mm. I didn’t get into the fights last time. You look like Looney Tunes characters when you fight, sliding all over the place on your ice skates.”
Behind him, Phil shook with laughter. “I was watching highlights the other day. Remember when Tom got in a fight in St. Louis?”
“Do I remember when you broke your knee? Of course I do.”
“It’s not broken. The ACL is just mostly gone. And it’s coming back. Anyway, that was a really dumb fight.”
“And it looked it too. Anyway, you were stroking my ego. What else do I do for you?”
“Well—” Phil slid his hands down to cup Ben’s ass. “—you’re smart and funny. You’re a decent cook. And you have a great ass.”
“Oh, do you think so? You’re so subtle about it.”
Phil squeezed harder, making Ben’s breath catch. “I’m not a complicated man. There’s no hidden catch as to why I like you and what I like doing with you.”
The statement threw Ben for a loop. He thought back to each issue they’d had—Ben’s concerns about living in Phil’s house under false pretenses, his worry that taking in both Ben and Charlie was asking too much, Phil’s unclear sexuality—and realized Phil was telling the truth.
He wasn’t complicated. Every time, he’d said what he wanted and meant it.
Every word Phil said had been honest. He’d never jerked Ben around.
Even when he had no idea what Ben’s real name was or what his purpose with the team was, he’d respected Ben’s boundaries and always communicated fully with him.
He’d also been very consistently clear about his appreciation for Ben’s butt.
“You can fuck me if you want,” Ben said.
Phil paused for a second, mid-squeeze. “Do you want?”
Not a complicated guy, Ben reminded himself again. He could stop waiting for the other shoe to drop and tell the truth. “I can take it or leave it, honestly. I’m not very sensitive, so I probably won’t get off. But if it’s something you’re really into…”
“Mm, then no.”
“You can—”
“Kind of a lot of work for something you’re not that into,” Phil said. “I think we can make it easier on us both. Wanna come upstairs?”
Ben ran his rag across the countertops one more time. He could do a better job cleaning, but not tonight. It had been a long day, and his fiancé wanted to do things to him.