6. Erik
T o have Von fall asleep in my arms caused feelings I hadn’t known I could feel anymore to stir. There was something about this woman, she was magnetic, raw, broken, and called to the demons in my soul. How could Von have dug her claws so deeply into me in such a short amount of time? It had been roughly two weeks since I was kidnapped, and I couldn’t even picture what it would be like to go back to life before her.
I loved being a veterinarian and working with animals, their owners not so much. It was the main reason I didn’t try to enter the medical field after being discharged from the military. Humans by nature were selfish, and most issues I had to deal with could have been prevented if they’d educated themselves on their pet. No, it was better I didn’t deal with the public, I wasn’t at all skilled with hiding my feelings.
Could that be why I feel so free with her?
Von didn’t expect anyone to hold back to save someone’s feelings, or pussy foot around an issue. Her philosophy was to take matters head-on, speak the truth, and find the most logical way to deal with the problem, even if it went against social norms.
How did you stop an heir from taking over his father’s legacy? Simple, if they were dead they couldn’t inherit shit. Or that was what I expected Von’s answer to be.
Yet, something was different with Apollo. I could see it in the way she looked at him. Apollo understood how Von’s mind worked even better than Bear. There had to be some kind of fated connection between them, it was the only explanation as to why the bastard was still alive.
Von let out a sigh as her body fully relaxed and melted against mine. Her face lost the underlying tension it always held and gave her a slightly softer look. I knew better than to believe there was anything soft about Von, not after she’d survived hell. I knew from experience, shit like that would burn the innocence out of you until you were a hardened, scarred mess. Unlike myself, Von refused to wear a mask or hide what that man turned her into. Instead, those scars were worn like a badge of honor as she grabbed life by the balls. This siren was scared of no man, and it was her greatest strength.
The knob of the bedroom door turned. In seconds, I had my gun in hand and aimed at the door. I had zero intentions of letting Apollo in this bed, and if he tried, I’d shoot him with no regrets. There was nothing more sacred than the ability to sleep, especially for those who suffered with PTSD. The more exhausted the person was, the easier it was to be triggered, and that would only make the nightmares worse. It was a vicious cycle and one I didn’t plan on letting Von struggle with if I could help it.
Bear’s hand appeared signaling he was alone. “Come in,” I whispered.
Von shifted beside me but settled as I stroked her hair again. Once I was convinced she wouldn’t wake up I returned my attention to Bear.
“ Where’s Apollo?” I signed.
“ He’s gone,” Bear announced. “ Bastard left saying he was going to get ingredients for whatever he was going to make, but that was an hour ago. I changed all the codes and disabled the elevator so he couldn’t get back in. ”
I nodded and tucked my gun back under the pillow, feeling a little relieved Apollo wouldn’t be in the apartment for the night. We all needed sleep and I knew neither Bear nor myself could relax enough with him in the house. Bear took his spot in the bed keeping Von at the center. I watched as he gazed down at her and used a finger to trace her features as if he was in awe of the woman. Who could blame him? Von wasn’t a woman you typically encountered out in the world, but the moment you met her, you’d never forget the interaction.
As I was about to lay back down, Bear waved his hand to get my attention. I gave him a questioning look not wanting to speak in case it woke Von up.
“ Your sign language is perfect, ” Bear stated.
“ Yeah, so? ” I questioned. “ If a person can read sign language, doesn't it make sense they can speak it? ”
Bear shook his head. “ There is a difference between reading signs and knowing sign language. Just like someone can speak Naperian but not read it or vice versa. ”
“ That’s fair, but I’m fluent in all aspects of sign language. At least the dialect the military uses, ” I shared. “ My whole special ops unit was taught to sign since it’s the best way to communicate in perfect silence. Some of the places we went were so dangerous we couldn’t risk any kind of signal being picked up. ”
This information seemed to appease Bear’s curiosity, and I had to admit I was surprised no one questioned it before now. While it wasn’t uncommon for people to choose to learn sign language in school, most people never used the knowledge and eventually forgot all they’d learned. Seeing Bear didn’t have any more questions, I settled back against my pillow and tucked my hands behind my head, staring at the ceiling.
As I closed my eyes, I drifted back in time to my days in Ghost Unit. Tonight was going to be rough, these dreams never stayed pleasant…
“Lieutenant Koller,” Captain Horan barked as he charged into the barracks.
Instantly, I stood beside my bunk and saluted, waiting for my commanding officer’s instruction. “Yes, Captain Horan.”
“Get dressed and follow me,” Captain Horan ordered.
I complied as quickly as I could, having been expecting to go to bed. Not that it mattered when you were given orders, you didn’t question them. Captain Horan led me into a conference room with two men already seated and waiting. They weren’t just any men but a colonel and a general, which confirmed my suspicions this was a top-secret meeting for Ghosts. I gave my best salute and waited as a few more soldiers entered the room.
“At ease, soldiers,” the colonel said. “Take a seat, we have a lot to cover and not a lot of time.”
The Ghost Unit or the GU as it was referred to, was a group of highly trained soldiers who specialized in nighttime infiltration. The GU had five units, each unit had five or six soldiers who were spread out over various bases in Nepreea. Our military didn’t want anyone to know who was officially part of the GU.
“Soldiers, we’re sending your units on a top-secret mission to Sabros,” the general announced. “Your unit will have five days to complete the mission. On the sixth day, a rendezvous location will be given for your extraction. If you or your unit are discovered or captured, you’re on your own. Understood?”
We all voiced our understanding and were dismissed.
Together we climbed into the helicopter which would take us to the official GU base. Arriving at the secret base, I joined my team, gathered supplies, and received final orders before loading into the cargo plane we’d be jumping from.
My unit was a tight-knit group, I trusted all of them with my life, but there was one guy in particular I was especially connected to. His name was Libero, but everyone called him Row. The only times we got to be around each other were on missions. He’d been a Ghost longer than I had and showed me the ropes when I first joined.
If you’d told me I’d have a friends-with-benefits arrangement with a guy, I would have told you to fuck off. I wasn’t gay, and certainly didn’t have a problem with anyone who was, it just wasn’t for me. Yet there was something different about Row. We weren’t in love, and neither of us considered each other a boyfriend, even though we fucked every time we were together.
You see, it wasn’t about emotions, men have needs, and I trusted Row with my life. I knew he would never use the fact we have sex as leverage against me. Yeah, the military didn’t have rules against it, but no one volunteered such information. Row understood the cost for us to do our job and I never had to explain why I was the way I was. For a few moments with him, I could let my guard down and know he had my back. Not to mention the sex was fucking mind-blowing. Guys who refused to try getting their ass fucked were damn sure missing out.
“Erik, if you can’t be quiet then I’m gonna have to stick my cock in your mouth, and you’ll be left with blue balls,” Row warned as he looked up at me from where he was kneeling.
We were in the hold of a cargo plane heading for Sabros, and Row decided he couldn’t wait five more hours until we landed to taste my cock. My back was pressed against the cold metal of the plane’s hull, hidden behind a stack of crates. The noise level inside the plane was fucking loud, but neither of us wanted to risk any of the other GU teams on board knowing our secret. Of course, our team knew and didn’t give a shit as long as we kept it down and didn’t let it interfere with the mission.
“Oh fuuuck,” I groaned as Row’s warm mouth wrapped around my cock.
He slapped me hard on the thigh telling me to shut the hell up. I leaned my head back and placed the crook of my arm over my mouth to muffle any sounds I might make. Row wasn’t looking to drag this out, he wanted me to get off so I could return the favor before anyone noticed. I fisted my free hand, holding myself back from grabbing his head, which would mess up his hair and cause others to notice. Row had chosen to do this here and now on purpose. He knew I didn’t like giving up control, and in this situation, I could do nothing but stand there and take it.
Trust me, it was no real hardship to submit to Row’s wicked mouth. All it had taken the first time was one drunken blow job and I was hooked.
The memory of his mouth on my dick seemed so real, I struggled to believe I was still dreaming. It felt so warm and the way his tongue flicked over the tip of my cock had me biting my arm. I could feel my orgasm barreling down the line, but I’d always struggled to come just from oral. Row knew this, but for some reason he was holding out on me.
Using all my control, I dropped my arm long enough to beg. “Row, please, I need at least a finger inside me if we’re not going to fuck.”
“Just one?” Row asked, his tone teasing.
“You know I would gladly sit on your dick, but we can’t right now,” I bit out.
Row didn’t say anything more, instead, he urged me to widen my legs so he could have better access. Using the saliva that dripped off my sloppy cock, he lubed his finger and slowly worked the tip into my ass.
“Yeees,” I moaned, forgetting to be quiet. “Deeper, Row, don’t tease me.”
“I warned you to keep quiet, Big Red,” Row scolded. “It’s your fault if Bear wakes up before we’re finished.”
Wait… Big Red? There was only one person who called me that.
As the finger slid deep into my ass, my eyes snapped open, just in time to see Von swallowing my cum as I came in her mouth. Von’s gaze met mine as she worked her finger, stroking my prostate. She tortured me with pleasure as she drew out my climax, causing my cock to become so sensitive, it was painful.
“Von,” I gasped, hand latching onto her hair trying to stop her from sucking me dry. “Too much, way too much. Holy fucking shit, you’re really trying to kill me aren’t you, little siren.”
Von carefully released my dick, removed her finger, and sat back on her heels with a wicked grin. “That’s what you get for humping me in my sleep and whispering dirty secrets in my ear.”
“What?” I asked, confused.
Von crawled up my body, grasped my cock, and sat on it letting out a sigh of relief. Since I wasn’t fully hard my dick fit in Von’s pussy perfectly. It allowed her to swirl her hips, forcing every single inch as deep as it could go. I was left in a turmoil of pleasure and pain as my cock was enveloped by Von’s warm, wet, pussy. In an odd way, it felt like a limb waking up after it had fallen asleep. You didn’t want to move because if you did, it felt as if a swarm of bees stung you all at once.
Her hands slid up my body until her naked chest was pressed against mine. When had she taken her shirt off? Clearly, I’d blacked out for a moment because I couldn’t seem to keep up with what the hell was going on. Not that I was complaining, but I felt as if I was missing something important.
“Who is Row?” Von purred in my ear. “Did I steal you from something more than your vet office? Just so you know, it’s too late, you can’t go back to someone who’s a sheep when you’ve experienced being with a wolf.” Her teeth scraped along the shell of my ear as if to ensure I knew she was talking about herself.
Things were starting to make more sense. Clearly, I’d been talking in my sleep and believed Von was Row. “Are you jealous?” I asked as my hands stroked up Von’s legs and gripped her round ass to grind her against me.
“Do you really think I’m a woman who gets jealous?” Von challenged as she continued to drag teeth along the side of my neck. “I’m the one-night stand queen. While I’m sure I’ve made others jealous along the way, I have no need for the emotion.”
“How insanely sane of you,” I murmured, enjoying the chance to explore deeper into her logic. “If you’re not jealous, why ask?”
Von sat up enough for me to see her face. “Because all the dirty talk you whispered in my ear was about dicks, balls, and assholes. Fuck who you want to fuck, I don’t give a shit. That being said, if you do enjoy getting dicked down, then I wanted to make sure you knew I’d be more than happy to help a guy out. It would be fun to dust off my harness and let Gurdy the Girthy out to have some fun.”
My brows shot up at her offer. “You named your dildo?” She gave me a toothy grin and nodded.
It was becoming clear nothing about this siren, or her dark twisted song, would ever be what I expected. Von thrived off chaos and it was almost as if she’d create her own mayhem when she couldn’t find any fast enough.
“Why do I feel if I say yes, I won’t be able to sit for a week?” I chuckled. “It’s been years since Row and I were last together. We were in the same unit and only fucked around on missions. It wasn’t a romantic sort of thing between us.”
“Ah, so things ended when you left the Ghost Unit,” Von deduced.
“No…” I whispered as a riot of feelings rushed to the surface.
Taking a breath, I tried to clear the emotions choking my throat. “He died on the mission which led me to leave GU. I guess you could say it was the moment I let my demons free for the first time. Our mission was simple: observe, gather intel, and report back what we found to the higher-ups. The higher-ups wanted to know who was in charge of a rogue militia group that popped up out of nowhere. To grow their numbers quickly, the militia forced men to join or they’d kill their wives and children.”
Von’s expression became somber as she tried to roll off me. However, that was the last thing I wanted, so I rolled with her. Now we laid face-to-face with one of Von’s legs hitched over my hip with my softened dick still inside her. This story was the reason I understood what it meant to live with PTSD. My struggles weren't nearly as intense or lasted as long as what Von survived. No, my trauma stemmed from one incident, not years of mental and physical torture and abuse.
“Look, I know you don’t do emotions and I’m not asking you to comfort me. All I want is for you to listen,” I requested, and pressed my forehead to hers silently begging.
“Fine, but you try to turn this into some emotional bleeding-heart moment where we share our deepest, darkest pain, I’m out,” Von warned, giving me a look to prove she wasn’t fucking around.
Risking it all, I closed the small gap between us and kissed her breathless. “Deal, and if you make it all the way through, I’ll give you a reward.”
“Bribery, I like it,” Von approved with a smirk, then smacked my chest with the back of her hand. “Now start talking, I don’t plan to spend all day in bed chatting.”
“That’s no fun, I could think of lots of reasons to spend the day in bed,” I argued, then sighed as she gave me an expectant look. “Right, right, I’ll get on with it.”
Before I started, I shifted the pillows around to be more comfortable and adjusted Von so my dick didn’t slip out. I’d heard about cock warming before but never expected it to feel so goddamn amazing. Von didn’t seem to mind either, so I planned to enjoy every second I got.
“What I’m about to tell you is one of the Nepreian military's most top-secret missions. You shouldn’t even know a Ghost Unit exists, let alone how it works,” I divulged.
Von wagged her eyebrows. “Juicy intro there, Big Red, now I’m officially invested. Please continue.”
I let out a huff of laughter and got back to telling my story. “The first three days of the mission went as planned with the three teams covering the area the militia had taken over. It was vast and divided into different sections for farming, storage, housing, and weapons. Since I was part of a unit with the most senior Ghost members, we covered the housing and weapons. On the fourth night we ran into trouble, it was the last chance we had to get information. We’d learned a massive shipment of weapons, women, and children were getting sent to start a secondary location.”
“While the men were loading up trucks with weapons crates, my team put trackers on the vehicles they planned to use to transport the women and children. At the last minute our unit leader took it upon himself to get a tracker on one of the weapons trucks. He wanted to know if they were really going to the same location.” I paused, my mind bringing me back to that moment. “We had to create a diversion that would get the men away from the trucks, so we set the outhouse on fire. It worked until a little kid playing decided to hide under one of the Humvees. The next thing I hear is a kid screaming about a bomb and that’s when shit hit the fan.
“I’ve seen a lot of violence in my life, but what they attempted to do was a straight-up massacre. Without hesitation, the men turned on the women and children and shot them where they stood. Our unit leader couldn’t stand by and watch this happen, no matter what our orders were, so he signaled us to engage. Just like the unsuspecting women, these men had no warning we were coming for them. It didn’t take long to subdue the situation, or so we thought. What none of us anticipated were the wives taking up guns and attacking us. They knew just what to do like they’d been trained. One woman rushed up to Row, begging him to help her find her child. He went to help her. The bitch led him off to the side where another woman shot him right between the eyes.” As emotions flooded my body, my chest grew tight, forcing me to take a few deep breaths as I faced the memory of that moment.
“I fucking lost it,” I admitted, then licked my lips and tried to press on with my story. “That was it, that was all it took for the last straw holding my sanity together to snap.”
Even though it had been years since that day, it didn’t change how easily I was brought right back to that place. I could hear people screaming, smell the smoke from the fire, and felt my heart slow as my demons took over. Row and I might not have been in love, but I loved that man. He was my brother in arms, the best friend I ever had, and a man who didn’t deserve to die like that.
Von reached up and cupped my face but didn’t say a word. Her touch grounded me and gave me something to focus on. When the haze of my past lifted and my gaze locked with hers, Von let me see how clearly she understood what I was feeling. There was no judgment or pity, which I was thankful for.
“Von, after you hear this, you might change your mind about wanting me to embrace my demons. When they take over, there is no thought, no discernment or logic, there’s only death. You see… I slaughtered them all. I hunted down every last fucking one of them, man, woman, child, it didn’t matter. When I was done all that was left were Ghosts,” I admitted, brushing my hand through Von’s violet and indigo hair. “To finish the job, I burned the whole goddamn place to the ground. I turned it into hell on earth with scorch marks and dead bodies. The moment I stepped foot on base, I was removed from the Ghost Unit and forced into a secret program the military has for people like me who snap. Once I was deemed stable enough to resume duty, I got my medical degree, finished my contract, and was discharged.”
With my story finished, I just lay there in silence as I waited for Von’s judgment, whatever it might be. Part of me was scared she’d approve of what I did. There were times it didn’t matter what your morals were, but what I did was abhorrent. The catch twenty-two of it all was if Von agreed I went too far and wanted nothing more to do with me, then I absolutely should be removed from this world.