5. Chapter Five
Chapter Five
Kes
“Kes, what have you been keeping from me?” Mattias asked.
I needed to look at him, but it was hard to turn and face him knowing I’d see disappointment, hurt, and confusion in his eyes. Sure enough, that was all I saw and it made my heart hammer as I struggled to find my words before Ionus broke something else.
“I should have told you that I wasn’t a suitable mate for a protector,” I blurted, despite how much it hurt to say those worse.
Worse than the spikes of pain that always shot through my head whenever I used my powers, or the terror that wove through my dreams whenever my dragon and I attempted to use them as a better means of locating the dragons we sought.
The breath shuddered out of my body when I exhaled, ragged and broken, on the verge of tears that I refused to shed in front of these warriors.
“My face isn’t the only thing damaged about me,” I said before either of them could ask for clarification.
I tried to tug my hand free of Caspian’s, but he refused to turn it loose, squeezing my hand so tight I quickly came to the realization that I wasn’t going to win that battle easily.
“My powers never grew the same way Upalo and Canyon’s did after…after…”
I gestured to my face because I couldn’t say it.
I still couldn’t describe what had happened that day.
I knew in vague, horrific fragments because Upalo had been forced to watch, but he refused to tell me more.
The only times we’d ever fought were when I’d asked him.
There were shadow shapes with long talons in my dreams that had been there ever since that day, turning every good thing into a nightmare.
Every demand to know more had been met with Upalo’s insistence that I didn’t want to know.
When I pressed the issue too hard, he flew off, evading my efforts to catch up to him through sheer recklessness.
He’d fly like the fighter jet pilots in the movies we loved, spinning and twisting through gorges, past jagged ridges I didn’t dare fly too close to because I lacked depth perception on one side.
He’d lose me in some mountain passes and not return until well after Canyon and I bedded down for the night.
In the morning, we wouldn’t speak of it again.
At least not until the next time I grew frustrated enough to ask him.
“It’s difficult for me to pick up on the energy signatures of other dragons,” I said, deciding that was the best place to start.
“It’s never gotten any better than it was that day, unless I’m sleeping, then my dragon…
I don’t know how he does it, the connection between us is damaged too which makes communicating difficult.
It’s like there’s a tungsten wall in my head most days and he’s stuck on the other side of it.
When we do speak it’s so muffled that only part of the message gets through, like when a radio station fades in and out.
Unless he’s giving me shit, then it comes through clear as day.
As soon as the mood shifts to something serious, we go back to having a wall between us.
That’s why I can’t tell you more about the dragon in the ice.
I can’t maintain a connection. Another dragon has to be nearby for me to feel their energy signature strongly.
I’m sorry. As a protector, you should have a strong mate capable of aiding you in keeping our dragon brethren safe, not one who’s abilities are on par with a teenagers. ”
His expression had morphed several times since I started speaking, until I could no longer tell if he was angry, disappointed, or pitied me.
“That is what you’re sorry for?” Mattias hissed.
It sounded more like a growl that ended in a hiss, his eyes a furious shade of blue as he scowled at me.
“I’ll understand if you don’t feel like you can trust me after this,” I said. “I should have warned you before we mated but I was overjoyed at having discovered you. It was selfish of me to not give you the chance to leave me out of the bonding ritual. Now I’ve weakened you too.”
“You’ve done nothing of the sort!” Caspian snapped.
“I know you felt it,” I shot back. “The way my powers shorted out. The Dragon in the Ice is the only one I’ve ever been able to reach over long distances and even with him I cannot hold that connection for long enough to find him.”
“What I felt wasn’t a shortage of power,” Caspian said, “it was a flare so strong that it knocked the breath out of me when it hit. I don’t know why it stopped as quickly as it started but it was abrupt, not a fizzle.”
“Like something severed it?” Ionus asked.
“You don’t understand,” I insisted. “That’s what it always feels like. I can’t control them. They are broken.”
“Maybe this dragon in the ice doesn’t want to be found,” Ionus said, stroking his chin.
“That doesn’t make sense,” I blurted, then slapped my hand over my mouth when his eyes took on an eerie amethyst glow.
“Respectfully, I-I just meant that he’s the one who always reached out to my dragon.
He’s trapped in the ice and that’s how my dragon establishes connection with him.
Through the mist and the ice fragments in the air.
It’s the only way we’re strong enough to reach him and even then, we can never maintain it very long. ”
“Kes,” Caspian said loud enough to draw my attention back to him. “Listen to me for a moment. Have you ever considered what Ionus said, about something severing it?”
“I-I…” I started to protest, loudly, like one of the dragonets, until my dragon rumbled, desperately seeking my attention, with a clear message, even if it made my head ache.
Listen!
“You haven’t, have you?” Caspian pressed.
I shook my head before finally admitting it out loud. “No.”
“Earlier tonight, while I was communicating with you and the rest of our brother’s, Kes picked up on it, that’s what led us to this conversation,” Mattias explained.
“When he started explaining to us about the connection with the dragon trapped in a glacier, there was a moment when I could hear that dragon too, reaching out to Quint. When he tried to reply, the connection shattered.”
“That’s exactly what it felt like,” I said. “Shattering and all the shards spinning around in my head like a blender.”
“To Quint, specifically, or did you get the sense that it was attempting to reach all of us?” Ionus asked.
“To Quint. Kes said something earlier about it trying to connect with me, but it was so jumbled I’m not certain I understood clearly what he was trying to tell me.”
“Kes, please elaborate.”
His eyes were no longer glowing. That didn’t mean it wouldn’t happen again if I wasn’t prompt and clear with my responses.
“Caspian had his arms around me while Mattias held us both, that’s when it happened,” I explained.
“My ability to latch on to another dragon’s signature and follow it has never worked that way before.
I’ve always had to be asleep or close to their location.
With the dragon in the ice, the only times I sensed him being nearby was when I was out near the shores of Norway, the same as when I sensed Caspian for the first time. ”
“I must not have been close enough afterwards for you to realize that I was trying to follow you,” Caspian said.
“It’s my fault. I’ve never been able to strengthen my abilities.”
“No, it is not your fault,” Ionus said. “Something or someone doesn’t want you to. You were scanned for leaches when you arrived in Dragon city, so it cannot be one of those, but that does not mean there isn’t another force at work. Tell me everything you’ve learned about the dragon in the ice.”
I downed the rest of my now cold tea before answering, to give myself time to put everything in order for him.
“He is completely encased in ice. Trapped in a thick wall of it that he can’t escape from.
It’s not of his doing. He was encased in it because other dragons are afraid of…
not him exactly but his element. He’s never been able to communicate what it is though.
He’s tried several times but every time he does, the connection gets broken.
He’s been there for several centuries. Sometimes he seems to be more aware than others, almost as if he’s just emerging from a state of hibernation.
He is alone. There were others he was protecting and attempting to lead somewhere.
They were attacked. He led their enemies away in the hopes that the other dragons would make it somewhere safe.
What happened to them he does not know. He wants to be freed from the ice.
At first, that was all he would say to me.
It scared me so I tried to keep from connecting with him again, but my dragon has a mind of his own. ”
“My dragon wishes yours would make up his mind about whether to talk to us or not, he’s very wishy-washy about it,” Caspian grumbled.
“He’s the same way with mine,” Mattias said. “Playful one moment, silent the rest.”
Ionus’ fingers drummed on the scarred wooden table. He’d done it so often that there were impressions worn into the wood from him tapping his fingers on it.
I hung my head, my shoulders so rigid that the tension radiated through my neck and skull, making the lingering pain from earlier blooming into something worse.
It didn’t begin to fade until Caspian dragged his fingertips up the back of my neck, then down again, creating a blissful blend of rhythm and pressure that soon chased the worst of it away, leaving behind a dull ache.
Much better. I could focus again now.
“They were trying to get to the place they called…”
Oh, holy shit!
I smacked a palm to my forehead and dragged it down to cover my face.
“What is it?” Mattias asked. “Are you alright, mate?”
He still called me mate, even if I still felt as if I’d deceived him by not telling him about my broken abilities.