29. Julieta
Chapter twenty-nine
Julieta
When I step into the ballroom, it’s the most comfortable I’ve ever felt. It’s the most sure. Logan is talking to the DJ, laughing, casually conversing. He looks so loose, so relaxed—that confidence that he wears so well. Effortlessly cool as always.
But there’s something else. Some sort of calm I’ve noticed creep its way in the last couple of times we’ve seen each other. He turns and happens to catch my eyes, his widening as he excuses himself and walks over to me.
“Holy shit.”
“I went shopping with Tara. How ridiculous do I look?” I step closer to him, hands stretched out to show the dress.
“Uh. You don’t.” His eyes scan my body, down and back up.
“No?” I run my palms down my dress to smooth the front.
“You look great.” He clears his throat. “You look … really, really great.”
“Thanks. You, too.”
He’s wearing a suit this time. Loose pants, tailored jacket. He steps in and gives me a kiss, a soft brushing of our lips, and the nerves want to bubble up to the surface. But he doesn’t want to hide anymore, and being here in this beautiful space, with this joyous community, why would I even want to?
Tara walks in shortly after with Silas, greeting those around her. When she spots me, she smiles wide, moving in for a hug.
“Perfection,” she declares, in reference to my dress. “Julie, this is Silas.”
“Nice to meet you.” I offer my hand in a handshake.
“She’s a lawyer. Very formal.” She winks in my direction.
“This place looks great,” Silas offers, looking around at where they’ve added some extra balloons and a Good Luck, We’ll Miss You banner.
“Aw, I love it!” Tara admires it gratefully.
Silas reaches down to kiss her hand, and they both excuse themselves to look around and talk to some more guests.
Logan and I find a small table by the stage, settling in. He moves his chair close to mine, draping his arm over my shoulders.
“There are a lot of people here,” I say.
“Yeah, this is a great turnout. We invited everybody from the class, and opened it up to the milonga regulars, too. They wanted to come give Tara a proper send off.”
And then the couples flood the floor, the DJ welcoming all the guests, giving a special introduction to Tara, the guest of honor.
“Ready to dance?” He leans in to ask me in my ear.
This time I’m not nervous. I’m excited and eager to dance.
“Always.”
And he leads me to the floor.
As we dance this tanda, I get lost in the feel of it. We’re in our close embrace, eyes closed, completely succumbing to the music.
These shoes have had such a life, and now they’ve given me one, too. They’ve given me him. And I have to believe that even if abuela’s not here, even if she can’t see this, she approves of this. Of everything I’ve had the chance to do with her beautiful shoes.
Once I step off the dance floor, walking over to get some water, I spot them, staring back at me wide-eyed. Past me would have hidden behind guilt, but I just feel loved and supported when I see them. Familiar faces in what has become a familiar place.
“Oh my god, you were hiding this from us?” Delfina asks.
“He’s practically falling at your feet,” T says in awe.
“That’s just the dancing.” I try to wave off.
“Oh no, it isn’t,” they respond in unison.
“I thought you guys had things to do,” I say.
“We lied,” Delfi confesses.
“We absolutely lied,” T agrees. “You expected us to miss this ? And look at this fucking dress!”
“It’s nice, right?”
“Nice is an understatement,” Delfi responds, taking in the beauty of the dress.
Just then Logan walks up to us, waving. “Hey ladies, nice to see you again.” He passes me a cup of water. “Thought you could use some.”
“Thanks,” I say.
They watch this exchange with wide grins, practically bursting at the seams.
“Why are you guys acting like you’ve never been out in public before? Go dance with somebody.”
“I could introduce you to some people?” Logan offers.
“Sounds great.” Delfina smiles.
“Oh no. I’m just going to park it right here and keep watching you. I am thoroughly entertained.”
“Gavin might be here later,” Logan adds, which only results in T scowling. But then her eyes snag on somebody nearby.
“Javier!” she calls out, and gives him a kiss in greeting when he comes over.
“Hola rubia, cómo estás?” He looks over and notices all of us, his eyes lighting up, his smile growing bigger. “En serio? Todos están acá? Qué bueno!”
“Sentáte,” I say, offering him a seat.
Tara walks by our table and stops when she sees all of us sitting down, quickly joining in.
“Javier, hi!” she exclaims, then turns to Logan, “This is so great. Thanks for this.” She looks over at the rest of the table and introduces herself. “Hi! I’m Tara.”
“Oh, were you the partner?” Delfi asks, animated.
“Ah, yes. That’s me. End of an era, you know?”
“But a new one is beginning,” Javier adds, patting her hand.
I don’t miss how everybody looks to me and Logan sitting side by side, his arm around the back of my chair.
“You know, they say tango skipped a generation,” Javier says. He might be speaking to the table, but he’s looking right at me. “Your grandmother did it, and loved it, but tango bands started to fall off after the fifties. And your parents’ generation got into rock and roll instead. But now tango has come back around, and the younger kids are finding joy in it. I love it. It makes me happy to see it. It makes me happy to see you doing it.”
“Oh, did your grandmother dance?” Tara asks me.
Now the table turns to look at her, a kind of heavy silence that almost feels hilarious.
“You don’t know?” Javier asks. “She doesn’t know?”
“Oh, no—” I start.
“Oh, shit,” T laughs.
“Don’t know what?” She looks around the table, confused.
Logan clears his throat, then says, “Celestina’s granddaughter.”
“What?” she asks in disbelief.
“Well, all of us, actually. But she’s the one that got the shoes,” Delfi adds, pointing at me.
Tara looks at me then to everybody at the table, her mouth agape. “Shut the fuck up.” And then she starts to cry.
“Oh, no, mi amor.” Javier reaches over to hug her.
But then I get up and wrap my arms around to hug her, too. This must be such an overwhelming night for her as it is. Soon enough, everybody at the table joins in for a hug.
“I loved your grandmother so much,” she says through sniffles.
“Oh, Tara,” I tell her. “We did, too.”
And once we part, everybody getting back to dancing, to socializing, Agostina and Delfina stay by my side, looking at me with something that might be pride.
“Wow,” Delfi whispers.
“Everybody still loves her. Everybody still talks so highly of her. I can’t help but think that she wanted me here, too,” I tell them.
“You wanted to create an exciting life for yourself, huh.” T smiles. “You fucking did it, Julie.”
Watching the crowds, the couples that move on the dance floor like synchronized magic, and watching Logan walk back to me with his hand out ready to dance, I think I did it, too.
Delfi spends the night dancing with Javier, and a couple of other regulars. T dances once, and Gavin shows up later and just watches. I can’t deny that I briefly wonder if Ethan will show up to this thing, but he doesn’t. And I spend most of the time on the floor with Logan anyway. He and Tara have one tanda together, and it brings me back to the first time I saw them dance. The magic, the joy. How much I wanted to be her.
The DJ plays the last tanda around two in the morning, and then we wrap everything up. Delfi walks barefoot to her car, carrying shoes in her hand, with T at her side. The jubilation surrounds us, and I'm too happy to feel tired. I gratefully, excitedly, take Logan and my lovestruck heart home.
Everything was such a balancing act growing up, but here nothing needed balance. I wasn’t too much of one thing, less than another. I was just me, and I fit into this space so beautifully. There is a seat at the table for me here, and there always will be.