14 #2
I blinked rapidly, my heart thudding against my ribs.
At first, I wanted to deny it, then I abruptly wanted to tell her everything.
The desire was so fervent it stole my breath.
Maybe an outside perspective was exactly what I needed.
Maybe she’d talk some proper sense into me, tell me that I was indeed making a mistake—risking ruining a lifelong bond out of a selfish need I had barely even dared to address.
Fuck, but I was selfish. And if I told her, this thing I was feeling would start to feel too real. And I couldn’t risk it feeling any more real than it already was.
No, it was better to secretly let it run its course. Let it end without our friends being the wiser. It would be better for all of us that way. Less complicated.
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” she asked gently.
I swallowed, looking down at the dish in my hands, unable to maintain eye contact. “I’m sure.”
Fiona let it go. She looked like she’d calmed down somewhat by the time the luncheon was over, which made me hope our little conversation had helped. I, on the other hand, hoped if I pretended hard enough that everything was fine, it would eventually come true.
We were in the middle of the bus ride back home when my father called. The sight of his name on the screen made me honestly feel like vomiting. I took a moment to quickly brace myself, then swiped to answer.
“Hello? Digwo, daddy.” I kept my voice low so as not to disturb the other passengers.
I was sitting by the window seat on the very last row at the back.
Fiona was between me and Bernice, who was sitting at the other window.
She had her head pressed to it, her eyes lightly shut.
Fiona was on her Kindle, though I didn’t think she was reading.
She hadn’t touched the screen in a while.
“Vredo, vredo,” my father answered warmly. “How is my favourite daughter?”
“I’m your only daughter.”
He laughed at my usual response, retorting with his own, “Ehen? And how does that answer the question?”
Despite my nerves, I felt my lips twitch with amusement. “I’m fine, daddy. How’s everyone at home? I hope the boys aren’t giving you too much trouble.”
My father kissed his teeth, but it was playful.
“You know how your brothers are. Always calling me for one thing or the other. I should’ve sent them down to Benin when I had the chance; it seems, even though they’re in the boarding house, because we are all here in the same Abuja, they see it as cause to disturb me. ”
I’d heard it all before, but I still dutifully laughed. “If you’d sent them down to Benin, you’d have missed them.”
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I laughed again.
“Anyway, I actually called you for a reason. As we both know, there’s only a few months left before you graduate.
” Here we go. I tried to breathe normally, but I couldn’t help the way my heart had started slamming against my ribs.
“And I’ve been discussing with Edafe”—Uzezi’s father—“You know how you and Uzezi—I hope he’s also doing well? ”
“He’s fine, daddy.”
“Ehen. You know how you’re supposed to come home to do your one-year internship with our firm? We’ve decided perhaps you can do the internship abroad instead. It makes more sense, abi?”
“Right,” I agreed automatically, even though it felt like I was dying.
I should’ve been relieved; this meant I didn’t have to go home to meet the weight of my father’s expectations, but all I could think was this was just a temporary relief.
The location might have changed, but the grand plan was still the same.
“You can blame your mothers for this—both you and Uzezi. They’ve been the ones pushing for it, saying what’s the point of sending you both abroad if not for the opportunities, eh?
What would be the point of getting that fancy British degree only for your fathers to drag you back to Nigeria to work for peanuts in their firm. ”
“You don’t make peanuts, daddy,” I tried to joke. It felt like I was talking from outside my body.
“You know what I mean,” he said with a husky laugh.
“Yes, we’ve all had this vision for a long time, you and Uzezi taking over the firm, but your mother has pointed out—wisely—that we needn’t control the journey to get there.
And I tend to agree. God forbid, but we don’t know what can happen in the future.
Yes, you and Uzezi will still take over at some point, as is your birthright, but I still want my first and only daughter to be secure in whatever future God might have planned for her.
I will still support you financially while you find your feet, of course.
So, if it’s possible, you and Uzezi should start thinking of applying for internships while you’re over there.
I’m sure Edafe will call Uzezi to tell him the same thing, if he isn’t already calling him now. ”
I was supposed to mindlessly agree with him as I always had. But while my mouth had opened, a single sound refused to come out.
“Ofure? Did you hear what I just said?”
“What if I don’t want to be an architect anymore?” The words were out before I could stop them.
“Sorry?” It was certainly phrased like a question, but we both knew it wasn’t. This was my old man daring me to repeat myself.
I was going to be sick. “I don’t know if I want to be an architect anymore, daddy.”
There was a stunned silence. My father was so shocked he switched from English to Isoko.
“Ofure, are you aware of what you’re saying to me right now?
” I tried to, but I couldn’t speak again.
My throat was clogging up, my eyes burning.
My father kissed his teeth. “What am I supposed to do with this information?” he asked, his voice rising slightly.
“Eh, Ofure? What do you want me to do with this information?”
“I’m sorry, d-daddy.” I clenched my jaw shut to prevent the tears.
He kissed his teeth again. “What sort of nonsense is this, eh? What kind of—” With another annoyed hiss, he ended the call.
I dropped my phone in my lap, feeling numb. I brought the device back to my face and unlocked it.
I darkened the screen, but Uzezi’s reply came a moment later.
I inhaled a shaky breath.
I didn’t know what to say to that, so I didn’t reply. I felt Fiona’s concerned gaze on the side of my face, but I pointedly didn’t look in her direction. I exhaled a light breath of relief and gratitude when all she did was squeeze my knee, then turn back to her Kindle.