Chapter 16 #2
When I heard a horse whinny, I turned to see my dad heading my way.
I didn’t know what he was doing home, but for the first time in a long time, I was happy to see him.
My soul was tormented, and I didn’t know how to pull myself out of the low I was feeling.
I thought that if I fucked someone else that would help, but I didn’t even have the urge, which was strange in itself.
I hadn’t fucked anybody in over two months, since Maui left, and I didn’t want to.
When he caught up with me, he asked, “What’chu doing out here? Let me find out you tryna be a country ass thug on the rodeo scene.”
I chuckled. “Naw, man. You know that rodeo shit ain’t for me. I’m just tryna get my adrenaline pumping. I have too much aggression in me. I figured this was better than hopping in the truck and driving to Nome.”
He nodded. “This lil trot helping? We can go to the range and shoot some shit up. I know you don’t need to get into a full gallop with your arm. Or I can go in my stash and roll you something up.”
“A blunt will only calm me down, and once the high wears off, I’ll be right back where I was. I’m tired of feeling like this. How can a person you take care of, love, shower with affection and gifts, just go their way without a care?”
My dad glanced at me. “You did. I mean, I know there was a deeper reason, but you did that to us. We cared for you, bought you what you needed and whatever you wanted. Busted your ass when you needed it and loved you enough to teach you how to function in life. You felt you didn’t get enough of our time, and I can own up to my shortcomings.
You left and went and did everything that was opposite of the shit we taught you.
But look where you are now. Right back where the love is.
We love you, dude. We just hated the shit you were involved in.
Give her time. She’ll come back to where she knows the love is. ”
I took a deep breath, thinking about what he said.
He was right. My feelings didn’t warrant all the shit I engaged in.
I could have pulled away from them and still did great things.
They hated what I was doing, but whenever I needed them, they were always here for me, even when it was fucking bullshit.
“Maui is a smart woman. She loves you, but she loved her family first. All they can see is the bullshit. They don’t see the amazing man you are inside.
You’re changing, and I love that shit. She prompted the change, but I think you want it whether y’all are together or not.
That lets me know it’s real. Whatever you need, you can get that shit from us.
I need you to read the Bible story about the prodigal son.
It relates to you so much. Worry about Mythic.
Focus on your betterment. Everything else will fall in line. I promise.”
I nodded. “Thanks, Dad. I needed that talk more than I thought I did. I hadn’t been wanting to talk and maybe that’s why I couldn’t get rid of the depression, heaviness, and anger.
You were right about everything you said.
Thank you for making me see myself. Maui will eventually be back. I have to believe that.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“You still cool with going to the gun range later? Vanessa is bringing Caleb by in an hour or so.”
“Hell yeah. Let’s stall these niggas so you can go take a shower. I’m proud of you, Mythic. I know you’ll be an amazing dad to Caleb and would have been a great dad to Indigo.”
I took a deep breath as I spun Blackie around.
Visions of me holding my daughter played through my mind constantly and haunted my dreams. From what I could tell, she was going to look like me.
She was so tiny, not even a pound. I held her for at least thirty minutes, crying over the life she didn’t get to live.
If it was tearing me up, I knew it was fucking Maui up too.
I wanted to be there for her to help her through those emotions, but I knew I wasn’t wanted, especially after the gravesite service.
That shit hurt just as much as losing my baby.
She said she wanted me, but clearly, she didn’t want me bad enough or she would have me.
When we got back to the barn, we stalled the horses up, and Dad patted my back.
“I thought I was about to go make sure Epic was doing what he was supposed to be doing, but my grandson coming over. That nigga gon’ have to wait.”
I chuckled. Seeing them happy to welcome my son, their first grandbaby, was a blessing.
Having Vanessa as a baby mama was also a huge ass blessing.
We fucked, and she was cool with what it was.
However, when she got pregnant, I gave her a hard ass time for no fucking reason.
Deep down, I knew Caleb was most likely my son.
I didn’t know how I was so comfortable with being a trifling ass individual.
When she walked into Maui’s room, I wasn’t the least bit nervous.
She didn’t want me, and she made that clear when I tried to kiss her earlier this week.
She promised me that what she wanted from me hadn’t changed.
She got a baby out of it, and she was cool with that.
She didn’t change her mind simply because she had my baby.
I had to be cool with that, although my previous thoughts of getting back with her to get over Maui were still playing through my mind.
When we walked through the door, Mama was in the kitchen cooking spaghetti.
She smiled at us, then went straight to my dad and hugged him.
She kissed his lips, and he grabbed her ass.
I slowly shook my head. I couldn’t hate on it though.
It was the exact thing I wanted with Maui.
It was the same shit I had with her for two months.
I craved it. Maybe I had too much time on my hands.
I needed to find some shit to do. I had plenty of money put up from my hustling days, but I heard that idle hands were the devil’s workshop. That nigga was on me hard too.
“I’m making spaghetti for my baby. I let him taste the noodle last time, and he ’bout lost his mind.”
“Mama, he’s eight months.”
“And? You were eating some table food at the same age. I know what I’m doing. Thank you very much.”
I shook my head and slightly rolled my eyes as she and my dad kissed again, getting a little more involved. That was my cue to get the fuck out of here.