45. Chapter 45 #2
The gas station is a small oasis of fluorescent light against the darkening California sky. Sean parks near the entrance, and before I can reach for the door handle, he's already out and coming around to my side.
"I'll come with you," he says, sliding his hand into mine as we walk toward the convenience store.
The automatic doors slide open with a hiss, and we step into the dull, flickering light and refrigerated air.
The aisles are narrow but the store doesn't have many customers.
I head straight for the medicine section while Sean's eyes sweep the store.
There's only a bored-looking cashier scrolling through his phone and an elderly man studying the coffee options.
I grab antacids, pain relievers, and a bottle of electrolyte water. The cramps in my abdomen twist my insides, and I press my hand against my stomach.
Crap. I wonder if it's time for my period. Just what I need…
"Got everything?" Sean asks, eyes still moving, always scanning.
"I think so."
He takes the items from my hands. "I'll pay, but"—his fingers hook under my chin and tip my head—"You okay?"
"Yeah, just need to use the bathroom."
He hesitates, and I see the conflict in his eyes, the need to keep me in sight battling with my obvious discomfort.
"I'll be right out," I assure him. "A few minutes."
He nods, and I slip away toward the restrooms at the back of the store, feeling his gaze follow me until I disappear around the corner.
The bathroom is surprisingly clean for a gas station. It's small but well-lit, with two tiny stalls. I lock the stall door behind me and lean against it for a moment, trying to breathe through another wave of cramping.
After I use the bathroom, I don't find any signs of my period, so I pull out my phone and open my period tracking app. It might be those odd phantom cramps I get one or two days before my period actually arrives. I scroll back through the calendar and freeze.
According to the app, I'm nearly one month late.
That can't be right. I try to remember my last period, but the weeks have blurred together since Sean entered my life. The stalkers, the kidnapping, Victor… it's all become a haze punctuated only by moments of clarity in Sean's arms.
I stare at the screen, and my stomach twists from dread this time. Sometimes my body skips a cycle when I'm under extreme stress, and God knows I've been stressed. But as I stand there, a different possibility nibbles at my mind.
All those nights with Sean. All that passion with nothing between us. That conversation where I mentioned no birth control and he said he was okay with it.
We've been pretty reckless when it comes to protection. Meaning, we've used zero. I just never expected either of us to be this fertile. Some people try for more than a year before succeeding.
I rest my hand on my abdomen, feeling the warmth beneath my skin in a new way. Could I be…? Here, now, in the middle of this nightmare?
It has to be a mistake. I must have forgotten to log my last period or it's just stress making it super late.
I need to be sure.
When I step out of the bathroom, Sean is waiting just down the short hallway, back turned toward me as he watches the store entrance.
His posture is rigid, hands in his pockets as a plastic bag is looped around his forearm.
He looks mostly casual but I know he's ready to reach for his weapon at the slightest sign of trouble.
If I walk past him and grab a pregnancy test, he'll definitely see. He'll know what I'm thinking, and I can't add that burden to everything he's already carrying.
Instead, I slip back into the bathroom, leaning against the cool tile wall and trying to think.
The door opens, and a woman walks in—mid-thirties with kind eyes and a tired smile. She gives me a curious glance as she passes.
Before she can enter a stall, I say, "Excuse me. Sorry."
She pauses and waits for me to say more.
"Um, sorry. Can you… I need some help. My, um, boyfriend is right outside, and I… I need a pregnancy test. I don't want him to see me buy it." I pull some money from my wallet and hold it up. "Could you maybe get one for me please?"
Her eyes soften and she smiles. "Been there, honey. Give me the money, and I'll get it for you."
I hand her the cash with trembling fingers. "Thank you. Thank you so much."
She slips out, and I retreat to a stall, my heart pounding so hard I can feel it in my throat. What if she doesn't come back? Well, then I'd be out ten bucks. Hopefully, that won't happen.
Time stretches impossibly long as I wait, counting the seconds, listening for footsteps or voices. Five minutes. Eight.
Then the bathroom door opens again, and the woman's hand appears under the stall door. She passes me a small paper bag. "Good luck, sweetheart," she says before slipping into the stall beside me. "Hope you get the results you want."
"Thank you," I whisper, tearing the bag. My fingers shake so badly I can barely open the box for the test.
I do what needs to be done, then I wait, not breathing, not moving, as if stillness might somehow influence the outcome.
One bold line appears.
Then line number two.
Positive.
Wow.
A baby. Sean's baby. A tiny flame of life kindled in the darkness, burning bright despite everything.
I press my hands against my abdomen, feeling terror and overwhelming joy collide in my chest. Happy, hopeful tears spill over as the truth sinks in.
In the middle of all this horror, we created something that's half him, half me—a future neither of us planned for but it's suddenly, impossibly perfect.
I desperately need this future with him. With our little family.
After wiping away the tears, I toss the pregnancy test and wash my hands, giving myself a few minutes to try to appear calm. I can't break this news to him yet because he needs to be focused on his mission, not worrying about me and 'what ifs.'
When I finally emerge from the bathroom, Sean is pacing. His eyes find mine immediately, and he quickly moves to take my hand.
"You okay?" he asks while checking me over, like I might show signs of being attacked or who knows what. "You were in there a while."
"Yeah. Sorry it took longer. I'm fine. Just not feeling great."
He pauses, meeting my eyes, then he just gazes at me. For a second, the purple hollows and weary lines of his face disappear and he's looking into everything that makes me Londyn. The corner of his mouth even twitches up. "I'm so glad you're safe, beautiful. I love you more than anything."
"I love you too."
He pulls me into his arms in the middle of this gas station, and I forget everything around me to fall into his embrace. I'm carrying his child and I love this man so much.
Please give us our future.
When we've hugged so long that the cashier is giving us strange looks, I try to pull back. Sean won't release me.
He kisses my temple. "One more minute."
We hug for two more minutes then he cups my cheeks and just gazes at me again. He's smiling.
Finally, he takes my hand and turns toward the exit. "Let's get back on the road. The sooner we get there, the sooner you can rest."
We return to the car in silence, my mind reeling with this new reality. As Sean drives, I stare out the window at the blue, still waters of the bay, one hand pressed discreetly against my stomach. A life. A tiny constellation of cells that will someday have Sean's smile or my eyes.
It's our reason to survive.