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EXORSQUAD LTD. EMPLOYMENT CONTRACT

CONGRATULATIONS! You have been selected to join ExorSquad, the UK’s premier (and only) spectral extraction service.

By signing below, you acknowledge and agree to the following terms:

Assumption of Risk: You understand that spectral extraction is an inherently dangerous profession.

ExorSquad Ltd., its owner (Gerald Pickett), and all associated staff accept NO LIABILITY for death, injury, possession, dismemberment, spontaneous combustion, ectoplasmic poisoning, temporal displacement, or “other unfortunate circumstances arising from contact with the deceased.” By signing this contract, you waive your right (and your family’s) to sue ExorSquad Ltd.

for any reason, including reasons not yet invented.

Equipment Responsibility: You are responsible for all issued equipment, including but not limited to: one (1) X5000 Turbo Pro Plasma Accelerator?, one (1) torch, one (1) high-visibility jacket, and 100g of salt. Loss or damage will be deducted from wages.

Payment Terms: Minimum wage, no negotiation. Possible commission-based bonuses. You get paid when the ghost goes away. No ghost removal = no pay. Management reserves the right to dispute whether the ghost has, in fact, gone away.

Non-Disclosure: You agree not to discuss the confidential business practices of ExorSquad Ltd. with any living persons, dead persons, law enforcement, journalists, or your mum.

Addendum #1 - Grave Disturbance: Following a recent incident involving cursed remains, a vengeful non-witch, and one operative sustaining serious spinal injuries after being flung into an apple tree, employees are expressly forbidden from digging up graves, tombs, burial mounds, or any other resting place of the deceased.

This includes (but is not limited to) cursed burial sites, haunted churchyards, and “that one suspicious patch of ground that definitely looks like someone’s buried there.

” Handbook Rule #243 is not a suggestion.

ExorSquad accepts no liability for employees who ignore this clause and end up incorporated into cursed ground themselves.

Addendum #2 - Fixtures and Fittings: I hereby indemnify ExorSquad Ltd.

and the employer Gerald Pickett from any and all damages to or by the contracted Spirit Extraction Expert?, including but not limited to lamps, chandeliers and other light fittings falling on heads, bookcases landing on bodies, cups, plates, saucers, cutlery, pots and pans and other kitchen goods being thrown at said employee, garden stakes impaling chests, trees colliding with skulls, and any and all other damages that may be incurred on or near the premises of a haunting (“near” being, for the purposes of the contract, within one thousand miles).

THIS IS A 100% GENUINE, LEGALLY BINDING CONTRACT. PLEASE READ CAREFULLY BEFORE SIGNING.

Employee Signature:

Gary Runcorn