Chapter 30
Chapter
Thirty
ROSE
By the time dawn broke and signaled an end to my torturous night, I eagerly jumped out of bed.
All my thoughts revolved around my predicament.
Since I felt tongue-tied in front of Professor Maxwell yesterday, I considered drafting an email to explain my actions.
I had been drunk on the boat, and the whole thing had been a giant misunderstanding.
Then, I second-guessed the idea. What if his account was monitored?
Accusations of sleeping with a student would become widespread if that email got out.
Perhaps I could drop off an unsigned letter instead.
In the meantime, I had to keep my shit together and decided to call my therapist, Dr. Lauren Harper. I should have done it yesterday, and after my sleepless night, speaking to her was imperative.
A familiar voice answered on the second ring. “Rose.”
My fingers tightened around my cell phone. “Morning, Dr. Harper. How are you?”
“I’m great. How about you?”
Her voice was comforting, reminiscent of the first time Auntie Piya took me to see her.
After my attempted suicide, I started living by invisible rules to the point it was trite.
My aunt was the only adult who noticed and sought help for me.
Dr. Harper gave me the necessary tools to function, though I never graduated from my obsessive-compulsive needs.
“Sorry for calling at this hour. But I remembered you started early on Tuesdays, so I figured I’d try my luck.”
“I’m happy to hear from you. It’s been a while since we last spoke.”
I nodded, though she couldn’t see me. “I’ve been meaning to schedule an appointment.”
“You called me. That’s a step in the right direction.”
More like a last-ditch attempt to fix my life. I didn’t know who else to turn to, and Dr. Harper was fantastic at her job. Between school and my busy schedule, therapy had taken a back seat over the past year.
“Tell me what’s going on.”
Knowing I had to exercise discretion about Professor Maxwell, I started the conversation with, “My roommate thinks I’ve been acting differently. Yesterday, I didn’t rotate my cup before taking a sip.”
She was quiet for a moment. “How do you feel after skipping a routine that you use to manage your anxiety?”
“I wasn’t bothered by it.” That was the truth. Strange, because I usually couldn’t operate without performing my obsessive habits. They were my coping mechanisms.
“Rose! This is a huge breakthrough for you.”
I exhaled deeply, allowing her words to resonate within me. “Right.”
“Was there any particular event that led to this accomplishment?”
Mental images popped up of Professor Maxwell holding me down on the rug as he fucked the life out of me. Holding two fingers on the bridge of my nose, I tried to dispel the vision.
It was ironic. My recent setback in life was what distracted me enough for a breakthrough.
There was no denying it—he was the reason my carefully constructed fortress was tumbling.
Those odd ticks made me feel safe and in control, but he had shattered any illusion of safety, and my defense mechanisms no longer seemed to matter.
“I-I lost my virginity.”
There was pin-drop silence on the other side. I had done the unthinkable—I had shocked Dr. Harper.
She quickly regained her professionalism and swallowed her personal feelings on the matter. “That’s a big step. I imagine this is bringing up a lot of feelings, especially considering how physical touch has affected you in the past. How do you feel about it?”
Devastated, because after years of avoiding contact with men, I had slept with the wrong one.
“There’s no correct answer,” she said softly. “Whatever you’re feeling is completely valid.”
“It helped me step out of my comfort zone.” Not exactly a lie. My priorities had shifted since losing my virginity. “I haven’t been obsessing over my compulsions lately.”
“That’s great news, Rose.”
“I guess so.”
“Don’t sell yourself short. You’re developing intimate relationships, showing patterns of healthy habits, and seeking me out when you need it.
Whatever triggered this progress, stay on course.
I have a client that’s about to walk in, but I want you to schedule an in-person session so we can talk through these major changes in your life. ”
No way. She would figure me out if I met her in person. “I’ll check my schedule and get back to you. Thanks for taking my call.”
“Anytime.”
I hung up. Blowing out a breath, I texted Poppy to meet up for a study session.
I was done talking about my feelings and wanted to be around someone who wouldn’t probe me for answers.
I threw on a pair of taupe high-waisted trousers, a stone-colored shirt, and grabbed a trench coat on the way out of my room.
Amelie was already in the living room, dressed in a teal jumper and ready to take on the day.
“Good morning,” she said cheerily, pouring me a cup of coffee and handing me a granola bar. It was our breakfast staple.
My senses awoke when I sipped on my morning java, and I almost forgot the horrors that had kept me up all night. “You’re up early,” I said.
“You’re one to talk.”
“I have to study.”
“But you never wake up this early, even during midterms.”
I unwrapped the bar and took a bite. Not because I was hungry, but to buy myself time. We had lived together since freshman year, and she was attuned to my strict regime. I was walking on eggshells. One misstep and Amelie would figure out something was wrong.
I would have confided in her if she weren’t so fiercely protective. There was a big chance she would report Professor Maxwell to the administrators, and I couldn’t let that happen.
“Consider today an anomaly.” I flashed her my brightest smile, packing my tote bag with books and pens. “I’m heading to Bageltown to study with Poppy. Wanna come?” I asked, hoping it would distract her enough to drop the topic.
“Sure. I don’t have class till noon.”
We descended the stairs to exit the building, stepping into the lively energy of the campus mall.
The building with “Bageltown” engraved on the side was past the manicured gardens.
Just as we reached our destination, I caught a flicker of movement in my peripheral vision.
I could have sworn I saw a figure with dirty-blond hair and a muscular build.
Turning slowly, I watched students rushing off to their early morning classes.
Amelie gave me a gentle nudge and a questioning look because I had stopped short in front of the café. Shaking my head, I stepped inside and tried to dismiss the unsettling feeling.
It was a figment of my imagination, I told myself. I had been on edge since yesterday, that was all. Still, I couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched.
A wave of relief washed over me when I spotted Poppy in her signature all-black ensemble. Her presence was familiar and comforting. She had claimed a table far away from everyone else, exuding an unmistakable aura that warned others to keep their distance.
“Morning,” I greeted, dropping my bag on the chair opposite her.
“Morning, Poppy!” Amelie added cheerfully.
Poppy barely acknowledged us, glancing up briefly before returning to her book on microfinance.
Amelie didn’t take the dismissal personally as she had become quite desensitized to Poppy’s ways.
“I’m going to place our orders.” She didn’t ask me what I wanted.
We never looked at the menu and always opted for our usuals—an oat milk lavender latte for me and an almond chai for her.
“Do you want anything?” she asked Poppy.
Poppy cut her another sharp glance. With a shrug, Amelie made her way to the counter.
I fixed Poppy with a pointed look. “You could be a little nicer to my roommate.”
She didn’t lift her eyes from her book. “You didn’t mention she was coming.”
“I thought you liked Amelie.”
“She serves me no purpose.”
My jaw dropped. “Poppy! You know how much I love Amelie.”
“Which is why I tolerate her.”
I snapped my mouth shut. To be fair, Poppy didn’t like anyone. Tolerating was generally the best she could do, and I shouldn’t expect pleasantries.
I opened my laptop and pretended to work on my thesis, when in reality, my eyes were fixed blankly at the screen. As I sipped on my latte, I periodically closed my eyes, trying to block out the memories from yesterday. When I glanced up, Poppy was watching me intently.
“What’s going on with you?”
Here I thought my cousin wouldn’t interrogate me. My facade must be truly unconvincing if she saw right through me.
“She has been acting weird since yesterday,” Amelie chimed in.
Coughing, I dabbed the corner of my mouth with a napkin. “Why do you think I’m acting weird?”
Poppy studied me suspiciously. “You texted me before seven, which has never happened. You also showed up at my house early in the morning last weekend. Then, you forgot your regular patterns, and today, you didn’t rotate the cup three times before taking a sip. What gives?”
Nothing got past her.
Yes, I skipped my morning routine for the fourth day in a row. Ever since I lost my virginity to Professor Maxwell, the small things that seemed catastrophic ceased to matter. Years of therapy couldn’t control my compulsions, yet a tumble with my professor did the trick.
I was sick.
“I’m fine, guys.”
“I don’t believe you,” Amelie stated.
“Agreed,” Poppy echoed.
At least they were finally bonding over something.
They watched me like a hawk. I understood their need to protect me, but I couldn’t stand it right now. The minor interrogation had my heart racing, and I was on the verge of a breakdown. I was a terrible liar and was scared shitless that I might end up confessing to everything.
“Seriously, guys, I’m?—”
“I have a problem.” A familiar fourth voice cut into our conversation, and I silently thanked the gods for it.
Sophie squeezed herself into the empty chair beside Poppy and slammed her purse down dramatically. Subtlety had never been her strong suit, and numerous eyes watched the loud blonde girl with cocktail rings.
Amelie rolled her eyes at Sophie’s theatrics. There was no love lost between the two. She thought Sophie was brash, spoiled, and selfish. In turn, Sophie didn’t take kindly to Amelie’s hot-tempered nature.
“What’s the big tragedy?” I asked.
“I’m organizing a threesome, and my third just backed out.”
I nearly spat out my lavender latte, and Amelie’s face turned crimson. Meanwhile, Poppy seemed amused.
Amelie did a slow clap. “Searching for a sex partner before eight. You’ve outdone yourself.”
“I’m resourceful like that.”
“Go away, Sophie. We’re studying.”
Sophie huffed. “I would think my friends would help me out when I have a problem.”
“That’s not a real problem, and we aren’t friends,” Amelie shot back.
“I was talking about Rose.” Sophie peeked at Poppy between her lashes. “And Poppy.”
I jabbed a finger at her. “Stop hitting on my cousin. She’s too young for you.”
“She’s eighteen, and I didn’t say anything.” She glanced at Poppy again. “Unless you’re interested?”
I shook my head with a small smile. Say what you want about Sophie, but her lack of filter could distract you from the worst things in the world. I almost forgot about being deflowered by my professor.
“Ignore her,” Amelie told me. “It’ll never happen.”
Sophie grinned wickedly. “Why don’t we let Poppy decide?”
Poppy was calculating something, I could tell by the way her jaw was set and her steady eyes watched Sophie. At long last, she said, “Let’s discuss it over winter break.”
Sophie made a face at Amelie. “See? Not everyone’s a prude.”
“I’m not a prude.”
“Oh, yes, you are. You’ve been with, what, exactly one man your entire life?”
“It’s better than soliciting people for a threesome before breakfast.”
I let out a laugh, but the turmoil swirling inside me swiftly snuffed out any sincerity behind it. Perhaps being surrounded by people I loved could soothe the chaos inside me, and I could deal with my problems on a different day.
Sophie ignored Amelie and shamelessly flirted with my cousin, brazenly selling her on the idea of a threesome with some mystery man.
I wanted to interject. After all, Poppy was like my baby sister. But I suspected she was humoring Sophie because of a hidden agenda. Poppy could turn any situation to her favor; it was Sophie who should be on guard. Not to mention, I was hardly in the position to offer sex advice.
Just like that, he reentered my mind. The chatter from the group faded into a dull murmur, becoming indistinct noise. My mind had been scattered since yesterday. No matter what I did, my thoughts slipped back to our tryst.
Professor Maxwell’s aggression.
The way he overtook my body.
His eyes that glinted with lust.
“She’s so shameless,” Amelie whispered. “I can’t believe she’s propositioning your cousin with a threesome right in front of you. Poppy’s barely eighteen. Shouldn’t we do something?”
“What?”
Amelie watched me with narrowed eyes. “Okay, seriously. What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing.”
“Then why are you acting so weird?”
“I’ve just been a little spacey. That’s all.”
“Hm.”
“What were you saying about my cousin?” I asked to distract her.
“I was asking if we should rescue her from Sophie’s clutches.”
My lips curved. “I don’t think Poppy’s the one that needs rescuing.” Sophie had no idea what she had gotten herself into.
Suddenly, I caught a glimpse of an oversized frame out of the corner of my eye, and my smile dropped. There were only two people on campus with such builds. My heart nearly exploded in my chest, and I stood up so quickly I was surprised my chair didn’t knock over.
“Where’re you going?” Amelie asked, frowning.
I glanced around the café. Professor Maxwell wasn’t here. I must be imagining things like earlier. “I’ve got to make a call,” I told her, needing some fresh air.
I grabbed my bag and headed outside the café…and collided right into a solid wall of muscles. I let out a muffled shriek and staggered back in shock. A possessive hand grabbed my elbow to steady me, the touch deceptively soft yet unmistakably firm.
“Morning.”
My eyes widened in horror as I stared into the piercing blue eyes that had haunted me all night.