Chapter 9
“I don’t want to spend that kind of money on pants I’m only going to wear once.” Court looked at the price tag on the white capris that Ellis had handed her. They cost more than her watch, and that was saying something. Court loved a good watch.
“You can wear them more than once, you know. Actually, I think you should. Your style is getting a little, shall we say, stale. Try them on.” Ellis insisted, even as she threw them over her arm and went to another rack.
This shopping trip was a mistake, a big one. After a few more talks with Ellis, she had reluctantly agreed that this was her one chance to talk to Calvin. To say everything, she needed to him and hear his side of the story. Be able to have more facts and put that time period behind her.
This time on her own terms, which meant she wasn’t planning on telling the family she was gay, not right away at least. That would only happen if and when she felt safe.
Which was why she and the Ellis sisters had all taken off from work early for a shopping trip, an activity that Court hated and had for a long time.
Which is why she hired a professional shopper to buy all of her clothes.
But this weekend wasn’t normal, and Ellis and Rebel had dragged her to their favorite stores.
Per Rebel, she couldn’t wear her usual clothes without letting the cat out of the bag about her sexuality. Meaning, this trip was necessary.
Court had been dressing more masculine for years. It wasn’t until after she left home the last time that she had gone all in and dressed as her true self. Now the only dresses in her apartment were on her dates and usually on the floor. And she was perfectly happy with that.
As Ellis picked out another sleeveless frilly tank top, Court started to get nervous.
Would she be kicked out instantly if she just showed up in what she usually wore?
Was it possible she’d never get anything from Calvin if she was who she was?
Did he already know she was gay? Her mom knew.
Had she told him over the years? Helene made it seem like they never spoke, but she had his number, didn’t she?
“They’re white.” Court said of the pants, not wanting to even try them on.
Rebel ignored her and headed to a clothes rack they had already been through. “I know the perfect shirt to pair with them. Your eyes are going to pop in this outfit.”
“Blue? With the sleeves?” Ellis asked from deep in the racks. She was on the hunt for something for herself, but it seemed she and her sister were thinking a lot alike today.
Rebel grinned at her sister’s question, “The blue, or I was thinking the pink one? Court could pull off pink so well with her coloring.”
“No pink.” Court put her foot down, but knew she’d have no say in her wardrobe today.
Ellis gasped and glanced up at Court. “Yes, pink, OMG, she’d look amazing in pink!”
“I know. I think pink’s her color. I always have.” Rebel said to her sister as if Court wasn’t even there.
Folding her arms, she had to hold her ground on this. “No pink, I don’t wear pink.”
“I’ve always thought she should wear more pink or peach. Coral!” Ellis held up a pink shirt and showed it to her sister, not to Court, for agreement.
“Blue, I’ll wear anything blue or green.” She gave in. She had planned on wearing something she already had. It was three days. She didn’t need to buy something new she knew she’d never wear it again. “I hate shopping.”
Rebel pulled another pink shirt from her rack and tossed it over her arms with half a dozen other garments. “Which keeps Clarice’s pockets lined. Why didn’t you just ask her to dress you for this weekend? She’s an expert after all.”
“I didn’t want to spend so much on clothes I only plan to wear once, except I think I’m going to be paying more without the benefit of everything being delivered to the office in the morning so I don’t have to waste all my time here.”
She grumbled as Ellis came back with a shirt that would be far more suited to the woman herself than to Court.
This wasn’t going to be easy. Her skin itched even before putting on the clothes.
It had been years since she had worn anything that she didn’t feel herself in.
She had learned young that life was too short for that.
“Okay, let’s try some of this on. See how you look.” She pointed at the changing rooms across the store.
Court rolled her eyes. “Let’s not and cancel the entire thing. This isn’t worth it.”
“Just try a few on. Decide then.” Ellis grinned at her. There was no getting out of trying them on, it seemed.
How much happiness this was causing Ellis was disconcerting. Should she love dressing others so much? How long had she wanted to dress Court in pink?
Inside the spacious dressing room, she dropped the clothes on the bench and realized why the clothes had to cost so much. They had the biggest dressing rooms she had ever seen.
Before she could get her shirt off, her phone went off. Glancing at her screen, she saw her assistant’s name. Finding an acceptable excuse to stall, she answered it.
The woman on the other end was curt and yet polite. “Court, I know you said to take messages if you got calls, but it’s your mother. Did you want me to put her through?”
Her blood ran cold, and she closed her shirt tight against the sudden chill of the room. The sisters still argued just outside the door over colors as Court’s world stopped. She wasn’t in the right space to talk to her mother. She never was.
As the silence stretched, the woman asked, “Should I take a message?”
“No,” she calmed herself and told her, “Send her through.”
“Courtney darling, how are you?”
Dropping the clothing on a chair, Court winced at hearing her name from the woman’s lips. She had long ago stopped being Courtney. Even legally, she wasn’t her anymore.
Glared at herself in the mirror. “You don’t care. What do you want?”
“Is that how you talk to your own mother?” Her mom’s tone was now its usual cold.
“I don’t have a mother, just you. So yes.”
“And I was going to ask you to Bill, and me this weekend for fried ravioli. I remember it was always your favorite once.”
“When I was twelve, now I have a little more advanced taste. Though it doesn’t matter, since I plan never to spend time with you again.”
Her mom was tapping her long nails on her desk, and the sound brought Court back to her childhood. Being in trouble and her mom stalling on handing out punishment just to make her more nervous. The same feeling of anxiety rushed through her body now.
“I’m extending an olive branch, Courtney. I want to spend time with you, get to know you.”
It was at that moment that she realized her mom was using the same old tactics to get her not to see Calvin.
As she grew up, she realized her mom was more generous with her money and time when he was going to visit.
The only time she was interested in her daughter was when she was going to see him.
Any other time she forgot Court was even around.
“That’s how we differ. I’m happy never seeing you again in this lifetime.”
“I see you haven’t matured since I last saw you.”
“You have never seen me, Helene, and for that I’m truly grateful.
” She hung up on the woman, not needing to hear any more.
Her mom hadn’t changed, hadn’t turned over a new leaf.
She was the same woman who had been unfeeling enough to do what she did so many years ago and feel she was still in the right.
“Are you coming out, Court?” Ellis asked impatiently from outside the door.
“You know I hate you for this, right?” Controlling the feeling in her voice, Court tried to sound normal. Tried to be normal after talking to her mom.
“I love you too, babe. Now get out of here. We are dying to see how the pink turns out on you. Oh, and Rebel found the cutest yellow blouse with puffy sleeves for Saturday.”
“I don’t like yellow.” Resigning herself to what was happening to her as she pulled off her shirt, because she’d do anything to keep Ellis’s love. It was all she had in the end, the Ellis family. And it was enough.
“Good thing it’s actually daffodil.” Rebel corrected her sister.
“Which is still yellow.” She yelled at them both through the door, then added sincerely, “Thank you for helping me.”
“Court, this weekend, we know it’s big and scary. That you’d rather be doing anything else. But we’re so proud of you for going.” Ellis said, and Rebel agreed with her sister.
She knew that no matter how she felt wearing the outfit, if the sisters thought she looked good, she was getting it. Their opinions were that important to her. They were that important to her.