Chapter 35
Stephanie hadn’t spent the night at Court’s place for the first time that week. She said it wasn’t because of the argument, but that she had an early class. Except she had an early class other days and had stayed that night. Court knew it was because of what had happened at the club.
Alone Court had slept fitfully, waking up every hour or so, only to realize Stephanie wasn’t there.
Lack of sleep meant she had been a bear at work all day.
After ten Rebel had even stopped coming into her office.
Which was for the best. She didn't want to see anyone.
She just wanted to focus on numbers for a while.
Rebel stuck only her head into the doorway midday. “Can we talk without you biting my head off?”
“No,” Court told her honestly.
“I'm going to take my chances,” Rebel leaned against the door frame, not wanting to get too close. “Why are you so pissed?”
“I’m not.” She lied, even though she knew Rebel knew she lied. Today she didn’t care.
“You being pissed off because of a woman never happened before Stephanie showed up in your life. Does this attitude mean the love affair is over?”
“No,” she said beyond the lump in her throat that had formed when Rebel had said the word over. Because she hadn’t even thought that way, did Stephanie? Had they run their course already? She wasn’t ready not to have her in her life anymore. It had only been a week. “We are fine.”
“Fine?” Raising an eyebrow, she sounded skeptical.
“Stephanie was fine until last night at the bar. Something happened.”
“Something like every woman in the place being your ex. Give her time, soon enough she’ll know the difference between friends and ex-lovers.”
“It’s not that. I didn’t know she still wasn’t talking to her parents. Her entire family is really close. I know that once she tells them about me, they’ll be upset.”
“Once Steph tells her parents she's dating you, life gets sticky for you both.” Rebel sat on the edge of Court’s desk and picked up the stress ball.
“Then she has to decide if she wants to be a part of her family or with you. Holidays will be awkward from here on out. Her relationship with them is going to change forever. As is yours, you’ll actually have to have one. ”
“I don’t know if I can do that.”
“Then you should drop her right now.”
“I don’t know if I can.” She admitted the truth. It had only been a week, and she couldn’t see spending another day with her.
“Have you talked to Ty lately?” Squeezing the ball, she analyzed it.
Bristling at the suggestion, “No, why would I need to?”
“Oh, let’s see.” She tossed the ball, so it bounced towards Court, and she caught it. “Because she's your shrink, always has been. Even if you two barely like to spend time with each other.”
Tossing the ball across the room, Court argued, “I don’t need to talk to her.”
“I cancelled all your appointments today because you need her help right now.” She got up before Court could toss anything else her way. “Oh, and Ellis said she has the day off and is at home. Ty, that is, Ellis hasn’t taken a day off in years.”
It was like Ellis knew she couldn’t face the shelter today, with all the memories of the past on top of everything else. There was just so much happening involving the past lately she couldn’t face that place again. How had she managed not to think about it for years before this?
An hour later, she was knocking on a blue door on a nondescript rambler in a subdivision close to downtown.
Most of the houses on the street were rundown and in disrepair.
There were even three that had for sale signs in their yards, because their families had gotten away from this neighborhood.
But Ty Ahearn’s had moved here in the last year, by choice.
It had a picket fence, nothing she’d have expected her tough as nails friend to want.
Turning back as the door opened, she saw her oldest friend, her black curly hair in the shortest ponytail on the top of her head with the shorter hair still loose around her ears.
It was not the type of style Ty would wear outside the house, or even with any company she might have.
She also wouldn’t wear the oversized black sweatpants and concert t-shirt from a concert that Ty would never go to.
This was the Ty that few saw, the one who still wore hand-me-down clothes and made them fit her style.
But she was still the same girl Court had met so many years ago.
Her outward image was brash and bold, but beneath that, she was a people person who would do anything in her power to help those who needed it.
From working at a homeless shelter while trying to get a psychology degree to taking into her home those homeless teens who couldn’t stay at the shelter.
“Come in, don’t mind the mess.” With a smile on her face, she waved into the house with one hand as she held a small baby to her chest with the other.
The baby had the same wavy dark hair and almond skin as its mom, even though Court knew the baby wasn’t Ty’s. Nor was the baby’s twin, who wasn’t in sight, but was in the house somewhere.
“Is their mom here?” Court asked, because she couldn’t remember the woman’s name. It was an Indian name with far too many vowels for her to make work from her mouth.
Ty shook her head before answering, “No, she left. Wanted to be a part of her family again, be a teenager again. I can’t really blame her.”
Court wasn’t surprised. The kid, which is what she had been, was staying at the shelter and seven months pregnant when Ty had invited her to move in with her late in the winter.
It was exactly the type of thing Ty did.
Her heart was enormous, and she gave some of it to everyone.
The teenager had, as far as Court was aware, not been gay, just at the LGBTQ+ shelter.
She was only there because they didn't turn anyone away.
“Before she left, she asked if I would adopt the twins. And I did. It’s been a few weeks now.
” Was all Ty said as a way of explanation of why the babies were still with her and the mom was not.
But the way she held the baby like she had been doing it for years meant the decision had been the right one.
The dark eyes of the infant sought her out, and Court knew if she had wanted someone else to raise her kids, it would be Ty all day long.
Ty pointed at the couch. “Ellis said you were having a midlife crisis. But since you’re only thirty-two, I hope it’s an early life crisis or not a crisis at all.”
Grabbing a yellow blanket off the couch cushion, Court sat down, still holding the blanket. “It’s not really a crisis at all. Just my brain buzzing and I can’t think straight.”
“Is this about the weekend with Calvin’s family? How did that go?” Taking the side chair, Ty adjusted the baby as she sat, starting to pat her on the back.
“I realized far too late that there was going to be no closer. Then I left.” She left out a lot, but knew Ty would understand.
“Good for you. Except everything is now on the surface, correct? On your mind.”
“Yeah, and I started dating his daughter. Which will end up going nowhere because I won’t make her choose between me and her family.”
Ty was silent as she patted the baby’s back and watched Court. “Or are you wanting it to end so you don’t have to tell her what happened?”
“I would like her not to know any of that. Which is why I'm not telling her. No matter how long we stay together.”
Still tapping the baby’s back, Ty said, “You and I both know that scenario isn’t actually possible. And let’s add that her knowing about those days won’t end your relationship, yes it will change. But that change is probably necessary for her to truly understand you. Love you.”
“That isn’t what our issue is, Ty. It’s her family. Calvin was once the only person I thought loved me. But he was part of the reason I was sent away. I can’t forgive him for that. Which has been okay, he isn’t a part of my life. Staying with Stephanie will bring the past into my present.”
Ty’s head tilted before she said, “This is where we differ, no matter how my family treated me, I still love them and sometimes late at night when the moon is high and the crickets are chirping, I want to be back with them. Spend one more day as their daughter. But I know that’s impossible, because they are not the family I remember anymore.
Not just because we all lived through a dozen years of life experiences apart, but because they were never the family that I thought they were.
The family I needed. That was proved when they sent me away. ”
Sitting up, she had never heard Ty say that before. “Your upbringing and mine were completely different. There is never a moment when I believe that I will forgive my mother, and I’ve accepted that.”
“And I’d never ask you to reconcile with her. She has proved herself as unworthy of you, time and again. But this man, that’s different.”
“You want me to reconcile with him?”
“Reconcile means something different for everyone. You’ll have to put up with them for a few hours every month or so.
Is Stephanie worth that time? Or would you rather give up on her so you don’t have to be there?
And remember, as the years pass, things will change.
For better or worse, who knows? Years will always change things.
” Ty stopped talking when a small wail came from the back of the house. It seemed the other twin was now awake.
Getting to her feet, Ty shifted the now sleeping baby into Court’s arms. Something that had never happened before.
But before she could argue with her friend about it, she rushed off to the other baby.
It was only then that she realized how hard it must be for her friend to be doing this alone. But she did, with no complaints.
The warm body of the baby rested against her chest and nuzzled into her as if she knew she was still safe. Sitting there just letting the baby overtake all her senses, from her soft breaths to the baby smell of her, it was intoxicating.
Ty didn't stop in the living room, but took the still whimpering baby to the kitchen with her. Giving Court more time with the baby she held.
If she allowed herself to let Stephanie in, to see the darkness that was her past, would she leave? Or would she stay, be a part of Court’s life like no woman had before her? Could they do all the things other couples did, date, vacation, marry, do everything together? Even holidays with family?
Coming back into the room, Ty was already feeding the baby with the smallest bottle Court had ever seen. She didn’t even know there were different sized ones. If she ended up having children, there was a lot she didn’t know. She just hoped Stephanie did.
Would Stephanie want kids? Would Court herself want the responsibility of raising kids?
With the baby in her arms, she realized she did.
She wanted it all, and she wanted it with Stephanie.
The good and the bad, the past and present, her family and every prank they ever play on her would be worth it if Stephanie was in her life.
Even if Calvin never talked to her again and ignored her every time they got together, she’d still be with Stephanie every day of the year. Would that be worth the hell of those few hours or days with her family for the rest? It would, wouldn’t it?
“Have you told anyone you’ve dated about that time?” Court asked her friend.
“No, I’ve never let anyone close enough that I even thought about telling them.
And I don’t see that ever happening. I'm where you were last month. Not ready. But I think you are ready to walk out of the shadows and become the person who let the light back in.” Ty was tapping the baby in her arms on the back, lightly tapping, and Court wondered where she had learned how to take care of babies.
Ty was even more masculine than Court was, which made her seem less motherly in Court’s eyes.
Had she always been a natural caregiver?
Was it something she had learned before they met, when she’d have been a different person than the one Court met?
“Don’t you want to let the light in?” Court asked,
“I’m not ready.” Ty admitted, with her baby in her arms.
Court wondered if there would ever be a time when Ty was ready.
She hoped so, because now that she was starting to see it, things were different in the light.
She just hoped that Stephanie would understand the darkness.
That she’d be there for her when it was overshadowing what little light there was.