Chapter 35
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
“Where are you going?” Laurence asked.
He watched as Ellen stood on trembling legs, no doubt still weak from her orgasm, and climbed carefully over the edge of the tub. She said nothing as he reached for her robe and wrapped it tightly around her as if it were a shield.
“Has the water grown too cold?” he asked, following her every movement as she began to dry her hair.
Again, Ellen did not answer. Did not even look at him as she sat in a chair and began wringing water from her dark tendrils.
Worry slithered into his mind, making his already taut body grow to stone as he felt the shift in mood between them. He scowled as he looked down at the water’s surface, self-loathing and doubt leeching into him.
“I was too rough, wasn’t I?” he said, looking down at his hands. He’d tried so hard to tuck that rougher side of himself away for her. After what she had just gone through, she needed nothing but softness. His true self had broken through, despite that awareness, and he hated himself for it.
“No,” Ellen said, her soft voice full of pain as she finally spoke to him.
He looked at her, his eyes pleading for her to be honest. Several heartbeats passed before she finally met his eyes, and his heart twisted when he saw them brimming with tears.
“I did something,” he choked out. “I hurt you. I must have.”
He rose from the bath, hating in that moment that his need was still apparent in his manhood, and quickly covered himself by wrapping a bathing sheet around his waist.
“Your touch is nothing but bliss for me; I wish you would believe that,” Ellen said, her tone testy as her voice broke.
Laurence’s brow furrowed, thoroughly confused now.
“Then tell me what is wrong,” he gently commanded. “If it was not my touch, was it my timing? Was it too soon?”
“No!” she yelled, her voice breaking again on the word.
“You are not the monster you think you are; you do not cause my body pain!” she burst out.
Laurence blinked, not sure what to say to address not just her words, but the intensity with which she spoke them.
She expelled a deep breath, her brow furrowing in hurt as she looked around the bathing room.
“You treated me with great care,” she said at last, her tone only slightly more controlled, “and I do appreciate your comfort. However, I want this over with.”
Confusion, hurt, and panic consumed Laurence.
“Want what over with?” he asked carefully.
Fresh tears filled Ellen’s eyes as she hugged herself tightly, as if it was the only way to keep her from falling apart.
“This marriage,” she breathed, a tear slipping down her cheek.
Emotion welled in Laurence’s throat, threatening to suffocate him.
He struggled to breathe for a long moment as more tears slipped from Ellen’s eyes.
“You…you want to leave me?” he asked.
Ellen swallowed, as if she had her own lump of emotion strangling her throat.
“We have not consummated our union,” she answered, sounding disgusted by that fact. “An annulment would be legal if you wish it.”
No, he did not wish it. He loved her. He knew it before she went missing at the garden party, but it was only after she’d been captured that he’d been willing to admit it himself. Despite his constant insistence that he did not love her, he had been wrong.
Laurence worked his jaw back and forth, the ache in his heart becoming so unbearable that it was making him angry.
“Do you…want that?” he managed to get out.
More tears ran down Ellen’s cheeks as she looked up at him, her blue eyes full of pain.
“I want to stop hurting,” she whispered, her shoulders slumping. “I just want to stop hurting.”
A tortured sound left Laurence’s throat as he once more tried to swallow. He had to look away, feeling an annoying mist cloud over his eyes.
“Very well then,” he rasped out, his voice thick with ache. “I shall give it some consideration.”
He left then, unable to take the pain-filled air in the room, and shut the door to the bathing suite firmly behind him. His hand was still firmly wrapped around the brass doorknob when he heard Ellen’s heartbreaking sob from the other side, and he nearly buckled.
He had ruined it. Their marriage. Their relationship. Her. He had ruined everything, and he only had himself to blame.