Chapter 7
CHAPTER SEVEN
EVE
I watch as his greys brew like a storm. I hug my daughter tighter against my chest for strength. It’s been a long day of traveling, and I almost got a hotel room, but I knew if I didn’t face this right now, I might chicken out. Besides, the tickets cost more than I thought they would, and I need every dime I have if I’m going to do this without my parents' help.
The couple living in our old apartment told me where I could find him. They mentioned he was living in the pool house out back of the house he shared with his brothers. I don’t have the nerve to face his brothers just yet, so I snuck around back and was betting on Ryder being home. I have no clue what I’m walking into, but I knew the emotions would be there. I just wasn’t prepared for how bad it would hurt to see him looking at me like that. Anger is something that I’ve never seen in his eyes when he looks at me.
I pull the blanket over my daughter’s head more, and Ryder blinks in shock when he realizes I’m not alone. She fell asleep in the Uber, exhausted from traveling all day.
“Do you…” He looks from the bundle in my arms to me and back again. Pain flashes across his features, so raw and so real it slices through my heart like a knife. “You have a child?”
I nod my head, unable to speak through the pain. This is so much harder than I thought it was going to be. Fear creeps up so suddenly that I take a step back. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just shown up like this. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m so sorry,” I say again, trying to take a deep breath but unable to as my breathing becomes shallower. Panic consumes and squeezes my lungs tightly. I gasp for air but can’t seem to get any.
“Hey,” he says, taking a step forward. “Look at me, Eve.” I lift my eyes to his and try to focus on him. “I need you to breathe for me. In and out.” He breathes deep, and I mimic him. His eyes never leave mine as I take another deep breath and start to feel the air come back to me. I blink back the tears that have escaped and loosen the death grip on my daughter.
“Thank you,” I whisper when I can talk again.
His jaw is clenched tight, and I can tell he wants to say more, but he holds back. “Let’s get you inside so you can lay her down. Or him.” He swallows hard, like it hurts to speak the words. He opens the door wider, and I step inside his place.
It’s a cute one-bedroom apartment. He has a big, comfortable grey sofa with a chaise along one wall. The white walls are filled with car photos, and a small smile appears on my face as I see all of his accomplishments staring back at me. I’ve been stalking his business website, and it’s given me some happiness over the years to know that all of his visions have come true and he’s made a name for himself like he always dreamed of doing. It made what I had to do hurt less to know I could give him that by walking away.
“You can use my bed.” He leads me to the room where a king-size bed sits. None of the furniture is familiar as I take in the dark grey upholstered bed and wooden dresser and nightstands. What did I expect…him to be living in our old apartment with all of our things? It’s been three years. Of course, he’s moved on and gotten rid of everything.
He pulls back the navy blue comforter and stands back while I lay her down. I tuck her teddy bear under her arm and pull the covers over her before brushing back her curls.
“You have a girl,” I hear him say softly behind me. “She looks just like you.”
I stand up and glance behind me. He’s looking at her in awe, but there’s no denying the pain behind those greys.
“Only when she’s sleeping,” I say softly. “She has her daddy’s eyes, and he’s all I see when I look at her.” His eyes shoot to mine as they narrow, and his hands clench at his sides. “Ryder, I need to tell you something.” He needs to know that she is his.
He turns and walks out the door, leaving me standing there. I follow him back to the living room and quietly shut the door. He’s pacing back and forth, and I can tell he’s battling the fight between anger and hurt.
“She’s…” He holds up his hand to stop me.
“I can’t do this right now, Eve. It’s late, so you can stay here tonight. I’ll take the couch. I…” He closes his eyes briefly, and I can feel the tension coming off of him. “I need some air.” He leaves me standing there as he walks out the door and shuts it. My legs give out as I sink onto the sofa. I finally give in to the tears that I’ve been holding back as sobs rack my body. Seeing him again has brought up emotions that I’ve buried deep inside me.
I finally dry my eyes and go in search of a glass of water to soothe my raw throat before stepping outside and bringing in my bags that I left by the door. I wait for what seems like hours for him to return before finally laying down next to our daughter. I breathe in his scent on the pillow that I have craved every night since I left and finally fall into a restless sleep.
Small hands grasp my face, and I blink my eyes open to see my daughter sitting up, looking at me. “Momma,” she grins.
I look around, disorientated at first before I realize I’m in Ryder’s bed. I didn’t dream the whole thing. I’m actually here with him. I can’t help but grin back at my beautiful baby girl. “Hi, Rybug.” I bring her next to me and bury my face in her curls, inhaling the baby smell that I love so much. I know she’s two, but she still has a touch of babyness to her that I love. She giggles when I lift her shirt and blow a raspberry on her belly.
“Let’s get you out of this wet diaper, and I’ll see about getting you some breakfast. Are you hungry?”
She nods her head while I rummage through my bag and get out a pull-up. We are still working on the potty training. She does good during the day but still needs a diaper at night. I quickly change her and walk us quietly to the bathroom that’s connected to both the bedroom and living room. It’s a good size bathroom with a deep garden tub and walk-in shower. There’s a skylight above the tub, letting in lots of natural light. The white marble vanity sits on top of rustic wood drawers.
I freshen up as best as I can and run a comb through my long hair. I’m in desperate need of a shower but it will have to wait until later. I need to get some breakfast into this little one first.
Walking out into the living room, I stop in my tracks as I take in the man laid out on the couch. He’s even more breathtaking than I remember, if that’s even possible. Tattoos cover most of his chest now and down both arms. He’s filled out more like he’s been spending a lot of time in the gym. His grey sweats hang low on his hips, and I find myself following the dark trail leading down his flat abs.
Heat courses through my body. It’s been so long since I felt another man’s touch. I tear my gaze away and try to focus on anything other than what my body is clearly wanting right now. I shake my head to clear my thoughts.
Food. I need to get my daughter some breakfast.
There is a small kitchen off to the right with an island and a round wooden table next to the windows overlooking the pool and ocean. I sit the bundle in my arms down so I can look through my other bag. I get out the snacks I packed and pour some Cheerios into one of her bowls before grabbing a sippy cup. Finding some milk in the fridge, I fill it up before setting her up at the coffee table.
She happily eats while I check my phone. I’ve got twenty missed calls from my mom and a ton of texts that I don’t bother looking at. My father should be in custody by now, and my mom is probably having a mental breakdown. I left before they woke up, not even bothering to tell them I wasn’t going with them. They lost me as a daughter the moment they threatened Ryder and his family. I owe them no explanation.
“Hi,” I hear Ryder say softly. I glance up and see auburn curls right next to Ryder’s face. She’s touching his cheek just like she does to me to wake me up. Seeing the two of them together almost brings me to my knees. Tears gather, and I quickly swipe them away.
“I’m sorry she woke you. I didn’t see her walk over to you.”
He’s not paying attention to a word I said. All his focus is on her. He places his hand over hers and sits up slightly to really look at her. Searching her face, he gets pale, and a pained look crosses his face. My breath catches in my throat and I know he’s looking at his eyes staring back at him right now.
“Eve?” He whispers, breaking his gaze and looking at me for answers.
I nod my head as the tears fall down my face. “Her name is Ryland. I named her after her daddy. She’s your daughter, Ryder,” I say quietly.
He blinks back the tears that have immediately formed in his eyes before looking back at her. Touching her soft curls like he can’t believe she’s real, he smiles at her, and she rewards him with a big grin, showing off her baby teeth. She holds out a Cheerio to him and he gives a slight laugh before taking it.
“Thank you,” he tells her.
“Yummy,” Ryland says, giggling before stuffing another one in her mouth.
“I don’t understand,” he says, looking back at me with a look that makes me want to drop to my knees and beg for his forgiveness. The hurt radiates off of him, and I can feel it to the depths of my soul like it was my own. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you leave? It doesn’t make any sense.”
“I need to tell you everything, and I will. I just can’t do it in front of her. As soon as we can be alone, I promise to explain.” I know I’m going to break when I tell him. It’s going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, and I don’t want her to see us both upset. “Please, Ryder, I don’t want her to see me upset.”
He nods his head and runs a hand roughly through his hair. He glances back at Ryland and watches her every move as she happily drinks her milk and eats her cereal. “I need to make a phone call real quick and let them know I’m not coming into work today.” He gets up and grabs his phone off the counter.
“You don’t have to call off work for us. I need to find a place to stay today, and we can talk later tonight after you get off work and she’s gone to bed.”
“You don’t have a place to stay?” He looks at me in surprise.
“No, I came straight here from the airport. I didn’t know where else to go,” I bite my lip, and his eyes immediately go to my nervous habit. Images of him tugging it out with his teeth flood my mind. He’s done it a million times before, and I can tell from his eyes that he’s remembering, too.
He shakes his head as if to wipe the memory away before meeting my gaze again. “Where did you fly from?”
“Seattle,” I say quietly.
“Jesus. Halfway across the fucking country. No wonder I couldn’t find you,” he says under his breath. I can tell he wants to ask a million other questions, but he glances at our daughter, who’s now entertained with a couple of her toys she found in my bag and saves them for later. He dials a number on his phone and waits while it rings.
“Hey Bobby, it’s me. I’m going to need you to take over for me today. I had a family matter come up.” His gaze lingers on Ryland as he listens to Bobby on the other end. “No, everyone is okay.” He’s silent while Bobby talks. “Sounds good. Thanks, Bobby. Call me if you need anything. See you Monday.” He hangs up and puts his phone back down.
“You didn’t have to call off work. Like I said, I have to find a place…”
“You’re staying here until we figure this all out.”
“Ryder, I’ve already barged into your life unexpectedly. I can’t expect you to take us in, too. You have your own life, and you don’t need us here crowding your space.”
He steps closer to me, and I immediately back up and hit the counter. His greys have turned dark, and I see a storm in them. The sight sends my heart pounding loudly against my chest.
“The minute you told me I had a daughter, she became my life . I want her here with me so I can get to know her. I was robbed of the first two years. The least you can do is stay here and give me this time.” His eyes bore into mine, daring me to go against him on this. He’s right, though—he needs this time with her.
“Okay,” I say, nodding my head. “We’ll stay until we decide where to go from here.”
“Good. Now, let's go get her a better breakfast than dry cereal. Jake has some muffins I’m sure she would love. I could use some coffee, too.”
“Let me change first. We’re still in our pj’s.” His eyes roam down my shorts and tank top before meeting mine. I catch a glimpse of something that burns right through me before he looks away.
“You’ll be fine. We can change after. Everyone else will just be getting out of bed, too.”
“Who’s all here?” My gut twists at the thought of seeing his brothers. Will they be angry at me, too?
“Miles, Jake, Travis, Sophia, and Max.”
“Max is here?” I smile at the thought of seeing Max again. He was only three when I left, so he may not remember me.
“Yeah, Max is here for the summer with Travis and Sophia. Sophia is Travis’s wife. They’ve been married for a little over a year now, and she adopted Max shortly after.”
“Travis is married? What about Jake and Miles?”
“No, they are as single as they come.” He gives a small laugh. I glance down at his left hand, and he catches me looking at it.
“You won’t find a ring on my hand either. I gave up that dream a long time ago,” he says quietly. I meet his eyes briefly before looking away. The pain I see in them is too hard to bear. I swallow down the guilt and hurt and bend down to pick Ryland up.
“You want a muffin, Rybug?”
“Muffin,” she grins.
“Rybug?” His brows quirk up.
“When she was born, they swaddle them so tightly like a cute little bug snug in a rug. Rybug just stuck,” I smile.
“I like it.” He smiles at her and gets a toothy grin in return. She leans forward and reaches her hands out to him. My heart squeezes at the joy that flashes in his eyes before he takes her from me. He closes his eyes and hugs her tightly as he breathes her in.
“She’s never done that before. She must really feel that connection with you.”
For the first time since arriving here, I see the Ryder that I remember. He’s looking at his daughter with the same love in his eyes that he always used to give me. Tears blur my eyes as I watch them together. If it weren’t for her auburn hair, she would be a spitting image of him. My chest squeezes painfully at the sight.
His eyes finally meet mine, and his guard goes back up. “We still have a lot to talk about, and I have a lot of anger and hurt right now towards you, but thank you. Whatever your reasons were for deciding to come back, thank you for bringing our daughter back to me.” I nod my head, unable to speak through the emotions clogging my throat. He turns back to Ryland and smiles. “Let’s go get that muffin for you, Rybug.” He walks her to the door, and I follow.
“Muffin,” she grins. Laughing, he walks us across the back deck and pool area. The ocean breeze hits me in the face, and I stop to take a deep breath. My nerves are on fire right now, and the thought of facing his family makes me unable to take a step forward.
“You coming?” Ryder stops and looks back at me.
“I don’t think I can do this. They’re going to hate me,” I whisper.
“They aren’t going to hate you,” he hesitates and sighs. “Even I can’t find it in me to hate you, and I have lost the most. They’re going to be shocked and confused, just like I was…like I still am, but they won’t hate you.”
“I was so scared you would hate me,” I admit softly.
“I could never hate you.” His eyes hold mine, and something familiar flashes in them. It’s gone before I fully get a glimpse of it, but it gives me enough strength and hope to walk toward him.
“Let’s just get this bandaid ripped off.” I open the back door and step inside with Ryder right behind me. Jake meets my eyes first as his fork clatters to his plate. He’s staring wide-eyed at me.
Miles turns to see what the commotion is and meets my gaze. “Eve?” I nod my head and feel everyone’s eyes on me. I see Travis standing with a beautiful dark-haired girl who must be his wife, Sophia, before my eyes land on Max. Once I meet his eyes, I choke back a sob. He’s grown up so much and looks just like his dad and uncles. I remember holding him the day he brought him home. I was only sixteen and hadn’t been dating Ryder long, but his family immediately welcomed me in and felt that connection between Ryder and me. I would help out with Max as much as I could and fell deeply in love with him.
He runs to me now, and I drop to my knees to hug him. He wraps his arms around me, and I almost break in two. “Max, I’ve missed you so much,” I whisper into his soft hair.
“You left without saying goodbye, Evie.” I hold back a sob at the mention of the name he used to call me. “Uncle Ryder was so sad.”
“I know, love, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I didn’t get to say goodbye. I promise you I had a good reason, and I won’t ever leave like that again without saying goodbye.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
He nods his head and grins at me. “You came back. Everyone said you weren’t coming back, but I knew you loved us too much and would come back. Uncle Ryder won’t be sad anymore. Right, Uncle Ryder?” He looks up at Ryder and sees him holding Ryland. “Who’s that?” His cute face is furrowed in concentration.
I prepare myself for the second bomb about to be dropped. Ryder smiles down at Max. “This is Ryland. She’s your cousin Max and my daughter.”