Chapter 22 #2
Even Leo’s head jolts up, startled by his words. “What is that supposed to mean?”
I don’t understand why he’s telling Leo all this.
“It means…” Carlos shakes his head, rearing back his words. “This conversation stays between us. Don’t you dare tell Max, or you already know what will happen if you do.”
I tiptoe back a couple of steps, leaving the phone on the ground, then bolt.
The car door handle slips in my sweaty palm twice before I wrench it open.
Blood rushes to my head, making me lightheaded.
Three deep breaths. The key scrapes against the ignition.
I miss. Try again. The engine starts right up.
I peel out of the driveway and head toward my therapist’s office with my hands shaking on the steering wheel.
The threads of the leather indent on my skin from how hard I’m gripping it.
He’s so damn upset I’m pregnant. Why? Am I that much of a burden? I don’t understand.
Has he been threatening him? Sounds like it.
Leo knew. They have already spoken about us. Max and me. Leo pushed me to find myself. Was it at Carlos’s direction? But why hasn’t Leo mentioned it? Carlos is what I can’t make sense of. Max sees him as a father figure—hell, even I thought he was a great man. Apparently, he’s an evil man.
I massage my temples, trying to figure out why he wants me far away from Max, and what does it mean when he said where I need to be? Could it mean a famous trainer? It can’t be that. It would be a stupid reason. But people do dumb shit for money and fame.
Panic prickles the hairs on the back of my neck.
I shove the gear in park and check my surroundings.
I don’t think they knew I was listening.
Taking a deep breath, I get out of my car and speedwalk to my appointment.
Air rushes out of my lungs when I see Gary, the other security guard Max hired, park two spaces down.
I’m relieved. Now I can’t be pissed at him for rehiring them.
My baby is a threat to Carlos. He doesn’t see it as a blessing.
Twisting the water bottle cap open, I take a long sip.
My throat is parched. The session with Mrs. Sanders has been going pretty well.
We are discussing the reason I ended my relationship with Max.
I tell her the truth. “At the time, I didn’t feel I deserved him.
What he went through at the foster home was dreadful.
He…he has scars on his back from when they would whip him with the belt.
A large fraction of it was because of me.
” I had already talked about it in the last session, including the good and the bad that happened in the foster home.
I’d never mentioned the scars on his back to her.
“So, you wanted him to move on with his life and form a family with a woman who is a complete stranger to his past? You feel this would heal him?”
I frown at the thought. Of course, it wouldn’t heal him completely; the past will always be with him.
He can’t outrun it, but— “He won’t have to look at her and say, hey baby, remember when I would get hit with a belt because some pervert wanted to assault you sexually?
No, he’d look at her as a fresh start. Maybe that’s why he loved Rainey.
She didn’t know anything about his past.” I sigh, setting the water bottle on the table and lying back down.
“Do you feel that if you married a man, a complete stranger who’s known nothing of your past, it would help you? Do you feel as if Max is the trigger for you? Will you look at him and remember the painful memories of losing your family?”
I blink, startled by her question. The idea of being with someone else hasn’t even entered my mind.
My focus has been entirely on what Max needs through all this.
“Being around him doesn’t upset me, if that’s what you’re asking,” I say, my voice steadier than I feel.
“I’m carrying his baby. Every time I look at our child, I’ll see something beautiful we created together, not something to regret.
Max will be part of my life forever now, regardless of what happens between us. ”
She scribbles something in her notes, tucking a strand of hair with her other hand. “So you won’t look at him as a painful memory regardless of your love for him?”
“No,” I say it to the ceiling, because saying it to her face feels like too much. “When I lost everything, he became the solace that I needed. He’s my best friend.”
She hums and sets her notebook and iPad down. “Maybe he feels the same way. Has he ever told you?”
A tear slides down my cheek. “He has.” My voice is raspy and trembles. “He said I’m the light in his darkness. His way of breathing.” My voice breaks on the last word. I wipe my face before she can comment. “Max is special.”
“You are welcome to bring him here. We can all chat when you’re ready. I think you two can help each other. He’s a wonderful person to you, and he belongs to a great woman.” She winks. “Now, before our time is up, what do you have in your notebook for me?”
Scooting my butt on the sofa, I wiggle to a comfortable sitting position, opening my notebook with the homework she gave me last time.
“What I love about Rainey… She has an amazing brother and sister. She has a wonderful best friend named Lana. She had supportive parents at some point. Rainey is stubborn and loves hard. So damn hard she could never forget the boy who stole her heart.” I clear my throat.
“Go on,” Mrs. Sanders pushes.
I open my mouth, close it. “Sol is…” I shut the notebook.
Open it again. “She’s who I want to be. I think.
She was loved beyond belief.” My fingers twist together.
“She’s real. After all, it’s my birth name.
” Those memories reminded me of that. I had to even question myself if it was real.
“Sol was young and free-spirited, but—” I shake my head.
“Nothing has changed—I’m still stubborn.
” I laugh, though it catches in my throat.
“Sol was happy, but Rainey…” I pause. “Rainey hated using her parents’ money, yet I can’t deny it shaped me.
” The anger rises, then falters, admitting the fabricated life we had.
Even Justin admitted it, and Bethany can’t recall much because she was too young. “And lastly, Sol met Max.”
“I want to know everything about Sol.” I press my palm flat against my chest to stop the shaking.
“Her roots, her heritage, and when I mean everything, the whole family tree. The Mendoza blood that runs through me.” I pause.
“That’s who I am.” I press my palm against my chest, feeling my own heartbeat.
“Soledad Mendoza.” To be able to see light in the tunnel of darkness.
I love Rainey, but she was created from lies.
“Breathe, honey. Breathe.”
I sit with it for a moment. The name. My name. Trying it on like something I’d outgrown and then grown back into. Then I pick up my purse after the session is over and walk out. My name is Sol.
“Hey, amor, how was your session?” a familiar husky voice smoothly says, waiting for me at the exit.
Ay, my heart is about to fly out of my chest. “Max, you scared the hell out of me.” My hand is still on my chest while he’s grinning stupidly. I thought he was Carlos for a second.
“Perdón, corazón. I needed to see you. It seems you found out Johnny has been on your tail.” He shoves his hand into his slacks, and his forearms flex in action.
His fresh scent lingers around me like a drug.
I can’t help but stare at his lips. Last night, when I kissed him, it was a possessive one—claiming him under the stars. No matter what, I can’t let him go.
“Yes, I found out.” Sooner, if I had remembered—though he clearly doesn’t, he was drunk when he said it.
His head falls back into a fit of laughter that makes him look like a small boy. “When you slapped Annette.”
“Punched,” I correct him, my chest swelling with pride. Go me. The bitch deserved it. “Did he tell you why?”
His laughter dies down. “No, baby, why?”
“She showed me a photo of you and her. It happened to be the night you came home drunk.”
His eyes widen. Max’s mouth opens and closes. “I didn’t do anything with her. I promise. Even if I were drunk, I wouldn’t.”
I’d had all night to think about that photo. The way his eyes were. The way she’d positioned herself. “I know. She took advantage while you were intoxicated, trying to stir things up.”
He puffs air. “Thank you for believing me. I really do hate the bitch.”
I laugh with relief.
His warm hands frame my face. God, he smells so good. Like a scent I’ve needed to breathe and bathe in. “How was your session?”
“Good.” His proximity pulls a moan up into my throat. Against his chest, my nipples stiffen, and above me, his eyes hold mine—dark green, like the deep part of a forest. Butterflies take flight in my stomach when his thumb strokes my lips.
“I’m proud of you.” His husky voice vibrates between my legs as moisture gathers in my underwear.
Stay focused.
“Thank you.”
“I’m going to Utah to train for three days. I just wanted to tell you. I leave tomorrow morning.” He closes whatever space is left between us. “When I get back, we need to talk.”
Yes, we do. My head is spinning from today’s session and from what I heard Carlos tell Leo. I don’t know what to think. Would Max believe me? Does Carlos truly care about Max? “Okay. Will you be available?”
His forehead crinkles. “Yes, I did say we need to talk.”
He obviously doesn’t understand that I’ve been trying to call and text him with no reply, or that every time he has to leave because he’s needed elsewhere. I simply nod, my gaze dropping to his kissable lips.