30. Dallas
DALLAS
My breath catches when I see the look on Duke’s face. His blue eyes are clearer than I’ve ever seen them, like the ocean on a sunny day.
He’s leaning into me, his eyes dropping to my lips. My throat feels swollen.
“A chance to what?” I finally manage to ask over the roar in my ears.
“A chance to call you mine, really mine.”
He says it so simply and matter-of-factly. I take a sip of the wine, needing the liquid courage.
“You know I’m almost thirty, right?”
He raises a brow, seemingly confused. “And?”
“And you’re only twenty-six. I’m four years older than you.”
“I can do basic math actually.”
“Well, it’s a lot of years, don’t you think? Plus, the two kids, which adds imaginary years on.”
“Does it?”
I nod, taking a bite of the slider. He’s lying there, propped up on his elbow with his Stetson on, and the memory of the night Dutton got sick pops into my brain.
He stayed over, knowing he wasn’t getting lucky, took care of me, and cleaned up my child’s vomit. I’d be hard-pressed to find another man in this state who would do that.
And while looking this good? Impossible.
I look around at the picnic blanket, the food, the horses. My battered and bruised little heart isn’t protesting like she usually is. Maybe a part of me is starting to actually heal, to not turn tail and run for the hills at the potential of having an emotional attachment to a man.
Emotional attachment means power over me.
But Duke wouldn’t use that power to hurt me …
“Is four years really that long to you?”
“What are you saying, like, exactly?” I lean over to lie down beside him, propped up on my elbow.
He studies my face, his eyes dipping over my lips. “I want you all to myself.”
“Exclusive?”
“Yes. My woman. No one else gets to touch you or take you out or sleep in your bed.”
My stomach flips at the possessive edge in his tone. “You wanna sleep in my bed?”
“If you’ll let me. Or you can sleep in mine.”
“And what if it doesn’t work out? What about the boys?” All my fears and doubts are threatening to bubble over the surface and overtake the happy, good feelings in my belly.
He grabs my hand, interlacing his fingers with mine.
“I know it’s scary to let yourself feel big things for someone—trust me, I know. But you gotta stop worrying about the worst possible outcome and start letting yourself dare to dream that this might have the best possible outcome.”
My heart sputters inside my chest. I lick my lips, finally letting my gaze drop to his mouth.
“Okay,” I whisper. “Then let’s do this thing.”
His face breaks into a grin as he crushes his lips to mine and rolls his body back, pulling me with him until I’m lying on top of him.
His tongue brushes over mine, sweet and possessive. I let him in, loving the taste of my favorite wine mixed with him.
His hands move down to cup my butt under my dress. He groans with pleasure and immediately starts to harden in his jeans. I giggle into him.
“Already touching the booty, huh?”
“This booty is mine. Booty touching is a boyfriend perk.”
I peck his lips again, staring down at him with a smile. “So, are sleepovers starting tonight?”
I love the idea of getting to sleep with him again. I spend half the night missing him when he’s gone, especially when I don’t have the boys.
“Not tonight. I have plans with Sam.”
My mood deflates. “Oh. All night?”
He twirls my hair around his finger. “No, not all night. You could stay in my bed and wait for me if you want. But my bed has a rule.”
“What’s the rule?”
“No shirts allowed.”
I laugh. “No shirts? I can’t sleep naked. It’s not comfy.”
He frowns. “Rules are rules. If I catch you in a shirt, I’ll have to take it off or kick you out.”
“What if I only slept in your shirts? The ones with the big cutouts on the sleeves so you could sneak your hand into the side.”
His eyebrows rise. “I might consider that as an alternative.”
“Oh, would you?”
“If you’re in my bed, I’m not gonna waste any time complaining.”
“Am I crushing you?”
He shakes his head. “No, and if you were, I’d be enjoying it.”
“Okay, it’s lame that you have to go with Sam tonight because I want to go home and start practicing girlfriend-boyfriend sex.”
“It is lame, and we’re definitely doing that when I get done. I’ll be quick with him. I won’t be gone long.”
“Where are y’all going?”
“Just doing ranch stuff.”
I lean down, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Well, hurry.”
I’m giddy as I get ready to go over to sleep at Duke’s later. I don’t even remember the last time I was this happy.
After the horrible news from my lawyer earlier this week that there would likely be no change to our custody agreement despite Matt’s drunk-driving incident, I’ve been depressed and sad.
I can’t even let myself think about the boys. The hand I’ve been dealt is shitty. But I have no choice but to live with it and make the best of it.
I get ready for bed and do my skin-care routine and brush my teeth. Then I pack my toothbrush and toothpaste.
I survey my underwear drawer, realizing after the fire all I’ve purchased is cheap cotton panties and a couple of thongs, but I can’t sleep in those.
I highly doubt Duke will complain if I go commando in one of his cutoff tees. A grin splits across my face when I think about him actually officially being mine.
This is really happening!
Emotionally, I don’t know where I stand with him. I have strong feelings for him, for sure, but I don’t know where exactly those feelings are currently.
Another thing I want to avoid thinking too hard about because it scares the shit out of me.
He did my dishes earlier while I was getting ready for our date, so I’ve decided my main goal right now is to figure out what his biggest flaw is. He has to have one, somewhere.
I never thought I would get the chance to date and fall in love ever again.
When I ran for my life from my ex, I wasn’t thinking about what better men could be out there.
I just wanted to be safe and to find peace.
I wanted the chance to raise my boys in a home where they didn’t see their mom being pushed around and emotionally belittled.
Even in my wildest fantasies, I never imagined I would meet someone who actually treated me well and saw me as an equal, not a vessel for his own pleasure and sick amusement.
I finish packing up the small bag and head over to the main house. Duke said he didn’t know when he would be back from whatever it is he and Sam are up to, but he told me he wants me in his bed when he does.
The broken part of me is a little worried about where he is and what he could be doing.
The trust issues I gained from all the lies my ex told me haven’t disappeared with time.
“They’re just having a boys’ night. Chill out.”
If I want to be able to actually get some sleep, I should call Dolly and see if I can casually extract some information.
After I make it inside the house and go to Duke’s room, I plop down on the bed and pull out my phone. It’s already ten p.m., so I text her first.
Dallas
Hey! You up?
Dolly
Yes!
I tap the Call button and listen to it ring for a few seconds before she picks up.
“Hey, what’s up?” She yawns into the phone.
“Oh, sorry. Were you about to sleep?”
“No, no, I’m finishing up this book for book club, and the enemies just became lovers after he chased her through the woods, so … you know, I’ll be up for hours.”
“Oh wow, that sounds intriguing.”
“Oh, girl, it is, and he’s a werewolf, so…”
“Ha-ha. A werewolf? I don’t know if I’d be into that.”
“You would if you gave it a try. I’ll send you a picture of the cover.”
“Okay. Um, so what’s Sam usually doing while you read?”
“Different things—cooking dinner, the dishes, watching TV.”
“Wow. That’s not a bad deal.”
She laughs. “Not at all.”
I chew on my lower lip, debating if I want to share with her that I’m currently waiting in her brother’s bed for him to come home from wherever they are.
But I need to know, or I’ll lie here all night.
“What is he doing tonight?”
“Oh, he’s with Duke. I don’t know where they ran off to. He said ranch stuff.”
My Spidey-Senses go off like alarm bells in my head. I sit up, my throat feeling tight.
“Duke said the same thing. It just sounds odd to me … at this hour.”
“Hmm, yeah, it is odd. But sometimes, I know they have meetings at Old Harry’s in that gross back room that’s all smoky. I went one time, and it was not my vibe. All the old guys smoke cigarettes and cigars inside.”
I relax marginally, but there’s still a nagging feeling telling me that something is up.
My instincts never lie. I knew my ex was cheating with no hard core evidence, and when I found the credit card statement proof later, I laughed out loud because I always knew he wasn’t actually at the gym for four hours.
“I think something is up,” I finally admit.
“What do you mean?” There’s a suspicious tone in her voice now.
“It’s just a hunch. But I have trust issues.”
“Wait … how did you know Duke’s not at home?”
“I—we—I’m at his place.” I bite my lip, snuggling farther under the covers that smell faintly like his leather and mint scent.
“Oh, really?” She says it like she just found out a huge secret she had already suspected was true. “And how often has this been happening?”
“It will probably happen more now since we’re dating.”
She screams so loud that I have to pull the phone away from my ear to save the eardrum from bursting. I laugh, relief coursing through me. The memory of Matt’s evil sister, who always disliked me for no good reason, flashes through my mind.
“Oh my gosh, Dallas, that’s the best news I’ve ever heard! You two were literally made for each other.”
“Really? I was afraid you might be, like, pissed off about it or think I was stealing his youth with my trauma and baggage.”
She snorts. “As if. Any woman who puts up with Duke is a saint.”
“He makes me feel more like a sinner than a saint.” I clap my hand over my mouth, shocked that I let that come out of my mouth while talking to his sister.
“Dallas Hayes! Girl, you’d better quit. The amount of times I’ve seen and heard my brother in compromising positions makes me want to gouge my ears and eyes out.”
“Ew, don’t tell me about his slutty past. I want to pretend I’m the only girl he’s ever been with.”
“Right … even though you have two kids with someone else.”
I throw my head back and laugh. “Yes, exactly. I can have a past, but I want to pretend he doesn’t.”
“Okay, okay, I can play along. Duke’s a virgin.” She makes a gagging sound before we both collapse into a fit of laughter.
“All right, I’m exhausted. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Okay, future sister-in-law, talk to you then. Ah, I cannot wait to help plan the wedding! We can go all out for yours!”
“Dude, we just started dating.”
“I have a sixth sense about these things. I bet he’s had the ring since before your divorce was finalized.”
I barely manage to hold in a gasp. There’s no way. Surely not …
“All right, you, I think it’s time you got some beauty sleep so you can think straight again.”
She giggles into the phone before sighing. “You’re right. But you and Duke are a really great match. Don’t sell yourself short. You’re an outstanding mom. You’re strong and resilient and kind and a hard worker and that’s just scratching the surface. You deserve a good man.”
The prick of emotion behind my eyes surprises me. I haven’t cried in … a long time. The emotional side of me has been shut off, out of pure self-preservation.
I finally manage to mumble, “Thanks,” and we hang up.
I lay my head down on Duke’s pillow, inhaling the leather scent he left behind.
The Redford family seems so idealistic in so many ways, but I can sense a darker side to them, something rippling under the surface, telling me to beware.