Chapter 34
Titus
Ithought Mariah had already given me everything I wanted. She’s turned my house into a home. Reminded me how to live. Inspired me to rejoin the world. Gave me a reason to go on.
Or two.
She’s brightened my life and shown me how much I have left to give.
And I want to give it all to her.
I nose along her neck, breathing deep. “I don’t think you understand what you’ve done for me.
” Trailing a path up her body, I catch the hem of her sweater, dragging it along to reveal soft, smooth skin.
“How much you’ve changed my life.” I lift my head to meet her eyes as I push the knit higher. “How much you’ve changed me.”
Mariah shakes her head. “I didn’t change you. You are who you’ve always been.” She reaches up to trace the path of scars woven across my skin. “I just made you share it with me.”
I turn my head, pressing a kiss into the palm of her hand.
“You didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to do.
” I tug off her sweater, tossing it away.
“From the second you walked into my house, you’ve had me in a choke hold.
” A smile curves my lips as I lower to brush my mouth over hers.
“And it’s only gone downhill from there. ”
Peeling away her bra, I cup the weight of her breasts in my hands, gently thumbing the tightening tips as I claim her mouth, slicking my tongue against hers, trying to get as much of her taste as possible.
Mariah’s hands go to my hair as my mouth travels lower, drawing a stiffened nipple between my lips while I work her pants down her legs. I want to show her how much I need her. How much I appreciate her. How much I love her.
I continue my downward path, burying my face between her thighs. Feeling her come against my tongue is one of my favorite things in the world, and I chase it relentlessly. Working her clit with the tip of my tongue in short swipes the way I know she likes.
Not the teasing type, I’m not the guy who will take her to the edge just to back off. I’m the guy who wants to see how many times I can send her sailing. An overachiever. And I don’t mind putting in the time and effort to get where I want to go. Or in this case, where I want Mariah to go.
Again and again.
I can’t—and will never—get enough of her. Of her warmth. Her smile. Her positivity. Her bravery. She is everything, and that’s what I want to give her.
Everything.
A home. A future. Safety. Love. Adoration. Appreciation. I want her to know she can make as many plans as she wants and I will do everything in my power to make sure they come true.
It’s not until she comes against both my mouth and my fingers that I fill her body with mine, sinking into her slowly so I can savor every sensation. Memorize every sound and every breath.
The round curve of her belly is by no means big, but it’s apparent enough I’m careful not to put pressure on that area as I angle my body, curling over her as I align my face with hers. “Look at me.”
I wait as her lids flutter open, gaze glazed as it meets mine.
“Again.” I need to hear it. It’s fucking maddening how much I crave those three words from her.
Mariah’s hands tangle in my hair, holding tight as I continue to slowly rock into her. “I love you.” Her fingers trail over my face, my scars. “So much.”
I lean into her touch, the feel of both the past and future on my skin. “I love you.” I wish there were better words. More I could say to make her understand the depth of what I feel for her.
The way she pulled me from the darkness with her light. How her warmth chased away the cold that had surrounded me for years. That she’s given me something to live for. Offered me hope. Reminded me of who I am and what I want to be.
And all I want to be is hers.
I wish I could drag this moment out forever, but it’s too much. So many emotions driving me, pushing me, that I’m on an edge of my own before I see it coming.
There’s no way I’m not falling, the best I can do is try to take her down with me.
“One more.” Settling my hand against her mound, I circle her clit with my thumb. “Come with me.”
I know I’m being demanding tonight, but her admission has me raw. It’s given me a vulnerability I will always fear.
And right now, I need to be reminded that she’s right here. With me. Safe and happy and satisfied.
“Titus.” Mariah’s breathing deepens, chest expanding with each inhale as her spine curves, bringing the temptation of her breasts close enough I can easily draw one into my mouth.
It must be the final part she needed, because her pussy clenches and her thighs jerk, her orgasm sparking mine. Groaning against the hardened nub under my tongue, I sink deep, rocking more than thrusting as my cock jerks inside her.
It’s perfect. She’s perfect.
And I’m an idiot. Because I decide all that perfection makes it the right time to blurt out, “Marry me.”
“How’s it going?” Walker follows me into my office, dropping to one of the seats by my desk. “Anything exciting happen lately?”
I lower into the office chair Mariah got for me, chuckling. “You mean besides announcing to everyone that Mariah and I are together and she’s pregnant with twins?”
“I mean anything that might be connected to the giant diamond on her finger.” Walker grins at me. “Mom’s gonna shit when she sees it.”
“Mom helped me pick it out.”
I may have proposed to Mariah in the heat of the moment, but it wasn’t a snap decision.
I’d been thinking about it for a while. Long enough to have researched the best places to find the kind of ring she deserves.
Long enough to have ascertained the size it should be and determined the style she was most likely to prefer.
And since I owe my mother everything for bringing Mariah into my life, I wanted to include her in the process of keeping Mariah in my life.
“I know Trevor thinks you pairing up and having kids will get Mom off the rest of our backs, but I’m a little worried it’s just going to encourage her.” He smirks. “I’ll have to make sure I don’t give her any room to try to drop a woman in my lap.”
“I know you think that, but as someone who’s been a little bit of where you are, I gotta tell you, it’s pretty fucking fantastic.
” I know Walker carries a lot of baggage relating to the loss of his mother, and I get how it could make him hesitant to let himself get attached to someone. But if I can do it, anyone can.
Hopefully he figures that out one day.
“I’ll take your word for it.” He taps his fingers on the arm of the chair, crossing one ankle at his knee. “I know you’ve had a lot going on, but I didn’t know if you’d been able to find anything out about the accident.”
I thought that might be why he was here, and I wish I had better news for him.
“It’s slow going, but I was able to get the reports from that night.” I open my computer and log into our private server. “What exists of them, anyway.”
Walker leans forward, eyes narrowing. “What do you mean, what exists of them?”
“I mean the most interesting part of what I found was what I didn’t find.
” Usually in an accident involving a death, the paperwork is substantial.
Especially an accident from the days before the Internet was widely used.
“There should have been pages and pages of documentation, but all I could dig up was a single hand-written report by the first officer on the scene.”
I pull the scanned document up and turn the screen toward my cousin. It’s nothing more than a brief explanation of what he witnessed upon arrival.
Walker looks it over, the set of his jaw tightening with each passing second. “Where’s the rest?”
“That is a good question.” I was young when my aunt was killed, but old enough to remember the police talking to my parents.
Explaining there were three cars involved, but they hadn’t been able to locate the third one.
“There should be an accident reconstruction in here. Pictures of your mom’s car and the car of the other guy who was killed.
Witness statements.” I shake my head and lift my shoulders in a shrug of confusion. “But there’s nothing.”
Walker seems as stunned by the discovery as I was. “Where in the hell would it have gone?”
“That’s what I need to figure out. It’s why I hadn’t brought this to you yet. I was hoping I’d be able to track the rest of it—or at least part of it—down.” I hated coming to him with less information than we started with, but in a way it still tells us something.
Or at least hints at it.
“Evidence doesn’t just disappear.” Walker stands and begins pacing across the room. “How in the hell could they have lost all of it?” He scrubs a hand over his face. “I shouldn’t have waited so long. Maybe if I started earlier we could’ve found more.”
“There are some things you can’t rush.” I like to think if my mother hired Mariah five years ago we would’ve ended up in the same place, but I’m not so sure.
Grief takes time. Pain is slow to fade. And when you know something is going to rip open old wounds, it’s difficult to talk yourself into baring skin.
“We’ll figure out what happened, it might just be a little harder and take a little longer than either of us was hoping. ”
Walker turns to me, his shoulders slumped. “Or maybe I just learn to live with not knowing. I’ve managed this long.”
I think of the envelope sitting upstairs in my safe. What it contains.
What it doesn’t.
Opening it will only bring me pain. It will add another loss to the list I carry. Similar to Schrodinger’s cat, the baby Kara and I created has been both a boy and a girl in my head for so long that the thought of giving one of them up makes it difficult to breathe.
But the knowledge we’re seeking won’t lead to a loss for Walker—it will lead to closure. Allow him to shelve the book of his past and maybe make room for him to open something new. Something good.
He deserves something good.
“If you’re okay with it, I’d like to reach out to one of our clients. Pierce’s company has government contracts and his team might have access to places mine does not.”
I will bend a lot of rules. I’ll even stretch a law or two. But getting caught attempting to access classified material isn’t on my to do list.
Walker takes a deep breath as he considers.
His eyes drift out the front windows, looking over the mountains outside.
“I’m older now than she was when she died.
All I can think about is how much life was stolen from her.
” His nostrils flare. “By some prick who couldn’t even be fucked to stop and see if she was okay.
” He’s quiet for a minute longer before finally turning to me.
“Figure it out. Find who did it so I can take him for a hike in the fall.”
I’m a little disappointed in my own plan to feed Mariah’s ex to the mountain lions. Getting bears to eat him right before hibernation would’ve been a much better solution.
I’ll have to remember that.
“Done.” I stand, following Walker out into the entryway.
He looks toward the back of my house where the construction crew is working on the addition. “This place is going to be hella big when you’re done.” He smirks. “Way too big for a family of four.”
I’m not going to deny having the same thought myself. “Didn’t want to have to do this again in a few years.”
If Mariah and I don’t have any more kids, that will be fine. But if we do, I want to be prepared. Going through a renovation isn’t an easy process. I can only imagine how much more difficult it would be with the twins running around.
“I know I said it before, but I’m happy for you.” Walker rests a hand on my shoulder. “But don’t you dare try to fix me up with one of her friends.”
I snort. “She’s got two friends. One of them is happily married in Montana and the other one has zero interest in putting up with a man.
” Mariah hasn’t told me much about her friend Maren—some secrets need to be kept—but I know enough that I’ve kept my eyes open for a good position we can offer the feisty brunette when her temp contract is up.
She’s a hard worker and busts her ass, so I don’t think it will be a tough sell.
And if it is, I’ll add her to my team. I don’t know what she’ll do there, but I’m at a point where we have more than we can handle, and I need to bring some more hands on deck.
“I don’t blame her.” Walker braces both hands on his hips. “We can bring a lot of bullshit to the table.”
“Everyone does.” I don’t want Walker to think he’s a lost cause. Too damaged and jaded to ever find happiness. “You just gotta find somebody whose bullshit aligns with yours.”
Walker’s eyes drift down the hall as Mariah bangs around my kitchen, likely assembling some sort of magical dessert I’ll have to run off tonight.
His expression turns thoughtful. “I’d be interested to know what part of your bullshit aligned with caramel cake.” He backs toward the door. “Because I’m pretty sure I’ve got that same sort of bullshit.”