Chapter 22
Moira
I pace back and
forth in my room, chewing on a thumbnail. Glancing at my watch for
like the tenth time in the last ten minutes, I start for my bedroom
door and then turn around to resume the trail of worry that I’m
imbedding in the carpet.
The connecting door
to Zach’s room opens, and he steps through with a sated look on
his face. “Ready to go down to breakfast?”
He’s wearing
that well satisfied look because an hour ago, Zach had woken me up,
as he so often does, with his tongue deep inside my pussy and me on
the verge of an orgasm. Just as I was getting ready to come, Zach
pulled away, flipped me onto my stomach, pulled at my hips to hike my
ass in the air, and plunged deep inside of me. I immediately came,
muffling my cries in my pillow, and Zach pounded away at my body
while he let out a stream of curses and moans.
And then he did
something that shocked the hell out of me and made me orgasm again
violently. He pulled out just as he started to climax, shooting his
warm seed all over my butt and lower back. I felt three spurts hit me
while he groaned loudly, then he was dragging his fingers through the
slickness… down my back and right down in between my ass
cheeks. His finger grazed over my anus and rubbed the moisture all
around, and then he gently inserted his finger inside, setting off
another sparkling storm within me. He pumped his finger in and out of
my ass a few times while I shuddered and cried in wicked release,
finally begging him to stop before I passed out.
He chuckled in good
nature, removed his finger, and leaned over to press a kiss between
my shoulder blades. Then he pulled me back into his arms, and we laid
on the bed in silence while our skin soaked up the sticky mess he had
made all over me.
Soon, though, he
slapped my ass playfully and pushed me out of his bed, telling me to
take a shower so we could meet Randall for breakfast. And thus is the
reason for my worry.
Facing Randall.
Zach told me on the
way home last night what transpired with Clint and Cara. About how
they propositioned him for group sex, promising coke and Ecstasy. I
had to explain what that was to Zach. He curled his lip up in
disgust, and then cursed them both for a solid five minutes.
Worst of all was
when he told me that Cara threatened to tell Randall about us, but
Zach assured me she wouldn’t. He had threatened her the same,
to tell Randall about their own dirty secrets, that they are sexually
intimate with each other, a thought which gives me the willies. It’s
just icky!
“I’m not
going down,” I tell him adamantly. “Cara probably called
him this morning. In fact, he’ll probably be able to tell by
looking at my guilty face.”
Zach walks over to
me and pulls me into his arms. Cupping the back of my head, he
cradles me against his chest and whispers a kiss over the top of my
head. This kind and gentle Zach is someone that causes my heart to
nearly explode with feeling, and I know that every time he touches me
this way, my heart’s fate is being sealed forever.
“Would it be
so bad if he knows?” Zach asks in a soothing tone while he
strokes my back.
Pulling back from
him with wild eyes, I practically hiss at him. “Yes, it would
be bad. Terrible. The worst. You don’t understand, Zach. He
hired me to do this job. This is my professional career on the line.
Randall has the power to ruin me and then what will I have? I’ll
have nothing.”
“You’ll
have me,” he says simply and for once, my heart doesn’t
flutter over his words.
So I sneer at him.
“What exactly would I have, Zach? A man who knows how to fuck
me senseless but plans on leaving to return to Brazil one day?”
“You could
come with me,” he says quietly, his eyes serious and intent.
I want to scoff at
him because the idea is ridiculous. I’ve lived in a modern
world my entire life. I’ve devoted a large portion of myself to
becoming a scientist and developing a name for myself. I could never
give that up to… to… what? Pick grub worms from rotted
wood to go with the meat that Zach hunts for me?
But I don’t
say those things because right now, Zach’s offer is serious. I
also know if he thought about it a moment, he really didn’t
mean it. I mean… when he returns, he’s returning to a
tribal society that doesn’t even practice monogamy. We wouldn’t
have our own happy little home, and we wouldn’t make love for
hours. No, he’d put me on my knees in the dirt and fuck me
without any emotion because that is what he would become again when
he returns. And that would destroy me.
Taking a deep
breath, I turn away from him and walk to the small vanity table. I
take a moment to put on my watch and earrings that are laying there.
Sorrow courses through me as I realize… there is no future
with Zach. There’s only the here and now, for however long that
may be.
“Moira…
Randall wouldn’t care if you and I were together,” Zach
says confidently.
Turning around, I
look at Zach with disbelief. “You don’t know that. You
can’t possibly know that.”
He gives me a smile
as he walks toward me. Reaching out, he tucks my hair behind my ear
and looks at me thoughtfully. “I do know that because I’ve
gotten to know Randall. He’s a good man and more than anything,
I truly believe he just wants me to be happy.”
“And are you
happy, Zach? Are you really happy here in a world that you want to
run from?”
“I’m not
running from it now, am I?” he says, his voice hard.
“Maybe not,
but you’re certainly vocal that you’ll run from it one
day. Your plans are still to return, right?”
Zach’s lips
turn downward into a frown, and his voice is sad. “Yes, I’m
going back. It’s where I belong.”
Letting out a breath
of acceptance, I place my hand on his chest. “I know. I know
you don’t belong here, even if I wish you did.”
His eyebrows rise in
surprise. “You want me to stay?”
I’m not
prepared for this conversation because I’m afraid it will lead
me to say something foolish, like Yes, I want you to stay. I’m
falling in love with you, and I can’t bear the thought of you
leaving.
But I keep my lips
sealed tight and tell him, “It doesn’t matter what I
want. Like Randall, I only want you to be happy too, and I’ll
support your need to return if that’s where your joy lies.”
Zach watches me
intently, waiting for me to say something else. He looks disgruntled
by what I just said, but I just stare back at him, reaching an
impasse in truly laying out all of our feelings. Because let’s
face it… it’s easier to express them with sex and desire
rather than talk about what the heart truly wants.
Turning away from
me, Zach heads toward my bedroom door that leads out into the
hallway. “Let’s go eat breakfast and then we can get
packed up.”
Yes, we need to get
packed. Zach and I are going to go to North Carolina for the weekend
to visit my sister, and I’m yearning to see her. She’s
someone I can talk to about all of this craziness with Zach and
hopefully, she can give me some perspective.
I cut into the
Belgian waffle on my plate and take a small bite. My stomach is still
churning with apprehension, worried that at any moment Randall is
going to call me out for seducing his godson.
But with every
passing moment, Randall is nothing but his kind and jovial self. He
and Zach keep up a running dialogue about Randall’s plans to
expand Cannon’s Department Store globally. I can’t tell
if Zach is truly interested or if he’s just humoring the old
man, but whatever it is, I can tell that Zach has definitely
developed a fondness for his godfather. He’s totally at ease
with him, and he even kids around, making sly jokes at Randall’s
expense, who always bursts into laughter at Zach’s temerity.
“So, Moira…
are you actually working on writing up your study on Zach to publish
or will you wait until after he returns to Amazonia?”
I swallow my waffle
and take a sip of orange juice. “I’m actually working on
the paper as we go. It’s a bit different than my other studies
on the Indians I’ve observed who have transitioned back into
modern society, so I’m finding this method works better.”
“How so?”
Randall asks with interest. Zach listens while he eats, but he’s
actually heard this before. We had talked about it the other day when
we decided to have a lunch picnic in the park.
“Well, in my
other studies, those Indians were indigenous and had never been in
the modern world. Zach is a bit different. He was born here and has
some strong memories that have helped to ease his transition. But the
biggest difference is in the language barrier. Zach speaks English.
The Indians I studied all spoke Portuguese, and I had to work with an
interpreter. Also, I didn’t have one-on-one access to them the
way I do with Zach. I was able to do some interviews with the
interpreter and had them fill out some questionnaires, but I couldn’t
observe them. It was very sterile, and I had a lot of written data I
had to analyze.”
“So I imagine
as you observe Zach, it’s easier to write your findings in an
organic manner,” Randall observes astutely.
“Exactly,”
I tell him, and then because I’m suffering under massive guilt
for entering into a sexual relationship with my study subject, I say,
“And again, Randall, I cannot thank you enough for this
opportunity. For trusting me with this project.”
I notice Zach’s
eyes fly to me at that last statement and narrow over my choice of
wording. I wince internally because while I know that Zach is far
more than just a test subject in a project, I’m sure it didn’t
feel nice to hear me say that about him just now.
Zach watches me a
moment and then a hard look filters in. My guilt increases. I open my
mouth to try to sugarcoat what I just said, but Zach pushes his plate
away and turns to Randall.
“Randall…
you need to know that Moira and I are involved in a relationship. So
while she’s still helping me to adjust,” and here he