Chapter 18 Back Where I Started
Back Where I Started
JESSICA
EIGHT YEARS AGO:
Emerald Pack Clinic
The glint of a blade reflects the moonlight as it comes straight for my face. A high-pitched, manic laugh echoes around me. The knife slices into my cheek, my scalp. Screaming with every slice until my throat is raw, it aims for my eye.
I raise my arms to protect myself. Stop! Please stop! Breathing harshly, I open my eyes and assess my surroundings. My vision distorts the shadows and light. I sit up in bed slowly, recognizing the smell of the sterile room.
I remember the man named Anders collecting me from Alpha Agnus’s house.
I fell asleep in the car. I remember the man named Chris explaining they had wanted to return me to the clinic, where the doctor could take care of me.
But I also remember Anders saying he planned to bring me home. Is this the clinic?
My heart rate accelerates, and the sound of my harsh, wet breathing bounces around the room. I close my eyes to calm myself. A warm palm holding my right hand, and another gently rubs my back.
“Shhhhh. You’re safe, sweetheart. No one will hurt you,” says a soft, soothing female voice.
I can’t see what she looks like, but I detect a hint of mint accompanied by a delicate flowery scent of jasmine and vanilla.
She continues to rub my back. I roam my hands down my body.
A tube sticks out in my stomach, and another line runs into my arm.
I wear that weird dress thing that only covers my front.
I reach for my throat—no tube this time, but the hole is still present.
The woman makes a shushing noise and continues to rub my back.
“The tube in your stomach feeds you. The line in your arm hydrates you. It’s to help you, not hurt you.
” She pauses before apologizing, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up the other day.
You must have been so scared. Between myself and my boys, we have been at your side since they brought you here.
But my oldest son had to return to school.
We all reluctantly left your side, not thinking you would wake up.
You’ve been in a coma for almost two weeks. ”
My shoulders drop, and the tension in my body relents.
“I’m here now. I won’t let anything bad happen to you, Little One.”
I nod and squeeze her hand.
She guides me back to recline in the bed. “My name is Shakti. I know—it’s a bit of a strange name, especially for someone born and raised in the LS. I can tell you how I was named, if you like?”
I nod again, encouraging her to continue.
“My father was a businessman who met many people overseas. One day, he met a beautiful shifter princess, a daughter of an Alpha King, in India on one of his travels. He met her only once. She was a little girl, no more than four or five years old, but he couldn’t get over how beautiful she was for a child.
When he met his true mate, and they finally had a daughter after four sons, he was adamant on naming his daughter Shakti because he felt his daughter was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen and his daughter would forever be his princess.
I wish he was still alive today. I think you would have liked him. ”
I reach out to find her hand and smile at her story, imagining how beautiful she is. I just wish I could see her, this woman who stayed by my side and comforted me. I worry I’ve lost my vision completely.
Without a voice and no vision, how will I survive? What kind of life could I possibly lead? Feeling sorry for myself, tears well in my eyes. What a mess. No one wants a weak person in their pack. A crybaby is weak.
A commotion outside my door diverts my attention. I can’t hear much with my ears, but inside my head, two male voices grumble with each other. The words are too fast, much faster compared to someone speaking out loud.
The door of my room bangs open. Great job, dumbass! You nearly woke the dead.
The funny thing about these voices, as I pay closer attention, is they sound exactly the same in my mind. Yet, the intonation and personality behind the words help me to differentiate the two.
Shut up! You’re the one who shoved past me as I opened it, Voice Two snarks.
Shakti leaves my side. “What the hell are you doing? I told you two to stay outside in the waiting area until she woke up and the doctor looked at her,” she issues firmly. Ah, this must be two of the boys she mentioned earlier.
I told you we should wait, Voice One says. I picture an elbow hitting someone in the chest.
Pshhh. Like I’d listen to you anyhow. She needs us. You heard her thoughts, just as I clearly did, Voice Two responds, and again, another elbow jabs back in my head.
How are they doing this? It’s almost like when I heard Alpha Agnus’s voice in my mind. She told me to use my brain to visualize my surroundings.
You met Alpha Agnus? Voice One asks.
“Well, are you two going to explain yourselves?”
“Sorry, Mom, but… we, uh… ouch! What the hell was that for?” Voice One speaks out loud.
Shut up! Maybe Little One doesn’t want anyone to know, Voice Two hisses in my head. I grow confused and overwhelmed as the banter between the two occurs at lightning speed.
“Sorry, Mom. It’s just that….” Voice One stops mid- sentence. In my head, he asks if it’s okay to tell my secret.
I hesitate, worried she won’t like me anymore, especially if she thinks I’m weird.
She’s our mother. You can trust her, just like you can trust us.
Trust. I contemplate the word. It feels like such a foreign concept. Even though my instincts tell me I probably could trust them, I’m not sure it’s safe. Fear blooms deep in my chest.
You can trust us. Our mother knows that we communicate to each other in our minds. If you ever meet our big brother, you’ll learn that he’s special, too. It will be fine.
Caution still stirs in my heart. But I want her to know. I guess, if something happens or they kick me out on the streets, it’s better to find out now, rather than later. I nod.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, we can communicate with her the same way we communicate with each other,” Voice Two blurts.
“Jeremy, language! How many times must I remind you?” Shakti scolds, not really reacting to what he just said. Personally, I would have freaked out.
“Nah, my mom’s cool. I’m Justin, by the way.” Voice One says to the whole room. “The abrupt one is Jeremy. I love how you picked up on the differences in your head.” A slew of images flash through my mind of someone receiving a beatdown. I assume those stem from Voice Two, or Jeremy.
“Mom, she can’t see or talk. It was really bothering her. We just want to let her know that she’s not alone, and we can help.” Justin is cordial when he speaks. Maybe that’s just the way he talks to his mom.
“She’s scared and sad,” Jeremy admits softly this time.
An image populates of a tiny person in a hospital bed, attached to tubes. She’s thin, and frail, and her face is hollow and sunken in, akin to a skeleton. A woman dressed in a smock and matching colored pants works to rearrange lines and reposition the body.
Is that me? He’s showing me what I look like. Wow. I look like death lingers closely. With each image, I experience their fear, concern, and sadness. They don’t even know me, and they are worried about me.
“The doctor should be here shortly. He went to one of the pack members’ homes to help with a birthing. I usually go, but I wanted to be here when you woke up,” she explains.
I think it’s strange. I only just met her, and I really feel like she cares about me, in such a short time.
She does. We all do. One of the boy’s voices enters my head again.
“Mom, she’s wondering why you care about her,” Jeremy tells his mother.
A hand grips my own, and her floral perfume wafts closer. “Because the moon goddess brought you to us. I will care for you as if you were one of my own.”
No words, no thoughts, can express the feeling that blossoms in my chest. Even without my memory, my instincts claim that I have never known this kindness. Two hands touch my feet.
“Hello, Little One. You’re awake,” a man’s voice greets from the doorway. “I’m Dr. York. We haven’t officially met.” A shadowy figure stands off to the side.
“She can’t see, Dr. York, and with the hole from the tracheotomy, she can’t speak yet,” Shakti proclaims, addressing Dr. York.
The smell of blood permeates the air around him, and I immediately tense. I shift in my bed, anxiety swelling in my throat.
“Uh, Dr. York, why do you smell like blood?” one of the boys asks the doctor.
He chuckles. “Occupational hazard. A patient bit me. I thought I cleaned up well enough before entering the room.”
“I can, uh, still smell it,” Jeremy shares. He is the more vocal of the two so far. Justin mainly addresses me through my mind.
I hear water running, and then paper crinkles.
He washed his hands. You’re fine, Justin narrates. I nod.
“If you boys don’t mind, I’ll have you leave the room while I examine Little One.” Footsteps shuffle across the floor.
Anxiety seizes me again. I don’t want to be left alone in the room with him.
Relax. Mom is here. She and the doctor will explain to you out loud what he is doing. You’re perfectly safe. Jeremy and I will be outside, listening. Footsteps leave the room, and the door softly closes.
We’re right outside, Justin reassures me.
“You’ve made a connection with the boys already, I see. That’s good. You need support. It will help you heal.”
I nod my head, listening to their shoes scuff the linoleum floor in the hallway.
“I’m just moving out of the way, sweetie. I’m right here,” Shakti says and rests her hand on my foot.
The doctor approaches the side of my bed.
“I’m going to start examining you now. My hands are a little cold. I just washed them.”
I nod, indicating that I’m ready.
“So, Anders informs me that your name is Jessica. I originally assumed your name started with a G. Perhaps it’s an initial of your last name,” he declares.