Chapter 54 I Hate You
I Hate You
JESSICA
TWO WEEKS AGO:
Emerald Pack Territory
Isearch his deep emerald eyes. As bad as our relationship has been, I still miss looking into them.
What am I doing? I break eye contact and push him away. Without looking at him, I ask, “When you say us, you mean the twins and Duck?”
He hesitates briefly before he answers. “Anders and Liam were also among us. Queenie nearly plowed Anders down when she ran through the training facility and Liam was with me when Queenie took off.”
I picture a stern-faced Anders nearly mowed over by a thousand-pound animal.
I smile at the image in my head. “I’m the reason they sent you to the academy.
I took you away from your family.” No wonder he was so mad at me when he returned home.
In his eyes, I really was a thief, pushing him out to take his place.
He shrugs. “It didn’t go down like you think.
It was challenging keeping my magic abilities a secret.
With the Resistance still pursuing magic wielders, I realized that sooner or later, I would make a mistake and become their target.
When our parents and Anders mentioned sending me away, I wanted to go.
I had little control over my magic and I didn’t want to inadvertently harm you or anyone else. ”
I frown at his admission. So, if his anger toward me wasn’t the reason for him leaving, why was he so mad? I study him. Then a thought crosses my mind, “How is it that you are the only one in the family capable of wielding magic before I met you?”
He lifts his gaze to the piece of rope still hanging from the tree, then turns to the forest of Territory Two. “Because I met you before you were…”
“How?” I stare at the back of his head. He refuses to look back at me.
A blush of red creeps up his neck as he reminisces, "I was fifteen back then, and this girl I really liked betrayed me. I returned home from school for the weekend, filled with all this rage and heartache. I just wanted to…I don’t know, escape.
I shifted and went for a run. I ignored all the warnings to stay away from the Ruby Falls Pack Territory.
I underestimated how ruthless the Ruby Pack could be.
I ran right into a trap, and before I knew it, I was lying there, caught in a homemade net.
A group of teenagers, close to my age or perhaps a bit older, gathered around me, teasing, taunting, and threatening to kill me for trespassing. "
He turns those emerald green eyes back to me, "You showed up, wearing your school uniform, and started throwing rocks at them. I can't remember exactly what you said, but it was enough to make them angry and chase after you. The more I struggled, the net tightened making it impossible for me to shift into human form. I lay there tangled in the net for what felt like ages as the forest darkened. Then you returned alone, with bruises on your face and arms. I felt like a stupid idiot, for getting into this mess and I remember wishing that I had magic to free myself instead of relying on you. While you were cutting away at the net, your hands started to glow, this white luminescent light settled over me. The twine of the net just fell away, and I was free. After you urged me to leave and never return. It took me a while to see, how the trees and brush parted for me as I ran back home. That’s when I understood that you had given me magic.”
I scowl at his confession, “This whole time” I shake my head in disbelief, “You knew where I came from and you kept this a secret from me!”
He squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head, “I kept it from everyone.”
Angry tears start to form, “I don’t know what makes me angrier finding out that Anders is my biological father or learning that you knew something about my past and didn’t tell me.
” I cover my face with my hands and scream in frustration.
“Why does everyone think they have the right to keep secrets from me?! This is my life! Do you have any idea what it has been like for me? Not knowing where I came from, how I ended up with magic. How I ended up almost dead!”
He takes a step forward, I retreat a step back. “It wasn’t meant to hurt you. At the time, we thought the less you knew would keep you safe and I never intended to keep these secrets from you for as long as I have.”
“What a crock of fucking shit!” I spit out. He takes another step forward and reaches out, “Don’t you dare touch me or use your magic on me!” I growl in warning.
He drops his arm to his side and dips his chin. “Jessica, just wait, please. I—”
Ignoring his plea, I twist around, instantly shifting into my wolf form, and run through the forest as fast as my four legs will take me.
As I near the forest’s edge, a massive, powerful wolf collides with me, sending me tumbling to the ground.
I quickly regain my footing, but Luke is already on the attack.
I growl defiantly, refusing to back down.
I brace myself for his impact. We tumble together, crashing into the bushes scattered across the forest floor.
I rake my claws against him and sink my teeth into his shoulder.
He lets out a piercing whine, and we break apart.
He lunges for me, snarling. I snap my jaws, and he places an enormous paw over my head, pinning me to the ground. He uses all his weight to hold me under him.
Damnit, Jessica, stop fighting me! His loud voice shouts through our mind-link.
Get off of me, Asshole! I roar.
Shift! He commands. I try to wiggle free, but I can’t escape. Jessica, shift!
I know it’s pointless, but I continue to writhe and squirm. Get off me! I snap my jaw aiming for his leg, but it’s just out of reach.
“Jessica, there are fucking paparazzi everywhere. If they see you in wolf form, it will be all over the damn news! The public can’t know you’re a white wolf! Not until you’re mated, and your pack is secure.
I stop struggling beneath him. Get off me. If I shift, you’ll crush me.
Stop fucking around and just shift! Damnit, Jessica!
Now! I cringe at the harsh tone ringing in my head.
Reluctantly, I shut my eyes and transition into my human form.
As I gradually open my eyes, I anticipate encountering Luke’s wolf.
Instead, his human face and completely bare body hovers above mine.
His chest heaves, and so does mine. “I went back for you. I found this little campsite nestled in the forest, and I recognized your scent. I would leave you little gifts and notes asking for you to meet me or at least tell me if you needed help. You never replied.”
I glare at him, “Why were you so cruel to me when we first met.”
“When my father told me that they adopted you, I immediately thought you were manipulating me and my family. Because I knew you were from Territory Two and even though we don’t have proof, we know they have an association with the Resistance.
” He expels a breath and rests his forehead against mine.
“I was a stupid teenage kid, that had gotten his heart broken for the first time. I promised myself that I would never allow anyone to take advantage of me like that again. I became overly distrustful, and second guessed everyone’s intentions.
I know that I fucked up, and I caused you pain. ”
He moves his face closer. “I love you, and I’ve spent years trying to atone for my past actions. I never intended to keep those secrets from you, but not all of them were mine to share.” I squeeze my eyes shut and turn my head away from him. “Look at me, please,” he whispers softly in my ear.
“This doesn’t change things between us, Luke.” Before I can push him off, his lips crash into mine, his tongue invades the open space.
His hand skims down my body, tiny electrical pricks ghost across my skin.
His erection presses against my thigh. He pulls back slightly, nipping at my lips.
“Tell me you don’t feel this,” he whispers as he glides his hand over my breast. “Tell me you don’t want me as much as I want you.
” His lips meet mine, and he raises my leg to hook around his waist. “You can’t lie to me.
I smell your arousal. I feel it in your kisses.
” He lifts his body, just enough for the cool breeze to tickle my skin.
My skin instantly misses his warmth. I miss him, his scent, his kisses, his touch. I curl my hands around his biceps. In my head, I mean to push him away, but my traitorous body pulls him closer. I kiss him, allowing his tongue to plunge deep into my mouth.
He smiles softly against my lips, moaning as my hips grind into his erection. Meeting my eyes, he implores, “Don’t toy with me, Jessica. I don’t think my heart can survive you abandoning me again.”
I turn my head. “I can’t be with you.”
His expression falls, and he slams his fist into the ground near my head. Jolted by his sudden reaction, I push against him and try to maneuver out from underneath him, but he pins me with his weight.
“Stop lying!” he spits “You still have feelings for him, don’t you?” When I don’t answer him, me moves off me and swings his arm, punching the air. “How can you fucking still want him? How can you excuse him for abandoning you, for betraying you? But you refuse to forgive me!”
I sit up and cross my arms to cover my nakedness. Tears stream down my face as I shake my head. “This isn’t about Liam or Shadow. This is about what you did to me!” I yell. I rise to my feet. I have to get out of here.
“I am just as much a victim in all of this,” he yells back.
“A victim?! You want to call yourself a victim?” I shove him, rage consuming me.
I laugh. “You were in her bed, naked!” I shove him again, but he regains his stance.
“Elaine answered the door naked with your mate mark, fresh and dripping with blood!” I scream and punch him so hard he falls back.
Gripping my arm at the last moment, he takes me down with him.
“You didn’t just fuck her! You mated her! ”
Luke wraps his arms around my waist and flips me on my back. I attempt another punch, and he restrains my hands above my head. But he doesn’t reply. Years of hurt and anger that I was holding back takes over. I want to hurt him the same way he hurt me.
“I hate you for making me love you! I hate you for breaking my heart! I hate you because you mated her! I hate her for taking my best friend away from me, and I hate you for letting her!” I narrow my eyes, hating the tears that spill from my eyes. “I. Hate. You.”
He presses his face in the crook of my neck, and drops of moisture trickle down my damp skin. We both pause, no longer fighting, panting, crying.
In a gravelly tone, he says, “I lost Emily, too, Jessica. I hate myself every day, knowing I lost both of you, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.” He adjusts so that I lay on top of him.
I seize the opportunity of freedom and sprint all the way back to the manor.
Once inside my room, I lean against the door, catching my breath, and force the sobs escaping my throat to stop. I immediately start packing. I need to leave. I know Luke. Even after everything I said, he won’t stop. We’ll just fight some more or end up fucking and then fight again.
My door bangs open, and Luke stalks over to me. He wears sweatpants, the bastard. “We aren’t done talking!”
“I have nothing more to say. Get out of my room!” He reaches for me, to pull me to him. “Just stop!” I yell, yanking my arm back.
He combs his fingers through his hair. “I can’t keep doing this.”
“Good! Now get out!” I bark. His jaw tenses, and his hands fist at his sides. From my bag, I retrieve a manila envelope. I planned to leave this for him when I left. I guess it’s now or never. “Here.” I slap the envelope into his chest.
He catches it before it falls to the floor. “What the hell is this?” he asks, removing the documents to read them.
In the two days that I hid from everyone, I collected paperwork for our businesses and signed everything over to him. “What the fuck is this?!” he roars.
Continuing to pack, searching for clothes, I answer quietly, “I meant what I said.”
He glances up from the papers in his hand. “I did this for you!”
“I know, and that is why I’m giving it to you.”
“I don’t want this without you!” His voice cracks, heavy with emotion.
“I want you to take it,” I whisper. I can’t look at him. If I do, I might change my mind, and I can’t afford that.
He shakes the agreements. “You hate me so much, you’re willing to give all of this away?” He tosses the documents onto my bed. “Sell it! Sell all of it!”
I shake my head, and he turns to leave.
Stopping just before the door, he states, “I’m done, Jessica. It’s obvious there’s no in-between for us. I tried. I really tried, but you won’t hear me out.”
My mouth opens, but I can’t form the words. Besides, there is no point in twisting the metaphorical knife any further.
His energy shifts, pushing against my skin. “You leave me no choice,” he threatens.
More tears burn in the back of my throat. I lower my head in submission. If I continue to fight him, it fixes nothing. It only ever leads to more fighting. I gaze up at him through wet lashes.
His face contorts with fury. “I want you out of my house. I want you off my territory, and I never want to see you again!” His last word holds such force that the windows rattle. On his way out of the room, he punches the door off its hinges.
I crumble to my knees and sob.