Chapter Twenty-Four
ELLY
THE ROOM is cast in silver from the glow of the full moon through the window, and the sky is so clear that the backdrop of stars is a beautiful show of twinkling lights. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many stars.
Surely the clear sky means we will get some sun tomorrow. Even though I know its best for me to leave, especially since Lainey Rai knows why I’m here, the giant lump in my throat and sting behind my eyes won’t go away.
After the exchange in the kitchen earlier today, I came up to Breanna’s room and changed into a pair of flannel sleep pants, a t-shirt and a very soft sweater that was folded up in the dresser, and I didn’t go back down for dinner. I don’t belong at their dinner table.
After seeing the look on that little girl’s face, I realized what a monster I must be to everyone in this house. As Kinley said, I’m just a vulture out to take their home. When I heard her say that, it felt like a knife being plunged into my chest.
The past few days, I have been stupidly surfing on the wave of a dream I’ve always thought was out of my reach. I let myself get lost in the warm glow of this family and forgot who I am.
To be able to exist in a life like this, one has to be born into it. I wasn’t born into anything like this, my life has always been to each their own and hoping the odds are in my favor. A life of loneliness and eating over the kitchen sink.
I didn’t bother lighting the lantern, the moon is so bright that I just pulled the throw off the end of the bed and sat on the window seat to watch the ice sparkle over the never-ending landscape before me. It’s quite pretty.
Since the two upstairs fireplaces are on the landings on each end of the house with the bedrooms between, I’ve kept the door open to let the warmth in, but the tap on the door is making me regret keeping it open. I turn to see Marley standing in the door frame with a tray of food.
“I thought you might be hungry, so I made you a plate.” Everything about her is soft and gentle, her voice, the way she walks, her smile, and the energy that reaches out and wraps me in a hug every time she is near.
She walks to the bedside table to set the tray down, and then moves around the bed to get closer to me.
I smile at her as I pull my knees up to my chest to make room for her to sit down, but the knot in my throat that lodged itself in place after I removed my rose-colored glasses is making it hard to talk.
I clear my throat. “Thank you, my stomach just started growling in protest of missing dinner not long ago.”
Looking out the window, she sighs before she sits on the edge of the window seat. “It’s pretty, isn’t it?” Her blue eyes sparkle as she looks out over the trees.
Sensing she wants to say something, I nod and wait.
Shifting her gaze to me, she puts her hand on my foot and says, “I want to apologize for Kinley, her filter has always been a little loose. I blame it on being raised around all this testosterone.”
“Oh, she didn’t say anything that isn’t true. I just hate that Lainey Rai overheard, it’s the worst feeling in the world to be thought of as a monster by someone so innocent.”
Looking back out the window, she sighs. “She’s also one of the most forgiving people I know.” Turning her head back in my direction, she smiles. “She’s not one to hold a grudge.”
At the same time relief loosens the guilt in my chest, my heart drops into my stomach at the realization I’ll be leaving soon. “I’ll just have to take your word for it.”
Clearing her throat, she waits a few moments before she says, “Mason sent a text and said he’s supposed to be back tomorrow sometime, do you think you could sit down with him, Dad, and Gray to tell them what you told me?”
Just how close I am to upending my life is flashing in my mind like warning lights and my heart is fluttering in my chest. I’m just a few steps away from the point of no return and fear is sending up red flags left and right, making me question the path I’m about to take.
“Wow, so soon? I thought for sure he would be gone longer than a few days.” Especially after overhearing Mason and Jax talking about being helo’ed in and dropped, then I heard the words clicks and exfil. I don’t know what all that means, but it sounded time consuming.
Linking my fingers, I pull them up under my chin. To anyone else, it might appear I’m cold and just trying to warm my fingers, but the unease I feel at the lonely road ahead of me is making me want to rearrange and clean the entire room from top to bottom.
I know that helping these people, helping Gray, is the right thing to do. It’s what I want to do. But, damn it, why do I feel terrified and alone?
“In and out, that’s what he always tells me. I imagine part of it is wanting to get back to Sloane.” She pauses and asks again, “Will you? Talk to them tomorrow?”
I nod. “Yes, of course.”
Her smile lights up her entire face. “Thank you.”
We both turn our heads toward light tapping on the door. Gray is standing there, and my heart skips a beat as I think of how handsome he is. He’s switched the round brim of his cowboy hat for his tattered ball cap that’s turned around backwards.
His flannel is open and the long sleeve t-shirt under it is hugging his chest, showcasing the rugged masculinity that is making my insides flutter.
Even in the low light, I can see the silhouette of his large forearms from the rolled cuffs of his shirt, and I remember how good it felt to be held in those arms earlier today.
I’ve only known this man less than a week. I need to get my shit together and stop looking for something that’s never going to happen. It was nice to stand in the warmth of his attention for a minute, but I’m deluding myself if I think too much about the attachment I feel to him.
“Marley, can I have a minute with Elly, please?” His voice is soft, I’ve noticed he and his dad have a tone that is reserved only for Marley, and it’s had me wondering why.
Quickly standing up, she chirps, “Sure.”
When she walks by him through the doorway, he steps into the room and closes the door behind him. Feeling some kind of weird tension from him, I stand and toss the throw onto the bed. His eyes sparkle in the silver light in the room as he looks at me.
“I’m sorry about downstairs earlier.” The fingers of one hand are tapping against his thigh.
Trying to control the burning, I feel even more like I’m sinking into a deep, black hole. I blink a few times and paste on my signature smile. I wave my hand in front of my face. “Don’t worry about it, the whole situation is unusual.”
He takes a step towards me. “Don’t do that.”
Confusion sweeps over me. “Do what?”
His eyes volley between mine. “Don’t pretend it didn’t bother you. You may think that smile fools everyone, but it doesn’t fool me. I see you.”
My heart jumps into my throat. No one notices my mask. No one’s cared to. Taking a shaky breath, I say on the exhale, “Habit. It makes things easier.”
He cocks his head a little. “Would you rather have easy or real?”
It’s like he’s reaching out and warming parts of me, pieces of my soul I didn’t know existed.
It feels good. He feels so honest and sincere.
But at the same time, it points out just how pitiful my upbringing was.
It’s also a warning not to let myself get addicted to something that is going to be gone in a matter of days.
This can only go one way, and I don’t think I can take losing the normal of my life and the heartbreak of losing him at the same time. I need to put space between us.
Say something to make him leave, Elly. Tell him easy is always better, he won’t like it.
“Real.” I whisper.
My inner eye roll because of my weakness for him makes my head spin. Good job…
Getting a taste of what ‘real’ feels like won’t kill me, right? Just a taste.
“I know you skipped dinner because you wanted to be alone, and I tried to give you that. But as I’m sitting down there, all my thoughts keep going back to you, and I know this sounds crazy.
” He holds his hands up in surrender in front of his chest. “I don’t like the thought of you feeling bad because of me.
” He takes another step toward me and drops his hands.
He’s just a few steps away from me and I can smell the smoky sandalwood scent that hangs on him like some kind of pheromone.
Butterflies are fluttering in my stomach as I think of how soft his lips were against mine. “You were doing what you had to do for your daughter. I admire and respect that.” With everything in me. She has no idea how lucky she is.
He takes another step towards me. I can feel the heat from his body wrapping around me, anchoring me to him, touching my skin like a caress. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
He reaches for me, his rough palm slides over my cheek, making me suck in a breath. Who knew such warmth and tenderness can be found in something so rough, something so strong? In my next breath, his fingers are looped around the nape of my neck and his lips are on mine, hungry and demanding.
Sliding my hands up his arms, he lets go of my neck and squats down some to wind both arms around my body, pulling me flush to him, his hand sliding up my back to my nape, the fingers of his other hand bite into the skin on my side.
His hard angles pressing against my softness pushes every bother in my mind to another place and slams the door with a satisfying click of a lock.
When my toes start to leave the ground, I lift my legs and wrap them around his hips. His kisses started tender, his tongue sliding across my lips before gently tangling with mine, but become urgent as he nips and sucks my bottom lip before spearing his tongue into my mouth again.
The flames of desire dancing around my core are spreading across my skin, scorching me, and my nipples pebble against his chest pressed to mine. “Gray,” I mumble into his mouth. It’s a plea laced with desperation, begging to be touched.