Chapter 7
Evan
We got back from the wedding in Kentucky a few days ago, and once again, I’m getting ready to spend a few nights away from home. As happy as I was for Maddox, I couldn’t keep the jealousy from creeping in. Watching him with Kerrigan, and Noah with Molly, I found myself wanting what my brothers had. At the wedding reception, when the vibe of the scene was getting to me a little, Alani came up to me and asked for a dance. I’d hoped she did it out of some sort of extreme need for me like I had for her at that moment, but I was just wishfully thinking like some fucking naive teenage girl. Imagine the slicing pain I felt when she told me she was just doing Maddox a fucking favor. The moment she said “You can thank your asshole brother for this”, I felt the welcome relief of the numbness I developed from childhood wash over me. After that, I was fucking done. I’m done fucking waiting, done fucking playing—I’m just fucking done with her. I’m still going to keep her safe, but outside of that—I’m over it.
Before I even left Kentucky, I called Mary to hook up with her. I told her to plan on being gone for several days and to rest up because she’s going to be extremely tired and sore by the time I got done with her. She excitedly agreed, and tomorrow, we’ll be meeting at a hotel room that I rented for the fuck fest. It’s been several months since I’ve had sex, and I don’t plan on leaving that room for at least two days—not even for little necessities like eating.
It’s dinner time and I’m in my living room with the TV on, waiting for room service to bring the food I’d ordered. Alani comes walking out of her room, looking pleased. The self-preserving numbness must be at work, since I’m not even slightly affected by the sight of her, and my heart keeps a steady rhythm as I continue to flip through the channels.
“Guess what?” she asks happily, reaching the couch where I’m sitting.
“What?” I ask, disinterested.
“We got an almost match,” she replies, shoving some papers in front of my face. Putting down the remote, I grab the papers from her and look them over. Since we already knew Devin isn’t the father, the DNA test results only confirm that there are enough genetic markers to indicate that Devin and Cade are closely related.
“That’s good. Now, all we need to do is locate Jackson. I have several people looking for him, but so far, there’s no trace of him. The governor is having a garden party to raise funds for his race to the Senate and I recently got an invite to it for making a sizable donation to his campaign. I plan on talking with the governor then—see if he knows where his son is. And who knows? Jackson may attend to support his dad.”
“You what?! Why didn’t you tell me you got invited to the event?” she asks incredulously, staring at me like I have two heads. She doesn’t wait for me to answer before adding, “Can I go?”
“That’s probably not a good idea, but I’m not saying no. We’ll have to discuss it more when the time comes.” I don’t want to give her an answer yet. I’m still debating the pros and cons of having her come with me. If Jackson thinks she’ll be there, then maybe he’ll show his face. If he does show, we may be putting her in danger. Then again, it’s a public function, and the likelihood of him trying anything there would be low. Still, I don’t know if I’m willing to risk her safety.
“Okay,” she agrees with a nod of her head. She then smiles at me and says, “Hey, I was wondering if you’d maybe want to go out to Lake Michigan tomorrow and walk around before winter sets in.”
“Can’t. I won’t be around the next few days. Your security detail will still be following you, so you’re free to do whatever you want.” I inform her, picking up the TV remote and resuming my channel surfing. I’m not really interested in finding something to watch...I just don’t like where this conversation is headed.
“Oh. You’re going out of town? You didn’t mention it,” she says, sounding a little disappointed.
“I’m not leaving town,” I reply, purposely being vague.
“Then why won’t you be here?” she inquires, puzzled. I look over at her and see her dark eyes innocently questioning me. I wait for some emotion to stir inside of me as I look at her, but I feel nothing. No guilt, no relief, no longing, no worries about hurting her—nothing. I’m unaffected, like I’m deadened when it comes to feelings for or about her.
“Just some personal business,” I answer her without emotion. People don’t usually question you when you say it’s personal because what you’re actually saying is—it’s none of yours. Thankfully, the food arrives and I’m forced to get up to answer the door, effectively putting an end to the conversation.
“Ok, well maybe next weekend,” Alani says hopefully.
“We’ll see,” I reply, walking past her.
Lani
After my conversation with Evan, I spent the rest of the night trying to figure out why it bothered me so much. My mind raced with thoughts of what personal business Evan could possibly have in the city that would keep him away from home for a few days. During the long hours of the night, I was at least able to work out part of what had bothered me about our discussion—when Evan had spoken to me, it was as if he was speaking with a client. I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t like the thought of him being mad at me, so I want to catch him before he leaves today. Looking at the clock for the millionth time this morning, I hurriedly brush my teeth and hair and rush out to the living room.
When I see him standing next to his overnight bag, I immediately get a sinking feeling in my gut and I want to throw up. He said he had personal business, but what he really meant was personal pleasure. He’s not dressed in his usual suit and tie—no, he looks hotter than usual. He’s wearing tight jeans that hug his muscular thighs and a form-fitting black shirt that hints at his defined abs and shows off his gorgeous arm muscles. The few arm tattoos revealed by the plain T-shirt only serve to add a bit of an edge to his already sexy look. Looking down at his phone, a sly grin appears on his freshly shaved face—he’s leaving me to get laid. I have a sudden urge to drop the floor and just cry, but I don’t even know why. The pain in my chest is so great that I have to take a few deep breaths. Oh God. I think I’m having a panic attack! Evan must have heard me, because he looks up in my direction. Seeing me, he gives me a concerned look.
“What’s wrong, Lani?” he inquires, walking towards me. I’m helpless to do anything but to continue trying to breathe deeply and calm myself down. I can’t think straight, but I still notice how once again, I’m just ‘Lani’. Standing in front of me, he says, “Hey, talk to me.”
“Where are you going, Evan?” I manage to ask, my voice sounding broken. I don’t know why I bother to ask when I already know the truth. Maybe I just need to hear it from him. I watch the look on his face change from concern to a hard mask.
“Lani, you’re a smart woman. I know you’ve already figured it out and I don’t need to say it.”
Not knowing what to do, I run back to my bedroom. I slam the door, trying to shut out the pain. I’m so confused! Why am I acting like Evan had just confessed to cheating on me??? I know I don’t want a relationship with him. I want him to be with someone who can make him happy. But, why do I feel like I’m dying inside, knowing that I’ve lost him?
Evan
My first instinct is to run after Lani, but I refuse to do it. I’m done holding her hand. If I go after her, it would only lead to an argument and another fucking reminder from her that she doesn’t want me. I don’t need it, and I don’t feel like dealing with her shit when I’m horny as hell. It’s been months since I’ve had any sex and I’m ready to make up for the lost time. I wound up packing an entire box of condoms in my overnight bag and knowing just how much relief I’m going to need, I threw in whatever was left in the box sitting in my night stand for good measure. By the time I’m done with her, Mary won’t be walking straight for a while. With thoughts of the different ways I’ll soon be fucking Mary, I leave Lani behind in the penthouse.
I check into the hotel and send Mary a text with the room number. Walking around the suite, I start planning on how I’ll be spending the next few hours. The bed is a California king and there’s plenty of space to spread Mary out, maybe begin by eating her pussy so that she’ll be ready to take my cock right away. We can get off a couple of times over there, then clean up and go a few rounds in that big tub that’s about the size of a jacuzzi. Maybe even fuck out here on the balcony. I consider my options as I walk outside and breathe in the crisp air. My eyes scan the city below, and as I take in the view, Lani enters my mind. I recall the pain I saw in her eyes as she ran off into her bedroom. I don’t understand why she’s even upset. She made it clear, on multiple occasions, that she doesn’t want to be with me. Did she expect that I’d turn into a monk and never have sex again? Whatever. I really need to stop thinking about Lani and her reaction before the obsession with her finds its way back into my mind. Where the fuck is Mary? She needs to get here, NOW! I need to bury myself inside her and forget all about Lani.
When Mary finally arrives, I do a sweep of her body as she walks in. Though Mary doesn’t fit the mold of what most people consider as the ideal beauty, I find her sexy. She may be average height and a little thicker in the waist, but it’s the confidence in which she carries herself that makes her hot as hell. I take a lot of credit in making her the woman she is today, because she didn’t have that spark when we first met. All those years of her husband wearing her down did a number on her self-esteem, but I worked on her. Evidently, having a ‘damn good-looking man with a fine ass’ wanting you and giving you the attention you deserve can do wonders for a woman. With all the sexual liberation I provided her, the confidence she found in bed eventually spilled over to all other aspects of her life. Now, whenever she smiles, she has a glow about her and it always gets me hard knowing I had a hand in making that happen.
Once she’s in the room, I close the door and come up from behind, wrapping my arms around her. She puts her bags down and I greet her by grinding my hard cock against her ass.
“Mmmm...someone’s eager to get the ‘Fuck Fest’ started,” she says, throwing my words from a text I’d sent her back at me. “I’d say what’s up, but I can feel the answer just fine,” she comments with a laugh. “And it’s good to see you, too! It’s been a while.”
“Yeah, I got caught up in something and I’ve been busy dealing with it. But don’t worry, I’m back now,” I tell her as I trail kisses along her neck.
“Well, good. Let me get my bags in the bedroom, then I’m all yours,” she says before turning her head back slightly to catch my lips with hers for a quick kiss. She pulls out of my hold and bends down to pick up her bags.
“Now, that’s what I like to hear!” I declare, smacking her ass hard with my open palm—that’s going to leave a mark. I can’t wait to get her naked so I can claim that ass. I hear her gasp in pleasure before she excitedly hurries to the bedroom. In her excitement, she completely forgot about her bag and just took her purse. With a smile on my face, I pick up her bag and follow her.
As soon as I put her bag down, she’s back in my arms, kissing me—fast and demanding. It’s another thing I like about Mary—she doesn’t talk much and just gets straight to business. My cock is so hard, aching to bend her over the bed and fuck her in the ass. God, just thinking about it has me close to ejaculating. It’s a good thing I planned ahead and dumped all the condoms I brought with me on the nightstand before she got here. I already have to deal with ripping the wrappers open and wrapping up my dick, I didn’t want to waste precious time taking them out of the boxes too.
Not breaking the kiss, I grab Mary’s ass and press her close against me. I feel her reach between us and start to stroke my cock through my jeans. Fucking CHRIST!! Here I am kissing this fine as hell woman and all I can think about is how her mouth doesn’t have that taste of peppermint. And her lips aren’t soft like Alani’s. I realize that I stopped kissing Mary, so I try to get back into it. LANI isn’t welcome in my thoughts! I feel Mary’s hands at the hem of my shirt, lifting the fabric off of me. She’s seen all the tattoos before, so I don’t try to hide them. I help her get the shirt up and over my head before resuming to kiss. We fall onto the bed with her on top of me and her hands start wandering up and down my torso. I brush my thumb over one of her nipples and she rests her hand on my chest—right over my heart, right on top of the ‘Always mine’ tattoo. Once again, I pause. I’m trying hard not to be distracted, but I can’t help it.
“What’s wrong?” Mary asks, noticing my hesitation.
“Nothing,” I reply, turning her onto her back and leaning over to kiss her.
“Evan, stop,” she says, pushing against my chest and turning her head to avoid my kiss.
“It’s nothing,” I repeat, attempting to kiss her again.
“No, tell me what’s going on,” she insists, sitting up.
“Mary, I said it was nothing. Just let it go,” I reply, laying back on the bed.
“It’s her, isn’t it?” she questions, running her fingers across Alani’s name.
“No. It’s me,” I answer, closing my eyes.
“It’s okay, Evan, but I’m going to leave.”
“Why?” I ask as I sit up and look at her.
“Because I spent ten years of my life married to an asshole, living in the shadow of other women, and I refuse to do it again! If we’re going to fuck, then I damn well better be the one you’re fucking—I don’t want your mind going to her!”
Dammit! I want to argue with her and tell her that I’m here with her in body and mind, but I’d just be lying to her. She deserves better than that.
“I’m sorry, Mary. I never meant to hurt you. When I invited you here, I honestly thought I was ready to move on.” I feel like shit for doing this to her.
“I know you’d never intentionally hurt me, Evan. And I understand, you’re in love with her—she’s a very lucky girl.”
I smile sadly at her and let out a humorless laugh, before saying, “I highly doubt that she’d agree with you there. And trust me, that’s all over. No, I can’t say it’s over when it never even started...it just won’t happen.”
“Listen to me, you just need to give her time,” Mary advises, taking my hand in both of hers .
“I’ve given her years,” I protest.
“Then give her a few more. I don’t know her and I don’t know what her story is, but knowing you, you wouldn’t fall for some stupid girl. So your girl, she’s smart enough to see what a catch you are, and if she’s unable to be with you right now, then she has her reasons. You just need to give her time to work through whatever she needs to and be there for her.”
I dismiss Mary’s mini lecture. I hear what she’s saying, but I can’t keep living the way I’ve been. I plan on finding and disposing of those three fuckers soon so that Lani can finally be safe and out of my space.
“Thanks for everything, Mary. The room is already paid for, so feel free to stay and enjoy it,” I tell her as I gather my things and leave the room. Not ready to go home yet, I’ve changed into my button up and slacks to go out and meet my brother. Since Maddox is probably balls deep in his new wife, I called on Noah. If I’m spending another fucking night frustrated from the lack of sex, I’m at least getting the satisfaction of keeping Noah away from Molly for the night. Misery loves company, and God knows Noah needs to stop fucking his wife so much—she’s always getting knocked up.
Noah beat me to Hansons, and he’s got a couple beers ready for us.
“Hey,” Noah greets, pushing one of the bottles towards me.
“Thanks for coming,” I reply, grabbing the beer and taking a swig.
“Yeah, no problem. What’s going on?” he asks.
I sit back and try to find a way to explain the situation with Alani, but I can’t find the words, so I just say, “I love her.”
“No shit, Sherlock,” Noah responds with a laugh, knowing immediately who I was referring to. “But it’s good to hear you finally admit it.”
“She drives me insane.”
“Women will do that.”
“She doesn’t want me,” I admit bitterly .
“You sure about that? I’ve seen her with you and how she reacts to you. Granted she’s usually pissed at you, but I always thought there was something underneath all that fire,” Noah reasons with a smile.
“I thought so, too. But she keeps pushing me away and telling me to move on.”
“Do you believe her?” he questions.
“Well, yeah.”
“This is just an observation, because I don’t know shit about women, and I piss Molly off all the time...” I have to smile—I think Noah likes winding her up. “...but I don’t think Lani has admitted how she truly feels about you to herself. She’s comfortable with you, and after what she went through in high school and what she’s going through now, that says a lot. She turns to you because you’ve given her something that she’s probably never had with any man—a constant, dependable fixture in her life. She doesn’t trust easily, but she trusts you not to hurt her and to be there for her. Once she opens her eyes, she’ll realize it.”
God, when did this asshole start being the smart one with all the answers? I’m two for two today—I talked to two women I give a fuck about and managed to hurt them both. I’m such a fucking moron! I saw the hurt and tears in Alani’s eyes and I let her walk away. She knew I was going out to go fuck another woman and it had to have crushed her. Maybe Noah’s right. Maybe she just hasn’t realized her feelings for me. I throw money down on the table, immediately stand up and quickly say, “Thanks, man. And sorry, but I need to go.”
“Go. Go talk to her,” Noah says, shooing me away with the beer bottle in his hand. As I turn to leave, I hear him call out after me, “And don’t be an idiot, asshole!”