Chapter 14
Lani
I can’t believe I’m sitting in Noah and Molly’s apartment. I have so many emotions running through me that I don’t know how to deal with any of it. I’m confused and scared, and all I want is to break down and scream in anger. The moment I saw Evan in that attic, I knew I was going home—there was no way he’d let Michael take me. And as safe as I might have felt in that moment, it was immediately followed by another fear—rejection. I knew Evan didn’t want kids—he still probably doesn’t, but I need to wait for things to settle down before we can talk about it. I just don’t know what to say. Right now, he’s sitting on the sofa with a look I’m not familiar with. I feel like I’m looking at a stranger. Who is this man? How is he feeling? Even though these questions are running through my mind, a part of me is still back at that farm house. Dylan and Jackson are still out there, and I’m still in danger, which means Evan and my daughter are also in danger. With all of this hanging over my head, I feel like I have no one to talk to about any of this, and once again—I’m alone.
Evan
Noah still hasn’t come back with my daughter. I keep texting him and the fucker says they’re still checking her over. He better call soon with some answers or I’m heading down to the hospital. I hate that I can’t be with her—Harper needs her father. But my baby girl isn’t the only one I’m worrying about. Alani has been very quiet, sitting by herself and just staring off into space. I can tell she has a lot on her mind, and I want so badly to go over there and just hold her. Actually, why am I not holding her? I get up and walk over to where she’s sitting. I sit down next to her and wrap my uninjured arm around her. I know now isn’t the time for discussions, but I need to be near her. She gently lays her head on my shoulder.
“Thank you,” she whispers .
“For?” I ask.
“Saving me and Harper.”
“You’re the one who saved both of you. I’m sorry I couldn’t find you sooner,” I say, feeling a lot of guilt that I couldn’t be the one to save them.
“It’s not your fault. I’m the one who left that night. I’m sorry I got us into this mess, and I’m sorry that you’re a father when you didn’t want to be. Evan, please don’t feel like you have to be a part of our lives.”
Hearing her words, I just want to shake some sense into her. “I wish you hadn’t left that night without letting me know where you were going. God, you don’t know how many times I tried to figure out why you even left. I thought that maybe if I had a clue, then I could have figured out how to find you. Going out to get a pregnancy test wasn’t a scenario that ever played out in my head. And let me tell you, some pretty crazy shit went through my mind.
“Alani, I want you to know—and I need you to believe me when I say this—I want my daughter. I love my daughter. She isn’t something I ever planned on, but she’s everything I could want.”
“Ok, I want to talk more about this, but not right now. My mind is still going crazy.”
“I know, mine too,” I say, leaning my head against hers.
“UNCLE EVAN!” I smile as I hear Landon’s voice for the first time in months.
“Landon, I’ve missed you, buddy,” I call out as he runs towards me.
“Where you been?” Landon asks.
“Somewhere I never want to go back to,” I reply.
“Good, because I have woman troubles,” he announces in a very serious tone. I nearly choke. I’d nearly forgotten how I was the one to give him advice on how to deal with women.
“What kind of woman troubles could you possibly have? You’re four, buddy.”
“Isabelle. She won’t let me sit next to her. She says I’m too bossy, but I sit down anyway.”
I can’t help it—I bust out laughing as I see Molly rolling her eyes. I think I even see a hint of a smile on Alani’s face. “Yeah, just keep sitting down next to her,” I advise. “She’ll come around.”
“Next year, I’ll be in pre-K. Mommy says we might have different teachers,” he says, sounding upset.
“Well buddy, if that happens, you’ll just have to find another girl.”
“No way. I’m going to marry that woman.” That does it, everyone starts cracking up.
“Alright, Romeo, get to bed. Say goodnight to Uncle Evan,” Molly says, still laughing. Landon comes over to me, giving me a hug, and I feel like shit for not being there for him.
“I love you, buddy,” I tell him. As I’m hugging him back, I realize just how much I’ve missed being around my nephews.
“I love you, too,” Landon replies. He starts to walk off, then stops before turning back around to face me. Looking at me uncertainly, he asks, “See you tomorrow?”
“Maybe not tomorrow, but soon. I promise, buddy. I have a surprise for you.” I can’t wait for him to meet my little girl.
“It better be cool,” he says as Molly shoos him off to his bedroom.
Lani
God. We still haven’t heard from Noah, and I’m starting to get nervous. He said he’d keep us updated, but he hasn’t called. I can’t just keep sitting here, not knowing what’s happening with my daughter, so I turn to Evan.
“Evan?” I hesitantly say, trying to get his attention.
“Yeah?”
“I can’t just sit here while Harper is at the hospital. I need to be with her.”
“I know. Let’s go,” he responds, getting up from the couch.
“You can’t drive,” I say, pointing to his shoulder.
“You can drive my car. Let me go find Molly, so I can borrow one of Noah’s shirts.”
“Ok.”
While he looks for Molly, I pace around the living room restlessly before heading out to the balcony. I look at the beautiful Chicago skyline, and the freedom I feel in this moment brings me to my knees and makes me start to cry. I’m going fucking crazy. I don’t think I’ll ever get my life back. I’m a mother, but I don’t know how to be one. I couldn’t feed Harper and I couldn’t keep her safe. She deserves a better mom, someone who isn’t fucked up. I hear all the time that babies can sense what their mother is feeling, and I don’t want what’s going on with me to affect Harper. I don’t want to cause her stress, and I definitely don’t want her in danger. What am I going to do? Maybe I should just leave town and follow my parents to Hawaii. As much as it hurts to think about not being able to watch my daughter grow up, at least I’ll know she’d get a chance at a normal and safe life. Another round of tears hit me as I realize that I can’t be her mother. I lay back against the wall, sobbing when I feel a strong arm wrap around me. Evan doesn’t say anything, he just holds me. He lets me ride out my tears for a good ten minutes.
“Evan,” I say.
“What, Alani?” he inquires, squeezing me tighter.
“Are you sure you want Harper?”
“Yes, Alani. I want her,” he reassures me.
“You promise to keep her safe?” I ask.
“Yes. I promise. Why?” he replies, a look of confusion appearing on his face.
“I can’t be her mother. She isn’t safe with me in her life,” I answer. I feel his arm loosen its grip .
“Baby, listen to me. You’re her mother. And she will be safe, I promise.”
“Jackson will just keep coming for me. He’s not ever going to stop and leave me alone.”
Evan
Fuck. I still can’t believe that Alani is sitting here with me. But even though I have her back, she’s still not completely safe—not with Jackson still out there. I don’t know what I can say to help or comfort her. She has a point—as long as Jackson is alive and out there somewhere, he will keep coming for her. Not knowing where he is or what he’s up to is very unsettling. No doubt about it—I have to find the bastard fast and kill him. Only then, will I know for sure that my girls are safe.
“Evan?” I look up and see Noah. Alani and I immediately get to our feet to hear the news about our daughter.
“Where is she?” I demand eagerly.
“Brayden has her. I wanted to talk to both of you first,” he responds in that annoyingly professional tone.
“Is she alright?” Alani asks worriedly.
“She’ll be fine. She’s underweight, weighing only four pounds, four ounces. She’ll need extra feedings, but make sure they’re small. I don’t want her getting too much, too fast. I don’t know why you aren’t producing enough breast milk, but there are things you can do to aid in milk production. And of course, you could always do formula.”
Now that I know Harper is fine, I stop listening to Noah and head in to finally hold my daughter again. Shit. We have nothing at my place for a baby. No clothes, no diapers, and no formula. Neither Alani nor I are able to get those things right now, so I approach Brayden to talk to him.
“Hey. When we head out, can you stop at the store and pick up some formula and diapers?” I ask him.
“We brought that stuff from the hospital,” Brayden informs me as he hands Harper to me. Once she’s in my arms, I look her over. She’s sleeping peacefully—she’s so beautiful. I make a silent promise to her that no one will ever harm her.
“Go home to your wife and son. Enjoy this night,” I tell Brayden.
“Alright,” he responds. “We need to get together and get our story straight. The cops are going to want to know where they were.”
“Tomorrow morning. Bring everyone over.”
“Will do,” replies Brayden. Looking over my shoulder, he sees Alani and walks over to her. Giving her a hug, he says, “Lani, I can’t thank you enough for keeping Cade safe. I’m glad to have you both back. Welcome home.”
“We kept each other safe, and he kept me sane. He’s a really good kid—the best. You should be very proud of him,” she says tearing up.
It’s time for me to get my girls home where they belong. “You ready, Alani?” I ask.
“Yes,” she replies, walking towards me to look at Harper. Alani looks so lost, and I know immediately that the Alani that left me that night isn’t the same one who came back. Regardless, I still love her and will do anything to get her back to feeling like herself again.