Chapter 33 #3
She was almost afraid to ask. “How do you punish a god?”
“Same as anyone, by changing their fate.” Regret filled his eyes, and he gripped the table. “It’s still all my fault, Elysia, everything they set in motion was because I tried to avoid my duty.”
Her fingertips reached to him tentatively, grasping his arm and knowing he wouldn’t hear her if she tried to point out the fallacy in his thoughts. “What do you mean?”
“My punishment was to rule my realm alone. That I could never leave the Deathlands or find my counterpart. That I would bear the weight of a crumbling realm by myself, unable to fix it. That I would be cursed to watch my counterpart live a harrowing life, but neither of us would be able to reach the other. The singular blessing of this role is that the fates always bring the god of the dead their match. Yes, there’s the death voyage, but in exchange for rarely being able to leave or live like the other gods, they bring you love.
It’s a quiet life of duty, but it’s meant to be shared and cherished with another. ”
She nodded. “Where does Garrison come in?”
Aidan’s body tensed, and his chin tilted away, giving her only his profile.
“The fates delivered Garrison to me while I was still in a spiral. I tended to the Deathlands the best I could with my limited power, but receiving the fated words of their punishment and watching our threads change had only made me angrier. Instead of falling in line, I stewed and obsessed over the possibilities, running the odds over and over, but it always came up the same. My fate had irrevocably changed. And then in walked this king, demanding a deal and spouting nonsense about magic being evil and wanting to rid his kingdom of its plague. He cried and talked about his wife dying, how he had loved her. And because I’d run the odds and knew there was no hope, I decided to take one last strike at the fates, hoping to anger them enough to put me out of my misery.
I went against the natural fabric of the realms and made the deal.
I imagined it would be an annoying mess for them to clean up in the morning.
When in reality, they had simply allowed me to make my own bed.
Your kingdom decayed and so did mine. You lived every day of your life in fear of death, and eventually, I was forced to watch.
Not only did I have to watch, but I got to feel you flash in, then out of my realm like a shooting star when you’d sleep, but I couldn’t hold you here, and your magic couldn’t sustain you either.
Everything they’d promised came true because of me—is still coming true because of me. ”
Elysia released his arm, exhaling as the story filled in. “Sometimes you sound so human.”
The more Aidan drew back the curtain on his inner world, and how he’d gotten to where he was, the more difficult it was to sustain her anger.
He had undoubtedly fucked up. And she also couldn’t entirely blame him for his anger or messy actions.
He’d lost his life and wanted to escape a fate he hadn’t chosen.
Aidan’s gaze drew hers back. “I mean it when I say the fault is mine. I was in my early thirties when I died, and unlike so many mortals, I loved my life. I know being a crime lord and bookie might not sound like a dream to many, but I hadn’t grown up with much, and my gift for odds had brought me into a life I wouldn’t have traded for anything.
I worked hard and work was all I did. The crew was my family, and I was fine with that.
It took time for me to see the beauty in my new life, and I naively thought the consequences of moving against the fates wouldn’t be permanent. But again, the fault is still mine.”
Now that Aidan was talking, she didn’t want him to stop. “How long had you been a god when Garrison came?”
“A little over a century. The longest any god of the dead had ever gone without their counterpart entering the death voyage, so I assumed they’d made good on their curse.”
“And you didn’t have your talisman.”
Aidan paused, blinking rapidly. “Any luck with that by any chance?”
She made a face. “That’s how today started. Well, it started with a hand-drawn flowchart of the volt, but then Maya showed up and explained more about ripping and transmutation.”
Clucking his tongue, he nodded. “I’d forgotten that’s what people used to call it.”
Elysia tried to scrabble together the theory she’d been stuck on all afternoon. Embarrassment made the words heavy on her tongue. “Are you a power source for me?”
Both of Aidan’s brows flew up. “How did you jump there?”
“Because I somehow traveled here while living in Kava, and I can’t think of another explanation.”
Putting an elbow on the table, he put his chin in his hand, his eyes zoning out before pulling out a small version of his usual ledgers from his jacket.
His pen flew faster than Elysia could track. “You keep a miniature version in your suit?”
Ink smeared, but he wasn’t done, pages flipping as he wrote.
Eventually, he stopped, reviewed his impossible handwriting, and let out a discontented sound.
“I hadn’t taken into account you being a ripper.
I’d assumed it was the fates fucking with me—allowing you to appear, but then disappear before I could even reach you, but it seems you’re onto something. ”
Grabbing the small notebook, she slid it in front of herself. Despite being barely legible, Aidan had scrawled out at least twenty different scenarios in less than two minutes, detailing their odds with thorough explanations. She pushed the notebook away like it was poison.
“You’re a psychic math nerd?”
Aidan’s face flattened, but there wasn’t any actual bite to his voice. “I’ll take that, thank you.” He tucked the ledger back into his jacket.
“Seriously, that’s what you’re doing all the time? Writing out endless possibilities and spitting out their likelihood? That sounds more like a curse than a gift. Wouldn’t the numbers constantly change?”
Exhaustion bled into the faint lines on his handsome face. “It was a lot easier when it was just races and sporting events.”
Elysia snorted. “So, what’s in ledger fifty-five? I almost died trying to get it. I think I deserve to know.”
Aidan glowered. “I’d argue that’s exactly why you don’t deserve to know, but lucky for you I’ll throw up if I lie.”
“Lucky, lucky me.”
“Brat,” he muttered before continuing. “Ledger fifty-five is all of my notes on how the world might end.” He instantly clutched his stomach.
“Is it? Cause you’re sweating.”
Grimacing, he tried again. “It might as well be. Right now, in every single scenario I can come up with, Garrison wins, you don’t complete the death voyage, and people die. A lot of people, including the people you care about.”
Sweat rolled down his face, and Elysia tapped her fingers on the long empty glass. “What aren’t you saying? What could possibly be worse than what you’re saying? Because I’m pretty sure that not completing my death voyage is the soft version of you die, Elysia.”
Aidan looked at war with himself. “I’m sorry, I can’t. We’re toeing the line of death interference, and I cannot give them another reason to make this worse.”
Elysia leaned away, resting her head on the wall behind her. “You’re turning green.”
He closed his eyes. “Mortals can’t know about impending deaths. I shouldn’t have even mentioned the possibility of yours.”
“You sound like Grim.”
“He does know the reaping rules better than me.”
“What happens if you don’t tell me?”
His blue eyes blinked open. “The intestinal pains will increase until the drink wears off.”
“Fun night for you then.” Elysia stood up, slipped on her coat, and helped him off his stool. “Come on then, let’s get you home.”
Arm draped over her shoulder; Aidan looked down at her as they awkwardly shuffled out of the lounge back into the night. “Do I even get a single question?”
The wind blew her unkempt waves around her face. “Maybe,” she responded cautiously.
“With all I’ve done, is there any hope for us?”
She didn’t have an answer for that. It looked like they’d both be writhing in pain tonight.