Chapter 34 Amy
THIRTY-FOUR
AMY
“What a day,” I said, walking into the ranch’s kitchen and kicking my shoes off.
The rodeo was only a few days away and the pressure was on me to make sure everything was ready.
I’d spent half the day on the phone with vendors and the other half at the rodeo grounds, making sure everything was set up and ready to go.
The community had really come together with all the volunteers doing the physical work along with everyone who had loaned equipment and supplies.
I almost cried when the porta-potty vendor sent me their invoice with zero money owed.
And in exchange for discounted space for their food offerings, both Charlie’s Pride and Magiano’s Pizza donated water and snacks for the competitors.
“I’m making grilled cheese. You want one?” Jake asked from his spot near the stove.
“Yes, please,” I said gratefully. “Did Henry eat already?”
“Mom fed him before she left for her book club. He’s playing videogames now,” Jake said, “and don’t worry, he did his homework and his chores. Take a seat. You look like you’re about to drop.”
I sank down on a stool while Jake made the sandwiches. “You got in late last night. Did you and Brian have fun?”
“Just beers and bullshit,” Jake said, handing me a plate with a perfectly grilled sandwich on it. But he hesitated as he stood in front of me, making me look up into his face.
“What is it?” I asked. Jake wasn’t the type to talk about things, but I could clearly see that something was bothering him.
“Cal was there last night, too,” he said, keeping his eyes on me.
“Oh.” I pulled my gaze away and focused on my plate, busying myself with tearing the grilled cheese in half. It would make sense that they’d get together. They were brothers and I knew he was still staying at the B&B.
“I hope you all can be friends.” My words weren’t a platitude. I did hope that Cal had found the brothers he’d never had in Jake and Brian. I also hoped there was a place for me and Henry somewhere in his heart, but I wasn’t going to say that aloud.
“Yeah. Me, too.” He drew in an audible breath and I steeled myself for what was coming. “Are you willing to try again with him?”
I sighed, wanting to be honest with him but unsure if the truth would hurt him. Would he be upset to hear that I’d moved on from Luke?
“If you are, you need to tell him that Luke was just a guy,” Jake said, shocking me into silence. “We all loved Luke and we miss him, but Cal’s got it in his head that Luke was some kind of perfect husband.”
How had Cal gotten that impression? I’d never said it. But even as I asked myself the question, I realized that Luke had been so well loved by others and so revered in town that Cal could have easily been misled. I’d also done nothing to dispel the idea since it felt somehow disloyal.
“It’s hard when you feel like no matter what you do, you can never live up to the person who did the job before you,” Jake said.
I glanced up at him sharply. Was Jake talking about running the ranch?
I studied his face but couldn’t read it.
I knew he exhausted himself trying to make everything perfect, trying to fill the shoes left by his father and brother.
Was that a problem for him? He’d never said as much, but I wondered.
“I know you’ve always defended Luke,” Jake continued, “and Mom bought it because she only wanted to remember the best parts of Luke, but Brian and I knew—”
I knew what the next words were and said them before Jake could. “That Luke and I didn’t have anything close to a perfect marriage.” There, I admitted the truth aloud to someone in the family for the first time—and it was kind of liberating.
“Yeah, that,” Jake said. He looked like he wanted to say more. He pointed to my sandwich. “Better eat before it gets cold.”
I looked at my plate where I’d torn the grilled cheese into small chunks during the conversation.
I popped one in my mouth, considering what Jake had said.
Maybe I owed Cal the truth about my marriage, even if it was messy and unflattering and made me uncomfortable.
It might be the only way we could move forward toward a new life together, and I wanted that so much.
I suddenly realized that buying a house and putting the physical distance between myself and the Thornes wasn’t enough.
He needed to understand my past, and I had to be honest with him about it.
I slowly ate the sandwich and drank from the glass of lemonade that Jake put in front of me.
The more I thought about my situation, the more I realized that I owed Cal a conversation.
And it couldn’t wait. It had to be now. Tonight.
I hopped off the stool and kissed Jake on the cheek.
“You’re a sweetheart and don’t let anyone tell you any different. ”
Jake huffed. “I’m not sweet. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Can you watch Henry tonight?” I knew he would. Jake was a great uncle.
“Sure,” Jake almost grinned at me, “but we’re going to play videogames until bedtime, just so you know.”
“Just this once, I can live with that. Thanks, Jake.” I made a quick stop to check on Henry before going to my room. I had to call Cal and set up a meeting. I dialed his number and waited through four long rings chanting please pick up over and over before he answered.
“Hi, Amy,” he said while I was mentally preparing the message I’d leave.
“Cal.” Saying his name was all I could manage for a moment. At the sound of his voice, it felt as though my heart started beating for the first time since we broke up. “I was hoping we could meet up and talk. Can I come see you tonight?”
“I need to talk with you, too, but I’m not at the B&B right now.
” He gave me an address a short drive from the ranch and we agreed to meet in a half hour, which gave me time to put on something cute and freshen my makeup.
I rushed to my closet and flung open the door.
Minutes later I was headed for the address he’d given me.
It seemed familiar and when I rounded a curve in the road and saw the house I’d just purchased, I understood why. How had Cal known about the house?
I pulled into the driveway and parked, spotting Cal on the other side of the road near the big white barn.
I waved to him, but his return motion was stiff, mechanical, not at all the easy movement I was used to seeing in him.
As I walked closer and could see his face more clearly, his expression was a mix of hopefulness and nerves. What was going on?
I didn’t know, but I did know that he looked so damn good I wanted to throw myself into his arms. This was my opportunity to show him how I felt about him, so I took it.
I walked straight up to him and clasped my hands behind his neck.
His immediately went to my waist before he started a kiss that lasted for a long minute.
The entire universe righted itself in that moment.
I sighed. This was how things should be between us.
I rested my head briefly against his chest, but he broke the embrace, putting a little distance between us.
“I didn’t mean to kiss you right away,” he said, “but I’m glad I did.”
I smiled at him. “Me, too. Cal, I need to tell you something.”
“I’ve got things to tell you, too. Can I go first? Please.” His expression was endearing and heartfelt.
“If you want,” I agreed, even though I was practically bursting with the words that I’d planned to say.
“Come with me.” He took my hand and led me through the open barn door.
It was a typical looking barn, much like others I’d been in around Poplar Springs.
The only oddity was a makeshift table made of plywood and sawhorses.
Cal took me toward the table where I could see a large sheet of paper.
The words “Pierce Rodeo Training Center” were written across the top.
Underneath was a sketch of the barn’s interior and the fenced pastures outside, not exactly as they were, but more how they could be.
“What’s this?” I asked, an inkling forming in my head.
Cal turned me to face him, meeting my eyes.
“I was wrong when I told you that I could only be happy on the rodeo circuit. I was thinking too small, and I want to change that. I’ve bought this property to start my own business where I can train kids to become rodeo riders.
I want them to love riding and the rodeo as much as I do.
It’s going to take some work to get it up and running, but I can do it. ”
I watched his expression as he spoke. He was excited about the project.
“I want to stay here and make this a success. And I hope you’ll give me another chance. I love you, Amy, and I want us to be together. You, me, and Henry,” he said, continuing before I could tell him that I loved him, too.
“I get that you might not want me back, but I’m here to stay regardless.
I’ve found my place and my dream. It would be complete if I had you with it, but I’ll understand if that won’t work for you.
” He squeezed my hand. “I’m hopeful, though, that you’ve got it in you to forgive me so we can share a life.
I love you so much. I didn’t know I could love someone like this. ”
“Cal, I—”
“And if you need more time, take it. Take as much time as you like but let me be part of yours and Henry’s lives while you decide.” Finally, he stopped talking. I opened my mouth to speak, to pour out that I loved him, too and wanted to be with him, but it turned out he wasn’t actually done.
“I know that I can never replace Luke,” Cal continued. “But I swear I’ll dedicate my life to making you and Henry happy. Whatever it takes, I’ll gladly do it.”
In that moment, I realized that Jake was right. Cal did have an unrealistic perception of Luke. I had to dispel that or Luke would always come between us. I needed to have that talk with Cal before I could tell him how I felt. But not here.
I gave a tug on his hand toward the barn door. “I have things to say, too. Come with me. I want to show you something.”