Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Kate
The wolf whistles echo between the buildings as we end week two of rookie school.
Every day for the last two weeks, Jackson and Cal have catcalled as my group has run past the coffee shop. The first day, I was mortified and wanted to kill them—something I let Jackson know when I got home that night.
He laughed it off and then grilled me about what we’d gone over in class.
Then over the weekend, he and Cal timed me on how to properly don my bunker gear. Timed me.
Their constant harassment fills part of that emptiness inside of me. It’s like they have taken me in as a little sister, complete with the harassment I suspect little sisters receive from their annoying older brothers. But the teasing is done out of love and a deep desire to see me succeed.
It’s been over two weeks since I left Vaughn and Gus in a hissy fit. Sixteen nights of sleeping on Jackson’s couch. Ten days of grueling PT and nightly homework.
I’m exhausted. Everything hurts. But I’m exhilarated as well.
I’m not the only one suffering. A couple of cadets are already grumbling about dropping out.
Personally, I don’t think it’s that bad. I can survive anything. I’m not giving myself the option to quit or fail.
I subtly flip Cal and Jackson the bird as I approach. A tall figure stands with them, and even after our brief time together, I’d know his outline anywhere.
A flashback of the morning we collided in the Daily Brew blasts through my mind and causes a misstep. I catch myself before I do the unthinkable and face-plant. Then I spy the white hair on the man next to him and stutter-step for a second time.
Vaughn and Gus have joined Cal and Jackson. And though they don’t participate in the heckling, they are definitely a part of the Harass Kate Squad.
My eyes lock with Gus’s, and he gives me a chin dip.
It’s the most ridiculous thing, but for some reason, that little chin dip means the world to me. Something warm washes over me. Makes my eyes burn. Makes me think he approves of what I’m doing. He’s here to support me.
He cares.
I don’t know why having the approval of that ridiculous old man means so much. But it does. Maybe it’s because he’s been so callous and I’ve had to work so hard for any kind of approval from him.
I shift my attention back to my run, reinvigorated.
Later in the day, my phone vibrates with a text message. Maggie and I are sprawled on the couch while having girl dinner because Jackson is on duty. I smile as I read the message.
Vaughn: Finally tricked Gus into eating a vegetable.
There’s a photo of spaghetti on a plate. He’s captioned it with Find the carrots, zucchini, and mushrooms.
Seeing them on the run this morning and now hearing from him via text is surprising. I expected to never hear from him again after the way I walked out that day.
“What’s got you grinning like a loon?” Maggie goads from the other end of the couch.
“Just a message from Vaughn.”
“Oh, really. Is he apologizing for being a total ass?” She’s got this weird expression on her face, and I can’t tell exactly what she’s thinking.
“Not so much. Keeping me updated on Gus.”
“Do you think you’d go back?”
“I don’t know. He was a pain in my ass, but I kind of miss him.”
As much as these last few weeks of sleeping on their couch have sucked, it’s been nice spending time with my friend on the nights Jackson is at the station.
“I know,” she agrees when I repeat the thought out loud. “We don’t get much girl time now that we don’t hike as much.”
“I do miss our hikes.” I could’ve used them lately while I’ve been processing. Even Maggie doesn’t know all that has happened over the last few months, though that’s on me because I never reached out. I’m hoping she didn’t catch on that I was dying inside.
“So, are you going to dish what happened with Pollock? Or are you just going to sit there and continue to pretend that whatever it was didn’t rip you up.”
Well, shit. There went my idea that she hadn’t noticed. Shifting on the seat to hide the way my emotions claw up my throat and attempt to strangle me, I take a moment to let the pain radiate through me. “I told you I found him fucking around with some chick.”
That day had been one of the worst days of my life.
“But I didn’t tell you all of it. I’d gone to see him.
I was supposed to be on duty, but I’d been sick and had to leave work.
On the way home, I realized I was late getting my period, so I stopped and bought a pregnancy test.” A wry chuckle escapes.
“Actually, I bought, like, five of them. They were all positive.”
Maggie gasps and grips my hand, looking at my flat stomach and putting the pieces together. “Oh, Kate…”
“I tried to call, but he didn’t answer, and I was too keyed up to be alone, so I decided to go over and wait for him.
When I got there, I was terrified and excited at the same time.
I’m not even sure why I felt like the nerves would go away, but maybe it felt like I wasn’t alone if I was in his space.
I don’t know. Anyway, I opened the door to find her riding him on the couch.
Naked as a jaybird, with him pumping into her—” Bile burns the back of my throat, cutting me off until I can choke it back down.
I squeeze my eyes closed on the visual, trying to shut out the memory.
“I’d gone to him to tell him we were expecting and found him cheating instead. ”
Stupid hot tears fill my eyes. “He didn’t want the baby.
But I did.” Images of what could have been flash through my mind, ripping my heart to shreds, and my throat threatens to close.
This next part is so fucking hard to admit, so I power through with minimal details.
The hand holding mine squeezes, my sweet friend letting me know I’m not alone.
“He immediately booked a job out west and left. And about a week later, I started bleeding and lost the pregnancy.”
“Does he know?”
I nod, swiping away the wetness on my cheek. “Yeah, I let him know immediately, even though I knew he wouldn’t care. I guess I’d hoped that given time, he’d change his mind, but when I finally told him, he sounded relieved. Said ‘okay’ like a fucking idiot.”
I’ve kept quiet about all I’d been through because Maggie and Jackson had just found their happiness, and I didn’t want to burden them with my heartache. Instead of being mad at me for keeping secrets, my sweet friend pulls me into a hug. “I’m so sorry you went through that, Kate.”
I wait for the rest to come, the questions of why I didn’t reach out sooner, but they never do. Rather, Maggie simply holds me while I grieve the loss of what might have been.
“Thank you,” I whisper as I pull myself together and straighten on the couch, like straightening myself will make everything else fall back in line. I do feel lighter, though, like with the purge of truth, the weight has lifted, and I can move forward.
“So I guess it goes without saying since you’re already in it, but are you physically okay to continue recruit school?”
“Yeah, my doctor gave me the all clear. Honestly, I think I need this win more than ever now.”
“You’re gonna rock it,” she says, giving me one more hug. Then she pops up and grabs the fruit tray we’ve been snacking on. “I’m calling it a night. You still up for coming down to the bakery tomorrow to help? I know it’s your day off.”
“Yeah, sure. If I don’t have to run five miles, I’m down to help.”
* * *
Big, stupid mistake.
“When I agreed to this, I didn’t know I’d be traipsing back and forth between you and Jules all day.
” After my calamitous first few tries, Jules banned me from her coffee machine, and since security deposits for apartments aren’t cheap in this area, I need all the extra cash I can come up with.
Ever since the film industry started paying attention to us, Senoma has exploded in popularity.
Good for local businesses, not so great for a woman on a lower-than-average income.
If not for all the overtime and not having to pay rent for the last few months, helping pad my savings account, there’s no way I could’ve made this jump to the fire side of the department.
But this pinch is only temporary. It’ll be worth it when I get certified and get that extra bump in pay.
“Oh, for the love…” Maggie scoffs. “The Daily Brew is just across the street. You’ll be fine. Now hurry back. We’re out of coffee.”
I haul our empty carafe over to Jules, dodging traffic as I go.
Main Street is having some kind of sidewalk event, so it’s more crowded than usual. I hustle behind the counter and grab the replacement container so Jules can do her thing with this one. It’s cumbersome but not heavy. As I turn, the carafe is lifted from my arms.
“Let me get that for you.” The velvet voice washes down my spine, lighting up all my nerve endings along the way. It’s familiar. Both welcome and unwelcome at the same time.
Vaughn.
“Thanks,” I squeak.
God, why am I always squeaking around this guy?
He cants his head toward the door. “Lead the way.”
I am hyperaware of the size difference between us as he follows me across the street. Heads turn as we pass through the bakery. Seems I’m not the only one affected by this man’s presence.
Awkwardly, I stand aside, instructing him where to set the monstrosity. “Thanks,” I repeat, like a ninny. What is it about him that makes me feel like a boy-crazy teenage girl?
“No problem,” he offers in that deep, quiet tone as he closes the distance between us. A whiff of Gus’s laundry soap, combined with some intoxicating cologne, floats on the air as he shoves his hands in his front pockets.
I should be ushering him out and going to help Maggie. She’s behind the counter, trying to pull double duty as being nosy about Vaughn and helping the customers lined up at the counter. Instead, I’m held captive, completely unable to break whatever hold he has on me.
“Saw you running. How’s class going?”
The hesitancy in his tone grabs my attention. “It’s good. I mean, it’s kicking my ass a little, but not in the bad kind of way.”
He is so freaking easy on the eyes I lose myself in the moment. I haven’t seen him for longer than a heartbeat in weeks. In that time, he’s gotten even more ruggedly handsome, if that’s even possible.
His hair is a little longer, curling at the nape of his neck. There’s the perfect amount of stubble on his jaw, like he got so busy he couldn’t be bothered with shaving.
Decked out in jeans and a short-sleeve Henley, he is everything I find physically attractive in a man.
“Good job getting Gus to eat his veggies,” I offer awkwardly.
The corner of his mouth rises. “Yeah, I think he’s caught on to me now. So where’ve you been staying since you left Gus’s?”
“At Maggie’s.” I jerk my head and my gaze toward Maggie and send her a plea with my eyes. She grins like a fucking loon and waggles her eyebrows at me. I spin back to Vaughn and find him studying me. “Why?”
“You look tired.”
“Gee. Thanks.”
He frowns. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”
I wave away his concern. “How is Gus? I see he hasn’t shot you yet.”
“Gus is Gus.”
“Right. Well”—I jerk a thumb at the counter—“I need to go help. See you around.”
I walk away from him before I lose my nerve, and I’m pretty damn proud of myself for it. The weight of his attention is a warm blanket I could get lost in.
Despite that small victory, I can’t help but watch as he crosses the sidewalk, headed back to the coffee shop.
“Who. Is. That?” Maggie whisper yells as she elbows me into action. “And why are you sleeping on my couch and not climbing him like a tree every night?”
“Gus’s grandson.” But what I don’t say is that he’s as big a pain in my ass as Gus, and that under other circumstances, I’d willingly climb into his bed every night.
My phone pings in my back pocket, and I pull it out to find a text from Pollock.
Seeing his name and being slapped by all the emotions that come along with it jars me back to reality.
I delete his message without reading it.
I have nothing left to say to him. Nothing good could come from responding.
Unwittingly, I glance back to where I last saw Vaughn. Despite what my libido thinks, nothing good could come from being with him either. I’m better off staying focused on surviving recruit school, not letting myself get distracted by a handsome stranger.