Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Vaughn
Istep out onto the crowded street, leaving behind the lush lobby of the hotel where we’ve been waiting for our meeting.
“I can’t believe that asshole no-showed,” Carlos gripes as he joins me on the street.
The chirp of a dozen moped horns adds to the cacophony in my head. I can’t get past the phone call with Gus. Hearing her voice again and the hospital sounds… nausea rolls in my belly, and the sidewalk tilts sideways as my blood pressure spikes.
He slaps an arm across my chest, halting me from stepping out in front of a car. “What gives?” he says as he pushes me into an alley. “What was the phone call from home about? Everything okay with your grandfather?”
He knows most of the backstory with Gus and why I went home. We’ve had plenty of time to catch up in the week I’ve been back, though I kept some details close to the chest.
Details like Kate. And how much of an asshole it makes me for leaving her like I did. At the time, it felt like I had to. But now I’d give anything to be able to see her in person. Run my hands over her to ensure she’s not injured.
A sigh slips out. “Sorry. Guess I’m just pissed off that we went to all of this trouble for nothing.”
“I should’ve known better than to trust his flaky ass.”
The walls of the alley are closing in. I need to move. Carlos knows me well and leads the way back out to the crowded street, moving in the direction of our gym.
I can feel him watching me as we wind through the congestion, and it makes my skin itch.
“So, Gus is…”
“He’s fine.” I scrub a hand over my face, trying to wipe away some of the exhaustion of the last week. “It was his caregiver, Kate. She had an accident on the job and landed herself in the hospital.”
“Damn, at the farm?”
“No, uh. She’s a firefighter.” Saying the words makes me cringe, even though I’m also fucking proud of her. I’m conflicted, to say the least.
He whistles. “That’s pretty badass. What happened?”
“I still don’t know the fucking details.
All I know is that Gus and my friend Dex both texted that she’d gotten hurt and ended up in the hospital, and now I can’t get either of them to fucking call me back with any details.
The best I got was that Gus answered while he was in the room with her, so I at least heard her voice. ”
We reach a turn and make our way out to the beach. Frustration has me marching forward. The more I think about how I need to be there so I can lay eyes on her, the more spun up I get.
“Why don’t you just call her?”
It’s the simplest thing, but it feels monumental. “Because I don’t think she’d talk to me after the way I left. We got close while I was there.”
“Somehow, I sense there is a ‘but’ coming.”
We pause at the top of the beach. Giant boulders decorate the sand, and the waves crash against the shore. Blessedly, the beach is emptying as the day winds to an end. It’s one of the prettiest beaches around. And I’d give it all up just to be able to see Kate at this moment.
“Basically, I’m a chickenshit. It’s fucking stupid to admit.
Makes me sound like the biggest pussy to say I wasn’t strong enough to handle her career choice.
I couldn’t give her an ultimatum either, because I saw how hard she worked for it.
” I can’t look at my friend, but I don’t have to.
The horror of my confession rolls off him in waves.
“You needed me here. Seemed like a good time to cut ties.”
“What a dick move,” he blurts, loud enough that the people nearest to us turn and look.
The outburst surprises me too. Carlos is normally very upbeat, putting a positive spin on everything. Hell, it’s half the reason I’m here, because he made it sound like this was a done deal.
I’m saved by my phone vibrating with an incoming call that banishes all thought of Bali and takes me halfway around the world. “Dex. What’s happening with Kate?”
Voices and music sound in the background like he’s at one hell of a party. “Guessing you didn’t get a chance to talk to her.”
“Tried. Gus was being Gus. Where are you, sounds like one hell of a par—” A burst of laughter cuts me off.
“I’m actually at Gus’s. Kate got out of the hospital earlier. She was thrown from a vehicle when the airbag deployed, but she’s fine. Her whole crew came by, and they’re giving her shit about having the quickest injury report.”
“Oh. Well.” In the distance, waves break on the sandbar. The remaining die-hard surfers paddle around, waiting on that next ride, and yet my mind is halfway around the world, wishing I was back at the farm. “So, she’s okay?”
“She’s gonna be fine. Nothing hurt but her pride.”
The salty air burns as I inhale as deeply as possible. It’s still not enough air.
“What about you? How’re things there?”
I glance over and find that Carlos is hanging nearby, giving me space but also trying to be a nosy little bitch.
“The guy didn’t show. So we’re trying to figure out what we’re gonna do next.”
“Fuck that. Come home, man.”
It’s quick. An effortless directive given by a friend who has no idea what he’s asking of me. In the background, I hear Gus’s gravelly voice. “Dex, can you come help me get this damn horse feed?”
I close my eyes, ashamed that my friend is taking my place.
“Sure will, Gus. I’m just filling Vaughn in.”
“Vaughn?”
There’s a shuffle, and then Gus is right in my ear. “Katie’s fine. Scared me to death, though.”
“That’s good, Pop,” I say, though my throat is so damn tight it’s hard to get the words out. “I’m glad she’s okay.”
“You know…” The hope in Gus’s voice is enough to do me in. “You could always come home, son. See how she is for yourself.”
“But what if something happens to her on the job? I don’t know if I could handle another loss.
” He’s the one person who can understand my greatest fear.
“How did you handle it, Pop?” I hang my head in shame.
It’s so unfair of me to even speak this aloud to this man.
“Loving someone so much that you’ll lose yourself if you lose them? ”
There’s a quiet beat, the only sound coming through the line being that of Gus clearing his throat repeatedly.
“I’m not gonna lie. It’ll hurt like the devil.
But it’s so much better to have that special love, even for a little while, than not at all.
’Sides that, she’s damn smart. She’s been taking care of herself, and others, for a long time.
Not saying she won’t take a risk. But wouldn’t you do the same if the roles were reversed?
” There’s more disruption in the background, and I know he’s going to let me go.
I don’t want to end the call. I want to hold on to the steadiness that is my grandfather, want to hold on to the connection to her, to them, to home. But he’s wrong, because even in all the ways I tried to take care of her, I didn’t take care of her heart like I should have.
“Come home, son. You belong here,” he says softly.
Dex comes back on the line, and I’m forced to act normal while I give him instructions on what he needs to do for Yankee, all the while my heart feels like it’s bleeding out.
By the time I hang up, Carlos has dropped to sit in the sand. He’s leaned back on his hands, legs stretched out in front of him, watching me with a knowing look on his face. “Sounds like maybe this deal falling through was a good thing after all.”
I drop next to him and mirror his position and say honestly, “I don’t know what to do.”
He gives me an eye roll. “Come on, man. Yes you do.”
We sit and watch the waves for a while, watch the surfers ride wave after wave until the sun hangs low in the sky. While my heart tumbles over itself and I face reality. I’d rather be home with them, even on the hard days, than half a world away.
“This sunset will be hard to beat,” he says, breaking the silence, and he’s not wrong.
“Just wait ’til you see one over the farm.” I feel the first semblance of a smile hit my face since Kate got the news that she’d passed her class.
Carlos grins back. “Looking forward to it.”
And finally, I am too.