Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Sage didn't know why she’d invited Adam along for the ride that she usually took alone.
When Mark was alive, she’d sometimes accompanied him on his treks through the woods, while other times, one of them had gone alone.
They’d loved spending time together, but they also understood when the other needed a little solitude.
Riding had been a form of ranch therapy for them, a way to clear their heads when life got hectic.
This would be the first time she’d brought anyone with her since Mark died, and the significance wasn’t lost on her.
Her thoughts drifted briefly to that horrible day.
Everything and everyone had seemed to aggravate her, and when Mark offered to saddle her horse so she could ride with him, she’d turned him down because she wanted to catch up on the laundry.
The stupid laundry, of all things, had kept her from being there when her husband had needed her the most.
For a long time afterward, she’d tortured herself with the same questions.
What if she’d gone with him? Would Mark still be alive?
Would she have seen something in time to prevent the accident?
Eventually, she’d accepted that she would never have those answers.
About a year and a half ago, she’d written the questions on a piece of paper, dug a small hole in Mark’s grave, and buried them there.
Something about leaving those what-ifs with him had finally allowed her to plan a future without him.
But moving forward in one part of her life hadn’t meant she was ready to do it in all of them.
The wedding band remained on her finger, and she still couldn’t bring herself to take it off.
Then Adam had come along.
Over the last few days, she’d grown increasingly curious about her new ranch hand, and there was no denying the attraction anymore.
He was handsome and polite, had a sense of humor she enjoyed, and was wonderful with her children.
For the past few nights, they’d sat on the back porch over coffee after Jenna and Matthew went to bed, sometimes talking and other times simply enjoying the company and comfortable silence.
Even his past bothered her less now. Knowing why he’d gone to prison made it difficult to judge him for having been there.
What kind of man pleaded guilty to manslaughter when he might have walked away a free man, simply to spare a child from having to testify? In Sage’s mind, one with a big heart.
Up in the loft, she pulled the small tarp from Mark’s old saddle and ran her fingertips over the well-worn leather. Five years ago, she'd had it custom-made for Mark’s thirtieth birthday. He’d loved it and used it every day.
Pushing aside the memory, she lifted the saddle and carried it to the edge of the loft. As she handed it down to Adam, Sage reminded herself that this wasn’t a date. They were just two new friends spending a few hours together.
No. Scratch that.
They were employer and employee.
That sounded much safer.
All she was doing was showing him the parts of the ranch he hadn’t seen yet. Nothing more.
So why did she keep staring at his lips whenever he spoke and wonder what it would feel like if he kissed her?
Turning, she started down the ladder. She was halfway to the floor when her foot slipped out from under her.
A startled screech escaped her as two powerful arms caught her around the torso, but Adam had been taken by surprise too.
They both tumbled to the ground. He hit the floor first, and Sage landed on top of him.
A muffled “oomph” came from beneath her.
Twisting in his arms, she grabbed his shoulders. “Oh, my God, Adam! Are you all right?”
His hands cupped her cheeks, his gaze searching her face. “I-I’m fine. Are you okay?”
“Yes. I’m good. I’m so sorry.” She suddenly became aware of their position, her body sprawled over his and their legs tangled together. Her breath caught when his soft brown eyes met hers, and something in his expression changed.
For the past few days, her attraction to him had continued to grow despite every attempt she’d made to ignore it.
Now, with his face only inches from hers, all those sensible reasons for keeping her distance disappeared.
Before she could talk herself out of it, she lowered her head and brushed her lips against his.
He went still for an instant before returning the chaste kiss.
While not a horrible kisser, he seemed hesitant, almost as if he wasn’t quite sure what to do next.
When he didn’t deepen the kiss, she pulled back a few inches, and their eyes met.
“You don’t have to be so gentle, you know. I won’t break.”
The man blushed.
Actually, flat-out blushed.
“I’m not sure I remember how to kiss a woman. It’s been a long time.”
Of course! He’d been in prison for over five years and probably hadn’t been with a woman in the short time he’d been out. “Five years is a long time, but it’s like riding a bike.”
His blush deepened, and he cleared his throat. “Actually… uh… it’s… uh… been closer to twenty years.”
What? Oh, my goodness! She scrambled off him and jumped to her feet. How could she have been so stupid and misread things? “I’m so sorry. I didn't realize you were gay.”
His eyes flew wide. “What? No! No, I’m not gay.” He scrambled to his feet, looking equal parts horrified and amused. “Definitely not gay.”
She stared at him in confusion. “Then I don’t understand. Why haven’t you kissed a woman in almost twenty years?”
He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. Pieces of straw separated from the strands and floated to the floor. “Because I was a celibate friar.”
Friar? That was like a monk, wasn’t it? Her mouth dropped open before she started laughing. Oh, Lord, the man was funny. She hadn’t been this entertained since Mark was alive.
“I’m not kidding, Sage.”
Her laughter died at his serious expression.
Oh. My. God. The blood drained from her face. What have I just done?
He stuck his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “I became a Franciscan Brother at twenty-one, but I started my studies—and my celibacy—two years before that.”
Her mouth opened and closed several times before her thoughts finally managed to reach her tongue. “Are you… are you telling me you’re a vir-virgin?”
“Ha!” He shook his head, his expression turning sheepish.
“Um. Not exactly. I had a few experiences with two girls I dated. One in high school and the other during my first year of college, before I felt a higher calling and enrolled in the seminary.” His face reddened again.
“But that was a long time ago, and I wasn’t exactly an expert back then either. ”
Stunned, Sage couldn’t bring herself to look him in the eye. Mark had been her first and only lover, so it wasn’t as if she had decades of experience herself. Still, compared to Adam, she suddenly felt downright worldly.
Ugh! He must think I’m some sort of hussy for jumping him like that.
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I never would have kissed you if I had known you were a monk… I mean, a friar.”
Were they even the same thing?
He stepped closer and lifted her chin until their gazes met once more.
“Please don’t be sorry. I enjoyed it—very much.
Before I went to prison, I resigned from the order.
After what happened and the choices I made, I didn’t feel I could remain committed to the Brotherhood anymore.
” He hesitated before continuing. “Celibacy was never a problem for me… until now. I’m attracted to you, Sage.
I can’t deny that, and it’s more than physical.
I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to do about it. Can we take this slowly?”
“Um… sure. I just…” She blew out a shaky breath that did nothing to help still her quivering knees. “I want you to know I’m not normally like this… forward, I mean.”
Damn. Now she was the one who sounded like a teenager. Her cheeks warmed, and she twined her fingers together, uncertain what else to do with them. “Mark was the only man I’d ever been with, and there's been no one else since. So, this isn’t exactly normal for me either.”
He gave her a shy smile, causing those dimples she liked so much to reappear. “So, you don’t mind taking things slow and seeing where they lead us?”
Her head bobbed a few times. “Not at all. Slow sounds good… and nice.”
“Yes, it does.” He leaned down and skimmed his soft lips across hers before straightening again. “It sounds very nice.”
Carrying the saddle outside, Adam set it on Othello’s back and followed Sage’s instructions for securing it. She then gave him a few pointers on mounting and riding, which helped push away the last of her embarrassment. It seemed to do the same for him.
After she’d covered the basics, he planted his foot in the stirrup and swung his other leg over Othello’s back.
“Not bad,” Sage praised as she mounted Topaz, trying to ignore how good Adam looked on a horse. “You ready?”
“As I’ll ever be… I guess.”
She chuckled. “You’ll do fine. Just don’t let go of the reins.” She eyed his clenched hands. “And relax a little.”
“Easy for you to say.”
Giving Topaz’s sides a light tap with her heels, she led the way around the barn and headed toward Eagle’s Ridge.
Most of Heaven’s Pastures was flat and perfect for grazing, but the property extended a fair distance up the ridge.
She usually let Topaz run across the open land before they reached the treeline, but with Adam’s inexperience, that was out of the question today.
At a comfortable walk, it took them about fifteen minutes to reach the bottom of the ridge, where the ground began a steady incline. They followed a trail created decades ago, riding single file until it widened enough for them to continue side by side.
“How’re you doing?” She glanced over at him. He’d visibly relaxed during the ride and seemed much more comfortable than when he’d first climbed into the saddle.