Chapter 10 #2
This differed from what she’d had with Mark, which wasn't surprising. Adam wasn’t Mark, and she didn’t want him to be.
For the first time, she understood that making room for someone new didn’t mean pushing Mark out.
She could always cherish the life she’d shared with Mark without letting its loss keep her from living the rest of hers.
Her past would always be a part of her, but maybe she was finally ready to have a future with someone too.
Pushing the eggs around on his plate, Adam tried to conjure up an appetite, but there were way too many things on his mind—the main one being Sage and what they’d done last night.
She’d left his bed around four that morning to return to her own.
He hadn’t wanted her to leave, yet part of him had been relieved when she had.
“You going to eat those eggs or puree them?” Reverend Stevens asked as he dipped a piece of toast into the gooey yolk of his poached eggs. “Or you could just spit out whatever’s on your mind.”
He glanced up at the salt-and-pepper-haired pastor, then around the little diner where they were having breakfast together.
After feeding the animals that morning, he’d borrowed Sage’s truck to run into town and pick up a few things.
Somehow, it had steered itself to the church he’d been attending each Sunday.
Reverend Stevens had just finished preparing his sermon for the following day, and Adam had invited him to grab something to eat.
But now that they sat there, he had no clue what he wanted to say to the man.
He sighed and left his fork on the plate, then picked up his coffee before putting it right back down again.
Crossing his arms on the table, he leaned forward.
The good reverend was the only person other than Sage in town who knew most of the details of his past. “I’m in a bit of a jam, and I don’t know what to do about it.
I’m fighting feelings I never expected to have. ”
“You’re falling for Sage.”
Adam’s eyes shot up at the statement, and the man chuckled.
“I may be a man of the cloth, son, but I’m not blind.
That’s one of the good things about being a Protestant minister—you’re allowed to fall in love and marry your soul mate.
After twenty-two years of marriage, Mrs. Stevens still makes my heart beat faster just by walking into the room.
And I’m grateful for every day the Lord has given me with her. ”
Greta Stevens was petite with a heart of gold. Adam had liked her immediately upon meeting her. He’d also seen the love in the couple’s eyes whenever they looked at each other.
He pursed his lips for a moment. “I’m afraid I’m not worthy of her. She’s been through so much, and I’m worried I’ll never measure up to her husband.”
Taking a sip of his coffee, the reverend sat back in the booth with a contemplative expression.
“Mark was a good man… but so are you, Adam. I would never have recommended you go to Sage for a job if I didn’t believe that in my heart.
It’s time to forgive yourself for what happened.
Come your Judgment Day, I’m sure you’ll find God has already forgiven you.
Everyone has a past—good and bad. It’s what makes us human.
I don’t doubt for a minute that you regret what happened.
Most men would have fought going to prison, but you accepted the sentence as your penance.
I’m not sure I would have had the courage to do the same.
Everyone has a choice in how they live their future, and those choices influence not only themselves but everyone around them. ”
Adam knew that. He’d told the other inmates something similar during the weekly prayer services in prison.
Checking their surroundings again, he made sure no one was within earshot. They were sitting in a back booth, and most of the morning diners had finished their meals and left.
“Can you hear my confession, Reverend?”
“Here?” Stevens glanced around. Adam had visited him several times to confess his sins since arriving in Rosewood, even though the Catholic and Protestant faiths viewed confessions differently.
The reverend had no problem with anyone coming to him to help seek God’s forgiveness.
“Certainly. I’ve had people come clean to me in stranger places. ”
A brief smile appeared on Adam’s face before fading again. Making the sign of the cross, he bowed his head. “Bless me, Reverend, for I have sinned. It’s been one week since my last confession.”
He admitted his sins, ending with the one that had been troubling him most. “I’ve had intimate relations with a woman.”
When the reverend didn’t answer, Adam glanced up to find the man studying him with one eyebrow raised, though not in the disappointment Adam had expected. It probably wasn’t difficult for Stevens to guess he was talking about Sage, but he could trust the man to keep that information to himself.
“And this is something you regret, son?”
“No. Yes. I mean…” He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “I don’t know what I mean.”
The reverend leaned forward again, his voice full of understanding.
“Let me tell you something, Adam. I wasn’t always a minister.
In fact, there were times I wasn’t even a churchgoer.
It wasn’t until my late twenties that I heard the calling.
I was dating Greta then, and she and I hadn’t exactly been saints in our relationship up to that point, if you get my drift. ”
He did.
“We’re human. We make mistakes, we wrestle with our consciences, and we ask God to help us find our way.
Greta and I had already committed ourselves to each other in our hearts, even though we hadn’t stood at the front of a church yet and professed it for everyone else to hear.
You and I may not interpret every teaching the same way, but I do know this—you resigned from the Brotherhood, so the vow of celibacy you lived under is no longer what stands between you and a relationship with Sage. ”
The man paused for a moment. “As for what happened between the two of you, it's something you need to reconcile with your own faith and conscience. But if love and compassion are involved, I believe what happens between two people behind closed doors is between them and God. If I didn’t, I’d be a bit of a hypocrite.
” One corner of his mouth curved up. “I assume this isn’t just a fling for you or a way to blow off steam. ”
He shook his head. “Not at all. I care about her… a lot. Heck, I think I’m in love with her. But again, how do I know if I’m worthy of her and her children?”
“Ask her,” Stevens stated without hesitation.
“Huh?”
“Ask her. Who better to tell you if you’re worthy or not than the woman herself?”
Adam’s smile returned. Sometimes it took someone stating the obvious for it to make sense in your head. Now he just had to work up the courage to ask Sage how she felt and hope her answer was one he could live with.