ELEVEN
T he early rays of dawn are breaking through the windows, casting a silent glow over my bedroom. I wake up feeling Rowan’s hand between my legs, drawing soft and absent circles around my clit as if it’s become his new favorite habit. My body reacts with a hushed moan, and his naked chest rumbles with sound against my back.
“One of these days, I won’t be able to stop myself from using your pretty hole while you’re asleep,” he says in a rough morning voice. “When it comes to you, I’m a weak man. I have no self-control.”
The image does something to me—something I should be afraid of. Because being used by a powerful man while you’re unconscious shouldn’t make your pussy wet. It shouldn’t, and yet… I’m arching my ass into his already hard erection, chasing it. It’s almost funny how my mind keeps trying to justify all of this, when I know full well belonging to him feels just as natural as breathing air.
“Good morning to you too,” I tease, just as he slide s the tip of his finger inside my slick pussy. It goes in easily, the arousal pooling at my entrance making a wet sticking sound when he smears it around.
I fell asleep coming with his name on my lips last night. I took his fingers and his tongue for as long as I could, but at some point my body shut down. Even then, he didn’t stop making my legs twitch and my pussy numb from drawing orgasm after orgasm out of me. I had to beg, beg him to stop making me come, tears in my eyes and all. I’ve never in my life experienced something as exhilarating—and I loved every second of it.
“What’s the time? Do you have to leave?” I try to get up on my elbow, not wanting to be too needy or make him feel like I’m keeping him from doing his job.
A strong hand wraps around my hair, tugging me back into him.
“I do,” he sighs. “But not before I leave you with something to remind you of me. Come here.”
He pulls my hips into his lap, and I clutch the sheets in front of me, not knowing what to expect.
Pulling the covers off to reveal my naked ass, his hand squeezes and tugs at my soft skin until I feel him getting harder under my weight. He didn’t fuck my ass last night. I don’t know why, and it almost made me want to ask him because I was looking forward to it. But now he’s right there, swirling the plug out of me, making me feel empty and aroused.
“What are you going to do?”
“Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to,” he tsks, two of his fingers replacing the plug as he pushes them inside my hole. I tense around the intrusion—it doesn’t hurt yet, but I’ve never done this before. I’m nervous. “If you do that, it will hurt. A lot. So let me in, angel.”
I nod, my breathing fractured as I let him claim this new part of me. He’s caressing my hair with his free hand and I close my eyes, focusing on the buzzing sensation breaking free all throughout my body.
“Open for me,” he says, lowering his hand from my hair to my lips, where two of his fingers are waiting. I do as he says, and he pushes them deep inside my mouth where my tongue can’t help but start swirling around them. “So many parts of you I haven’t claimed yet. I keep wanting to take my time with you, but it isn’t easy. I want all of you.”
I can only moan in response, with his fingers thrusting both in my mouth and in my ass, playing me like a complex instrument.
“You’re going to feel so tight around my cock, angel. I won’t be able to think of anything else for days. Look what you’re doing to me,” he muses. I don’t want him to think about anything else.
His fingers leave my mouth, and he drags me by my hair to a sitting position, even with his fingers still in my ass. They go in even deeper now. I whimper, feeling every curve of his knuckles deep inside.
“Don’t move unless I move you. Understand?”
“I understand,” I gulp, my heartbeat now in a chaotic race to nowhere.
He gets out of bed first, then pulls me along. I have no choice but to follow, since he won’t remove his fingers from my hole. With his free hand, he opens my nightstand and takes the lube I bought not even two weeks ago.
“How did you know I had that?” My cheeks burn with shame.
But he doesn’t answer. Instead, he pulls me along as he approaches the desk across the room, where he promised he’d bend me over.
He’s going to fuck my ass. Just like he said he would.
“Rowan,” I plead, fear suddenly creeping in. It’s going to hurt, no matter what I do or don’t do.
“I’m not going to stop, angel. Once I get inside you, there’s only one thing that can make me stop fucking your pretty asshole. Do you know what it is?”
I nod quickly, feeling his palm press against my upper back, bending me over the cold desk where I do my work.
“My safe word.”
“That’s right. Don’t ask me to stop. Don’t call out my name. Neither of those things will save you. Only your safe word will. Understand?”
“Y-Yes.”
The twist of a cap breaks through the silence, and the next thing I feel is the cold lube pouring down on my ass and pussy from behind. I shudder, then feel Rowan’s warm hand smearing it around when he removes his fingers.
He throws the lube somewhere on the table, then uses both hands to open my thighs apart.
“Such a good girl for me. I wish you could see how pretty you are right now, spread out and waiting for my cock in your ass.”
My pussy tingles at his words, though I’m so embarrassed I wish I could disappear into thin air. I bet he sees every crevice and imperfection of my body. He can’t mean that—I’m anything but pretty right now.
His cock inches closer and closer, until I feel him push himself inside my tight hole with just the crown. A burning sensation draws painful whimpers out of me. He’s too big. He’s too big, and I can’t possibly take him.
“You can,” he tells me, his voice low and controlled. “Relax for me. You can take it.”
My muscles clench and then loosen up. He pushes farther, inch by inch, while tears start running down my cheeks. I have my safe word ready, right on the edge of my lips, but I don’t say it yet. My body shakes with silent sobs.
“It hurts. It hurts so bad, Rowan.”
“I know, angel. Breathe for me. You’re doing so well.”
I try to do what he says, but it’s hard to focus on anything other than the pain. Until Rowan brings a hand between my legs, putting pressure on my clit. I mumble inaudible words, my ass suddenly clenching around him.
“That’s it. Fuck, you’re so tight. Just a little bit farther.”
I whimper-moan when he pushes himself one last time into me, and then I feel his fingers dig into my hips. Without any warning, Rowan lifts me up and moves my upper body a bit to the right, lowering my pussy on the corner of the desk.
“Oh my God,” I cry out, my clit throbbing with pleasure as the cold wood applies just the right amount of pressure on it.
“I want to watch you rub your little pussy against this desk. Can you do that for me, angel?”
He doesn’t have to ask me twice. I start rubbing myself against the cold material, rocking my hips back and forth, which makes Rowan’s cock thrust in and out of my ass at the same time. I do it slowly, so that I don’t hurt myself. It’s like being plugged into a machine only I can control.
The corner becomes slippery from my arousal coating it, my folds opened wide to let my clit slide up and down. My pussy clenches, and my ass does the same thing—only there’s Rowan’s hard erection to clench around.
I tilt my head backward, my mouth hanging open and my eyes closed shut. Rowan murmurs something into my ear, but I can’t hear it. I’m lost in this feeling of being filled by him in a place no one has ever touched me. And I keep chasing it, squeezing every last drop of pleasure until my hips stop moving on their own accord.
A grunt ripples from Rowan’s chest and he wraps his fist around my hair, tugging my head toward him as he starts fucking my ass the way he needs to. It’s hard and relentless, the pain mixing with the ghost of my orgasm, making me cry out.
Just when I don’t think I can take him anymore, Rowan bites down on my shoulder, replacing the pain with another. It’s going to leave a mark.
“So. Fucking. Perfect,” he breathes out, consumed by chasing his own release. My hands reach out to my sides, wanting to grip something so I can steady myself. But the only thing I can touch are the sides of the desk, which isn’t bringing much stability.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
The desk bangs against the wall while he fucks me, and all I can do is hold on for dear life. My eyelashes flutter closed, and I’m feeling dizzy all of a sudden. I know this feeling. My body is shutting down again. But right before I get to voice my safe word, Rowan stops, and warm sticky fluid fills my ass as he tugs my hair until I’m crashing against his hard chest.
I watch Rowan sip on a cup of black coffee with a hand in the pocket of his suit. He’s all dressed and ready to leave. And I’m not thrilled about it. I wish I’d said yes to moving in with him. I don’t know when I’m going to see him again.
“Come here,” he rasps, and my body instantly moves into his. His tongue pushes against the seam of my lips, opening me up. He tastes like coffee and my ginger-mint toothpaste, and I smile into the kiss. “I’m going to miss you, angel. I don’t know when I can see you again, but any chance I get, I’ll take it. My schedule is a bit crazy right now.”
“Don’t worry,” I say, biting my lip. “I understand. Besides, I need to work too.”
He nods, placing another kiss on the top of my head before retrieving something from his chest pocket.
“Come over whenever you want. Even if I’m not there,” he says, opening up my palm to place a key in it. “Security will let you in, no matter the hour.”
“But if you’re not there…”
“I’ll know you visited. It won’t be enough, but at least it’s something.”
“Right,” I smile. He smiles back.
“I’ll see you soon, angel.”
And with that, the warmth of his body leaves mine, and I’m annoyed at myself for how fucking needy I feel. We’ve both got lives we need to get back to, after all. I hear the door opening and closing behind him, leaving me all alone in my apartment with nothing but his scent all over me and his cum still leaking out of my sore ass.
Slowly, I unfreeze myself from the spot where he was holding me, and I head into the shower to get ready for the day. At six in the morning, it’s usually too early to get to the office. But Miss Pratt is already there today. And she’s texted me saying that, apparently, something’s gone wrong with the case and we need to dig into more files.
I lather my hair with shampoo, rinse it out, and put some makeup on once I’m dry. Then I slide into a pair of high-waisted black pants and throw on a cream shirt. By the time I’m ready to leave, it’s six forty-five—still pretty early. Which is why I did not expect to see what I’m seeing right now in front of my apartment complex.
I open the door and dozens of photographers and journalists point their cameras and mics at me. Flashes go off, blinding me, and people talk all over each other, all wanting something from me.
What. The. Fuck.
“What’s it like dating Commander Rowan King?” someone asks.
“I…”
“Does he feel responsible for Cole Finnegan’s death?” someone else asks, making me frown.
“He…”
“Dove! Over here!” A woman gets my attention. “Is it true that the CCSI’s attacks are more serious than what we’ve been led to believe?”
My phone vibrates in my purse, but I don’t dare take it out to look at it. I feel violated just having these people stand in front of me. In front of my home . A man rushes toward me and I step back in fear, though he looks like he wants to help me, for some reason.
“This way, please, Miss Finnegan,” he says, grabbing my shoulder and taking me through the crowd of people as he pushes them away.
“I’m so sorry,” I say when I bump into someone.
The man opens a black SUV for me, and because I’m so disoriented, I rush to get in. Instantly, pain ripples through my ass, making it uncomfortable to sit. Even now, in the midst of chaos, the pain is reminding me of Rowan. This is exactly what he wanted, I realize.
The man closes the door behind me, and although the buzz is gone, now I’m feeling the fear creep in. Who is he? He could be anyone, and I just entered his car like I know him. Fuck .
“Are you all right?” he asks me when he gets into the driver’s seat.
I nod. “Yes, I think so. I’m sorry, who are you?”
“Zain Khan. I work for the commander. Myself along with my team will be escorting you wherever you need to be,” he says, driving us away from the paparazzi. “When you’re at home, we’ll be stationed around your apartment. But don’t worry, we’ll keep our distance. You won’t even know we’re there.”
“Oh.”
When Rowan told me he’d place some of his men around my apartment, I didn’t expect it to happen in a matter of a few hours. A small warning would’ve been nice. Though when I take my phone out of my purse, I see that the message I received is from him. When did he even input his contact into my phone?
“Go with Zain, he’ll take you wherever you need to be,” the message says.
“What’s with all the paparazzi????” I text back. “It’s crazy. It was just a picture!”
“Your fault. If you weren’t so goddamn beautiful...” He trails off, and I roll my eyes despite my smile.
“A warning would’ve been nice. I thought Zain was about to kidnap me.”
“Did you think I was going to let you face that crowd on your own? I’ve got you, angel. You can relax.”
“I wish I could. But I’m finding it rather difficult to sit down at the moment.”
“Fuck, angel. Don’t make me turn this plane around.”
“You’re on a plane?? Where are you going?”
For some reason, he doesn’t text back anymore. I try not to get in my head about it. If he’s on a plane, he probably had to turn it off. Hopefully.
Zain takes me to the office and I spend most of the day looking through depositions and trying to find anything useful for Miss Pratt to use in our case. At lunch time, I go buy us coffee and sandwiches, and I get the constant urge to look behind me for anyone that might follow.
Zain told me he and the others would be watching me from the shadows. But even so, for some reason I can’t shake the feeling that my new bodyguards aren’t the only ones interested in following my tracks.