22. Chapter 22
22
Chapter 22
Sean
Sean let Blue fall asleep on his shoulder, and somewhere in all that, Sean’s thoughts of “what if” slowly faded until he’d drifted off as well.
He’d woken hours later to Blue jolting awake in his arms. The wind thrashed against the metal siding and was so loud, that even at three o’clock in the morning, no one was getting any sleep.
Blue had fled his arms like a canary from a cat and soon everyone upstairs made their way downstairs. It was louder up there, and there were more windows. Even though Sean’d covered them with metal siding, being downstairs just felt like the right thing to do.
Gray and Knox started up another game of Poker on the floor and Gramps, Walt, and Blue joined in. Nancy and Polly each took one of two recliners at the back of the warehouse. They didn’t sleep, but kept one another company, chatting softly. Sean hoped the rest of Gramps’ friends were safe and sound. The Palms always did a great job of looking out for their residents, but Sean couldn’t help but worry. Especially when considering how quickly the storm had come on. They’d been in it before they’d even known it’d started.
At least the salvage team had gotten a hold of Gray and Knox hours before to let them know they were alive and on land. Sean hadn’t been there for it. The guys had only told him after the fact—while Blue had been showering. For maybe the first time in his life, he hadn’t felt weird not being right in the middle of everything.
Sean settled into his rickety, but comfy office chair and combed through paperwork he’d been putting off for weeks. He needed something to take his mind off the fact that he was once again about to lose the love of his life.
Blue’s laughter carried into him. “Oh, oh, is that a royal flush?”
“Get out of here,” Knox said.
“That’s the third hand in a row she’s won,” Gray tossed his cards down.
Don sat a little taller. “That’s my girl. She always could sweep at poker.”
She laughed again, and dragged her winnings of white powdered donuts, canned goods, and Skinny Girl Popcorn they’d dragged out of the cupboards upstairs. Sean had purchased the supposedly healthy snack a few days ago after noticing his twelve-pack had reduced to six. Knox had been right; he’d been putting on weight.
“Thanks, Don,” Blue said, nudging him with her shoulder.
He loved that she got on with his friends and family, but it only made his heart ache more.
Gramps glanced back at Sean, and his smile fell. Sean quickly looked away and went back to work. Not that it helped. Grandpa stood and stretched over his head. Any second now, he’d be heading this way.
Blue’s phone rang, and she jumped out of her skin pulling it from her pocket. “It’s my dad,” she said and answered. “Dad?” She waited for an answer. “You there? Hello?” She popped up off the ground and ambled around to find the best signal.
“Back left corner.” Knox pointed the way she should go.
Blue nodded and walked off. “Yes, I can hear you.”
Sean watched her until Gramps’ bulking frame blocked her from view. He held a shoebox in his hands. The same one he’d left jail with. Sean’d been wondering what that was about.
Sean didn’t look at him. He loved Gramps, loved being with him and teasing him, but he just couldn’t right now. The last person he wanted to break down in front of was Gramps, especially when Gramps was dealing with his own loss. He didn’t want to add to his stress.
Gramps didn’t give him a choice. He placed a picture of Nonna on top of Sean’s work. It was an old picture; one he’d only seen a few times in his life. Nonna must have been twenty-something years old. She stood in front of the first house they’d ever purchased, holding his dad as a one-year-old baby, in her arms. She had the biggest smile on her face, and man, did Dad have chubby cheeks.
“I’ve carried this picture of your grandma in my wallet since it was taken,” Gramps said.
Sean picked it up and ran his thumb over the smooth edge. Considering Gramps’ lifestyle, it was a miracle the thing had lasted so long, and in such good condition, but then again, Gramps did take care of his things better than anyone Sean had ever met. Everything in his house was immaculate. Always. “She was so beautiful.”
“Until the day she died,” Gramps said, taking a seat on the corner of Sean’s desk.
Despite himself, Sean glanced up. Grandpa smiled at him.
He handed the photo back. “I know you’re worried about me, Gramps, but I’m fine,” Sean tried to assure him. “I’m happy. I have good friends and a great family. I’m . . . I’m lucky.”
Gramps’ nodded. “I don’t disagree, I guess I just wonder why you always felt a need to put everyone before yourself. And don’t say it was because of when Nonna broke her hip. That wasn’t your fault, son. I left her alone. I was the one who thought she’d be okay. If anyone’s to blame, it’s me.”
Sean shook his head. The Clayton men were certainly great at taking blame that didn’t belong to them. “Honestly, Gramps, I like helping people. I always have. It’s part of the reason joining the service was so good for me.” That and he got to spend a lot of time in the water and work out life’s frustration through sheer physicality. “It taught me to hone those skills and use them to the best of my ability.”
“And now you’re out, and back to taking care of everyone but yourself?”
Right. Sometimes in moments like these, Sean forgot he was supposed to be a retired SEAL. That’d just been easier than trying to explain why they were never being called back to duty. No one knew how long this mission would last.
“I’m worried about you, Sean. I see you holding yourself back, and I . . .” Gramps’s voice warbled, and Sean’s eyes about popped out of his head. “Since your grandma died, I’ve been pushing back my emotions. That’s how I was trained. But I’ve seen, in the last few days, that holding those feelings in has made me do some completely insane things.”
“Like spying on Jonah?” Sean asked.
“Without a plan! What was I thinking? Amelia would not have been pleased with me getting thrown in jail.” Gramps shook his head. “I’m not good at grieving. Never have been. But if I’d allowed myself to, who knows, maybe I would’ve seen that you needed someone looking after you. Maybe I would’ve been there when you needed me instead of locked in a jail cell.”
Sean grabbed Grandpa’s hand. “Gramps, you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. You have been there for me.”
Grandpa swatted away the compliment. “If I am strong at all, I owe it to your grandma. She was the one that always held our family together. Me together.”
“I wish I could find a love like that,” Sean said.
Gramps leaned forward. “You can. With Blue.”
Sean let out a long breath. “Well, witness protection and a court martial say otherwise.” The Navy did not look kindly on soldiers going AWOL.
“Losing your grandma was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through in my life,” Gramps said, his brown eyes welling with tears, and when he spoke again, his voice broke. “I lost my best friend.” Grandpa let out a sob, then quickly pulled himself together as he wiped at his eyes.
Sean squeezed Gramps’ hand that he had yet to let go, his own throat lumping over. In a way, Sean understood what Gramps was going through.
“Losing her was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my life,” Gramps reiterated, covering Sean’s hand with his free one. “But I’d do it all over again. Go through all this again. That’s how you know it’s true love. It’s killing me seeing you go through what I am because you think it can’t work out.” He made a sweeping gesture with his hand. “But all those reasons keeping you apart, they can be worked out, son. For the right person, they can be worked out. Life is a lot harder without them than trying to figure it out is.”
Sean’s heart squeezed in his chest.
Gramps stood, opened the box, and pulled out a letter, setting it on the desk, then he placed Nonna’s picture on top of that. “All we’ve ever wanted for you boys is to be happy.”
Sean looked up at Gramps’ glistening dark brown eyes.
“So, tell me, son, is it true love, or isn’t it?” he asked.
It was. Always had been.
Gramps kissed him on the head, and walked out of the office with the box of letters under his arm, whistling. He even seemed to have a bit of a spring in his step that hadn’t been there before. It was like this conversation had taken a load off his shoulders. Briefly, Sean wondered what that would feel like.
As soon as Gramps was out of sight, Sean grabbed the letter opener on his desk, gripped the smooth steel in his hand, and opened Nonna’s letter. Her handwriting was large, looping letters, that just looked happy. It made him smile to think of her sitting at the table, with a smile on her face, writing this out.
Dearest Sean,
If ever there was a grandson to be proud of, it’s you. From the day your parents brought you home, I thought you were amazing, and as you got older, you got better and better. You’re smart, you’re kind, you’re dedicated, you care more about others than you do yourself, and have a wicked sense of humor—that came from my side of the family. :) I’ve always been impressed with your service-oriented attitude. But I’ve always been worried about it too.
You’re more than just what you can do for others. I want you to live a life. To get dirty, get in trouble, break a rule or too, and have something all for yourself. I want you to be selfish in love. Because loving the right person makes a life worth living—makes all the difference in the world. It did for me. Your grandpa saved me in ways you’ll never know. He helped me become the person I am, and I did the same for him. And I want that for you. For you to reach the full potential of who you can become. Judging on who you are now, that man will be a fearsome thing to behold.
Sean breathed out long and hard, feeling Nonna’s hopes for him hit like barbs of truth. He couldn’t imagine Nonna and Gramps being different people than they were now. He’d just assumed their super-human powers of being amazing were just naturally ingrained. But he totally believed that man and woman were made to complete one another—and apparently that was exactly what they’d done for each other. He kept reading.
Caring for others is a good and honest goal, but there must be more to life. God, family, laughter, loving others, and being loved in return, and then service. These are the things that make a life.
My life was better for having you in it, and you have so much potential for bringing the joy you brought me to others. Live life to the fullest, so that when it’s your time, you can look back with a smile.
With love forever,
Nonna Amelia
Sean blinked at the paper, then before he could think, he stood and marched out of his office. Blue was nowhere to be seen. “Where is she?”
The guys glanced around.
“Who? Blue?” Gray arched a brow.
“Hey, that rhymed.” Knox laughed.
Walt pointed toward the back of the warehouse. “The guys sent her that way to take a call. Her reception was bad.”
Sean spun toward the guys. “Take a call?”
“Yeah, her dad called.” Gray dealt the cards as Sean’s brain went into overhaul.
He’d seen her take the call, had seen her walk off. But she didn’t have her cell. She had Jonah’s. “Blue!” He headed toward the back of the warehouse, sprinting past Nancy and Polly in their loungers.
“What’s wrong?” Nancy called after him.
He reached the backdoor and slowed down. “Blue?”
The door was unlocked, and one of the slickers Sean kept on a hook in the back was missing.
Knox and Gray came up behind him.
“What’s happening?” Knox asked.
“She’s gone.” Sean punched the door, letting out his frustration, and pushed through the gathered crowd back toward the front of the building.
“Sean?” came Polly’s voice next.
He marched into his office, only then noticing he crinkled the letter Nonna had left him in his hand. He plopped down in his desk seat, laid the paper out, and tried to smooth the wrinkles.
“What do you mean she’s gone?” Gramps asked, crowding in the door with the rest of the group behind him.
“I mean gone.” He grabbed his car keys. Finding her in a car might be impossible in this weather, but he was going to try.
“She’s in danger, we have to find her,” Knox said, and Gray shoved up next to him, nodding in agreement.
Sean’s gaze darted to his phone, and then around his desk for the tracking device he’d shown Blue. It wasn’t there. He jumped to his feet. She’d had it. Had it in her hand the last time he’d seen it. Grabbing up his phone, he opened the app to the tracking device and held his breath. The app loaded, and there, next to a longitude and latitude, was a green dot.
“I’ve got her,” he said in a near whisper, relief filling him. He hadn’t lost her yet. “Call the guys. Tell ‘em we’re all hands on deck.”