Chapter Two
Bodhi
I don’t know why I am surprised that she still hates me. I deserve nothing less than anger from her. After what I did to her, that’s the least of what I deserve.
“Ah, I’m so glad she’s back,” Kate says when the door shuts.
“She tell you anything?” Rhett asks Kate.
“No, but she knows I’m going to ask tonight. She hasn’t talked to her parents in two years. She and I have not spoken in just as long,” she answers.
“I was out there for court when his charges were dropped,” Rhett says. “It was bad.”
“I bet,” Kate says with a heavy sigh.
“Can someone fill me in?” I ask.
“Liv got married a few months after she left. He was an abusive piece of shit,” Luke tells me. “We tried so hard to get her to leave…”
“Why was he arrested?” I ask, already getting pissed off. Who could hurt her? She has always been so damn sweet.
“Not sure,” Kate answers. “Obviously, it was bad enough that she finally left, but she hasn’t said what.”
“But she’s back, and she’s safe,” Luke says. “I’m going to need you two to make up, though. She doesn’t know we are friends.”
“It’s not up to me, Luke,” I say.
“She’s going to the reunion,” Kate says. “Talk to her there.”
“Ah, in the same room that I took her dress off her in front of all our peers. That’s a good idea,” I say sarcastically. “I’m gonna go. I’ll catch y’all later.”
“Bodhi, come on, man,” Rhett sighs.
“I’m good,” I say. Daisy hands me my bag. “What do I owe you, Ms. Daisy?”
“Nothing, baby. You just be real slow about helping him if he chokes,” Ms. Daisy says, and I smile at her.
She really fucking hates my Dad, but so do I. I still make sure he eats because he will try to survive on liquor instead. He’s better now than when I was a kid, but he also doesn’t beat the shit out of me anymore.
I set the bag in the passenger seat and turn the key. The engine roars to life. When I look over, Olivia is in her car next to me. She doesn’t notice me watching her, but she’s crying. I wonder, is she reliving what I put her through, or Jason?
I force myself to put the truck in gear and drive out of the lot. I can’t sit here and watch her cry, knowing I can’t help her.
I was so goddamn mean to her, and I’ve rightfully lived with the guilt of it all since prom.
It wasn’t until that moment when her dress hit the floor that I realized I had gone way too far.
She tried for years to smooth things over and get along with me, but I pushed back every single time.
I will never get the look on her face out of my head.
When I get to Dad’s trailer, I hop out with the bag and make sure to lock my doors.
Last time, some random chick was trying to steal it.
I hate coming here, but he refuses to move.
I don’t know why I even try, honestly. Most people tell me I’m too nice to him, considering everything he’s done, but I guess I feel obligated.
I knock on the door before pushing it open. Dad glances up at me from the TV and grunts. “You’re late,” he says, taking the last sip of his beer.
“Hey to you, too, Dad,” I say as I walk in. This is the place I grew up, and it’s hard to believe this place once held so much light. Before Mom died, this place was pretty decent. Now? Well, let’s just say I never sit down when I’m here. If I do, I risk bringing roaches with me.
I pull the to-go container out of the bag and set it down on his TV table. “Hand me a beer, will ya?” he says, waving me off.
“You could say please, old man,” I say as I walk to the fridge.
“You could kiss my ass,” he barks back with a mouth full of food. “What kept you?”
“Just chatting with people at the diner,” I say. “Olivia Monroe is back in town.”
“She still fat?” he mumbles, his mouth still full.
“Dad,” I sigh.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” he laughs.
“She was never fat, first of all,” I quip. “But she looks good.”
“Mhmm,” he says, smirking.
“Jesus. What?” I ask.
“Didn’t you have a thing for that girl?”
“You gonna let me draw blood?” I ask, changing the subject.
“Fuck no, you ain’t stickin’ me with no needle,” he says. “Just let a man die in peace. Damn.”
You could tell that man he would die tomorrow, and he still wouldn’t stop drinking to save himself.
“Fine. Buried or cremated?” I ask, and he scoffs at me. “I’m serious. I can’t help you if you don’t let me. So… Cremated or buried?”
“Get out of my goddamn house!” he shouts, knocking his table over and sending his food crashing to the floor. “I won’t be disrespected in my own damn house. Get the fuck out.”
I sigh and shake my head at him as I pull the second tray from the bag and set it on the counter this time.
“For when you chill the fuck out,” I say.
I could tell he was going to get worked up when I called him earlier today, and he was already drinking at eight in the morning.
I plan ahead on those days by bringing an extra meal, knowing he will eat when he calms down.
Dad mutters to himself as I leave the trailer and return to my truck.
I could go back to the clinic, but I think I’ll go see Mom instead.
A few weeks before Mom died, she and I went on a walk down by the lake.
We ended up at this small cave in the hillside, next to Willow Creek Lake.
She had made this little area for me to come visit that was close enough to run to, but far enough away from Dad that he couldn’t find me.
She told me that if I was ever scared or needed to feel close to her, to come to this cave.
The night she died, I woke to screaming.
Dad was angry at Mom because she wanted to take me and leave.
It sent Dad into a rage, and Mom came straight to me.
I think she knew she was going to die that night; she never would have risked involving me.
I was hiding under my bed like I usually did when they fought, but she got me to come out.
“Do you remember our special hideout, Bodhi?” she asked me. “Grab your blanket and go, baby. Don’t stop until you get there.”
I wanted to bring her with me, but she wouldn’t.
I didn't understand why at the time, but I know now that it would have only gotten me hurt or killed. She gave me the biggest hug and opened my window. The last thing she said to me was, “I love you to the moon and back, Bodhi. Never ever forget that. Okay?” She took off her necklace and just… Shut the window. I stared at her for a second and watched the tears roll down her face. When my bedroom door slammed open and I heard her screams, I ran. I will regret that for the rest of my life. I should have gone to the police or a neighbor. Maybe she’d be alive if I did.
They said it was suicide, but I know better.
I know she never would have willingly left me with him.
I drive a mile down the road and park in my driveway.
When I get out, I walk around the house and to the trailhead.
I ended up buying the property that this cave sits on just to make sure I could keep it exactly how she set it up.
I’ve switched out some things and added others, but the stars she cut out of a thin sheet of metal still hang from the ceiling of the cave.
I have her ashes here because if she knew I’d feel safe here, then she must have felt safe here, too.
I added amber lights that run on solar power, so I can come out here anytime I want and sit with Mom. No one knows that this place exists, but I do. She did. That’s all I need to get through the day sometimes: to come here and just think.
I lie on the blankets with my arms tucked behind my head, looking up at the stars.
They’re rusted now, but I don’t mind. It’s like how dream catchers are supposed to trap the bad ones; I’d like to think that these stars absorb my worries.
Maybe that’s ridiculous, but whatever gets me through the day, right?
Everyone in this town loves me, but no one remembers how awful I was to Olivia.
No matter what I did, though, she was never mean to me.
She never mocked me or made fun of me the way I did her.
Hell, even her parents are absolute gems. They could have had me arrested for what I did, even though she and I were both eighteen.
Olivia refused, and so did they. I never faced consequences, even when she was attacked because of me.
A few weeks after prom, Olivia was assaulted when she was walking home from school. She had walked that path for years, but this time someone was waiting. She never knew who it was, but I did. Every time I looked at my father after that, all I could see was Olivia crying on the side of that road.
She left for college shortly after and never looked back, or at least I thought so.
I knew she got married, but I didn't know he was abusive. Knowing now that he was, it makes me want to find him. I’m always one bad day away from snapping and turning into my father, which is exactly why I don't drink. The few times I have, I’ve gotten into fights.
I don’t want to be him, so I just avoid alcohol.
By the time I leave the cave, the sun is already sinking low behind the trees.
I end up on my back deck with a cup of hot tea and a book I haven’t actually read a single page of, watching the sunset bleed across the lake.
I look down the shoreline of the lake and see Olivia on the back deck of her cabin.
She looks lost in thought, but it’s like she feels me staring at her.
She looks up, and her eyes find mine immediately.
“You following me, Liv?” I tease.
The truth is, I bought this property from Daisy three years ago. I was already living here, and she wasn’t, so she eventually let me buy it from her. She still owns the cabin and the plot it sits on, so I found it odd when she told me she was moving someone in there. Now, I understand.