Chapter Nine
Olivia
When Bodhi sees me, he rushes over and wraps me in a hug. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I shouldn’t have left you there,” he says, pulling back to hold my face again. Last time we were here, I made a fucking fool of myself, so I grab his hands and move them off me before stepping back.
“It’s fine,” I say. “The rain will let up soon enough, and I’ll go back to the cabin to get my stuff.”
“Get your stuff?” he asks.
“Yes,” I snap. “Coming back here was a mistake.”
I walk to the other door to look out at the rain with my back to Bodhi. He slowly walks over to stand next to me, but doesn’t say anything. We look at the rain, and it says more than any words we could exchange—He’s not leaving here without me, and running isn’t an option.
“You were going to kiss me,” I say. “I’m not crazy. You were going to, but you stopped. You made me feel like I imagined it, but I didn’t.”
“You didn’t imagine it,” he confirms quietly.
“Olivia… Everything I have ever cared about leaves me or dies.” I look over at him, and he is fighting back emotion.
“Everyone I have dated in the past walks away the moment I get attached, and it’s always for someone else.
I wasn’t good enough as a kid for my mom to try to leave before she did.
I wasn’t good enough for anyone I’ve been with, so who’s to say that cycle ends with you? Who’s to say I won’t destroy you?”
“Who’s to say you will?” I ask. “You are blaming yourself when there’s no way it’s all on you.
Hell, even with Jason and me, I was at fault for staying every time he pushed, and I let him.
I ignored the red flags and stayed, and that was my fault.
Just because our actions cause bad things to happen doesn’t mean we deserve it. ”
“I was so awful to you,” he says, trying to convince me that I shouldn’t want to be around him.
“You never put your hands on me. You never caused me harm. You never hit me, raped me, kicked me, or burned me. You are fucking soaked because you came out to search for me,” I tell him.
“I fucking hate to break it to you, Bodhi, but you're a good man. You were a good kid, too, but you were hurting. You needed help, but you didn’t know how to ask.”
“It doesn’t excuse what I did at prom,” he argues.
“No, that was pretty fucked up,” I say. “But it was a decade ago. I can’t hold onto that forever. You were a stupid teenage boy who didn’t know how dresses worked. It is what it is.”
“How do we move forward then?” he asks, looking at me with unshed tears in his eyes. “How do we move forward without me falling for you, because I will? I will fucking fall for you, and I won’t want to stop myself. I’ll wait forever for you because you are fucking worth it, Olivia.”
“I watched you,” I say. “Last night… I watched you. I listened to you moan my name, and you know what?”
“What?” he asks.
“I’ve never wanted anything more than I wanted you,” I tell him.
“I was fucking jealous of that toy, because that’s what I want.
I want to be the one making you feel good.
I want to be the one you use because we both want it, not because someone wants to hurt me.
Bodhi, I want you. I feel things physically before I do emotionally.
I am undoing years of pain, and I’m trying to learn how to function again.
If you fall, then do it. Fucking swan dive, if that’s what you want, but I need patience.
I need you to understand that there are broken parts of me that will never be able to be repaired, and you have to be willing to learn to navigate those things with me. ”
“Like I said, Liv. I’ll wait forever. It’s just who I am,” he says, stepping closer.
“I thought you said you would fall for me, Bodhi, not that you have,” I say with a sweet smile.
“Consider me fallen,” he says, gently taking my face between his hands. He pauses, but I lean into him and press my lips to his. Just like that, we melt. He deepens our kiss, and we get lost in this moment.
We jump apart when we hear someone clear their throat, but find that it’s only Dan and Jeramy. “Well, that’s not what I expected,” Dan chuckles. “You okay, Olivia?”
“Yeah,” I say. “I’m sorry if I scared anyone.”
“It’s alright,” he says with a smile.
“Can I tell you something off the record, Olivia?” Jeramy asks me, and I frown at him. “Jason is telling the judge that you were the ringleader of this operation. He’s got numerous people backing him up. None can be used as a credible witness, so that is the only reason you haven’t been arrested.”
“What?” I ask. “No… No, he can’t do that.”
“He did, and he has been since you disappeared,” Jeramy says simply. “So give me one good reason why I shouldn’t arrest you, because from his side, the marks on your body are self-harm, and him trying to kill you was an attempt at ending the violence once and for all.”
“I didn’t do anything,” I say tearfully. “He fucking tortured me…”
“Is there anyone credible who can testify on your behalf?” he asks.
“For what? That I don’t run a fucking trafficking ring?” I ask. “That he is the one who put all these scars on me? My character? What do you want from me?”
“Anything,” he says. “Client names, locations of parties, where money is kept. Anything that can help us find who he works for.”
“That makes me a target,” I say. “If it doesn’t work, I go to jail… If it does, Miguel fucking kills me.”
“What do you care more about, Olivia?” he asks. “Your safety or your pride?”
“Fine,” I say. “But I’ll only give the information to the judge.”
“Why?” he asks.
“Because I don’t trust you,” I tell him honestly. “Jason has too many connections to not be cautious.”
“Alright, but you must keep in constant communication with me. You may not up and disappear or leave the state. When you go to court, everything must be presented in front of the defendant and the prosecution before questioning begins. This will allow both sides to see what you have to say before they talk to you.”
“Yes, sir,” I say.
“Go on,” he says. “I’ll follow y’all back to town.”
I am silent as Bodhi takes me to his truck and sets me into the passenger seat. Once we are back on the road, I relax, but I’m still fidgeting.
“How much do you know?” he asks after a while.
“Everything,” I say quietly. “I know everything.”