Chapter 34
Sophie
From the moment I stepped into Albania, I’d felt safe, and now, I was starting to feel too much at home. It was a hard thing to explain, but the longer I stayed, the harder it was to imagine going back to life in the States.
Here, I felt part of its people, culture, and life despite the fact that I couldn’t utter a single word in the language.
And then there was the fact that, despite how much I loved my job here, I was eager to get back to my own patients and staff at the hospital. In DC, I’d go home to shower and rest, only to run back to work.
I was freaking living and thriving here, and it began to worry me what would happen once I returned to my old life. And if I really let myself admit it… well, I preferred my life here.
“Talk about a one-eighty,” I muttered under my breath, thrown off-kilter by the direction of my thoughts.
I shifted gears in the black Jeep I’d been using to get to and from work, and a loud noise filled the air. I had to look over my shoulder to ensure I hadn’t lost my transmission.
I really had to talk to Kian about his selection of vehicles with stick shifts. Who in their right mind preferred them?
The gates of his villa came into view and I reached for the fob to open them, praying they’d open in time so I didn’t have to drop gears before coming to a stop.
“Yesss,” I announced victoriously when I made it through with ease. “It’s a great day to be alive.”
I parked and exited the car, practically skipping up the entrance steps.
I would regularly admire the movie-like backdrop of the cliffs, the sea, and islands stretching behind the villa.
Instead, I made my way inside with the energy of a woman who hadn’t seen her man in months, as opposed to a few short hours ago.
I passed the living room with its tan leather furniture and high ceilings, my shoes clacking on the polished marble floors.
I found him in his office, as per usual, staring intently at his laptop screen.
He reminded me of a distinguished professor rather than a mobster—which I preferred not to dwell on—with his glasses on. Damn, the man was fine. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t been snatched up by a woman. But their loss was my gain, because he was hands down the best lover I’d ever been with.
“We really need to do something about your workaholic habits.” I leaned against the doorway, smirking as he drew his gaze off the computer.
Kian smiled, closing his laptop, then leaned back in his seat as he took off his glasses and threw them on the desk. It was only then that I noticed a glass of brown liquid on his desk. Bourbon. Meaning whatever he was dealing with was worrying him.
“From what I understand, you’re a workaholic yourself.”
“Not anymore.” I maneuvered around his desk and leaned against it, facing him. “Albania has taught me to work less and live more.”
“I’m glad to hear it. Albania suits you.” His hands came to my waist, dropping lower to my hips and rubbing smooth circles there. “How was your workday, zemra ime?”
“Excellent, although we have to talk about your Jeep.”
The words left my lips on a soft sigh as I melted at his touch, feeling a strange mixture of giddy and turned on. It should worry me how much I craved his touch and even more how much I loved it, but I was determined to live in the present.
I wasn’t sure how things would end between us, but ever since the wedding three days ago, the lingering feeling that I didn’t want them to ever end kept intruding.
“Hmm, I’d rather talk about you,” he said, his voice low. “And hear about every part of your day.”
“Every gruesome part?” I teased, Jeep completely forgotten.
“Nothing is gruesome when it comes to you.”
I chuckled. “You might rethink that when you see me elbow deep in placenta or broken waters and other bodily fluids soaking into my scrubs.”
“You’re going to have to give me something more gruesome than that. Birth is something to be celebrated, regardless of the natural mess that accompanies it,” he said, tilting his head.
I couldn’t help but consider all he must have seen to become so immune. Whatever it was, judging from his brief story about the scars on his back, it hadn’t been pretty. And yet, despite it all, he was kind and considerate to those around him and it made me appreciate him even more.
I pushed away from the edge of the desk and wedged myself onto his lap. “Why are you so wonderful?”
A deep rumble sounded in his chest. “As long as you think that, I’m a happy man.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed a kiss to his lips. “And how was your day?”
“Good,” he answered slowly, which meant he was working on something big.
By now, I had slowly started to pick up on the subtext in Kian’s responses.
Whenever he was direct and short, it meant he couldn’t discuss matters.
When he answered in full sentences, there was wiggle room to ask follow-up questions.
And then there were the things he said when he fucked me that drove me mad.
I patted his chest.
“Don’t worry, babe. I won’t interrogate you and I’m not wearing a wire.” His eyebrow arched, and I continued. “Unless you’d like to undress me and check?”
An incredulous breath left him. “Are you flirting with me, Sophie?”
I smiled innocently. “Me? No freaking way. I’m a good girl, I don’t flirt with mobsters.”
My hands roamed his starched white dress shirt, muscles rigid under my palms, and my mouth watered at the thought of what was hidden underneath, especially below the belt.
“I’m glad to hear that,” he drawled, reaching for his glass and taking a sip. “Or I’d have to kill them all.”
I kissed him, tasting bourbon on his tongue.
“So savage,” I breathed against his mouth.
He set his glass back on the table. “Only for you.”
God, why did those words make me all warm and gooey inside?
“My ex never talked like that,” I blurted out.
“No?” I shook my head and he hummed, pausing as if considering what to say next. “Do you… miss him?”
I immediately regretted bringing him up. His death and everything it represented still caused a pang in my heart.
“Yes and no. It’s difficult to explain,” I answered honestly. Kian stiffened under my touch and I rushed to explain: “I feel responsible for his death. If I had just stayed the course and stood by my rule that nobody deserves a second chance, he’d still be here, with his child.”
He relaxed. “He would have met someone else, and that person would have probably led him into the same exact position.”
“Maybe,” I agreed.
“A part of me can’t be sad about it, because it brought you to me,” he said, his voice rumbling through me while my chest burst with happiness.
I decided to change topics, but I couldn’t shake what his earlier mood might mean. “Any news on Jacqueline?”
Anger darkened his features. “We’re closing in, but we still haven’t pinned her exact location.”
“Meaning?”
“She contacted her son and we obtained details on their recent transactions, but until I have all the information, I don’t want to discuss it.”
“Poor Kai. He’s such a good kid. It’s hard to believe he’s Jacqueline’s son.” My throat tightened. “I’m glad he and Sienna are close and have each other to rely on.”
Kian’s hands pulled me closer.
“They’ll be safe, I promise you.” I nodded, grateful that he was taking it all into account. “Did you and Jonathan ever talk about having children?”
“No. Honestly, it never occurred to me, considering all the mess with his ex.”
“Do you want kids?”
I shifted so I could look him in the eye. The question surprised me a bit, but we were both adults, so it made sense he wondered. However, I was also worried about giving him an answer that would send him running.
Kian’s perceptiveness could be an inconvenience, so I chose my words carefully.
“I love kids… obviously.”
“But?” It shouldn’t have surprised me that he wasn’t the type to accept my words at face value.
“But I don’t want to have kids of my own,” I admitted. “Not now anyhow.” He nodded somberly, but when he didn’t comment, I couldn’t resist questioning him. “Is that… bad?”
He chuckled at my pursed lips.
“There’s no right or wrong to this. I never got married… Does that make me bad?” I shook my head. “There’s your answer.”
“Most people want kids,” I pointed out.
“You’re not most people.”
“Neither are you. I was just worried… if I didn’t give you the answer you liked, I’d send you running.”
He took my chin between his strong fingers and brought our faces so close our noses brushed together.
“Do you really take me for a man who runs away from a challenge?”
“No.” If anything, the man thrived on them. “Do you want more children?” I asked carefully.
“No.” There was no hesitation in his voice.
“I didn’t know about my daughter until she was an adult.
If I had, I would have set the world on fire to protect her.
However, I realize that it’s also impossible to guarantee someone’s safety and well-being, especially in my world.
It’s unfair to bring an innocent child into it. An adult can choose, a child cannot.”
He reached for his glass again and drained it, then put it down as he took a deep breath.
“You also adopted twins.” I recalled his words from weeks ago. “Jet and Elira, right?”
“I didn’t adopt them legally. I took them in, considered them mine, and protected them from the world until it was safe for their mother to take them back.”
“It seems you have more than proven you’re able to protect those you love,” I pointed out softly.
“I’ll protect you, Sophie Baldwin, with everything I’ve got and until my dying breath.” His voice and reverent look sent a blush creeping into my cheeks.
“What would you have done if I said I wanted children?” I breathed, trying not to dwell on how his vow made me feel.
“I would have given them to you.” His eyes darkened and his jaw tightened. “Just say the word, and the world is yours.”
Holy moly. If that wasn’t a declaration of commitment, I didn’t know what was.