CHAPTER 9
Summer
The air smells like pine and cold earth, sharp and crisp.
The Wyoming mountains rise around us, their white peaks glowing golden in the late afternoon sun.
We’re all outside on the porch, winter coats on, scarves and hats, mittens, the whole winter bundle.
Josh claps his hands, making all of us turn toward him.
“December first! Christmas officially starts. No tree, no Christmas!”
Mia squeals so hard she almost topples off the porch step. Penny clutches her thermos, cheeks pink from the cold, while Lily hands everyone hot chocolate, flour still dusting her apron.
“Be careful! And Cas, don’t wreck a truck this year.”
“Minor incident!” Cas shouts.
“Minor?” Dex counters, laughing. “You plowed through the snowbank!”
“A deer jumped in front of my truck!” Cas throws his arms up.
“The deer came after you drove yourself into Mr. Marsley’s backyard snowbank and took his mailbox for a ride!” Dex hollers, earning a roar of laughter from everyone.
“At least I know not to use the freakin’ brakes on ice.” Cas stands tall as if he’s defending his honor.
“I had no choice that time and you know it!” Dex shakes his head, and Cas just smirks like he absolutely loves the chaos.
“If you boys are done with the pissing contest, can we get a move on? I’m freezing my ass and tits off!” Grace groans dramatically.
“Grace Joanna Hawthorne, you watch your language or I’ll wash that mouth with soap!” Lily points a stern finger, trying, not very successfully, not to laugh while the rest of us burst out.
“All right, let’s get this Christmas started!” Josh calls, and we all move toward the trucks.
I climb into the middle truck with Ethan at the wheel.
Mia is buckled into her princess car seat, humming “Jingle Bells” under her breath.
Grace sits beside her, tapping her foot in rhythm.
I place my hands neatly in my lap, pretending not to notice the warmth radiating from Ethan, or the steady brush of his arm as he turns the radio on.
Josh passes out walkie-talkies through the open window. “Tradition,” Ethan says when he catches my confused look.
“Every driver gets one so the bickering can start before we even reach the field.” He laughs, low and warm, and something inside me loosens despite my best intentions.
Static crackles.
“Walkie check, lead truck to convoy,” Josh calls as we follow him onto the road.
“Copy that, lead truck. Commander Cas reporting in!” Cas’s voice blares, way too loud.
Dex snorts. “Commander my ass. I’m taking first place this year.”
“Last year, you took the wrong turn and we ended up in the middle of nowhere,” Jude chimes from Josh’s truck.
I glance at Ethan. His grin is lazy, mischievous, devastating, and my stomach twists on itself.
He presses the walkie button, voice smooth and teasing. “I suggest I take the lead this year, seeing as you two can’t tell your asses from your faces.” He releases the button, then turns fully toward me.
“They’re just starting,” he murmurs, eyes locked on mine.
His are forest green, deep, warm, and suddenly I notice specks of light brown in them. When did I get close enough to see that?
I stiffen, panic flaring up.
Head out of the gutter now, Summer.
We are not going down this road.
I scold myself silently, fiercely.
Ethan smiles like he can read every thought on my face, and I have to fight not to groan. I need distance. Space. A wall. Anything.
I don’t want this.
Not with him.
Not with anyone.
I made peace with the idea that I’d be the best mom to Mia, find a quiet place in Lander, and rescue cats. That was the plan. Simple. Safe.
Ethan starts singing with Mia, loud, off-key, shameless. Grace joins in. Within minutes, they’re completely butchering “Jingle Bells,” so horrifically that I burst out laughing. Like, cheeks hurting, stomach aching laughing. And for a moment, for a small, bright slice of time, I forget.
I forget the door I’m supposed to keep shut.
I forget the promise I made myself.
I just… feel happy.
And that scares me more than anything.
We take a left turn and the field opens up, the setting sun casting gold over the evergreens. Mia sits up straight in her car seat.
“Mommy, look!” she gasps, pointing through the window as we roll to a stop.
Ethan hops out, opens my door, then goes to unbuckle Mia.
The second her boots hit the snow, she bolts toward Josh. He scoops her up and starts explaining every tree, teaching her what to look for and how to tell if it’s healthy.
He finally sets her down in front of the rows of evergreens. She scrunches her little nose, inspecting each tree with comical seriousness, and we all crack up.
Meanwhile Cas and Dex are still bickering, their voices echoing across the field, while Jude stands beside them, quiet, but smirking whenever one of them lands a good jab.
Penny walks over to Grace and me, rubbing her arms.
“Why did I choose the thinnest bra I own today? My nipples are freezing off!”
Grace spits her hot cocoa everywhere, and we dissolve into laughter.
I glance up, and find Ethan standing next to Mia. She’s examining a tree like she’s deciding whether to open Pandora’s box, but his eyes… they’re on me. That half-tilted smile of his sends a shiver down my spine that has nothing to do with the cold.
“This one! This one!” Mia suddenly shouts, pointing at a tall spruce. “It’s perfect!”
Josh kneels beside her. “Think so, sweetheart?”
She nods so hard her hat slides sideways. “It looks like Christmas.”
“Then it’s the one,” Josh says.
He leads her to it, Ethan close behind.
Cas and Jude haul the saw out of the truck and bring it over.
Ethan kneels beside Mia and whispers something to her as he steadies her small hands on the saw.
“Nice and easy,” he murmurs.
Of course Ethan is doing the real work, but Mia is absolutely convinced she’s the powerhouse behind this. Cas, Dex, and even Jude encourage her.
“You got this, princess,” Cas says.
“That’s it! You’re stronger than Ethan,” Dex nods.
“Look at those muscles,” Jude adds, and I swear it’s the first time I’ve ever seen him full-on smile.
Josh and Ethan cut, Mia guided by Ethan’s hands, grinning proudly the whole time.
The trunk cracks.
The tree falls exactly where Josh predicted.
Cheers erupt.
Ethan straightens and lifts Mia before coming to stand beside me. His shoulder brushes mine again as we gather around the tree, and when his eyes catch mine, just a fraction too long, with that playful glint, my pulse skips. I look away, blinking at the cold.
The family is busy arguing over who stands where for the photo when Ethan slips an arm around my shoulders and pulls me close. Warmth rushes through me, spreading far too easily.
I push it down. Hard.
He’s just being nice, Summer. Get a grip. You are not going down this road. Not again. Not with anyone.
The camera clicks.
The moment the flash fades, I step out from under his arm and don’t look back.
◆◆◆
Back at the ranch, warmth hits like a hug. Pine and roasting chicken fill the air. Lily’s cinnamon bread smells heavenly, and faint Christmas music hums from the record player. The tree stands in the corner, still flecked with frost.
“Lights first! Don’t tangle them!” Lily calls.
“Too late,” Cas groans, somehow already wrapped in glowing wire.
“Don’t worry, bro, it’s called artistic expression!” Dex claps him on the shoulder.
“You look like a freaking Christmas tree,” Ethan laughs, making everyone crack up. Cas groans louder.
I step closer to the tree and start hanging ornaments with care. Ethan moves nearby, too nearby, adjusting a branch, his chest brushing mine. I pretend it’s nothing and focus on Mia hanging a glittery snowman.
I will not notice him.
I will not feel anything.
“You missed a spot,” he murmurs near my ear. Goosebumps prickle straight up my arms.
“Where?,” I shoot back, doing my best to ignore the way my chest tightens.
He grins and brushes a stray strand of hair off my shoulder. His fingers linger for half a breath too long and then he points to a branch above my head, his scent engulfing me “Right here” his smile is playful, knowing.
I take a step back, steadying myself, keeping my expression flat.
Around us, the brothers bicker. Tinsel flies. Penny hands out ornaments. Mia squeals at every shiny thing she touches. The room is chaos, warm, loud, joyful chaos.
And in the middle of it, Ethan is always near.
Playful.
Teasing.
Impossible to ignore.
“Everyone in front of the tree!” Josh calls, waving us over.
We crowd together. Ethan ends up beside me again, shoulder brushing mine. The camera flashes, freezing the golden light, the laughter… and the subtle electricity humming between us that I pretend not to feel.
Dinner is chaos in the best way. Cas carves chicken like he’s fighting it. Dex flings a roll at him. Jude mutters something and shakes his head. Ethan leans across the table to pass me the gravy, his fingers grazing mine.
His eyes lift to mine, steady. Direct.
“You have warm hands,” he murmurs.
I open my mouth, but Grace speaks before I can.
“Aren’t you observant tonight,” she smirks.
Ethan winks at her. “When it comes to Summer, yes. Always.”
I don’t answer.
I bite my lip.
Pretend my pulse isn’t racing.
◆◆◆
Later, Lily and Josh walk over to the piano.
“As the Hawthorne tradition requires,” Josh announces proudly, “we end the night with music.”
Then he turns to me. “You play, Summer?”
I hesitate. “I had lessons. My parents insisted at first. But… I love it now.”
“Then play,” he says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
I sit, fingers pausing over the keys, the room settling into a hush behind me. Silent Night slips out, tentative at first, then steadier, fuller, like something inside me remembers before my mind does.
Voices join in.
Lily’s soft alto.
Grace’s clear harmony.
Josh’s low, steady hum.
Even the brothers, off-key, loud, but trying their absolute best.
And then there’s Ethan.
Leaning just behind me, close enough that warmth radiates from him, humming quietly along. His breath brushes my shoulder when he tilts toward the music, and my fingers tremble, not from nerves.
From him.
Always him.
We drift through several songs, the room glowing with soft yellow lamplight and tired smiles. Mia is curled up next to Grace on the couch, eyelids drooping.
“All right, pumpkin,” I say softly, “I think it’s time for bed.”
Mia shakes her head dramatically. “I’m not tired, Mommy!”
A giant yawn immediately follows, betraying her.
The room bursts into quiet laughter.
After tucking Mia under her blanket, her curls spread across her pillow like a halo, I slip out, closing the door softly behind me. I pad down the hall to my room, still humming Silent Night under my breath. I push the door open… and stop.
A single wildflower rests on my pillow.
Three pink petals. One white.
Simple. Delicate. Perfect.
Its stem is wrapped in a small piece of paper.
My chest tightens as I step forward, lifting it with careful fingers.
I unfold the note, breath caught somewhere high in my throat.
My hand trembles as I turn the note over.
My heart races, my chest somehow warms without my consent. This man is scaring the shit out of me, because I feel the walls I so carefully built around my heart thaw, and I can’t let him do that.
Family and friends always making me feel wrong, not enough, has thought me that there is a price to pay for love, for trust…
so I refuse to put myself in that position.
Kevin cheating on me, being cruel to me, and not caring about Mia broke my heart.
But Ethan… he has the power to break my heart, soul, and mind until there’s nothing left of me.
I can’t let that happen.
Still, something inside me doesn’t want to let go of the note and the flower. So I pick up a book Penny gave me and tuck them inside.