CHAPTER 18 #2
Outside, the cold bites my cheeks. At first I don’t see him, then I spot him by the tree line, far from the house. Shoulders rigid. Back to me.
I walk slowly toward him, my breath forming tiny ghosts in the air.
“Ethan,” I whisper when I’m close.
He turns, too fast, and I see it. The storm inside him. Anger, fear, heartbreak all knotted tight.
“Summer,” he rasps. “This… isn’t a good time.”
He scrubs a hand over his face, looking everywhere but at me.
“Is it Asher?” I ask.
His eyes snap to mine.
His voice cracks. “It’s my fault.”
I step closer, heart hammering. “How is it your fault?”
His throat works, a tear spilling despite his attempt to blink it back.
“I told him to go over there,” he chokes. “I didn’t check the tree, God, I should’ve been there, not him. I should’ve…”
He breaks off, a sob tearing out of him, raw and painful.
I step closer until I’m right in front of him. Slowly, carefully, I set my hand on his shoulder.
“Ethan… it wasn’t your fault.”
His breath shudders.
“I’m the captain,” he whispers. “He’s my responsibility.”
“Yes,” I say softly. “But you didn’t start that fire. You didn’t throw that tree on him. And you didn’t run, you ran towards him. You were hurt trying to save him. You did everything you were trained to do. Everything anyone could do.”
His chest rises and falls too fast. His eyes glassy with pain.
“What if he doesn’t make it?” he whispers.
I lift my hands to his face. His skin is cold beneath my palms. “Asher is strong. He’s a fighter.”
“But what if he doesn’t…” His breath breaks.
“Then I’ll be here,” I whisper. “You’ll lean on me. I’ll sit with you in that pain and help you through it. But Ethan… right now? He’s alive. He’s fighting. And he needs you to keep fighting too.”
He closes his eyes. One tear slips free.
When he opens them again, something inside him crashes.
“I don’t want you to see me like this,” he says hoarsely. “It’s already hard enough pretending I don’t… God, Summer, every time you’re near me, I’m fighting not to kiss you. Not to touch you. The last thing I need is for you to see how weak I am.”
Weak.
The word hits me like a slap.
All this time I thought I wasn’t enough for him. That pulling away protected me, spared him. When instead… it made him believe he wasn’t enough.
No more.
I step closer. Close enough to feel his breath.
With shaking hands, I take his face again.
“Never,” I whisper. “Never in a trillion years will I see you as weak.”
I wipe away another tear.
“Don’t hide from me, Ethan. Don’t hide anything. I spent my whole life surrounded by people who wore masks, a world where emotions were shameful. Forbidden. Fake smiles were the only acceptable language.”
My voice trembles.
“That world suffocated me. I don’t want masks anymore. Not from you.”
His breath stutters, his eyes locked on mine like he’s terrified to blink.
“Summer,” he whispers, “what are you saying?”
“I’m saying…” I swallow hard. “I’m tired of letting fear run my life. I’m tired of missing out on… people.”
“People?” he repeats, barely breathing.
“When they told me you were hurt,” I whisper, “all I could think was…I never told him. I never told him I loved him.”
Ethan goes still.
Completely, utterly still.
“You… love me?” he breathes.
“It terrifies me,” I whisper, “but you’re worth the fear.
Even if loving you ends up shattering me, breaking me open in ways I can’t undo…
you’d still be worth it. Fear has ruled my whole life.
But the thought of losing you?” My voice trembles.
“That scared me more than loving you ever could.”His face changes, like light finally broke through the smoke.
He moves closer, lips a breath from mine.
“You sure about this, Summer?” His voice is rough, trembling. “Because if I take this step… if I open this door… I’m never letting you go. Not ever. Even if you beg me. You’re not getting rid of me.”
I exhale, every fear dissolving into certainty.
“Good,” I whisper, brushing my lips against his. “Because I’m in love with you, Ethan Hawthorne.”
He doesn’t wait another second.
His mouth crashes onto mine.
The kiss is soft at first, his lips warm, tentative, then it deepens, pulling me under like a tide I’ve been fighting for too long. His good arm wraps around my waist, pulling me flush to him as heat surges through my veins.
It feels like coming home to a place I never knew existed, but somehow I’ve been searching for all my life.
When he finally breaks the kiss, he leans his forehead against mine, breath unsteady, hand sliding gently to the back of my neck.
“I knew you’d taste good,” he whispers, voice low and raw, “but damn, Summer… these lips are addictive.”
Heat flares through me so fast it steals my breath.
Then, softly, reverently…
“I love you, Summer.”
And before I can speak, he pulls me into another kiss, deep, slow, toe-curling one that makes me forget the cold, the trees, the world.
One that feels like forever starting.
No one has ever made me feel so alive. Not until Ethan.