EDITH, AKA CAN’T HIDE THIS FEELING ANYMORE
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Just outside of Tumbling Rock, I pull my SUV to the side of the dark road. Duke comes rolling up, justifiably worried. I stroke his cheeks, chilled by riding at night.
My lips press against his as I offer him a final kiss before we’re apart again.
“I needed a last taste,” I explain over his engine’s rumble.
Though Duke grins at my affection, he clearly worries about me being out so late. I force myself back inside my SUV and finish the ride home. Duke tails me until I’m nearly at the homestead. Watching him disappear into the night, I soothe my aching heart with promises of seeing him again soon.
Though most of the homestead homes are dark at this late hour, the porch light remains on at my house.
I tiptoe to my room, hoping Pa-Donovan and Ma-Journey don’t ambush me with a concerned parent talk.
Fortunately, they let me be. Before I strip out of my clothes, I text Duke to say I’m home safe. He replies minutes later, sharing how he’s about to step into his shower and deal with missing me.
I decide to find relief myself. Under the hot water, my fingers fix the first level of lust worked up by Duke. But it’s not enough.
I eventually drop onto my mattress, damp and unsatisfied. Reaching for my shirt, I inhale Duke’s scent and dig out my vibrator from the bedside drawer.
No amount of sex toys can soothe what one particular man set on fire inside my body. I finally give up and rest my head on his shirt. Closing my eyes, I see Duke in front of me. He smiled a lot tonight. His interest felt more obvious. I think I fell in love with him during dinner when he wiped sauce from my mouth in a sexy yet casual way.
No man has ever owned my personal space like Duke does. I’m usually so territorial. I don’t trust anyone besides family to get too close. With Duke, everything has clicked.
After sleeping later than normal, I awake to find a quiet house. My phone is filled with texts. Ma-Journey asks if we can talk after my shopping trip. Pa-Donovan says he missed me last night. Tuesday asks if my cherry remains a burden or if I’ve broken free of its grip. Duke wishes me good luck shopping today.
I drag a pair of shorts and a loose shirt from my dresser before stumbling out of my room. No one is around, though fresh donuts rest on the counter.
Peering out the back shades, I find Otto and Betty on the back porch. He’s in only his jeans. She’s in high-waisted pants and a red-and-white striped tank. Betty sits on the table facing him with her feet resting on the arms of his chair.
They’re listening to Horrorpops while she combs his long golden beard to prepare for a trim.
“Hey, when did you get in last night?” Otto asks when I bring my donut and coffee to the back deck table.
“Around two.”
“That’s too late to be driving around on your own.”
“I went to Dunphey on a date.”
Otto snorts. “With that dork?”
“He’s a very nice man who enjoys working with numbers.”
“This guy sure likes to give you hickeys,” Otto snarls before finding his smile for Betty. “We should round up someone good for Edith.”
“No,” I say instantly. “I asked you to find me someone last year and you were like, ‘I ain’t helping a guy bang my baby sister.’ Well now I have a boyfriend, so don’t you go ruining things with your meddling.”
“A boyfriend, huh?” Otto says and rubs at his beard like he’s the most devious ZZ Top member. “Is that what you’re calling him now?”
Ignoring my brother’s attempt to stir up trouble, I ask Betty, “Are you coming dress shopping with us?”
“No, just pick whatever for me.”
“Why can’t you come along?”
“Because I’m doing something with a friend, and she cries when I tell her no. But if you have another get-together with Val’s dream girl, I’ll make sure to be there.”
Nibbling at the donut, I think about the day before me. I’m curious about Duke’s daughters, but I’m afraid to make a bad impression.
“Bring your boyfriend to dinner tonight,” Otto insists.
“No.”
“Why? What’s wrong with him?”
“He’s not cool like you, and I know you’ll rag on him to his face.”
“Well, a real man should be able to withstand bullying,” Otto says while Betty smiles at his bullshit. “If it helps, I promise to give him a flattering nickname. What’s his real name so I can start working something up.”
“Philip Grassley.”
“So, if you get married, you’ll be Edith Grassley? Is that the future you want for yourself?”
“I want what you have,” I growl and nearly throw my donut at his smug face. “I want someone to love. Now leave me alone, you ass fungus.”
“Hey, now, I have feelings, you know?”
“Do I know that?”
“I feel like it’s come up at some point in our lives.”
Betty pats his head and lifts the scissors. “Be still so I don’t take too much.”
Otto smiles at her gentle way of telling him to shut up. I watch my brother sit through his beard trimming.
I realize the people I envy are in long relationships. The comfort they share is lived-in while what I feel for Duke is chaotic from being new. To get what they have, I’ll need to put in the work. That would be easier if I wasn’t forced to censor myself with my family.
Tuesday is my only sounding board, yet I feel like she’s one burst of drama away from accidentally blurting out my secret.
At the bridal shop, we stand outside and wait for Lola and Clover. Tuesday dances around like the world is her stage. Occasionally, she’ll grab me and sway.
“You did a good job hiding your hickeys,” she whispers in my ear before gyrating against my leg until I’m forced to shove her off.
“Knock it off, swamp whore. I’m nervous,” I whisper.
“Me too,” Oana whispers since my words weren’t as quiet as I thought. “I don’t know what to expect.”
“The bride will have an idea about what dress, style, and color she’ll want for her bridesmaids,” I explain to my sister-in-law who still struggles in new situations. “We’ll try on dresses and get them fitted. That’s it. Nothing weird or scary.”
“Then, why are you nervous?”
I stare at Oana, trying to come up with a lie.
Tuesday dances around us before leaning in and whispering, “Edith’s grumpy over her lack of marriage options right now. She’s worried her jealous hag feelings will break loose and splooge all over Lola’s big day.”
Oana smiles at me. “Oh, I don’t think that’ll happen. You helped me when I got married. No jealous hag feelings were splooged.”
I share a smile with Oana while Alexis and Roxie stand nearby and watch Tuesday alternate between innocently swaying and stripper gyrating.
My chest hurts when Lola and Clover arrive. I see so much of Duke in them. Lola’s blue eyes are the same color as her pa’s. Clover has his cheeks and lips. I’m awash in bad feelings as I follow everyone inside the shop.
“Don’t stress, pumpkin,” Tuesday whispers in my ear as we look over dresses. “You’re awesome.”
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
My cousin stares into my eyes and murmurs with great passion, “Pity.”
Though I grunt at her comment, she’s right to pity me. I want so badly to tell everyone about Duke. When my brother fell in love with a woman who might have been a ghost imagined during a moonshine-induced bender, he shared his feelings with everyone. Why do I have to be a mature person and keep silent?
My gaze flashes to Clover next to Roxie. They’re talking about how they don’t want to flash their boobs at the wedding. My gaze moves to Lola who is watching everyone and seeming offish. Earlier, she behaved oddly about the color as if certain we’d complain.
The color she chose is actually a lovely pale red. I want to buddy up with her and share how she has good taste, but I’m worried I’ll come on too strong. If Lola thinks I’m weird, she’ll no doubt get upset when she finds out about Duke and me.
I notice how she keeps an eye on Clover. Duke wasn’t kidding about his younger daughter’s fashion sense. Her clothing is three sizes too big for her body. But the actual outfits are cool in that easy way Betty has with her rockabilly style and Oana’s found with her rocker girl style.
Lola dresses more like me. Though I get dolled up for dates in skirts, I’m usually at the homestead where I might get tackled or drenched by a super soaker at any moment. Jeans and a T-shirt suit me.
Lola seems to like low-cut shirts and tighter jeans. She gives off a tough-chick vibe, so maybe she isn’t comfortable with these silk-and-lace dresses.
“Lola seems awkward,” I whisper to Oana. “She might not feel comfortable trying on her dress in front of us. Maybe you can say something.”
“Why me?”
“In high school, girls claimed I came off as a bitch.”
“Those girls were the bitches.”
I grin at Oana’s protective streak. “True, but Lola doesn’t know me. I’m worried she’ll think I’m pushy when I’m only trying to be helpful. You don’t seem pushy like I do.”
Oana’s blue eyes study me. Though na?ve about a million things, she isn’t dumb. I suspect she sees right through my lies.
“Things are uncertain with my new boyfriend,” I whisper against her ear. “It’s making me behave angsty. I’m afraid my weird behavior might mess things up for Val and Lola. Please help me.”
Oana smiles softly and looks around. “I don’t know anything about these events or dresses.”
“Just ask Lola if she has a dress picked out. I think she’s so focused on watching over Clover that she’s forgetting to pamper herself.”
Alexis leans into our huddle and says, “I want to help. I don’t care about dresses. Raccoons are notoriously sexy in any dress.”
Grinning at her Toomy family joke, I stand back while Alexis and Oana approach Lola about her dress. She doesn’t seem comfortable showing it off. I watch her fidget and act insecure.
Duke mentioned how Lola didn’t have girlfriends. I was the same way in school. I came off as too self-contained. I was mostly faking it, acting out an impression of my ma. Journey has always held herself in a confidently cool way. She is the rock. The sister who doesn’t need a fainting couch. The Earlham woman least likely to gasp.
The downside to such an aura is people often assume I’m a bitch. If Lola was anyone else, I could face her judgment. Today is not the day to roll the dice on us hitting it off, though.
Lola warms up to Oana and Alexis. She shows off the dress she picked with Val. I smile at how my cousin getting involved with the dress shopping. He loves in such an open way. Lola seems more hesitant to admit how she feels. Much like Duke.
Earlier, Lola’s eyes lit up at the sight of the dress. Now, with us watching her, she loses her confidence. She’s torn between her own taste and the idea of living up to someone’s else idea of a proper bride.
“That’s beautiful,” I tell Lola as the clerk holds up the dress. “It’s not slutty.”
Lola takes a dig at the dress by explaining, “The off-shoulder sleeves make it seem like the top might fall off and reveal my breasts.”
“Sure, it’s sexier than most people would wear, but it’s not slutty,” I insist and take the dress from the clerk. Holding it in front of Lola, we stand facing the mirror. “As long as it’s fitted well enough to not actually fall off and show your breasts, it’ll be fine.”
Lola turns her gaze to me, and I feel like Duke is with us right now. I try to picture him as a young dad to Lola. I want to know everything about their lives together.
Rather than ask those personal questions, I say, “Will your hair be up or down?”
“I think down looks better.”
Nodding, I reply, “Women with great hair should always go with down.”
Lola’s earlier uncertainty is gone. After she tries on the dress, I take pictures of her and Clover to send to Duke. I can imagine the smile on his face when he sees them.
“Have you picked a dress?” he texts back, and my body flushes at how he’s thinking of me and not just his daughters.
“Not yet. Do you want a picture of me dressed up?”
Duke sends me a heart emoticon. Once again, I feel him here with us. Soon, Lola takes a picture of me in a strappy dress with a front slit. For Betty, I choose a tie-back halter dress with a knee-length dress since she doesn’t like longer gowns.
“This is such a great color,” I tell Lola after admiring Oana and Alexis in their dresses. “Everyone looks good in a soft red.”
Her smile makes me feel like a million bucks. I try to imagine a time when she knows about Duke and me. Will she still act so friendly when I’m her pa’s girlfriend rather than one of Val’s many cousins?
“Potential fart attack,” Tuesday mutters to me and gestures toward the shop’s front windows where Elishia Hill’s bitchy face stares in at us.
Her equally stupid and rude cousins, Jaci and Deb, are right behind her. Over the last decade, the three of them have hassled every woman I know. Elishia even insulted my ma once at the store. When I moved to punch the bitch, Ma-Journey stopped me.
“She’s a loser, Edith,” she said and pointed at Elishia acting like a fool in the store. “Her life is pointless. No one of value loves her. She’ll die alone, and even her family will be relieved by her death. Why on earth would you waste your time breathing the same air as her?”
I was humbled by my ma’s words. She was right then, and I know what she’d think now as Elishia enters the shop to start trouble.
My plan is to ignore the bitch. We’re in a respectable establishment, searching for gowns for a wedding to bind two important families. No way should this turn into a low-class brawl.
Elishia throws standard insults at Tuesday before turning her attention to Lola and bragging about giving Val a blowjob. Tuesday does her best to soothe Lola’s justified horror.
“You have to understand,” Tuesday tells Lola with great flair. “Val had consumed so much moonshine that he was lucky not to fuck a guy or a moose. So, when you consider it that way, you can understand why he let this thin-lipped hag suck him off next to the dumpster behind the Chick-fil-A. Please don’t judge Val. He normally has great taste.”
Embarrassed now, Elishia reaches for Tuesday’s shiny blonde hair. All my good girl, common-sense mentality is silenced by my primal hillfolk blood lust. No one screws with my family!
My punch knocks Elishia on her ass. I don’t care if she’s a loser and beneath me. I’m ready to tear her fricking head off and wear it as a hat!
Turning toward Deb and Jaci, I prepare for the tall, beefy bitches to end up on the ground like their cousin.
“Have you lost your damn minds?” Lola cries from nearby. “This is a family-friendly business, not a dive off the highway. These people,” Lola says and gestures toward the staff, “are trying to fucking work! Have some damn class!”
Rather than inject common sense into the bitches’ rotten brains, Lola’s words set off the cousins. Jaci lunges in my direction, forcing me to step back and duck her sloppy swing at my head. Though I punch her in the gut, she keeps coming.
Lola lands a solid kick to Jaci’s ankle, sending the bitch to the ground. Rather than back off, Lola drops on top of Jaci and punches wildly.
Deb comes to her sister’s aid and yanks Lola backward. Tuesday decides now is a good time to holler “skank beatdown” as Lola dodges Deb's kicks.
Before I can help Lola, Elishia gets back to her feet and comes after me. The swamp whore looks ready to tear me apart, yet I feel no fear.
OG Peepaw Zeb once claimed I could dress like a high-class broad, but I’d never get rid of the hillbilly blood running through my veins. He then referred to me as “Enid” and demanded I make him a sandwich.
Despite all the other stupid stuff my great-grandfather has said over the years, he was right about me owning a hick temper.
Once I get pissed off, I struggle to calm back down. That’s why I don’t soften my blows against Elishia. I want to punish her for every damn thing she’s ever done. She even once mocked my blind great-grandmother!
As Elishia hits the ground again, Roxie and Tuesday attack Jaci while Lola tackles Deb.
With my fists bloody and bruised, I come to my senses long enough to think of Oana. She’s very early in her pregnancy. No one can tell by looking at her. If these swamp whores hurt Oana, I don’t know if Ike could keep himself from burying the three of them.
Fortunately, Oana is smart enough to hide behind a dress rack while Clover and Alexis join in the brawl against the swamp whores. Soon, Elishia, Jaci, and Deb have lost their fighting spirit. Everyone around me claps, but I remain pissed off. Lola’s hands are likely as busted up as mine. What will Duke think when he finds out about the brawl?
My triumphant group decides to go to a spontaneous lunch with margaritas and chicken wings. We settle down around the table with Lola and Clover sitting beside each other.
“I’m so happy my brothers found their dream girls,” Tuesday announces. “First Alexis and now Lola. We truly are living in the golden times.”
“Dream girl,” Clover says under her breath. “That sounds so romantic.”
“Do you not believe, child?”
“You’re barely older than me.”
“What’s your point?” Tuesday demands, and I nearly kick her under the table.
“Our family has a love curse,” Clover says, ignoring Tuesday’s challenge. “Your family has this other thing.”
“Earlhams bond for life,” Tuesday says, and I nod. “It all started with Zeb and Coretta.”
“That’s the weird old man from the engagement party, right?” Clover asks while Lola grins.
“Yes, our Earlham bloodline is full of passion and insanity. Lola’s kids will be the same way.”
Clover insists, “Or they’ll be like the McGraw family.”
“Seems unlikely.”
Before Tuesday and Clover can start throwing tortilla chips at each other, Lola asks, “Aren’t your great-grandparents divorced?”
“Yes, but their bond remains powerful. Allow me to share their love story, so you can understand how you’ll never break free of the magic.”
Clover shakes her head. “I think we’re fine—”
“A hundred years ago,” Tuesday interrupts, winning a frown from Clover and Lola, “Zeb Earlham was a sexy young fella with more hair on his head than in his ears. He was about six inches taller, and his dick was apparently massive like a tree trunk. That last part was confirmed by OG Meemaw Coretta.”
“Why do you call them meemaw and peepaw?” Clover asks Tuesday.
“It started as a joke,” I explain, playing the reasonable one to Tuesday’s over-the-top nutball role. “Our mothers thought the whole redneck thing would be funny and leaned into it after they moved back to West Virginia. By the time we were born, the goofy hee-haw shit had already stuck.”
Clover and Lola nod while Tuesday revs up her story again.
“It was during the fair when Zeb first saw Coretta. Legend has it, she was the sluttiest yet technically still a virgin in all the land. Zeb was immediately impressed by her reputation. After all, he was a man who loved himself a well-performed blowjob.”
“I feel like I’m too young to hear this,” Roxie says.
“No, no, it’s time you were taught the birds and the bees,” Tuesday insists and pats Roxie’s hand. “And what better way to learn than through imagining two currently crusty old fools rubbing together until they orgasm?”
The waitress is stuck a few feet from our table. I see the woman willing herself to move forward, yet she’s clearly afraid to get sucked into our conversation.
After we put in our drink and wing order, Tuesday continues sharing her story.
“Zeb knew Coretta had other suitors, so he laid on the charm thick. He won her a pink unicorn from the strongman game. He bought her soda and cotton candy. She was reportedly quite the tease, using a hot dog to act out her sexual skills.”
“Wait, this is the old blind woman, right?” Alexis asks. “The one who claimed she only had sex once and that was the time Christine was conceived.”
“Yeah, Coretta lies a lot,” Tuesday explains.
“Like you,” I point out to Tuesday.
“No, not like me. My sex lies are fun. Hers are gross.”
“Explain the difference,” I insist.
“I’m young, so my sex lies are like little pornos for your brain. Coretta’s lies are nasty because you can’t imagine what she might have looked like eighty years ago when her vagina wasn’t a gray-and-bushy mess.”
A horrified Roxie mutters, “I’m not going to ask how you know what her vagina looks like.”
“Well, I’m telling you anyway,” Tuesday says and nudges Roxie. “Before Coretta went blind, she was big into skinny dipping. She stopped once she could no longer enjoy the sight of Zeb’s naked body glistening in the moonlight.”
Oana’s eyes get wide. “I think I’m going to dry heave soon.”
“Don’t be biased against the elderly lovers of the world,” Tuesday scolds.
Oana rolls her eyes dramatically while Tuesday waves her arms around with flair. Once they’ve sufficiently shown their feelings on the matter, Tuesday returns to her story.
“A hot piece of tail like Coretta had plenty of suitors, but none of them could make her crazy like old Zeb. Earlham magic works fast. That’s why as soon as you met Val, he got under your skin,” Tuesday says and glances at me. “When our family meets their dream person, there’s no reasoning with the feeling. You just have to grab hold of your love and ride that shit to the finish line.”
I smile at how Tuesday reassures me in her usual overly dramatic way. Earlham magic has ignited between Duke and me. The future is scary. We want different things. But our differences won’t matter, thanks to the Earlham magic.
My good mood doesn’t last, though. As I drive back toward the homestead, I spot OG Peepaw Zeb wandering around alone. I think about how he and Coretta might be crazy in love, but they can’t stand each other. She lives in their old house with Oana’s sister as her caretaker while he’s usually in a tent at the homestead. Their love is passionate yet not strong enough to keep them together.
My plan is to sulk in my bedroom until it’s time to drive to Dunphey. Seeing Duke will give me hope. He’s more like my pa than he is like Zeb. We can make things work.
Once I enter the house, Ma-Journey appears from her bedroom. Dodging her isn’t an option. I spot a glint of determination in her blue eyes. If I want to leave tonight for my date with Duke, I’ll need to get through this conversation first.
“I heard about the fight at the bridal store,” Ma-Journey says and gestures for me to join her on the couch. She takes my right hand and looks over my busted knuckles. “Was hurting her worth it?”
“She put her hands on Tuesday, so I put my hands on her. Fair is fair.”
My ma smiles. “Well, then, it seems Elishia was looking for someone to rearrange her face.”
“I also used body shots and mixed up my moves like you taught me.”
Ma-Journey’s face brightens with pride. She’s always been the one forced to clean up the messes created by her big-mouthed, weaker younger sisters. Her reputation isn’t built on snark. Ma-Journey is more known for knocking people on their asses.
As my ma uses a cotton ball to dab peroxide on my busted knuckles, she holds her tongue. I watch her and wait for her questions.
“This man you’re seeing, his name is Philip Grassley?”
“Otto is a gossipy bum.”
“Betty told me.”
“Oh, well, she’s a gossipy bum, too. That’s why they make a good team.”
Ma-Journey shifts gears. “You got home very late.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Your pa and I are worried.”
“I’m seeing him tonight, and we’re staying at a hotel.”
My ma’s expression hides nothing. She knows I’ve never gotten close to sharing my body with a man before. Something important is happening, and I’m hiding the details.
“What’s wrong with him?” Ma-Journey asks rather than fishing for details.
“Nothing. I’m waiting to bring him around until after Val celebrates his big day.”
“Why?”
“Because I want Val to be happy,” I mumble and look away since Duke said my gaze gets overly direct when I’m lying. “Lola’s great, too. She’s excited about the marriage. I feel like she needs the spotlight.”
Ma-Journey ducks her head to try and force eye contact with me. I give in and look into my ma’s familiar blue eyes. I can hear her picking through my words for the truth.
“This guy isn’t an accountant, is he?”
Hot tears immediately burn my eyes. Ma-Journey sets down the cotton balls before sliding her arms around me. My ma’s hug is both soothing and acts as a truth serum.
“It’s someone that might cause drama.”
“I don’t care who it is,” Ma-Journey lies. “Your happiness is all that matters to me.”
Breaking free from her hug, I stare into her eyes and request something I don’t think she can give me.
“Can you keep a secret from even Pa?”
Journey nods immediately. “If it’s important enough, he’ll understand why I didn’t share. And I know he’ll know the truth soon. For now, I promise to keep your secret.”
Glancing around, I’m certain we’re being watched. My behavior is dumb. Keeping secrets has turned me paranoid.
Ma-Journey senses my worries and explains, “No one’s home. Your pa is out riding with your uncles. Ike and Otto are working with Jared at the garage. Betty is with her friend. No one is here except you and me.”
Despite her words, I’m afraid to fess up with Ma-Journey today. Having put my virginity on a pedestal, I’m already nervous about sharing my body with Duke. Now facing my ma’s possible disapproval, I’m teetering close to losing control and going Earlham all over this room.
“Who is this man?” Ma-Journey pushes.
“Promise again,” I insist.
My ma flashes me a wary look as if I’m about to dump something horrible on her and she ought to call in backup for an intervention.
“I give you my word as Journey Earlham Sheerer Mooney. If that’s not good enough, I don’t know what is.”
Feeling scolded by her tone, I lose my voice. My ma cradles my hand, filling me with the comfort only she can provide.
“I met him at the engagement party,” I mumble while holding her gaze.
My ma doesn’t react in shock at the thought of me sneaking around with a member of the Blood-Red Suns. I feel her mentally working her way through a list of the men at the homestead that day. Eventually, her eyes widen slightly, and her hand tightens around mine.
“Duke McGraw,” she whispers and looks around despite her assurances that no one was at the house.
“I’m in love with Duke,” I admit, instantly feeling a burden rise from my shoulders. “We’ve only been on a few dates, but I’m crazy about him.”
“Is he the one telling you to keep things quiet?”
“He doesn’t want to ruin Lola’s special time. He didn’t realize she had feelings for Val. He thought it was all a business deal for them. Now he wants her to have the attention on her.”
“Well, he isn’t wrong about how people might lose interest in the wedding if they know about you and Duke. Your father won’t be sure what to think.”
“I’m afraid the drama will ruin this thing we have,” I say, crying now. “I worry Duke and I are doomed, but I also can’t walk away. He makes me crazy in the best way. I want him to be mine.”
“Is he sweet to you?” Ma-Journey asks, confused by my tears.
“Yes, and he’s sexy and smart. I try to be rational about Duke, but I can’t shake how he makes me feel.”
After a few seconds of scowling, Ma-Journey states, “I don’t like you hiding this.”
“But Lola and Val.”
My ma rolls her eyes. “Val was bragging to Poppy that his love for Lola has broken some thousand-year-old witch’s curse on the McGraw family. If he finds out about Duke and you, Val will just claim credit for your happiness and want a double wedding.”
“Probably, but telling everyone right now feels like too much pressure.”
“For you or Duke?”
“Both, but mostly him.”
“I don’t care about his pressure. My only concern is my family.”
“But I do care. He’s the man I love.”
My ma scans the room while twisting her lips into a frown. “He’s older than you by a decade or more.”
“He’s forty-two. That’s not so much older.”
“It’s plenty older.”
“He’s not a horndog or a jackass. He’s a grown-up with businesses and a home.”
Ma-Journey instantly says, “A home he shares with his adult daughters.”
“Lola lives in an apartment.”
“You get my meaning. Does he even want more kids?”
Tugging my hand free, I cross my arms and wear a stubborn pout. “Maybe not. And maybe Duke and I won’t end up together. And maybe I’ll be a single mom with a kid made from a sperm donor’s jizz while I’m surrounded by people who got what they wanted. But I’m not at that point in my story yet. I need you to help me enjoy the good stuff before the bad stuff breaks my heart.”
My ma is a practical woman. She doesn’t want to keep my secret or protect my boyfriend. Her mind is on the reality of the situation.
So, I’m surprised when she says, “If Duke is your dream guy, he won’t be able to give you up. That’s just how it works. The only person in our family strong enough to walk away from their dream person was my ma, and she had to move several states away from my pa to keep out of his bed. When we click, we click for life.”
“I want to believe in that dream.”
“Are you sure it’s a good idea to have your first time in a hotel while keeping this thing a secret?”
“I don’t want to wait until after the wedding. All this lust is making me crazy,” I explain while feeling an itch only Duke can scratch. “Also, I’m worried about everyone’s reaction after they know about Duke and me. Right now, there’s less pressure.”
Ma-Journey studies me for what feels like a very long time. She finally sighs and nods.
“I’m going to trust you with this,” she says despite seeming as if she wants to hash things out more. “When Otto brought home a random woman he met at a bar, I thought it was a phase. When Ike decided to marry a stranger, I figured he was overreacting to finding that girl from the woods. Both of my boys knew what they were doing. I’m going to trust you know what you’re doing, too.”
Hugging my ma, I feel my earlier moodiness fade away. Ma-Journey allows the hug to linger before finally letting me go.
“Are you going to wear anything special?”
“Tuesday is loaning me one of her slutty negligees.”
“Which one?”
“A pink one.”
“You know that won’t stay on long, don’t you?”
“Yes, but it’ll make me feel sexy when I wear it under my regular clothes.”
Ma-Journey nods and asks, “What about birth control?”
“Duke has condoms. I’m bringing spermicide gel.”
“Maybe you can try hormonal birth control again if you’d prefer something less cumbersome.”
“I nearly clawed Uncle Emmett’s face off when I was on the hormonal stuff.”
“I know, but there are different pills, plus implants and IUDs.”
“I don’t want to use any long-term options,” I say immediately. “If this thing doesn’t work with Duke...” I pause to deal with the pain in my chest at saying those words out loud. “If I end up alone, I’m going to have a baby on my own. Duke is the best. If we break up, I’m not interested in dating the rest.”
Ma-Journey nods. “I’m going to trust you with that, too.”
“It’s okay to have a drama attack over these things.”
My ma gives me a tender grin. “No, I saw the way Poppy lost her shit over each one of the people her kids brought home. Flipping out isn’t in my wheelhouse. I can’t remember the last time I went Earlham crazy. Well, I admit when you were acting secretive, I did consider tackling you and spraying you with a water pistol until you fessed up. But I fought that urge because I take after the Sheerer side of the family.”
“You know I’m normally a low-drama person, but Duke has stirred up this crazy part of me. I’m afraid of my Earlham side.”
“Going a little crazy over the right man isn’t such a bad thing, Edith. Just as long as you know he’s going crazy over you, too.”
Ma-Journey and I share a smile as we think of the men with the power to set us on fire inside. As she wraps me into a hug, I breathe easier after sharing my secret. One day, I hope to know Duke in the way my ma knows my pa. By then, my current fears will be forgotten.