DUKE, AKA PAPA BEAR SOOTHING HIS CUB
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Edith and I stick close together for the rest of the party. I suspect her father wants to speak to me alone. I fully expected more pushback from him. Instead, Donovan knew for weeks and let Edith keep her secret.
As Edith and I keep to ourselves, the homestead’s lanterns turn on, giving the area between houses a warm, festive glow. We glance in the direction of Lola chasing Val with a water pistol. Halfway across the grassy space, he turns and starts chasing her. Even from a distance, I can hear my daughter’s laughter.
“I can’t imagine I’ll ever chase you with a water pistol,” I tell Edith when she gets emotional about me leaving soon. “I did stock up on water pistols at my house. So, if you’re within range, I’ll likely shoot you.”
Edith gives me a little smile. “Tomorrow feels scary.”
“Only because you’re tired and vulnerable over what went down today. Trust me that tomorrow, everything will make sense in a new way.”
“What if it doesn’t?” she cries, making me flinch from the sheer shift in her mood. “I could be crazy forever!”
Her tone isn’t funny, but her words crack me up. Edith scowls at my laughter.
“You’re not crazy. In all honesty, you sound like a kid who missed her nap. Just settle down and let yourself relax. Tomorrow will be okay.”
All the manic energy drains out of Edith as she tears up again. “I don’t feel like myself.”
“Tomorrow, you will.”
“No,” she says, wiggling free of my hug. “Knowing you has changed me. I’m not me. I don’t know who this person is.”
“Edith, you’ve always lived a very predictable life. I was living the same kind of life until months ago. That’s why I flipped out when I saw those Charleston club guys in my territory. I hadn’t been ready for a threat and didn’t handle the change well. That’s all you’re dealing with now.”
“What if I can’t deal with the changes?”
“You’re stubborn, not weak or dumb. This is you overreacting to weeks of uncertainty.”
Edith backs away, imagining problems where none exist.
“I struggled to see Val clearly,” I tell Edith, hoping she can see how we all misread situations. “I got it in my head that he was a certain kind of person. I initially fought anything that might prove me wrong.”
Edith glances in the direction of Val goofing around with Lola near the homestead’s pond.
“My blindness didn’t last long, but I struggled to see what was right in front of me. Then, one day, I looked at Val and saw the real him. I believe he’ll protect Lola and my family. I see how he takes the job seriously. He’s goofy but not stupid.”
I cup her jaw and force her to focus on me rather than imaginary threats.
“Soon, all of these doubts will be gone. Maybe it’ll take a good night’s rest. Or maybe you’ll need more time to adjust. It might not happen until you have a new schedule. Your life here is structured. You know your place in the world. With things changing, you feel like you’re in a freefall.”
“I don’t want you to leave,” Edith says and tugs me closer. Her gaze flashes back to her parents. “But I want you to leave, so I can be with my family. I feel like I’m nuts tonight.”
“I promise it’ll get better. Weeks ago, I was pissed off a lot. Now, I’m calmer than I’ve been in my entire life. If you’re patient, things will naturally shake out.”
Edith nods and wraps her arms around me. Generally, when she gets rattled, we make out until she goes all gooey inside. Today, she keeps looking at her parents like a junkie needing a fix.
The problem is she’s also addicted to me. When I get ready to leave with Clover and Erin, I’m forced to hand off a crying Edith to Donovan.
“It’s been a weird day,” I tell him when he strokes her head. “I’ll bring sandwiches over for lunch tomorrow. The four of us can sit down and talk like normal.”
Donovan gets what I mean. As much as he wants to hash things out with me before I leave, Edith is too emotional to allow such a conversation.
She isn’t the only one struggling. Clover and Erin are in a dire mood on the drive back to Basin Rock.
“Why was she crying?” Erin asks.
“Edith’s worn out from hiding things,” I say, unsure if I should share the baby news. “It’ll be fine.”
“I heard she went full Earlham today,” Clover says from the back seat. “What does that mean and is it contagious?”
Chuckling at her tone, I shrug. “Edith is suffering from a bad case of the drama llamas. Like when Tuesday flipped out at Knobby for calling her ‘Thursday.’ They’re a loud family.”
“And you want this woman in your house, making it loud and obnoxious?” Erin asks.
Flashing a frown at my mom, I reply, “You don’t get to judge Edith’s volume level when you married a man for his dick prowess.”
“Well, okay, then,” Erin mumbles. “I wasn’t aware we were going to use the past or facts in this argument.”
“We aren’t having an argument. You don’t know Edith well enough to know if you’re supportive of the relationship. Once you’ve spent more time around her, you can take a stand.”
“Deal.”
“But you love her,” Clover says and leans between the seats. “You yelled that out after sucking on her face and nearly getting tackled by Ike Mooney.”
“I didn’t yell,” I correct, allowing the other information to go unchallenged. “And I do love Edith. Like stupid, goofy, ‘is she thinking about me because I’m thinking about her’ kind of love. It’s obnoxious, and it’s not going away. You might need to stock up on barf bags, kiddo.”
Clover throws her head back and laughs way too hard at my dumb joke. I assume she’s stressed and needs time to adjust.
Once we drop Erin at her house, Clover and I separate at our place long enough to shower. I’m checking my phone on the couch when she appears wearing sweatpants and a 49ers Jersey.
“Should I think about getting my own place?” Clover asks and drops onto the couch next to me.
“No.”
“How come?”
“I like having you around to deal with the mail and dishes. If we ever get a new dog, I’ll need you to clean up its crap.”
Clover grins. “Edith is young.”
“Don’t make me feel shitty,” I say and set my phone down on the side table. “I’ve had a long day.”
“Did you worry her dad was going to beat you up?”
Grinning at her fake concern, I say, “I figured he might try. But Donovan’s got a decade on me, so I planned to use his age against him in a fight.”
Clover scoots closer. “I like Edith.”
“Me too.”
“But she’s scary.”
Fighting a frown, I ask casually, “Scary how?”
“She’s the shiny kind of pretty.”
“So are you.”
Clover narrows her gaze and mutters, “Don’t patronize me.”
“Well, okay, then, your sister and Tuesday and all those other girls are shiny pretty, too. You don’t seem to mind them.”
“If I didn’t know Roxie, I’d find her intimidating. She’s shiny pretty like Edith, but she’s also awkward like a kid.”
“Is it just Edith’s looks that intimidate you?”
“No, she seems cold.”
Nodding, I try not to get my back up and come off as overly defensive.
“Edith gets fussy. Like how Tuesday talks too much. Or Lola can seem bitchy. That doesn’t mean it’s all they are, but it’s the armor they use when nervous.”
“Like, how I walk away to avoid dealing with things that make me uncomfortable?”
“Isn’t that why you’re thinking of moving out?”
“Maybe. But I also think it’ll be for the best if Edith plans to live here,” Clover says and studies me. “That’s what happens next, right?”
“I hope so. I feel wrong inside when she isn’t around.”
“You sound like Lola talking about Val.”
“Probably.”
“I’m not doing that,” Clover says, scooting away from me. “I don’t want someone in my space. The curse was a godsend for me. Now, I’m worried I’ll get stuck going silly over someone.”
“Look, I know you don’t want anyone. I wasn’t looking for it, either. However, I was always open to the idea.”
Clover nods, but she still feels pressure from a nonexistent problem.
“Once I met Edith, I got addicted quick. I didn’t have a lick of control over the feeling,” I explain and chuckle at her horrified expression. “But it’s a good feeling, Clover. If it happens to you, it won’t be gross or bad. It’ll make you happy.”
“I still hope it doesn’t happen.”
“Okay, but don’t stress it. If it doesn’t happen, you’re happy. If it does, you’ll be happy, too. So, stop worrying.”
“Well, okay, but I still think I ought to move out.”
“How about you try out Lola’s apartment after she moves to the homestead? If you don’t like it, you can move in with your grandma so you won’t cramp my sex life.”
Clover laughs. “If you knock up Edith, you won’t have much of a sex life.”
I don’t know what Clover sees on my face, but her mouth drops open. She scoots farther away.
“I thought you were fixed.”
“Why would you think that?”
“You said you were done having kids.”
“Yeah, I was. Maybe it’s immature, but I didn’t want my balls snipped.”
Clover shakes her head full of disapproval. “Was that why she looked tired and sad?”
“She had an emotional day, yeah.”
“Does she cry a lot normally?”
“Yes.”
“Is she high-maintenance?”
“Yes.”
Clover scowls darkly at my answers before asking, “Will I be expected to help maintain her at that high level?”
“No, but I might need you to pretend to feel sorry for me when I’ve been wiping her tears all day,” I say, laughing at her expression. “I don’t think Edith normally cries much, but sneaking around was difficult for her.”
“Pregnancy makes women emotional. That’s the kind of drama I thought you were done with.”
“Scoot closer. Allow me to cling to you while I expose my feelings.”
Clover grudgingly crawls to my end of the couch. I wrap an arm around her shoulders and stroke her messy, damp hair.
“This isn’t what I wanted. A serious relationship, I mean. I certainly didn’t want a baby after I suffered so much with you and Lola.”
Clover offers a little smile since she knows she was one of the easiest kids to exist in the world.
“I tried to come up with logical reasons for why I needed Edith. But in the end, it didn’t matter what I wanted or why I wanted her. I can’t let her go. She makes me happy.”
After Clover offers a soft smile at the thought of me being happy, I continue, “I want Edith to be with me, so I’ll need to embrace rather than just endure all the stuff that comes with falling for a younger woman.”
“I don’t get why certain people work together. With Val and Lola, it makes more sense. They’re a lot alike. The night they met, everything that happened made them react in the same way. They laughed in sync. Got bouncy to the same songs. Rolled their eyes at the same people. So, when she admitted he was special, it made sense.”
“And you’re thrown off by how different Edith and I am?”
“Yeah. It feels like maybe you were in a vulnerable mood and this young woman bullied you into giving her everything she wanted.”
“Wait, do you not like Edith?” I ask, hearing something in her tone. “Don’t lie for my benefit. Be straight with me.”
“I like her as a person. When we all hang out, though, she’s kinda standoffish,” Clover says and then blinks rapidly. “But that was while you were sneaking around, right? So, she probably felt weird talking to Lola and me while also riding our dad’s dick.”
I chuckle at Clover’s wording. “Remember her at the wedding when that bitch showed up and tried to ruin things? You all chased the troublemaker outside with your water pistols. Edith was right there with you. She’s a more strait-laced version of Tuesday. I think her mom’s the same way with those two louder younger sisters.”
“Poppy claimed she got hemorrhoids when you kissed Edith because she was so nervous about what would happen next. So, yeah, they’re the dramatic sort.”
“Val’s the same way, and we’ve gotten used to him.”
“He likes pretending to be my big brother. I thought he might try to boss me around. But then, I remembered he is Tuesday’s big brother and she does whatever she wants. Now I’m not worried.”
Clover’s always been a smart kid. She hangs back, studying people and figuring out situations. I assume the last few hours have been weird for her as she adjusts to how I’m changing up my life.
“We’re still getting to know these homestead people up close,” I say, and Clover nods. “I’m a little wary about lunch with Edith’s parents tomorrow. On one hand, I’m dating their daughter and want to keep her. On the other hand, I still see Donovan as a rival biker. It’ll take some time for everything to fit in place again.”
Clover studies me. “I like the homestead people, and Val makes Lola happy. I’m trying to be cool with my world getting crowded. But I can’t help feeling protective over you, Grandma, and Lola more than these other people.”
“That’s normal.”
“And you didn’t want more kids. Now, you’re having one. It feels like you’re getting bullied.”
“When I think of a kid in the house, touching everything and trying to escape and crying, I want to shut down things. But when I imagine giving Edith something she needs to be happy, my worries fade. And when I remember you and Lola as little girls, I get a little excited. You were fun kids and made me feel like a better person.”
“You are a good person.”
“Not really. I’ve done ugly shit for the club. I nearly exploded your uncle’s balls because of my temper. But after a long day of acting like an asshole, I’d come home and see my girls. The shitty parts of me faded into the background. I never wanted you to see the bad stuff inside me.”
“You were a good dad back then, and you’re a good one now. That’s why I feel protective.”
“And you don’t know Edith. I appreciate you worrying over me. People get stupid when they’re in love. But I don’t want you to think Edith is tricking or bullying me. She’s been honest since the beginning. I knew what I was getting into.”
Clover smiles and looks around. “I’ll move out and see if I like it. If not, I’ll just come back. I won’t cramp your style.”
“You never do,” I say and kiss the top of her head. “The homestead has all those prefab houses. I bet we could put one on our property if you wanted privacy but also wanted to live here. The future offers plenty of options, but we don’t need to decide anything until life settles down.”
Smiling easier now, Clover reaches for the remote and starts looking for something to watch. When my daughter is in her element, she’s steady and confident. High school wasn’t easy for her. The boys annoyed her. The girls ragged on her fashion sense. Her grades bounced around. She tried several sports yet always quit.
Clover is at her most comfortable with the meatheads. That’s why she runs the moving company and handyman service. The guys respond better to her barking orders than when I do it.
Right now, Clover feels on the spot with the homestead people. Edith intimidates her just like those bitchy high school girls did. Roxie’s teen awkwardness makes her relatable. Clover doesn’t sense that frailty from Edith yet.
I consider how well I know my daughters. I understand how they view the world, what scares them, and what makes them smile. At one point, though, they were strangers. I created them and picked their names, but I didn’t know them. Though Lola and Clover looked so much alike when they were newborns, they grew into very different women.
As I settle in for a movie with Clover, a smile warms my face. One day, the baby inside Edith will be in my arms. I’ll watch it grow up and face its fears. I’ll know this new child in the same way I do Lola and Clover.