CHAPTER 12
“I’VE EXPLAINED THIS a hundred times and yet you’re still worse off than a newborn whelp!”
Edmund’s complaints went through one ear of Lenore’s and out the other. Instead, she had sat on a fallen log, ignoring him as he continued to criticize her failure to shift properly into a wolf. Her elbows rested on her knees, chin propped in her palms. She let out a deliberately loud sigh.
Edmund had led her to a clearing to begin her training, starting first with the basics of transforming into a wolf. After that, they were supposed to move on to hunting.
If she could even muster up the skill of becoming a wolf in the first place without resorting to volatile emotions.
The bright sunlight of the mid-afternoon burned at the back of her hair.
The soles of Lenore’s boots scraped against the chipped wood of the log on which she sat.
Cracked pieces of bark fell to the grassy ground with every swipe of her foot.
Her attention focused then on trying to pull clumps of moss off with her boots put together.
She mindlessly flicked off an ant that crawled up her sleeve.
Behind her, she could hear a disgruntled sigh.
She, too, decided to let out another loud sigh.
“Lenore. Enough. You’re acting like a child,” Edmund said. “I’m not even asking you to turn into an actual werewolf. All you need to do is turn into a wolf!”
“It’s better than hearing you go on and on about how easy it should be to turn into a wolf,” Lenore muttered. “I’m sorry I can’t seem to connect the dots about how I’m supposed to shift like it’s as easy as breathing.”
“It is as easy as taking a breath!” Edmund squeezed his eyes shut as he pinched the bridge of his nose. His hand ran down to his chin as he let out a groan of frustration. “This is why I’m not a damn teacher,” he complained. “You’re like a baby in everything! I can’t handle this incompetence.”
Lenore huffed and squeezed her knees closer together.
She hid her face before he could see the hurt.
“If this is your attempt to turn me into a wolf by getting me riled up, then I’ll tell you now it’s not working!
” Her heart sank further. Seeing how the day was going by so fast, she was sure that by tonight, no progress would be made.
Truth be told, she was still terrified of letting go of her human form. Everything else was the other, a separate entity to her being.
Seeing Lenore’s despondent state, Edmund’s jaw tightened.
“Something’s holding you back,” he said. Lenore’s lower lip pulled up.
“And how do you know that?” Lenore kicked hard at a lump of moss. She watched it tumble downward, plopping softly onto the grass below.
“Every attempt you’ve made so far has been you giving up quickly, no matter what techniques we try.
It’s like watching a bird try to run instead of fly.
” Edmund saw how she stiffened up. He tried to speak softer as he continued.
“I’m not trying to insult you. Just as a bird has its wings, so does a werewolf have their wolf and werewolf form. It’s ingrained in your blood.”
Lenore slowly looked at him, sullen-faced. “I don’t get it.”
“What I’m saying is, you don’t need to worry about anything.
You don’t have to think a certain way or even practice more than the bare minimum.
If you’re stressed about losing control, you won’t.
You’re safe here.” Edmund’s gaze swept over the clearing.
“And if you question that, use your senses to see for yourself.”
After mulling over his words, she breathed in the air, smelling the fresh, wild greenery and gentle floral hints. The birds in the treetops sang their blissful melodies, and she saw nothing else except the steely-eyed man before her. The clumps of moss were finally left alone from her kicks.
Edmund noticed the change. “You will transform by the end of the night,” he said, as if it were a fact. “I have no doubt about it.”
“It’s nice to see you more encouraging,” Lenore muttered. She shot him a sad look. “Your rudeness didn’t help at all.”
Edmund sighed and crossed one arm over his chest, taking hold of his elbow while his free hand pressed itself against his eyes. “Okay. Fine. I’ll stop. I’m frustrated.”
“You and me both,” Lenore grumbled. “Say sorry.”
Edmund’s eyes widened. “What?”
Lenore’s head sharply jerked toward him, nostrils flaring as she glared at him.
“You heard me! If you call me a whelp one more time, or anything insulting, I will—” She flailed her arms in helpless frustration as she couldn’t muster up any idea of a threat.
“I will do something! I’m tired of your uncouth behavior.
Ever since I got here, you’ve been like this! ”
“And what exactly are you proposing you’ll do?” Edmund quirked up a brow. The clear sign of amusement in his eyes irritated Lenore further.
All she could do was glare at him. To her chagrin, it only made him smile wider. Her cheeks flushed with color, and she shot up from her seat. “Forget it! I’d rather get thrown out than deal with this anymore!”
She had only taken a few steps in a random direction when a large shadow fell over her. Edmund’s wolf form leapt ahead of her, blocking her from storming off. His tail swayed low to the ground. He raised his head, the sharp blue and stormy gray of his irises meeting Lenore’s gaze.
“If you want an apology, then fine. Sorry. Happy now?” Edmund tossed his head to the side, letting out a sharp exhale from his nose as he did.
He turned his body away and took a few steps in the opposite direction.
“I’ll try a more…” His head tilted back and forth as if the next word didn’t belong in his mouth. “... kinder approach.”
Lenore’s hardened face relaxed. She sighed, if only to help relieve the built-up tension in her body.
“... I mean, that was an absolutely awful apology, but I’ll take it,” Lenore replied.
“Thank you, Edmund.” She retreated to her original spot, sitting herself back down on the mossy log.
The heels of her boots dug into the soft ground below.
As she looked up at him, she asked, “So, what’s your plan now?”
“I figure instead of telling you what to do, it may be easier for you to visualize the end product and go from there.” Edmund circled back to her before he sat down on his haunches in front of her. “So, here I am, as a wolf.”
“Right…” Lenore nodded slowly. “So I’m meant to just... stare at you and get the idea of a wolf in my head?”
“More or less,” Edmund answered. “Focus on that shape at least, then tell me when you’re confident you have that image burned into your mind.”
Lenore nodded again. She took a brief look at Edmund when he stood up again, starkly reminded of just how large he was. On all fours, he nearly came up to her chest, and the length of his body was longer than she was tall. In her human form, she felt like a mouse compared to the looming beast.
Lenore’s next comment flew out of her mouth without a second thought. “You’re huge.”
Edmund’s ear twitched. “I told you to focus on the general image of a wolf, not my personal details.”
“How can I not? I noticed it before, obviously, but now that I can just sit here and stare at you... well, I can’t help but say that!” Lenore stared intently at him, wondering how her thumb would compare next to his nose.
Edmund’s right paw scratched at the ground, beginning to fidget uncomfortably under her gaze. “Right, I understand that. Is there anything else you can see other than my size?”
“Um... I suppose you have nice fur.” Lenore’s eyes wandered across his well-groomed, thick tufts of fur. The color contrasted the warm and bright hues of day, his body like a glimpse of night.
“That’s not what I meant,” Edmund muttered. His eyes fixated on some distant point in the forest. “I meant details that solidified your visual impression of a wolf.”
“Oh—oh, I see,” Lenore said. She clicked her boots together, trying to shake off rising embarrassment. “Well then, I’ll just... keep on looking?” The end of her tone sounded like an uncertain question, a fumble that caused her to internally groan at herself.
Edmund only grunted in response.
The atmosphere turned awkward in the silence between them. Lenore dug her fingers into the bark beneath her, gathering clumps of dried moss into her hands. The action helped, if at least momentarily, to ignore her being now all too aware of staring at Edmund.
As quickly as she could, she absorbed all the details of what made a wolf a wolf.
From the long muzzle that hid the sharp canines that could easily tear flesh, to the bushy tail that was slightly stiff at the base.
Lenore eventually nodded to herself in satisfaction.
She was certain she had it all in her mind.
“I think I got it,” Lenore said. “Even the small details, like how wolves’ ears are cupped at the tip. Or how there’s a thicker crest of fur around the neck.”
“Good. We’re finally getting somewhere…” Edmund trailed off when he caught sight of Lenore narrowing her eyes at him. “What? I’m acknowledging your progress.”
“In your kind of way, yes,” Lenore muttered. “I’m assuming that the next step is keeping the visual picture of a wolf in my head while I try to turn?”
“Yes. The same thing as before, although at least this time you have a model you can refer to,” Edmund answered. His eyes swept downward, tracing the ground as he considered his next words. “Try to imagine yourself as if you’ve already done this before—like a bird stretching out its wings.”
Lenore couldn’t help the small smile that appeared on her face when he used the bird imagery again. But it helped to hold on to something more sensible than the mystique of transforming into a wolf.
“Alright,” she said. Her eyelids fell shut.