Chapter 29
Ember
You know that scene in The Mask where Jim Carrey’s Character is fighting to remove the mask and is quite literally battling himself as he doesn’t know which version he wants to be? That’s how I feel right now. Over the past few days, the immense pride I had for Arthur had quickly morphed into guilt. You should have heard how insanely happy he was when we spoke on the phone the other day, he felt bright and animated, the fearful man I first met, practically non-existent. Don’t get me wrong, I was excited for him initially, but that excitement was beginning to wither and die like a flower without enough water as Allegra’s words replayed in my mind.
Hes the puppet and you’re just pulling the strings Ember.
I hated to even admit it, but I was beginning to think that she might be right. The following day after our phone call, I woke up to a new notification on my phone. I gulped as I saw that it was our presentation result. We were marked individually anyway, but I found myself worrying more about Arthur’s result more than my own. With no hesitation, I quickly clicked to reveal my score, I’d got a 2.1 and honestly, I was so happy with that. I wasn’t the kind to put immense pressure on myself, it was one of my traits that I somewhat liked. I know I worked as hard as I possibly could and that was enough. Before I could even leave my room to tell mum and Allegra, my phone pinged with a new text from Arthur.
Arthur: Presentation results just came out... how did you do?
Me: I got a 2.1! How about you?
Arthur: I can’t bring myself to open it…
I rolled my eyes at that point and huffed out a laugh. Poppy and Amy do that weird thing as well where they cover the result with their fingers and then slowly edge it away, as if that was somehow going to affect the result on the screen.
Me: Just open it! Got to rip the plaster off sometime!
There’s no response for a good 5 minutes after that. I can imagine him sat there, having a mental game of ping-pong with himself about whether to open it or not. I even go downstairs and manage to make a cup of tea by the time it takes him to reply. When I’m back upstairs, armed with a giant mug of Tetley, my phone finally buzzes with a message.
Arthur: I got a first!! And get this, I realised when I went to open it, that I had another result waiting on the dashboard for one of my other modules, and I got a first in that too.
It’s then that I swallow down the football-sized lump in my throat. Of course I knew that Arthur has always had it in him, he’s smart if he just gave himself half a chance. But I can’t help the immense stab of guilt in my stomach. I wanted this. This is exactly what the spell was supposed to do. To bring him luck, happiness, fortune. So why did I feel so incredibly shit? A part of me put it down to bitterness. Maybe deep-down I was jealous that he got a first and I’d only got 2.1’s?
Who was I kidding. Jealousy definitely wasn’t it. Allegra’s words were echoing in my head once again.
You’ve taken the power out of his hands.
Had I? I thought I was helping him. I thought the spell was only meant to push things in his favour, the choices he made in order to get there were all him…right? I realised that in the time it had taken me to have a half-witch crisis, I hadn’t even responded to him. Quickly, I scutter for my phone and twiddle my thumbs, trying to think of an appropriate reply.
Me: Yay!
That was all I could muster. I didn’t want to indulge in it anymore, the bile was practically rising up my throat. I couldn’t stop thinking about the longevity of the spell. When would it come to a halt? And when it did, what would the consequences of it be? Would he then have 10 years of bad luck to make up for the good? I couldn’t take it. I sped-walked over to my pillow, buried my face into it and let out a huge, muffled scream.
◆◆◆
Christmas came and went in a flash. I couldn’t agree more when everyone said that as you get older, you realise that the build-up to Christmas was far superior to the actual day itself. Don’t get me wrong, Christmas day was still nice and had all the ingredients for a perfect day of festivities. We drank homemade mulled wine, ate a delicious Christmas dinner, I had some lovely presents, we watched The Holiday at least twice and I enjoyed getting to spend the day with the people who meant the most to me, but something felt a bit off. I could tell that mum and Allegra were trying their hardest to play happy families, but deep down, I knew that they were still pissed with me about the whole spell situation. I could see it when they looked at me, like they didn’t quite trust me or know how to approach me. As much as I started to agree with them and realise my fault with the spell, I was still slightly annoyed at the fact that they were still giving me the cold-shoulder. I thought that maybe they’d be at least a little happier that I’d started to dabble in the magic that dad loved so much.
Either way, Poppy and Amy had messaged in the group chat a few days ago to arrange when everyone was coming back. We said we wanted to organise it in advance so that none of us were left there alone, but I think we all secretly knew that it was a lot less to do with being left on our own and a whole lot more to do with the fact that none of us wanted to be left alone with the noises of Toby. You know in case he’d come back early to shag his latest conquest when he thought no one was around. We all ultimately decided on today, so at least the three of us could bust his plans. I was really looking forward to seeing them, two whole weeks without them had thrown me out of my routine. You don’t realise until you go home for that long a period of time, that you get so set in your ways. Like, I couldn’t just head downstairs and start making a cheese toastie at midnight without mum having a fit, or have a shower at night, (because mum seemed to think that showering past 10:00 pm would somehow cause me to end up in federal prison or something).
Before I could leave for the bus though, there was the obvious elephant in the room, or should I say, more like the cat staring back at me. I didn’t want to accept it, but I knew I couldn’t really take Robert back with me. I’d fought tooth and nail with mum and Allegra about it.
“He’s got used to me now!,” I cried, “he’s rubbed his head on just about everything in my Uni bedroom, which means he’s marked me as his own.” Despite my incessant nagging, they didn’t budge on it. “Okay fine, but please don’t send him to a shelter,” I begged.
Seeing the desperation in my eyes, Allegra turned to my mum, “I’d take him but Salem can’t be around other cats.” Allegra already had a cat of her own, a Black Siamese called Salem who was a bit like the Salem in Sabrina The Teenage Witch, you know, except for the fact that he couldn’t talk and he wanted to bite anything that came within an inch of his face. I could definitely appreciate why Allegra didn’t think he’d take very kindly to Robert moving in. My only hope now was the avid cat-hater, aka, my mum.
Giving her my best puss in boots eyes and clutching my hands together in a prayer, I say, “pleaseee.”
Stone-faced and with crossed arms, she glares back at me, “I don’t think you’re in any position to demand things of me, considering not only did you come here and steal your father’s books, and lied to us about the spell, but you also pretended that you actually wanted to visit me.” She was still clearly holding a grudge over that then.
“I don’t know how many times I can apologise for that,” I responded firmly.
She puts up a hand, “that’s funny because I don’t remember you apologising at all. You disrespected both me and your Gran and essentially told us that you didn’t care what we had to say and now you expect me to just take in the cat that you conjured up because of a spell gone wrong, a spell you didn’t even tell us about in the first place?” I could feel the anger bubbling inside of me, so much for happy festive families now.
“Fine,” I puff out, grabbing Robert from the rug he’s currently splayed out on. “If you don’t take him, then I will. I’ve looked after him for all these months, so what’s a few more? He’s not going to a shelter.”
Allegra looking desperate to defuse the situation, takes my mum’s hands and lowers her voice. “Lucy, I know what Ember did was wrong. Trust me, I’m still not overly impressed either. But we can’t let her take him back with her, if she gets caught, she could get kicked out of her accommodation and there are far too many cats practically overflowing the shelters right now.” She looks over at Robert and gulps before saying, “they’re even starting to euthanise some cats now because they don’t have the space for them.”
I start to well up at the idea of Robert not being given the chance to live. I quite literally brought him into this world, there was no way I was letting him out of it. I’d quite happily be kicked out of my accommodation first.
In unison, Allegra and I stare at mum, subconsciously willing her to just say yes, to just take a chance on an innocent fur-baby. After what feels like years, mum finally pipes up, “fine,” her mouth resting in a thin line, “but you’re sending me the money for cat-food and litter whenever I run out,” she says, aimed at me.
I manically nod, “yes of course! Oh mum, thank you, really!” Allegra gives mum a warm smile as I give Robert one final cuddle. I was going to miss him so much, maybe not the amalgamated smell of shit and ham permeating through my Uni bedroom, but I was definitely going to miss him. If anything, it just gave me a reason to come down and visit more. I check the time on my phone, grab my suitcase, give mum and Allegra one final hug goodbye and head out of the door, somehow feeling lighter than when I first arrived.
As I head out onto the cobbled stone, mum leaves me with one final parting gift, “Ember, remember,” she says stood in the doorway, directing a pointed finger in my direction and over-mouthing, food and litter. “Allegra’s lending me a litter tray but if he shits on the carpet, I’m calling you to come and clean it up.”
I give her a small salute, but end up having to turn my back from her because the sight of her deep frown whist awkwardly caressing a rumpled looking Robert in her arms was too funny for me to handle. My shoulders start to shake and I begin to absolutely belly laugh as I wheel my suitcase down the street. Laughter was definitely something I was going to savour, even if only for a moment, because I knew that the second that I got back to Uni and saw Arthur, the guilt was going to come flooding in like a river that had burst its banks, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for what that meant.